A/N: Not to beg or anything (okay, maybe a bit), but my fanart section of my website has only one picture in it. So, if anyone did draw anything, please come forward, so I can praise your talent, since I unfortunately have none…who knows? I might have contests in the future!
Chapter 3: Pushing Away
Inuyasha leaned against the wooden wall of Kaede's hut, his arms folded in his haori as he gazed into the fire burning in the fire pit. The rest of their group was in the hut, chatting and helping the old miko make dinner, but he, like he usually did these days, sat secluded from the rest, thinking. As always, his thoughts turned to one person. It had been exactly one week since Kagome had left, and he was missing her more than ever. Kagome…
He hated it when she left for her time, but he knew that he had to let her stay longer. She'd only be mad if he forced her to come back too soon, but he also sensed that maybe he needed the time away from her as well.
Being around her now was hard. Kagome was so distant with him, not talking unless necessary, and trying not to make eye contact. She would flinch at the slightest touch, and talking about what happened was absolutely out of the question. It was painful trying to be together, when they both carried horrible memories from before.
His ears drooped slightly as he recalled the last time they were anything close to loving, when they both had agreed that it would be best to give up on their relationship for their own safety…
Inuyasha slowly opened his amber eyes, blinking as he adjusted to the new light of day. He was lying in Kaede's hut, as he had been for the past week. Though he had hanyou healing, his body was still weak from his past ordeal, especially since he had been purified.
He turned his head on the pallet, looking over to see Kagome sitting up from her bed, rubbing her back, taking small healing breaths as she did so. Inuyasha's ears drooped as he watched her, wishing she didn't have to go through that pain. Kagome glanced over at the bandage on he left shoulder and that sent a jolt of shock through Inuyasha as he remembered what he had overheard Miroku and Sango saying about it.
They said she was so overwhelmed with grief that she tried to kill herself…he thought, his ears drooping further on his head as he imagined what pain she had felt. She tried to kill herself…all because of me…
Kagome turned, and there was a little surprise on her face when she noticed he was awake. "Inuyasha?" she asked, crawling closer to sit next to him. As he gazed up at her, this woman that he loved, he was taken aback by the look in her eyes. He knew it hadn't been there before; her eyes were always so happy, and full of life…these eyes were full of sadness and hidden tragedy.
His mind couldn't help but think, Kikyou's eyes…
"Inuyasha?" Kagome asked again, taking hold of his hand. "How are you feeling?"
With a slight grunt, he lifted himself into a sitting position on the mat. "Better." He said, a small smile on his face. "Loads better."
Kagome wasn't to be persuaded so easily. "Are you sure, Inuyasha? I mean, you may feel better, but your strength won't be fully up yet…You were purified, Inuyasha. You can't be too reckless."
"And I'm telling you I'm fine." He cut in, sounding a little harsher than he intended. "I've rested for a week, Kagome. I think I'm ready to get up again. Besides," his trademark smirk once again grew on his face. "If that old hag doesn't let me out of here soon, I'm going to snap."
"Inuyasha!" Kagome reproached him, pretending to be angry. "How can you say something like that when its for your own good" She pointed a finger at him, and leaned closer to get in his face, glaring. "Do you have any idea how worried I've—"
She cut off with a sharp gasp of pain, falling limp as Inuyasha caught her. "Kagome!"
Kagome had landed with her head against Inuyasha's haori, and she wrapped her arms around him to steady herself. He returned the hug, careful of her wound. "I shouldn't have leaned over like that…" she explained, between long breaths.
"It's okay," he replied, reaching over and grabbing the bottle that held the medicine. "Just relax." Inuyasha gave her the bottle, and Kagome took a long drink, never once letting go of him.
They held each other, never moving for fear of brining Kagome pain. After several minutes, once Kagome was sure her pain wouldn't flare up again, she closed her eyes as he held her, knowing whatshe had to do."Inuyasha…we need to talk."
He, too, had noticed the awkwardness between them. For the past several days, they both had tried to be happy for the sake of each other, but it wasn't working. They were both too scarred down by the pain they had experienced. "We do." He replied.
Kagome pulled away, but not out of his arms, as she looked up into his eyes, which were starting to take a tragic quality of their own. "Inuyasha…you said Kikyou was the one who helped you out of…that place, right?"
At first, he was worried she would take it the wrong way, but it didn't seem like her intention. "Yes, she said she had to bring me back to defeat Naraku."
Kagome looked away briefly, as if thinking over something, and then back at him. "Did she…" she paused, but then continued on. "Did she say anything about the curse after that?"
