Chapter 52: Lament of the Rogue

A dismal day awaited the ones who still slept at the early hour. Thick clouds covered the blue sky and the sun, its rays only showing up in small pockets throughout the country. Thunder rumbled above as large drops of rain fell towards the ground. Many would welcome the refreshing water, while others would complain about the mud the rain would cause as well as the flooding that would create obstacles throughout the day. As always, the normal reaction for humans.

The immature part of Eren wanted the weather to be a good enough reason to call off the training he was in store for, but it was a fool's hope. Very soon, he would have to go out there and face the person who caused him so much suffering. He really didn't want to deal with her for as long as he could help it. An idea formulated in his brain to keep himself distracted from the inevitable encounter. He went down to the mess hall and received two helpings of beans and soup, placing them all on a tray. Carefully balancing the food, he carried it to the infirmary where he knew a certain girl would appreciate it.

As he approached her door, he heard grunting noises coming from the other side. His eyebrows raised as he knocked. "Mikasa, are you okay?"

"Come in, Eren," she replied, making those same sounds.

Eren heaved a sigh as he pushed down on the handle with his elbow, entering the room. What he saw nearly made him drop the entire tray. "Seriously?"

Mikasa was on the floor clad in her workout clothes. A white top that left her midsection completely exposed and purple shorts that were form-fitting. She was performing intense crunches with her hands behind her head. Every time she performed a sit-up, she let out a grunt from the bruises on her rib cage. Her eyes darted to Eren briefly as she continued her exercises. "I'm fine. The injuries are healing."

Eren placed the food on the table and approached her with a glower. "You didn't hit your head on the door. Your ribs were crushed by a Titan. Knock it off, Mikasa." He grabbed her by the arm, halting her movements.

She froze, staring up at the Shifter. "Eren..."

"I brought you some food. You need to eat," he told her.

She pursed her lips briefly before standing up, wincing from the injuries. "You didn't have to do that."

"It was the least I could do," Eren replied. "Portions are a bit smaller. Food's getting more expensive these days."

"It's fine." Mikasa took a bit of the beans. Her face started contorting from the awful taste, but she forced herself to swallow it. It was either this or starve.

"Mikasa, don't you have something else to wear that isn't… that?" Eren asked awkwardly.

She gave him a confused look. "What's wrong with it?"

"It's a bit… um…" All of a sudden, facing Annie today didn't seem like a bad idea anymore. "It exposes your body a bit much," he said lamely.

"Eren, this outfit lets me maneuver more than the soldier's uniform," Mikasa explained. "It shows me how my body looks in case there are problems with it. It's supposed to be more exposed."

It shows everyone else how your body looks, too. Eren shook his head in annoyance. "Never mind. Forget I said anything."

"Eren, what's wrong?" Mikasa asked, concerned for his well-being like she always was.

Eren bit his lip, but he still went through with telling her. "Today's the day I'm supposed to train with Annie."

Immediately, her gray eyes darkened considerably. "I'm coming with you."

"No." He didn't even hesitate on that response. "It has to be only me."

"Eren, you've seen what she's capable of," she pointed out. "You're not safe around her."

"I have no choice, Mikasa. I was ordered to go through with this."

"So, why are you in here with me and not out there following orders?"

Eren looked away and took a seat on the bed, not wanting to admit the truth despite it being plain as the nose on his face. The thunderclap outside didn't help matters.

Naturally, Mikasa guessed what it was as she moved closer to him. "You're afraid of her."

He clenched his fist, cursing his vulnerabilities. "Is it that obvious?"

She nodded, placing a hand on his shoulder. "You know you can just ask me to be there for you, and I will."

It was so easy to say yes. Let her be his safety net willingly for a change. Unfortunately, he couldn't bring himself to do it. "I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because… if I don't do this alone, she'll win," Eren answered, glaring at the floor. "She's expecting me to hide in a corner and go to you for help. She wants me to break. I can't let her keep winning."

Mikasa wrapped her arms around him, taking him off-guard. "You're not weak, Eren. You've never been to me."

