A/N: Okay, I think I can safely say that this story will be 30 chapters. I've added in a bit more plot, which makes it longer. (And better, in my opinion!)
Also, I might miss an update or two, here and there, as the year goes on, because I have SAT's and AP tests to study for, both of which are probably going to make me do all-nighters. (Especially US History. Did you know it's the second hardest AP test, after German?)
Just warning you not to panic if I do not update on time in the future, since I have the nasty habit of leaving cliff hangers. :P
Chapter 5: Turning Away
Inuyasha walked back to the hut, just as the sun rose. He glanced up at the sky, which held orange and pink hues with the new light of day. Sighing,he remembered the words of Kikyou.
So…I still don't know if the curse is there, huh? I don't even know if she knows…He folded his arms inside of his haori as his amber eyes glanced downward, with a twinge of sadness in them. If she doesn't know…and its still there, what can I do to lift this curse?
A gentle breeze blew through the village, brushing against Inuyasha's face and making his silver hair fly out behind him. With the wind came the scent of the woman he had just left. He could picture her clearly as she yelled at him, angrier than he had ever seen her.
I should have known better, Inuyasha thought. I shouldn't have asked her if I was still under the curse. Now that he thought about it, it was pretty insensitive of him to ask Kikyou if she knew how to make it so he and Kagome could be together.
She was so mad, it seemed like—. Inuyasha stopped walking for a moment, as it dawned on him. No…Kikyou wouldn't be jealous…would she? He knew the dead miko wasn't perfect—in the beginning, she had been jealous of Kagome, despite the fact that there was nothing between her and Inuyasha at the moment. But, he had thought she had gotten over it by now.
He tried to piece it together, but the idea baffled the hanyou. But, if she was jealous, then why did she bring me back here, to life, with Kagome? She could have left me there, and we would have been in death together, just like she had wanted. Why then would she bring me back?
Shaking his head, Inuyasha decided that it was too much for him to figure, and walked into the hut, muttering "Women…"
The moment he entered the hut, he saw Kagome stirring in her sleeping bag. "Inuyasha?" she yawned, rubbing her eyes. "Where've you been?"
Inuyasha paused, thinking it over before replying, "Out for a walk." He came to sit beside her, his ears flickering around for a second to check if anyone else was awake.
Kagome sat up slowly and carefully, so not to disturb Shippou. When she opened her eyes, they seemed dull from fading sleep, yet they still held that look that killed Inuyasha whenever he saw it. He looked away from her, not wanting tosee those depressed eyes which held a painful reminder of someone else he had just left…
"Inuyasha, that's not true." Said Kagome softly, looking down towards her hands, which were folded in her lap.
Looking back at her in surprise, he asked, "What do you mean, woman?"
Kagome replied simply, "You saw Kikyou, didn't you?"
That caught the hanyou by surprise. He said nothing, but turned away sharply, confirming what Kagome had thought. "How do you know?"
Her eyes looking anywhere but his amber ones, Kagome answered quietly, "It's in your eyes."
There was another uncomfortable pause, while both lovers tried to look anywhere but each other. "Kagome," Inuyasha said, "Look, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have…but nothing happened—"
"It's okay, Inuyasha." She cut him off. "I understand if you want to go see her, it doesn't matter to me."
"What?" Inuyasha was taken aback, gaping at her. Did she just say she didn't care that he had gone to see Kikyou? "Are you saying it doesn't bother you?"
Kagome looked back at him, her eyes revealing truth. "Yes, Inuyasha, that's what I'm saying. Kikyou is special to you. And I can't come between you two."
She's…she's not even acting like herself! "Kagome, aren't you even upset?" He asked, silently begging her to yell at him.
Shaking her head, she replied. "No, I'm not. You can do what you like, Inuyasha. And I can't say anything about it. It's okay if you want to see her, I'm not mad."
That final statement caused the hanyou to snap. "Damnit, Kagome! Just get angry!"
Startled, she asked, "Why?" wondering what had gotten into Inuyasha.
He continued, "Because, Kagome! You're always angry when I go to see Kikyou! Just yell at me!" He glared at her, challenging her to fight back, hoping with all his might that she would pick up on the challenge.
Kagome wasstill shocked at this order, and Inuyasha waited for the rant he knew was to come. But the longer he waited, the more he realized that Kagome was not going to yell at him, no matter what he wanted. He needed her to scream in fury at him, once more, because no matter what physical harm it meant to him, it meant that she would finally be back to normal.
Kagome turned away not looking at him, leaving the hanyou to continue to look at her througheyes clouded with sadness, his ears drooping. Kagome, are you ever going to come back to me?
"Well, I see you two are awake." Miroku yawned sitting up, while Sango stirred beside him. "You should yell like that every day, Inuyasha, it gets us awake on time."
Growling, the hanyou said in a warning, "Monk…"
Miroku had heard most of the previous conversation. "So, what did Kikyou say?" he asked, his deep violet eyes serious.
After shooting the lecherous monk a warning glare, Inuyasha told him, "Shesaid that Naraku's been at work again. He's planning to take all the shikon shards, so we need to go and crush him before he gets them."
Sango, who had just woken up to hear part of the conversation, asked, "Did she say anything about your curse, Inuyasha?"
Suddenly, the hanyou faintly heard an intake of breath beside him. He glanced at Kagome, with a look of realization on her face. She turned to him, and her eyes, held a different look. They almost looked…hopeful. Something he hadn't seen in months. How he wished he could just tell her what she wished she could hear, some happy news at last.
Unfortunately, Inuyasha had to dash her hopes. "She said that Naraku may use it to his advantage, so I have to be careful that he doesn't learn of it."