That also caused an uncomfortable pause to fill their conversation. Inuyasha finally said, "No. She didn't…"
Biting her lip, Kagome continued, "So, that means…the curse could still be there, couldn't it?"
That caused Inuyasha's blood to freeze. He hadn't thought of that. Was the curse really still there? How could it? His eyes grazed over Kagome, this beautiful, wonderful woman that he loved, and yet it was the woman fate had determined would be taken from him. "Kagome," he said, his right hand touching her cheek, "We don't know that its still there."
Kagome's left grasped his hand, slowly pulling it away from her face as her eyes grew sadder. "We don't know if it has been removed, either."
Their mating scars were touching, yet Inuyasha felt nothing at the moment, no urge to passionately kiss her, just…empty. He knew whatit was leading up to."Kagome, I know what you think, but…I can't."
Her eyes seemed to mist over with tears. "I know, Inuyasha. It's hard for me too, but we have to. It's…it's the only thing we can do."
Inuyasha grasped her by the shoulders, causing Kagome to flinch, remembering a time when youkai Inuyasha held her like that. "I can't leave you like that, Kagome! You're my mate, I can't abandon you because of some stupid curse! I love you! Do you think that I could just pretend I don't all of a sudden?"
Tears leaked out of her eyes as Kagome cried, "Inuyasha, do you think I want this either? I know it'll kill both of us inside…but it's the only way we can be sure your curse won't happen again. I don't want to see you that way again…I don't want to have to—" More tears fell from her eyes as her right hand gently touched her shoulder, as the painful memories of that time came flooding back to her.
Inuyasha watched her, his ears almost flat on his head. It was true; he didn't want to relive those painful memories either. If Kagome was hurt again by his hands…he couldn't live with himself. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to his chest, her head tucked under his chin. He didn't like it, but it was his only option to protect her."All right Kagome," he sighed in defeat. "It'll be hard, but I can bear it, for you."
Nodding, Kagome wrapped her own arms around him, pulling herself even closer. "I know. But now, just hold me…though this'll have to be the last time."
Inuyasha returned to the present as he heard Miroku comment, "Inuyasha, why don't you go and get Kagome-sama now. It's been a week, and we will have to start our search for Naraku again soon."
Sighing, Inuyasha stood up, saying, "Whatever, monk." He didn't even bother to argue about it like he usually did as he walked out of the hut.
The lecherous monk watched him go, turning back to Sango when he was gone. "It's just sad, seeing those two now."
Nodding, Sango replied, "I know what you mean. I don't think I've seen Kagome-chan smile once since…it happened."
Shippou, who was helping Kaede put the sliced vegetables into the cooking pot, piped up, "Kagome's always acting so sad, why can't she just be happy again?"
"It can't work like that, Shippou." Miroku replied, looking down at the floor of the hut. "I've heard Kagome-sama and Inuyasha talk about how they cannot be as they were before, and that's probably what's making them so depressed. Even so, they know its for their and our safety, so they have to restrain themselves."
"Despite it hurting at every turn." Sango finished for him, her brown eyes turning towards her betrothed. "I don't understand how they manage…I wouldn't be able to, were I in Kagome-chan's position."
Miroku cast a glance at her, knowing her thoughts. "They best we can hope for is that this curse is broken, one way or another. At least we would finally see some smiles after so long."
Though she didn't say anything, Sango silently agreed with him, wishing with all her heart that it were possible.
Inuyasha gingerly slid open the door to the Higurashi home, peeking inside the kitchen. He no more chose his entrance of Kagome's bedroom window, knowing that she would want more privacy. To him, it felt as it he were entering an enemy castle. Just as he had decided it was safe to come in, Kagome's mother rounded a corner, her eyes lighting up in surprise as she saw him.
"Oh, Inuyasha-kun." She said with a smile. "I thought it was you."
"Uh, hi, Kagome's mom." He replied, looking anywhere but her. He usually liked this woman, who seemed to understand everything about him, and his relationship with Kagome instantly, but ever since Kagome had confessed that she had to tell her mother everything that had happened with him, he grew wary of her. Her smiles were now nothing short of terrifying to him. She was Kagome's mother; he was the boy who had shared a "special relationship" with her daughter, and then turning around and hurting Kagome! She should hate him!
But, no matter what this woman felt about him, she still treated him the way she always did…although now, she wasn't offering him any cookies or asking him if he was planning to stay the night.
Feeling nervous in her presence, Inuyasha focused on the carpet as if it was the most interesting thing he had ever seen. "Um…is Kagome here?"