He stiffened, remembering the declaration she made when she thought they were about to get eaten. How she reminded him of his strengths that overpowered the weaknesses she had. How the two of them almost… he didn't want to think about that. Like before, though, her words fueled the strength he lacked this morning as he pulled out of the hug. Sure, she was still talking, and he could get the gist of it ("Let me come with you," and all words like that) but this was far more important. "Thank you, Mikasa. I know you'd do a hell of a lot for me, but I need you to stay here and let me handle Annie. I can do this. Promise me you won't interfere."

Her eyes widened briefly. "You can't expect me to-."

"I expect you to give me your word and then go after me anyways if you get a gut feeling," he interrupted bluntly. "This time, I need to know that you'll hold yourself back no matter what you feel."

Every fiber in Mikasa's being wanted to defy Eren, even it meant earning her ire. Too much had happened for her to lose him to his emotions when confronting with the girl that singlehandedly destroyed him. And yet, she found herself nodding and saying, "Okay. I trust you."

"Thank you. I have to go before Levi decides to drag me out himself," Eren said, making his way for the door.

"Eren… please be careful." The times Mikasa had said that to him couldn't fit on her hands.

Normally, he would just walk out without dignifying that plea with a response. He decided to with his gut and chose, "I can't promise that," before leaving the room. He rapidly moved towards the exit of the Headquarters before he could change his mind. The moment he was outside, the weight came down hard.

The rain fell hard upon the grassy ground, leaving sizable dents in the dirt. If a person was running, they would surely take a slip and a fall. Fortunately for Eren, he decreased his speed to be slow as possible. The weather wasn't the concern that led to his snail-like pace; it was the fact the last person he wanted to encounter was waiting for him in this forest.

Everything Annie did to him was at the forefront of his mind. No way in hell he could shake it off when he would be facing her. She put him through so much in the Cadet Corps so she could "train" him. Bullshit. She just wanted a nice punching bag. How excited she had to have been when she learned he was a Titan Shifter. He was God's gift to her: someone she could hurt as much as she wanted to. So much for psyching himself up. The weather clearly washed that away.

He arrived at the clearing, but there was no sign of her. Whatever tracks were long gone from the rain. Believing a miracle happened, he turned to leave.

"Didn't you pay any attention to your training?" a cold voice said from above. "Think in multiple dimensions when you fight Titans. Same goes for people."

Damn it. Just once, when it came to the blonde bitch, could things go his way? Eren felt the urge to bite down on his hand rising as well as the fear he felt whenever he faced her.

He heard the crackle of branches, then a small thud as Annie's light body landed on the ground. "Didn't think you'd come," she admitted.

Eren clenched his fist tightly before saying, "Screw this," as he stalked back towards Headquarters. Levi could beat him all he wanted. He wasn't going to spend a second with Annie.

She pulled her hood down, exposing her head to the elements. "Would you feel up for it if Mikasa were here to hold your hand?"

That stopped Eren dead in his tracks. "What did you say?" he asked in a low, dangerous tone.

"I asked if you wanted your mother substitute here to coddle you, seeing as the real one isn't around. My fault, really." Annie's voice was distant, just like it was back in the old days.

Whatever kept Eren from submitting to his instincts completely snapped. Eyes blazing with rage, he charged at Annie with a scream, biting down on his hand. Screw the Scouts. Screw Levi. Screw Dillon. Screw the fucking country. He was going to rip her apart. Lightning crackled around him as the shift initiated, his roars adding to the rolls of thunder.

An explosion met his and skinless, muscled arms grappled with his. The Female Titan was already trying to use her lower center of gravity to throw him to the ground. The wetness provides by the weather would help with that endeavor. With a snarl, Eren brought his head back and slammed it against her forehead. She staggered back with a large, bleeding injury on her head. He quickly followed up with a hard kick that sent her tumbling through the breakable trees.

