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Then, one single tear formed in the corner of her eye and ran down her cheek as her expression changed as well. It did not seem blissful at all anymore, rather hunted and tormented, distorted and horror-struck.
As if she was sensing something was happening. Something wrong. Her lips opened slightly.
"Shinichi…" she murmured quietly, her head thrashing a little as fresh tears followed her whisper.
'God, NO! Aargh! No, please! Aaaarrgghh! RAN!' were his last thoughts. He screamed out again as an overwhelming wave of pain tore violently through his body and eventually all of his powers left him. He fell forward, dropping unconsciously on the floor.
Chapter ten
A new beginning or the end of the start?
Part I
Darkness. Silence. Complete nothingness everywhere.
All of his senses were completely lulled to numbness as he found himself surrounded by the cold obscurity around him. He could remember nothing. Where was he? What was he doing here?
He slowly opened his eyes, then closed them before opening them again, unsure whether they were actually open but never completely certain because it remained just as dark either way. He slowly stood up, standing on something he could not see, looking around puzzled and uncertainly taking one step after the other in the eternal, engulfing black, not knowing whether he was actually touching something that was even distantly related to a ground or not. He only hoped he actually did move forward for he had lost every sense of direction. Closing his eyes for a moment, he tried to find some comfort in the silence.
But did not succeed.
Not letting himself get discouraged, he walked farther, going deeper into nothing. Where was he? How did he end up in this place? It was so cold. His heart faintly remembered a thing, called warmth. He knew that it existed somewhere, or at least had once existed for him but could not remember what it felt like. He was all alone, feeling isolated, maybe even abandoned and lost. Cold chills were dancing up and down his arms. Just now he realized he was only wearing a light shirt.
A sound. He turned. Nothing. Again the long walking into black nothing. He felt as empty as his surroundings and soon his courage to go on left him. He gave up and let the cold-, that was constantly attacking him-, win. He stopped moving.
He thought about where he was, what he was doing here and who he was. But he came to no answer. He could not even remember his name at the moment, althought he knew it must be somewhere in his mind. All he knew, was that he was here for a reason. That somewhere out there, there was somebody waiting for him. A very special somebody he would go to hell and back for. Maybe that somebody could even tell him who he was. He had a purpose for living and for going this way.
Only, he could not remember. But closing his eyes, he could see two bright, amazingly beautiful-blue eyes looking straight into his. A girl, with long brown hair was smiling at him. It was a bright smile that immediately caused his insides to twitch and turn. Familiar feelings were spreading inside him. Not yet warm, not very much whatsoever, but definitely pleasant and strong enough to make him fight against the cold around him. He walked on, not knowing where to or why. He just did it.
After a long walk that seemed to last at least three eternities and to lead to nowhere, cold had captured him once again. Shortly before he was about to give up, defeated, he suddenly saw something blink. It was still very far away and tiny but he could not tear his gaze away from it. He raised his head and looked up completely, confused by the huge part inside of him that knew for certain that hope did not exist in this place. And, he found the part had been correct as the light vanished almost immediately after appearing. Again despair, disappointment and sorrow, filled him up, thrusting aside every other emotion. Now, he was feeling even worse than before, having, after all, dared to hope for a second. He walked on, not wanting to stand still in case the incalculable darkness decided to suddenly swallow him up completely.
Everything was silent. So silent it almost hurt. And cold. He felt empty. Incomplete.
Surprisingly, the light from far away suddenly blinked up again, this time for two seconds. His head shot up, having almost missed it. But he had seen it, he was certain of it! Encouraged, he was walking faster and faster, driven on by the little hope he had seen in this light and that had sowed new courage in his heart. This time, he was certain it had not been his imagination.
And sure enough, the light reappeared, this time larger and brighter, only to disappear five seconds later. By now he was almost running without realizing it himself and without getting tired, although it felt like he was getting nowhere. His limbs felt unnaturally heavy but he did not stop. He had to know what this light meant. It was almost like a compulsion, a mystery yearning to be found out and he would burst if he did not solve it. He did not fail to catch the little courage and feeling of hope the light was radiating. It had beamed at him so brightly, he knew it, and had called out for him, even if only for a split second.