Glancing towards the stairs, she replied, "She's in her room." Mrs. Higurashi turned back to look at Inuyasha. "But I should warn you, her back's been bothering her."
His ears drooped slightly, feeling the familiar guilt rise up in his chest. No doubt this woman knew that he had caused her that pain as well, though unintentionally. "Is it bad?" he asked, praying it wasn't serious.
Shaking her head, she replied, "I don't know. Kagome tries to hide her pain from me and make it less than it is, but from what I saw, I don't think it's too bad."
Daring to look back at her, Inuyasha answered, "Right…I'll just…go see how she's doing then."
Nodding, Mrs. Higurashi moved aside, letting him pass towards the stairs. Dealing with her wasn't as bad as he had first thought it would be, he recollected. The woman was civil with him, at the very least, but he could tell that she wasn't exactly happy with him either.
When Inuyasha reached Kagome's door, her sweet scent emancipating from the room, he at first made the move to push open the door, but paused, and thought better of it, deciding to knock first. "Kagome?" he asked, waiting a second before the door was opened.
The door opened, and Inuyasha was greeted with a sighed he had missed, his Kagome. She was still in her uniform, the top much like her middle school one, although trimmed in blue, and the blue, slightly longer skirt. It was something for the hanyou to get used to, since he had never imagined her in all the year he had known her wearing anything but that short green skirt and top.
"Inuyasha," she acknowledged him, her eyes softening when she looked upon him, but with a blink, they reverted back to their usual, tragic form. Looking away, she asked, "What are you doing here?"
There was uncomfortable pause. This is why it was so hard to talk to her now, she was always so nervous around him, as if she was afraid he would suddenly jump her. Kagome was also so sad, and it broke Inuyasha's heart when he saw the woman he loved so depressed, and knowing he couldn't just sweep her in his arms and kiss away her tears.
"I came to take you back." He finally replied. Kagome nodded, but said no more than that, her dark eyes determined not to look into his tranquilizing amber ones. "Can I…come in?" he asked, making her remember that he was still standing in the hall.
She instantly moved aside, allowing him in. "Oh, sorry." As he walked in, she turned away to shut the door, but it didn't escape his notice that she only had it partially shut. That caused something he never thought about before to pop up in his mind.
Does she…not like being alone with me? He wondered. I know that we can't…but that doesn't suddenly mean that I would do anything to her. Her scent washed over him as he was in the room, that beautiful scent that always ensnared his senses. Even though he knew they couldn't be together, being in this room that smelled so much like her, he couldn't help but have the urge to feel her lips against his once again, but he forcefully pushed that thought away.
"So…" Kagome had her eyes focused on the floor. "We're going right away?"
He nodded, wishing she would just look at him. Was even looking at her former lover really so hard?
A small, fake smile of amusement came upon her face. "Good thing I packed in case you came." She bent over to pick up the familiar, overstuffed backpack.
Not only was she bending her back in a position Inuyasha was sure would hurt her, but also, (he blushed at the thought) despite the fact the skirt was a bit longer, if she bent over any further, he'd see her underwear. "Kagome, what are you doing?" he asked, pretending to be angry, hoping the blush wasn't fully on his cheeks.
"What?" she asked, curious at his sudden outburst and the bright red blush on his cheeks. "What's wrong?"
He pointed at her, blush still on his cheeks, sputtering. "You'll…you'll…you'll hurt your back if you keep bending over like that!" He was thankful he had that excuse.
She wondered at what he was blushing about, but chose to ignore it. "I took some of my pain pills Mama bought me, Inuyasha. It makes it so it doesn't hurt. I'm fine." Kagome bent over again, to pick up her backpack, Inuyasha trying to look away when he was sure he'd get a glimpse of something he could get sat for. But…the fact that it was her room, and her scent was already invading his senses, making him control the urge to grab her in his arms and passionately kiss her, and, he was a man after all, he couldn't help but take one peek, a new blush springing on his face when he hastily turned away as she stood up.
When Kagome stood up, with her pre-packed backpack being held by its strap, she looked at him puzzled. "What's wrong, is it hot in here or something?"
Inuyasha didn't dare look at her, knowing he was still blushing, cursing himself for taking one look, which wasn't that good anyway since the skirt was longer. "No." He muttered, hoping she wouldn't catch on. Because if she did, not only would he gat sat, but she'd also be even more afraid of being alone with him.
Kagome gave a false laugh, though her eyes said otherwise, making Inuyasha's heart fall further in his chest at the realization of her pretending. "You're so funny sometimes, Inuyasha." Her voice could have been spoken in monotone, it had the same depth of emotion.