Eren couldn't believe he ever feared Annie. Compared to his Titan, she was easily broken, and he was the stronger of the two. With the bitch lying on the ground, his chance was at hand. He descended upon his prey so he could finish her once and for all. Crush her. Devour her. Kill her!

In one move, his legs were gone. He cried out more in surprise than in pain. The Female Titan had pushed back, throwing her body into a spin and crystalizing her leg. The leg sweep wasn't intended to knock him to the ground. It was meant to obliterate both of his shins. She was up and dancing away from the collapsing beast, finding her footing again.

Her hardening. It was always a factor Eren failed to think about until it was too late. Now, here he was at half her height and without any legs. There was a satisfied smirk on her face that only served to fuel his rage. He began crawling towards her while concentrating on healing his legs. The Female Titan simply walked closer and stomped hard on his skull, plunging him in a world of darkness.

Thankfully, Eren remained conscious even with his Titan destroyed, but he was at Annie's mercy. Just like always. He felt something impale the nape before it was yanked out, exposing his body to the world. Eren pulled part of himself out of the red strands that kept him connected to his Titan. He stared at the Female Titan's face. She looked so amused at his situation.

"Are you done?" she asked, the drops of water causing steam to emanate from her body.

Eren responded by yanking his hand free and bringing it to his mouth.

Annie quickly trapped him in her massive hand before he could even attempt it. He was stuck in such a way that his arms were pinned to his sides and only his head stuck out. "You idiot,"she scolded, annoyed with his actions. "You don't have the stamina to perform two shifts in a row. You'll be malformed or worse if you try."

Eren struggled greatly against her grip. He was not going to be talked down by this bitch ever again. "Damn you! I'll kill you, you hear me?" he raged. His efforts didn't budge a single finger.

"Hate me all you want, Eren, but if you can't put it aside for even just a moment, everyone you care about is going to die,"Annie told him.

"Shut up!" Eren demanded. "You think I want to hear anything you have to say after what you did to me?"

The Female Titan let out a gust of air. "You can't think straight." She fell onto her ass, but she didn't release him. "You want to hash this out? Fine. Let's do it right now because I can't do a damn thing until you focus."

Eren didn't respond initially, panting heavily from the yelling and fruitless struggles. He clenched his teeth so hard, they were on the verge of shattering. "I hate you so much."

She wisely said nothing. If this was how her fellow Shifter needed to work through his issues, so be it.

"We were on the same side," he lamented. "We were fighting for humanity. You weren't supposed to be this... monster."

"We weren't, and I am, Eren," she said bluntly. "I had a mission to complete, and you were the unlucky target."

He scoffed. "It must have been so easy to render us insignificant compared to your damned mission."

"What difference would it make either way?" Annie asked. "I could tell you how much it broke me to hurt you and the others. I can also tell you how good it felt to cut loose in this form, especially when I killed Scouts. None of that changes what I did, and it never will."

Eren had no idea what to say to that. Hell, he had no idea what he was looking for anymore. He went back to the only thing he was good at: speaking his mind. "You didn't just hurt me, Annie. You broke me. I finally had the power I needed to make a stand against the Titans. I was worth something to this godforsaken country… and you took it all away." His voice was rapidly losing its composure. "I begged you not to go through with it, and what did you do? You stepped on me like a fucking ant and buried me alive!" Furious tears were coming down his face. With his arms pinned, there was nothing to stop them. "I hope you got satisfaction out of that, Annie. I hope you can look back on that moment and be proud of…" His words devolved into sobs as he finally let out everything he felt that day.

There were few things Annie had gone through that were worse than facing the friends she betrayed. She and Eren were closer than most of the other cadets. She took him under her wing and helped him become a better fighter. By letting herself become vulnerable, she set him up to be hurt in the worst way imaginable.

Slowly, she unraveled her fingers so he could sit on her palm. Her own face was stained with tears, but she didn't care. "What I did to you in Stohess was unforgivable. I was weak and desperate that day, and you suffered for it," she whispered, attempting to keep her composure despite the fractures. Her mind drifted back to Sasha's words about apologies. The words alone would always be useless, but she had to say them. "I am so sorry, Eren."