The source, a little sphere of pale light, emerged once again. By now, he was running as fast as he could. The sphere did not disappear this time. Instead, it became larger and larger the nearer he got, pale as death, pale like the posthumous whiteness of marble but so pure and bright he had to close his eyes a little.
At some point he had almost done it! He was approaching his goal with every step he did, he could feel it. It was like as if he was approaching a large, round portal to another world, only too luminous and too shining for him to look inside directly. He had to cover his eyes when he was almost there.
A few meters away, he came to a halt and observed it, looking around for somebody or something who could explain this, finding nothing but the contours of the darkness clearly underlining the bright portal. Slowly he took the hand off his face, trying to adjust his eyes to the seemingly long-forgotten light. It warmed his face in a very welcome and pleasant way and he could not stop himself as he walked closer towards it with light, small steps, magically being drawn inside.
Again he stopped, this time right in front of it, a wave of uncertainty swelling up inside him but it subsided eventually. He had, after all, nothing to lose. After some hesitation he took the last step towards it and looked inside carefully. What he saw forced his jaw to drop open. Butterflies spread in his stomach. A warm and pleasant feeling like he had never thought would ever exist again, started to spread from inside him, spreading and spreading continuously to every fibre of his being, warming him up to the tip of every finger. It felt as if each one of his cells was tingling with unstoppable excitement.
He found himself looking at a really huge field of fresh green grass, full of wil and exotic flowers, small and large animals playing with each other and tons of large green bushes standing tall almost everywhere. The field was covered with giant trees and at least a thousand different kind of flowers with just as many different colors spread all over it. Thousand of petals, ripe- blown and silkily smooth, in nature's most shining and intense colors. There was a river twining its way through the place, shimmering in the sun's play crystal-clear and the song of the birds in the trees was gay and loud, happy and inviting.
This was what paradise must look like. He figures he was dead and after following the light in the end of the tunnel, he had found his way to nirvana. Didn't they always say it was like this after you die?
'When did I die?'
Taking a deep breath, he knew although he did not remember, he could change nothing. The picture in front of him was more than appealing. Hesitantly, he took another breath and slowly and carefully, almost afraid, went a step forward, about to touch the green ground, eyes closed and breath stuck in his throat. His foot lowered and eventually made contact.
Nothing happened.
Puuuhhh.
He let out the breath he was holding and still carefully stepped forward with his other foot as well. Still nothing. What did he expect anyway? He was looking around, all the light hurt his eyes for a few moments, but that was quickly forgotten. Turning around he found the black hole he had come from gone.
Not minding or thinking further about it he turned, not wanting to waste even another thought at the place he had found himself in before for only god knows how long. He was slowly walking through the neverending field of green and red and pink and blue and yellow, listening to the song of the birds carefully, not wanting to miss another sound he could actually hear after his last experiences.
Walking underneath a row of willows, he stood there for a moment and looked upwards, observing the sun and the wind playing with the tree, gently swaying and rustling its leaves, the light playing with them, sending a sound almost like a gentle melodie far into the world. He turned away from the play of lights, and looked around. This place seemed just as unending as the darkness he came from, but was of course a great deal more pleasant. Instead of endless dark he was offered an endless green including all the colores he could remember having ever seen in form of flowers. If he were given the choise where he prefered staying, it wouldnt exactly be a hard decision for him to make.
He walked slowly on, hands gently touching the top of the higher flowers his fingers could reach as he passed them without having to bow, brushing them with feather- like touches. Breathing the nice scent that the wind was brushing softly across his face, in, he closed his eyes in bliss for a second and kept on walking next to the glittering river.
He was feeling extremely relaxed. And really good, yes. Content? Kind of. But complete? No. He felt like something was missing. Actually he knew it deep down even without this penetrating feeling that was forcing him to seek for the missing part of him.
Although he felt like his insides had returned with the light and his heart had returned the moment he had seen the sun, crowding out the emptiness immediately, he knew that not his whole heart had come back. Only half of it. He was aware of the fact that he had to search for the missing half if he was ever to reach abolute completeness. He would search forever and everywhere, this he was certain of for the urge to be complete burned inside him like nothing else.
