Hi! Sorry for not updating sooner, but things are busy. Enjoy!
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Disclaimer: I do not own the Bartimaeus Trilogy.
Kitty moaned in her sleep.
"No…"
Kitty tossed in her sleep.
"No…"
She squeezed her covers tightly as to thinking that it would go away.
"NO!"
Kitty awoke with a start. Her breath was in heavy, panting gasps. She was slick with sweat and her hands were trembling. All because of one reoccurring nightmare that just didn't seem to want to leave, no matter what type of sleeping pills she took.
She had tried everything. Pills, psychiatrists… nothing had worked. She pushed her throbbing head into her hands. She inhaled deeply trying to calm herself, reassure herself that it was just a dream.
A really bad dream.
Kitty threw what remained of the covers off of her. She didn't want to go back to sleep. Not after that nightmare. She couldn't go through another one.
For the past month, she had been getting the same nightmare about Nathaniel's demise. Sometimes more gruesome and detailed then welcomed.
She felt the cold floor against her feet as her footsteps trodded lightly across the room. Sitting herself down on the floor, she leaned her head back. She pulled her knees up to her chin and wrapped her arms around them. She had been so scared.
Nathaniel…His name softly escaped her lips. His name sent tingles down her spine, in both the good and the bad way.
In a way, she guessed she yearned for him. The sight of him and his deep voice was enough to make her go crazy. She had torn that picture that she found of him on his desk to shreds, but then taped it back together. Then she ripped it up again. It lay inside one of her drawers, but she wasn't in a rush to look for it. She wanted to yell at him. Scream at him even. It was all his fault…all his fault…
She felt sleep slowly creep into her veins and she snapped back into reality. No way was she going to sleep tonight. She didn't care if she looked like a raccoon the next day. She had had enough of nightmares for one night.
Kitty pulled herself off her feet and went to get herself a glass of water. She pulled out a chair and sat herself down. She took a slow sip, letting the fluid refresh herself. It seemed to make her less drowsy and more aware of her surroundings. She sat there, holding the cup in both hands. She blinked once, then twice.
Her mind constantly found itself thinking about the same topic that haunted her so much for the past month.
Stupid Nathaniel…She sighed and took another sip, forcing her mind to wander to different topics. She started thinking about sheep. Why? She had no idea. The next thing she knew she was counting them, and counting, and counting…
Sleep had won her over after all.
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Kitty found herself in a misty haze.
Where was she?
"Hey."
Kitty whirled around to see whom the voice belonged to, but to her disappointment, it belonged to no one.
"Over here," it said again.
Kitty turned again, this time her eyes making a contact with a face she knew all too well.
Nathaniel.
"You…you…" Kitty sputtered. Her face grew red with anger and Kitty cursed at Nathaniel with all the words she could fathom in the English language.
Nathaniel merely smiled.
"It's great to see you too," he replied with an easy demeanor.
This irritated Kitty even more. How dare he! He was just standing there! His idiotic grin smiling at her with such happiness that she wanted to go over there and beat him!
She huffed angrily and took a step towards him, but as she did, he seemed to take a step back, further into the mist. She stopped in her tracks and he stopped moving as well. Their distance was measured. This was as close as the two would get. No wonder he was so happy. That little fiend! If she ever got her hands on him…
She stopped her train of thoughts right there.
She couldn't get her hands on him.
She couldn't because he wasn't there.
Nathaniel was dead. She had witnessed it! Then what was he doing here? Talking to her? So very much alive? She gulped. Now she was going insane.
Great. One more problem to worry about.
But she needed to talk to him. Crazy or not, he was here. Right now, talking and well. She had questions and he had answers. Answers that he owed her, she was sure of it. But how could she start? Surely she couldn't just go up, front and honest and ask, "You blubbering moron! Why did you die on me?" No. That didn't seem very appropriate, even to vermin like him. She took in a deep breath.
"So, what made you go?" she asked, trying to make it sound as casual as possible.
He looked at her for a second. His gaze piercing into her own. She had to look away.
Everything was silent. It was so quiet.
"Well, I guess it's appropriate for you to want an answ-"
"Cut to the chase Nathaniel. Don't sidetrack on me."
"You want to know the truth?"
Kitty nodded vigorously.
Nathaniel ran his hand through his cropped hair and sighed.
"I did it for you," his voice was barely audible, but Kitty had caught it and she was not amused.
"I'm serious, Nathaniel. Tell me the truth. The real truth," Kitty's face was serious. She didn't believe him.
…Nathaniel's POV…
I couldn't believe it. She didn't believe me. Did she not know how much nerve it took just to tell her that? And she thought I was lying? I'm dead already! What good would it do? Sure, if it was a lie it would've been a pretty funny to watch her face twist with confusion, then complete disbelief.
I shook my head sadly.
"That is the real truth."
Something flickered in her eyes. It was quick, but I saw it.
"You lie," she spat harshly at me.
"I don't."
Her face seemed to swirl with so many emotions it seemed to overwhelm her. It hurt me so much just to see her in such a state. So utterly confused, torn, angry. I wanted so much to hold her in my arms. Tell her everything was okay. I just had to look away.
But deep down, I knew it wasn't.
"You're such a selfish creep!"
My head jolted back up, seeing tears prickling at her eyes.
"If you were going to die, did you have to bring Bartimaeus with you? Why did you have to do it in such a heroic deed? Why can't I just let you go? Why do you come back and torment me with nightmares every night?" she bombarded me with questions.
In my opinion, some were rhetorical questions while others weren't. But one stuck out in my mind.
Why did you have to bring Bartimaeus with you?
That one question echoed in my head.
"I didn't."
Kitty looked up. Her eyes full of rage and hatred, for me.
"What?"
"I didn't bring Bartimaeus down with me. I let him go. I let him live. I'm not that cruel."
She stared at me. I have to admit, after a while it was becoming quite unsettling, but I didn't advert it. She searched my eyes just in case I was lying.
"Bartimaeus is…alive?" she asked with uncertainty.
"Yup."
"But why…?"
"Maybe it's because I'm not as mean as you think."
She looked at me with the same disbelief.
"Go ahead! Summon him! You know how! Didn't you do it once before? That's what you told me. Remember?"
Now I was feeling irritated. Why didn't she believe me? Why did she hate me so much? Okay, so maybe I knew the answers to both of those questions.
"I never thought…"
I looked back up. She looked so hurt, so vulnerable.
"It seems like you never do," I answered with a twinge of bitterness in my voice.
She sensed it, and cringed back.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…" she whispered.
"Not much good that'll do."
"I'll bring you back-" she tried.
I gave her one of my smirks that I knew drove her up the wall.
"In your dreams."
The mist seemed to lift and so did she. She began to blur. Her image was slowly coming undone, but I heard the last few words that managed to slip out of her mouth before she slipped out of view.
Her words rang in my head as the last strand of her hair faded away.
I will. You just watch me.
I swallowed. That was what I was afraid of.
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A/N: Just wondering if it would be okay if I changed the title. I was thinking of Unspoken, but if you guys would rather just leave it as it is, I'll keep this title.
Ciao!