Eren willed himself to stare at the Female Titan's face. He was shocked by her tears and the sorrowful expression she bore. Titans never carried those looks.

"I know you have no reason to trust me, believe in me as you once did," she went on, wiping her eyes with her other hand. "I'm not as strong as you. I never was."

"What are you talking about?" Eren asked once he finally found his voice. "You always kick my-"

"I'm not talking about fighting skills," Annie interrupted. "You look at an impossible situation and, against all odds, you say no. You have courage and the will to back it up. No matter what was thrown at you, that will never died. Mine withered away to dust before I even came here. I gave up on this selfish world, and you were willing to give your life to save it."

Eren was dumbstruck. He couldn't believe Annie, of all people, would say something like that to him. There was a small part that really appreciated that. The rest couldn't understand why he would appreciate her words. "I…" What could he say?

"If I had an ounce of that will… I didn't. What-ifs are stupid." Annie couldn't believe she started going down that useless road. A twinge of anger crept in as a thought occurred to her. "Damn it, why didn't you shift when I attacked, Eren? Why did you wait so long? I killed your comrades. I was your enemy."

Now it was his turn to be put on the spot, but he managed to find that courage to answer. "You saw me. I couldn't bear the thought that my comrade, my friend, was the Female Titan. I didn't want to fight you. It took you almost killing me to do it because…" There was no going back once he said it, but he couldn't stop it. She needed to know. "I cared about you, Annie. I had… feelings for you."

Annie's massive, blue eyes widened, flabbergasted that he would say such a thing.

Eren let out a humorless chuckle. "You taught me how to fight. You didn't hold my hand like Mikasa always did. There was so much to like about you."

"Stop." Annie's hand was shaking so much, she had to put Eren down. She shook her rapidly as she attempted to deny what she was hearing. "You're just saying that, Eren."

"Maybe if I told you before Dillon confessed, things would be different." Eren looked down. "Maybe I could've saved more lives if I was honest with myself."

The Female Titan fell to her knees and punched the ground next to the Shifter, kicking up dirt and grass in the process. "Shut up!" she yelled, glaring down at Eren who recoiled from her gaze. "You… I did everything I could to keep people away from me. When it came time to kill them, it was supposed to be easy. Dillon was just an anomaly, but you? Who else, Eren? Armin? Jean? Marco? Hell, that beast woman Mikasa? Is she harboring secret feelings for me, too? No one was supposed to love me! Can anyone just give me that!?"

Eren was frozen, understandably terrified. Why the hell did she have to be a Titan when she was this furious? Granted, he had healing powers, but he didn't want to risk his life expectancy in human form.

More tears cascaded down her face as she let it out. "I'm only a monster. I never deserved love. Not from anyone, so why did you idiots give it to me?" With her other hand, she buried her face in it. "No. It's my own fault. I was lonely. I opened myself up. You, Dillon, Armin, Sasha, and the others made it as if I was worth your time. I wasn't."

The anger for Annie still remained in his heart, but it was being tempered by something else, something Eren didn't believe he would have for her: sympathy. While he couldn't deny the monster that she was, there was no getting around the human side of her. That was the side he needed to address. "Why did you teach me how to fight?"

"Because you asked me to." She shook her head at the memories. "It meant a lot to me that you thought of me as a good fighter. It was one of the few things my father gave me before I left. Can you imagine sharing something deep to a boy you just met? Or a girl?"

"Seriously? How can fighting moves be...?" He trailed off, noticing her expression. "Sorry."

His insensitivity was nothing new to her. "Is that scarf just a scarf to Mikasa? It's just cloth to someone else."

Eren swallowed whatever dryness was in his throat despite all the rain around them. "I never realized how important it was to her until we almost died."

"I gave you my scarf." Her voice was barely above a whisper. "I wanted to."

Eren couldn't believe this person before him was Annie Leonhart. He never imagined her to be this human, even before the truth came out.