Unfortunately he had no idea where to search for it. For the missing part. Sighing, he looked upwards again. Maybe the birds could give him a hint. Maybe so… but he didnt even dare hoping. After all, that he had found this place that was anything but cold was more than he had ever dared dreaming of.
However, his thoughts were merely disturbed as the birds chanting broke through them, loud and cheerly as ever. They seemed to try to encourage him the best they could, soothing his soul their own way and indeed. Suddenly he felt not so alone anymore.
A faint splash caught his attention. He turned, looking down into the crystal clear water of the river and could catch a glimpse of a white, almost silvery fish swimming away. The river was calm, shimmering golden, silver and white in the colors the sun threw down on it. In short, it looked absolutely magnificent, just like the whole rest, absolutely fitting into the whole picture. Staring a little at it, it was just then that he realized somebody was there. By the river, a little farther down. He had heard somebody's voice.
Quickly hiding behind the next tree, he looked around the corner, slowly, carefully, alarmed. He pictured the wildest thing that could be awaiting him but he was not quite prepared for what he was about to lay his eyes on.
There was a person, a girl, young woman, sitting in the middle of the grass, right next to the river.
She was singing softly to herself, a happy song for all he understood. She was making a wreath of flowers, carefully holding it in her hands, here and there plucking a few new flowers with gentle hands to work them in the wreath. She was wearing a satin white dress covered with petals in all sort of soft colors. The cut of the dress was showing her shoulders and the material was hugging her curves perfectly. Her silken brown hair was falling open, long and supple over her bare shoulders.
Her aura shone brightly and so clear he was certain she was an angel lost on earth. So he quickly hid behind the tree, not meaning to startle her, for she might run away. Peeking again from behind it, he found himself unable to take his eyes off her. It was almost as if she was enchanted by some kind of magic, some kind of spell that drew him magically to her. He was lost in her beauty and all he had done, could do for the last few minutes was to stare at her with wide eyes.
She did not seem to notice him as she continued singing softly. Suddenly there was a wish that spread inside of him. The wish that this moment would never end that that he was allowed to stare at this girl forever. This girl, thought he had only now discovered her, already meant very much to him. She was attracting him like he did not believe something else could. Just looking at her filled him with a feeling of contentment that seemed to lay itself comfortably inside his chest. It felt so good, so warm, so familiar.
He was sure he had seen her already before. Not here, for sure, but somewhere else. It actually did not really matter to him where. All that mattered was that she was making him feel very good. He did not want to miss this feeling for the world.
Another question appeared in his mind. Was she the missing part of him? He was so sure he knew her, knew her maybe even better than himself and he would give everything so he could remember her.
He closed his eyes tightly, searching feverishly through his brain for a memory of her for he was certain there has to be at least one. Very soon a picture of a little girl appeared in his mind that looked exactly like her. And it did not remain by one picture. Hesitantly another one appeared, with the same girl, smiling brightly at a little boy who he just knew must be him a long time ago. Still very slowly, more and more pictures of her and some even together with him, appeared inside his mind.
One scene materialized itself more clearly. A young boy and a young girl, in the forest. The little girl around four was crying and the little boy the same age was trying to comfort and soothe her. He recognized these kids as him and this girl from the river, right away. The little girl was cleaning her wet face with a small hand and looking hopefully at him and he was saying something. He tried very hard to understand what these kids were saying and suddenly there was sound.
"…And you won't be alone, Ran. Even if everybody leaves, at least I will always be there for you, okay?"
"… d- do yo-..… promise?"
"Yes!" the little boy answered, very sure about himself.
'Did the boy just say--… Ran?' Shinichi's eyes suddenly snapped open in realization as everything, every single answer he had searched for, came crashing down on him.
…I want to know
Since when did my heart struggle for breath
It was since I met you by chance
A new world begins to turn, and I feel reborn
So that this thrill won't disappear
So that it won't be swallowed by the raging waves
Dream (on), sky (high), dream of the season
Stay by my side…
The mysterious girl with the long brown hair and the white dress covered in petals sang quietly to herself. She was still working on her wreath with devotion, picking the nicest flower that grew around her. She was singing the song her heart asked her to. The girl's name was Ran.
Ran was singing because she was feeling happy. A happy anticipation that one could say was holding her heart. She had been alone for quite some time and was waiting for somebody who left her a long time ago, to return to her. And so she had waited faithfully, always longing for the return of her other half. It had been kind of hard sometimes, but she had remained patient.
