Pulling the door closed, I took a few seconds to try and compose myself. The act was too hard to put on all the time, the happy-go-lucky face and the always-look-on-the-bright-side attitude. She hadn't come with us; I'd only just found her again and she'd given up on me. My Sarah-Jane.
"So are we going or what?"
I blinked a few times. Straightened my shoulders out. Pasted the smile back on my face.
"Yeah, course we are!" I turned round to face them both. "Where now then? Mickey, anywhere you fancy going?"
"Erm, I dunno." He shrugged. I felt a stab of irritation. He wasn't good enough for Rose, he wasn't clever enough or exciting enough or courageous enough. Why had I let him come on board with us?
An awkward silence. I turned to look at Rose. She had a moody look on her face, and was looking at the floor. I couldn't help but feel a fond smile spread over my face. Stroppy Rose: one of my own personal favourites.
"Rose?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.
She looked up and that sparkle came into her eyes. But she still tried to hide it. She shrugged too. "I dunno, wherever we go we'll probably end up fighting a slaveen or battling with some werewolf or killing a ganaganagar or something. What does it matter?"
A ganaganagar… well, she did have an overactive imagination. God only knew what she thought one of them was though.
"Right." I nodded in what I hoped was a decisive manner. "Shall we let the Tardis decide then?" I didn't wait for an answer as I began tapping at the control panel.
"Is that safe?" Micky asked. I resisted the urge to thump him. Mr Finch had been right; I was losing my peaceful streak.
"Course not Mickey," Rose said flatly, with a tinge of sarcasm. That was a new one for her; she usually preferred to combine sarcasm with her more terrified mode. Still, variety is the spice of life etcetera etcetera. "That's why he's doing it."
I stepped back from the control panel. "Right. I'm going to have a lie down. All that teaching exhausted me. You two will be okay?"
Rose looked up at me suddenly, and I could have sworn she was silently begging me not to leave her alone with Mickey. But what were the chances of that? And of course I couldn't ever grant that request even if she asked for it. Mickey was her boyfriend, I was just some bloke who'd shown her the end of the world and New Earth. Mickey had taken her out for chips and rented DVDs. How could I possibly compete?
Alone in one of the furthest reaches of the Tardis, I let my face drop finally. This had to stop. Sooner or later I had to let Rose go, stop inviting her on these crazy missions. Because she'd never say no herself, I knew that much about her. Rose was game for anything, she was too brave for her own good sometimes. She'd proved that when she'd come back for me up on the gamestation. I'd told her not to, I'd arranged it all… and then she found the loophole. The loophole that I didn't even know about.
Rose was only human, I had to keep reminding myself that. And as she was just a human and I was a Timelord… well, I had a responsibility to keep her safe. She was getting too good at what we did, too involved. It had to end, and soon. Before I hurt her like I'd hurt Sarah-Jane.
There was a knock at the door.
"Come in."
Rose came in, her hair newly twisted into two plaits. She was pulling at her jacket sleeves like a child and was lightly biting her lower lip. She couldn't have looked more loveable if she'd tried.
"Are you all right?" she asked now, her brow furrowed in concern for me.
It would be easy to share it with her. What didn't Rose know about me? She'd seen me when I was my most scared, when I'd thought there was no hope for us up on the gamestation. She'd seen me regenerate into this new man and had carried on believing in me. She was the only person who had been there with me through everything lately. And I wanted to share it with her, I needed to tell somebody. No one really understood the loneliness of being the Last Timelord. Of seeing everything and not being able to tell anyone. She did. But how could I ever explain this to her; that I was already having to prepare myself to say goodbye to her because this couldn't go on forever. Sarah-Jane had made me realise that. I was living in a fairy-land if I thought me and Rose could work out.
"Yeah." I nodded. "Just tired. It's been a long day. Where's Mickey?"
Rose rolled her eyes and set off on a tirade about how annoying Mickey had been already. I resisted the urge to laugh. They'd only been on board five minutes. Even when she was bitching about him she looked so lively and… well, alive. I wanted her to stay that way for as long as possible.
"Rose," I interrupted suddenly.
She stopped and frowned when I didn't continue. "What?"
"I…" Spit it out boy. Get your act together. "I…"
"You what?" Rose was smiling at my hesitancy.
"I…" Oh for God's sake. "I... love having you around."
"Oh." Rose nodded. "Yeah, I love being around."
"You're good company, that's an important thing in a companion, being good company." I nodded. "Yeah. Good company."
Rose smiled and stood up. "Yeah, well maybe next time you'll remember that three's a crowd. Where are we going by the way?"
I grinned, a real grin this time. "Powell Estate… I thought Mickey would enjoy the ride home."
Rose grinned back. "Wicked. And then where?"
I shrugged. "Who knows?"