As Kagome moved to put the backpack on her shoulder, Inuyasha's blush hastily disappeared as he stopped her. "No, Kagome. I'll take that, it's too heavy." He grabbed the backpack out of her arms, hoisting it on his own shoulder.
"Inuyasha!" she protested, trying to grab it back. "It's all right; I have my medicine, remember?"
His amber eyes were determined when he looked at her in the eye. "I said no, Kagome. I won't risk you getting hurt."
Kagome flinched slightly as he looked her in the eyes, and was doing something so sweet for her, normally, she would have thought to give him a peck on the cheek for his kindness, but she turned away hastily. "Whatever you say, Inuyasha."
Whenever silence filled their conversation, as it did now, he noticed how her scent would wrap around him again, making him want to kiss her once more. She was still his mate, technically, and his youkai instincts were strong. Her scent used to calm him, but now, it made him realize what he was missing through this separation, and how much he wanted it to be different. "Come on," he said, turning to walk out her door, before he got any other ideas in his head. "Lets go."
Nodding, Kagome followed him downstairs, where her mother was waiting. "Mama," Kagome explained, "I'm going back to the Sengoku Jidai for a while. I'll try to be back soon."
"All right. Take care." She smiled, giving her daughter a hug. As they pulled away, she turned to the silver haired hanyou, who was waiting impatiently. "Oh, and Inuyasha," he was caught with sudden surprise. "Make sure she doesn't get hurt."
Inuyasha was sure that however thoughtful it sounded, it held an underlying threat. "Yeah," he said finally. "She wont get hurt."
Kagome though, had not noticed her former lover's discomfort at her mother's stare. "Okay, Bye, Mama!" she said, a fake smile plastered on her face, as they walked out the door and towards the well.
Just before he opened the door to the well, Inuyasha suddenly noticed that Kagome was no longer with him. He had been lost in his thoughts as they walked outside, most of them were glad that he was no longer in her room feeling dizzy from her scent all around him. He turned around, "Kagome?" and then saw her, standing in front of Goshinboku, staring up into its branches.
He walked over to her, and she still was oblivious to his presence. He could tell her eyes lay on the spot where he had been trapped for fifty years, the place where they first met. She's thinking about me…
Putting a hand on her shoulder, he said a bit softer, "Kagome," which seemed to wake her from her thoughts. "We have to go."
It didn't escape his notice on how she didn't reply for a moment, still looking rigid, until she ever-so-slightly shrugged off his hand from her shoulder. "I know, Inuyasha." She turned sharply, not meeting his gaze, following him to the well.
In honesty, he shouldn't have been surprised at all at her behavior, since this is the way she had acted for the past three months, but it still made a pang go through his heart. She was the woman he loved, the woman who had brought a beautiful sunshine and a wonderful springtime to his life, and now it was if all the joy in her had died.
All because of that stupid curse!
That night, when they were back in the Sengoku Jidai, they all slept in Kaede's hut. Though most were asleep, Inuyasha was not. He sat awake, his arms folded, sitting against the wall of the hut as his eyes fell on one person, sleeping soundly inside of her sleeping bag. Kagome…
He hated this new Kagome, the one that hardly spoke to him and never smiled anymore. She didn't want to be alone with him, or even allow him to touch her, because of her fear of having to relive the curse. Inuyasha didn't want to go through that time again, but he knew that touching her wouldn't do any harm. Neither would kissing her, he couldn't help but think. The only thing that could bring the curse back to the way it was is…mating.
Though Inuyasha knew it was for the greater good, he still couldn't help but think how hard it was to have to give up their life as mates. He wasn't like Miroku, but he loved Kagome more than life itself, he thought of her as the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He couldn't help but desire her.
He wasn't in any danger of loosing control, but that didn't mean that he didn't long to hold her again, or to stroke her hair, whispering to her softly endless nothings of how much he loved her, before kissing her gently and promising to never leave her again.
And each time Kagome pushed him away, he wished for that scenario more.
When I promised her that we'd set aside our lives as mates for the time being, I didn't think I'd be this hard…I didn't think that I'd long for that so soon.
But, what I long for, even more that that is just to see her really, truthfully smile again.
Sighing, as he looked upon her face which even in sleep looked so sad. I just want to see her happy, one more time.
A/N: Wow. And to think I thought of putting this in last chapter…Sometimes, I just don't know when to stop…
Anyway, the main plot will pick up next chapter, so I won't have yet another depressing, angst-written chapter.