And today… today the bird's own chanting sounded different. It held something she could not describe in words and could not explain. But she found that she didn't need to, for her heart knew exactly what it was telling her. She smiled.
Embracing these new-found feelings, I'll walk on
Stay by my side, I can
Because you'll watch me, and I won't be alone
For your sake, take me to your dream
I'll walk with you
Can you stay
The wind brushed over her rosy cheeks. The cool breeze felt good against her face. She continued singing softly, having her wreath almost finished. She reached to pick the last flowers to complete her work as she felt two strong arms come around her mid-section. They were moving very slowly and soon were around her waist completely, holding her firmly. She was drawn a little backwards and her back touched almost immediately solid but warm texture.
She smiled and closed her eyes savoringly. As she felt a head move next to hers and the man behind her hold her very tightly against himself, she placed her arms on top of his after laying the flowers down and held him close as well, snuggling a little closer into the embrace. She took a deep breath, emotions and shivers racing through her body, held it and breathed out long and deeply.
"How did you find me here?"
"If I was blind, I would find you!" Shinichi answered in an equally quiet but manly voice.
"Stay with me?"
"Forever."
Was the only answer that Ran needed as she leaned satisfied and trusting against him.
"Good."
The couple remained there, in between the flowers, kneeling and holding on to each other tightly for a very long time. Only the wind was sweeping over the two and the flowers, causing them to sway gently in this enchanting moment.
As I am now, I will follow through on my feelings
Unbeaten by the fast speed that causes me to hesitate
Sparkling eyes reveal you and I
So the warmth in these two hands won't fade
So I won't be carried away in the passing time
Dream (on), sky (high), grant my wish
Stay by my side
She turned around, forcing him with her movement to loosen his embrace. Ran was now facing him, looking for a short eternity in his eyes. She was practically staring and as her brain slowly started to comprehend who she was facing, her lips curved and her face lit up in a bright smile, so beautiful even the sun, the moon or this landscape could not compare.
She lay her arms around his neck, kneeling right in front of him while never breaking eye- contact. He held her on her hips, needing the contact desperately. Yeah, almost craving for it.
"What took you so long?" she half joked with soft voice and even softer gaze.
"Got lost in the dark." He rubbed a hand up and down her back slowly.
"How did you really find me?" she asked, slightly amused by his funny face.
"Couldn't miss you. You are the brightest shining thing in this whole wide place." He told her truthfully with soft gaze, melting her insides with his words and the look he cast her.
She smiled brightly at him and very slowly turned her head away and moved forward, right into his arms. She placed her cheek against his chest and wound her arms around his torso, holding on to him very tightly. Her eyes closed blissfully and she pulled herself without thinking about it even closer into his embrace for his arms immediately had come up to envelop her in their protective circle.
Now, how do you feel about the time when I was a crybaby
Stay by my side, you can
Because you'll guard over me, I won't cry anymore
For your sake, take me to your dream
Because I'll try my best
Stay by my side
Embracing these new-found feelings, I'll walk on
Stay by my side, I can
Because you'll watch me
"I missed you!" she whispered very quietly, her words almost swallowed by the birds' song and the river's ripple.
"I missed you!" he murmured in return, diving his nose in her hair and breathing her in deeply. Her scent was intoxicating him, way stronger than any beautiful-smelling flower could ever hope for. He was lost for a few moments in his own little world where of course only she existed, aside from him, as a quiet, shaky voice tore him out of it.
"Never leave me again, do you hear me!"
He took one of her hands from his chest in his and interlaced his fingers though it before answering in a serious but soft voice.
"Not if I can help it!"
They both looked for some time at their entwined hands, having the feeling that at this moment, everything was all right.
Shinichi pulled her closer for a few instants before releasing her from his grip. He pulled back a little and drew the hand from her back away. Instead, he brought it to her cheek which he held tenderly, in the progress forcing her to look at him.
Her eyes were shining with tenderness and love, mirroring his very identically. The affection he was feeling for her could been identified very easily. He cast her a little smile and she replied to it wholeheartedly.
"Shinichi? Tell me, is this real?"