Once Annie managed to compose herself, she did her best to move on as if that meltdown never happened. "Eren, listen to me. I don't want you to end up like me and make my mistakes. There are so many dangers to being a Titan." She gazed her skinless hand. "We are capable of causing so much pain and suffering. People will want to use us for their agendas, good or bad. That stupid sense of right and wrong you have? Keep it. If you don't, then you'll be nothing more than a tool."

Eren let the words sink in as he slowly nodded. "I promise. I-I can't forgive you right now, Annie, but… I could use some help with my abilities."

Annie gave him a sad smile. "That's more than I was hoping for. Thank you." Carefully, she stood back up. "I suggest you shift. The more you do it, the more you'll get used to the body."

"Okay." Eren took a deep breath and concentrated on a goal. Usually, it was always for attacking someone, but this time, it would be for training purposes. He bit down on his hand, but aside from a bleeding bite wound, nothing was accomplished. "This again?"

"Doubting yourself is the easiest way to never accomplish a shift." Annie completely changed her tone and posture to that of an instructor. Stern with a sense of superiority. "Or, if you do shift, you'll look grotesque enough to be confused as Titan vomit."

"Right, right." Eren cursed himself for that mistake. The goal was simple: learn to fight. As he focused on that, energy crackled around him. Before he knew it, the Rogue Titan was reborn, and he was in control.

Annie tsked in mock-disappointment, adjusting herself so she was gazing up. "Can't look down at you anymore."

"Cry me a river," Eren replied, flexing his fingers. Then, he moved into a fighting stance.

The Female Titan shook her head. "Not so fast. You need to get used to this body first. If you don't, you'll keep tripping over yourself trying to throw haymakers. Can't tell you how many times I watched Reiner fall on his ass when he tried it."

He let out a high-pitched sound that seemed like he was laughing. "Now that's a sight."

"Imagine the face he'll have when you kick his ass," she said. "We're gonna have to go back to basics. Plant your feet and throw punches. Don't let yourself stumble."

Nodding, Eren dug his feet into the ground and threw a left jab followed by a right successfully. However, when he threw a left again, he put too much strength in it and toppled forward.

"Careful," Annie warned as she caught him, pushing him back immediately. "Again."

"This gonna take forever," he complained as he tried again.

Her leg hardened. "Eren, be a good boy and don't whine."

Now, Eren remembered the downsides to having Annie as a teacher. With the both of them as Titans, that meant she could do a lot worse to him. With a growl, he continued punching.

Annie watched carefully as his stumbling decreased by the second. His battles with the Shifters gave him some training, but it wasn't enough, not when they had years of preparation. The only thing they didn't account for was the rage-filled lunatic that was Eren Yeager, though that advantage was dwindling by the day. She only had theories as to what the Shifters would plan on in regards to this island, but she hoped they wouldn't attack soon. They weren't ready.

Suddenly, Annie felt a familiar presence nearby through another mind link. A familiar link. The minute she identified it, her eyes narrowed dangerously, and her anger swelled up within her. "That reckless son of a bitch!"

"What?" was all Eren could manage out before his head came clean off.


AN: Gee, I wonder what has earned Annie's anger? I couldn't guess in a million years.

In all seriousness, originally, this chapter was going to be one that focused on both Dillon and Eren, but Dillon ended up overtaking the Shifter. I didn't want my OC to get in the way of Eren's troubles this time, so he gets his own chapter. Letting Eren deal with his problems concerning Annie was a long time coming, so I really hope I did it justice. No way in hell he's forgiving her, but… well, baby steps.

Also, I know that Isayama has stated that Eren and Annie don't have feelings towards each other, but since I went the anime route in terms of Stohess, I decided to take some liberties. Because of the lack of scenes they shared, this, to me, was the best explanation for Eren's hesitation to the point of allowing himself to be hurt. Also, Annie's breakdown was also a gentle reminder that Dillon isn't the only one who suffers emotional strife every now and then. She's still struggling with stuff of he own.

I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, I look forward to your reviews, and I'll see you all in the next one.