He looked around for a moment, thinking thoroughly about his answer. She had a good point, asking him this question. After all, he did not quite find out himself yet where exactly they were. All he knew was that the moment he had seen her, she was the only thing in his head. And, after some thinking, everything had come back to him. Every memory he had been missing.
Now he knew that he had been searching for her and all that mattered was that even in the greatest darkness, he had found her. In the greatest nothingness without a trace of hope, she had shone to him brightly, guiding him. She had been his light in the darkness, and as far as Shinichi remembered, she had always been.
He looked back into her eyes, his free hand still caressing her cheek.
"I don't know…" he answered her hesitantly. "-...all I know is that I do not care, as long as I have you here with me. And that I want to make the best out of it for as long as I can."
She smiled heart-meltingly at him with big, tender eyes that seemed to be overflowing with emotions as they started to moisten a little. His thumb was tracing her cheek tenderly as Shinichi enjoyed the feeling of her immensely.
"Oh Shinichi…" she did not know what to say, how to reply to that. She was just too happy that he seemed to have missed her just as much as she had missed him and that he was just as glad to have her back. She leaned a little into his touch and closed her eyes for two seconds in bliss.
As she opened them again, she stared back and found herself immediately lost in his deep blue orbs.
As his face neared hers, she closed her eyes and accepted the loving and light kiss he was giving her. The simple touch of their lips against each other seemed to send electric jolts up and down both their skins. The kiss was honey- sweet, endless tender and meaningful to them and in some way sealed their reunion and their promise of never-ending love.
Stay, stay... stay by my side
Until the day when I can always be by your side
As long as you don't throw them away, dreams won't run away
Stay by my side
This year's red, hot, blue summer
I want us to soak up the sun together
Stay by my side
Stay, stay
Stay by my side
Stay, stay
As they pulled back not soon after, Ran beamed at him and he smiled back at her beautiful expression. However, as the song of never-ending promises ended, neither noticed the wind had stopped stirring and the birds had stopped singing.
Having his one hand still entwined with hers, he stood up and gently drew her up to him. She was immediately in his embrace, hugging him and he smiled. Holding her tightly back for a moment, he revealed in the feeling of her warm and soft body against his, finding the feelings he was experiencing contrast shockingly contradicting to the ones he was feeling back then, in that cold darkness. He was feeling like he could fly, as if he had not one worry in this whole world and as if nothing else but her mattered.
Which it did not, he was certain of it. Because, this feeling he had been desperately searching for, this thing to complete his heart… was in his arms right now. With her near, he felt complete. Happy, complete and blissfully in peace with himself and the world.
He pulled back, smiled at her and started walking next to the river, his hand never letting go of hers. Ran went along with him all too willingly. The two lovers that have just now found each other again were talking silently with each other, communicating, telling each other everything they had not been able to for a long while. They were happy and content, their hearts were united and light.
And that was exactly why they did not realize that after the birds, now the sun had disappeared as well behind dark and heavy clouds. They had only eyes for the other as they kept on walking along the river that seemed to have suddenly lost its sound. They remained totally oblivious of all that as they looked only at each others eyes. Their fingers always intertwined.
A loud thunderclap startled them in their bliss and they looked simultaneously at the sky. They saw the dark blue sky stirring fatally. It was illuminated every few seconds by flashes of lightening and accompanied by loud peals of thunder.
Ran fled into the arms of Shinichi as she looked around the now dark and gloomy place that seemed to have lost everything from all the happiness and color it had held a few minutes ago. She was wrapped up immediately in a protective embrace. Shinichi held her close and looked alarmed around and up the sky, searching for an explanation of this disaster or a possible solution.
"S-Shinichi? What is happening?"
They saw the trees vanish slowly, being replaced by black darkness. The flowers and the river did the same in no time. And suddenly, there was only darkness left. Even the ground had vanished. He held her tighter.
"I don't know!"
All the happy feelings felt like sucked from them and despair, fear and panic remained in both their bodies. They turned, over and over, to the left, the right, in circles, searching for a way out but could find nothing. Nothing except the engulfing darkness.
They still continued, even though they were blinded and could see nothing, only guessing where the ground must be, panic ruling now all of their senses and movements.
But suddenly, the ground seemed to open. Flashing, blinding white light emerged from underneath the black tatters of the ground and the whole place was rumbling. They clung to each other desperately.
"Shinichi!" she gasped loudly, her voice and heart full of fear.
"Don't let go!"
It started rumbling stronger and stronger and everything was soon shaking in the earnest. They were forced apart and immediately reached the hand out for the other to take it, only it was no use. They were constantly being drawn further and further apart from each other and were shaken thoroughly from the rumbling ground.
Both the young adults tried to hold on to some pieces of the ground, scared to death of what would happen to them after being swallowed by the ground. But the shaking got only worse and they could not fight it as they were thrown back and forth and eventually right into the light that resembled the end of everything very much.
Their last calls of despair echoed through the dark nothingness before they both disappeared and silence followed.
"Shinichi!"
"RAN!"
---
The night, once clear and filled with stars, had become unnaturally dark and the moon came in sight only very rarely. And when it did, the heavy dark clouds prevented it from shining in all its glory and from illuminating the earth in its soothing, gloomy light. In the mysterious looking mansion belonging to the Kudo family, it was ghostly quiet. Frighteningly quiet, just like it was on all the other roads. Everything seemed dead and abandoned.
However, if one went inside the big house and walked up the stairs, one would find a little boy, maybe around seven years old, not older, sitting there all alone in the dark. He was sobbing and crying desperately, burying his head in his little hands. There did not seem to exist a reason bad enough, for a little, carefree boy of his age to cry this heavy. The grief he must be feeling could not be explained easily for passers-by and for people who did not know the background of this sad story.
The moon was illustrating and accompanying the sorrowful play with its ghost-like glimmer that showed us the features of the little boy clearly. They seemed to be distorted in unbearable pain. Pain so great, it was a wonder he did not explode. Pain way too huge for his little body.
If one passed him and walked on into the bedroom not far away, one could clearly make out a girl laying there in a bed. Actually it was his room and his bed. That is to say, the room of the little boy when he had still been a young adult around ten years older than his little self that was crying his soul out at the moment was.
The girl was sleeping innocently and alone in the bed of the pitiable boy. She was slightly thrashing around in her sleep, that had started as so relaxing and wonderful but had turned out into something that was far away from anything nice. She seemed restless and concerned, her contours clearly betraying these facts even in her sleep.
When the light broke through the clouds now and then, one even could clearly see her features in the slight moonlight. If one looked closer, one could see the path of dried tears that was reaching from her eyes down to her cheeks. She was feeling what was happening, she was sensing it, even in her sleep. This is how sensitive she was to the emotions of her beloved one.
As a quiet sob left the lips of the small boy, a few fresh tears emitted her eyes. Her sleep turned even more restless and she thrashed around again. It was as if she somehow was sensing that something terrible would be awaiting her when she woke up.
It seemes that maybe she knew that fate had decided it was not yet the right time for them to be together.
(dramatic pause)
You think you know what is happening? You think you know how this is going to end? Do you REALLY think so?
Believe me, you have NO idea, yet! I will shock the hell out of you all, end this in a way NOBODY will ever forget, this is a promise! After all, since the story is approaching its end, I plan to go with a big BANG and with an ending that's worth the story and worth YOU guys! And the more reviews I get for this chapter telling me how I am supposed to continue (it still lays in YOUR hands, ladies and gentelmen for I can not make up my mind alone wholely) the faster I will upload the real FINAL chapter, and this is also a promise.
I am really sorry, I know I told you that this chapter was going to be the last, but I just had to split it in two. For one thing, I am still not quite clear how you all want it to end, for another… I just thought like it was a good idea to give my most precious fanfiction, my baby, eleven chapters. Because a real Conan volume consists of eleven files as well. Meaning, if I make a sequel to this one, I can divide the story in volumes, make my "Back where he belongs" Volume One. (Eleven filesOne volume) Are my reasons clear? I know it sounds… maybe a little weird. To my head it makes perfect sense but if you have any questions, please feel free to ask me and let me know, okay? My email adress is available for you all. Plus, I never reallyBIT anyone (unless they wanted it : p ) so don't be afraid! I am curiously waiting! Thanks already (kisses and hugs)
Yours faithfully, Jojo