Shaking her head as Kirara jumped into her lap, Sango replied, "That's not what I meant Inuyasha." She began petting the nekomata, her eyes glancing back at Kagome, while everyone in the hut held on to his every word.
He lowered his eyes, feeling even worse at being the bearer of bad news,his heart fallingas he said, "I don't know…she never told me. I don't think she wanted to tell me in the first place."
Everyone in the hut sighed in defeat, but Kagome's reaction was the worst to Inuyasha. She turned away, and all hope that had been in her eyes faded back into the sad look he had gotten used to.
Inuyasha's heart plunged even deeper into his chest as he watched this girl, the one that he loved, go through so much pain. He touched her shoulder, trying to turn her back to look at him. "Kagome…"
Kagome didn'tglance at him, and she replied in a small voice. "Inuyasha, it doesn't matter. I'm fine."
He couldn't accept that. "But Kagome—"
She only responded by looking back at him, her eyes telling him all he needed to know. She didn't want to talk about it. It would be too painful to talk about what she had been going though for the past several months. Obliging her wishes, Inuyasha let go of her, only to be approached by a question by Miroku.
"So, Inuyasha, what do you say we do? Shall we set out for Naraku as soon as possible?" the monk asked, shaking Shippou awake.
The silver haired hanyou nodded. "Yeah, we should probably go today."
The lecherous monk stood up, took a small stretch and yawned. "Well, if that is the case, I should secure some provisions, then."
"Swindle them, you mean." Sango said, glaring at him, while Miroku gave of an innocent grin. She stood up also, and followed him out of the hut, to make sure her betrothed wouldn't be up to any mischief.
That left Kagome and Inuyasha practically alone in the hut, with the exception of a still slumbering Shippou. In their silence and reluctance to meet each other's gaze, Inuyasha saw fully how much he needed the laughing, smiling Kagome to come back to him.
Glancing at her, only to see her tragic eyes look at him for a second, before turning away sharply, he thought, Kagome, can't you see how much I need you? Don't you see that I won't be able to get through all of this without you being who you were?
They left the village later that morning, and traveled throughout the countryside. They had no idea where exactly they were traveling to, but they would just go as they followed the clues to find Naraku. The journey was unusually quiet, since Inuyasha would walk up ahead, while Kagome stayed further back in the group, her head looking down at the ground as they journeyed, not wanting to look up and see Inuyasha.
For the other three in their group, it was too painful. The last time they traveled like this, Kagome and Inuyasha had walked together, and had been laughing and smiling the entire time. They would try to fill in the silence with a conversation, but it would usually end uncomfortably when it was clear that neither Inuyasha or Kagome wanted to talk.
After the first long day, they finally stopped near a stream when it was dark. "Finally!" Shippou the kitsune said,collapsing near where Miroku was trying to build a fire. "I thought we'd have to walk forever! We haven't traveled like this in a while."
"Well, get used to it, Shippou. We're going to have to travel like this for a while." Sango replied, setting some firewood on the fire, which had just sparked a small flame, casting an orange glow on them.
While Sango, Miroku, and Shippou made idle chatter, Kagome sat away from them, her head skyward, looking at the crescent moon. Her eyes reflected the heavens back out of them, as she thought over things.
Why did everything turn out the way it did? She wondered, curling her knees up to her chest. I'veasked that so many times, yet I can never get a clear answer. Thinking of the endless skies, she asked, Was it fate? Or was it because of the choice we made…did it happen because we were in the wrong?
Kagome heard footsteps behind her, and she knew who it was before having to turn around. The scar on her left hand had started to feel warm, responding at being reunited with its partner. Kagome took a small glance at Inuyasha as he sat down next to her. Or…was it something we didn't have any control over?
"Kagome?" Inuyasha asked, concern reflecting in those amber depths.
"What?" she asked, daring to look back at him, their gazes locking, but this time, not holding love. Their eyes both held pain, the suffering they had gone through for many months.
"Kagome, can I ask you something?" The hanyou asked, a little hesitant, but his eyes pleading nonetheless.
Kagome thought she had a good idea of where it was going. "Yeah."
He took a small breath, as if he was nervous about something, and then he replied, "Kagome, how come you're—" He stopped, and decided to rephrase his question, puzzling Kagome more than ever. "Why have you been acting the way you've been for the past three months?"
That caught her by surprise. Suppressing a gasp, she asked, "Wh-what do you—?"
Ever since that morning, this question had been on his mind. "You know what I mean, Kagome." Inuyasha's voice couldn't have been more serious. "Ever since that, you've been pushing me away, you hardly look at me, and…" This was the most painful of them all. "You're not the Kagome I've known for so long. You don't smile, or laugh anymore. I can't stand seeing you like this."
"Inuyasha," she replied, trying to keep calm, despite the pounding in her chest."You know we can't—"
"I know we can't do that Kagome." He said sternly. "But Kagome, you don't have to keep pushing me away when I'm trying to help you." His eyes reflected the pain he had gone through for so long within them. With his right hand, he grasped her left, and it gave them both a small shock when their mating scars met. "Kagome, all I'm doing is trying to help you."
Her eyes flickered from their entwined hands back to his face. Taking a deep breath, Kagome said, "Inuyasha, I thought we had agreed—"
"I know what we agreed, Kagome!" he said, his voice impatient. "I know. I'm not asking for that." He got closer, so close that Kagome's heart began beating faster than normal, herself feeling hot all over. "Kagome…"
No…she thought desperately. I can't…not again!
Suddenly, his arms wrapped around her as he pulled her into a hug, Kagome letting out a gasp as he did so. "Kagome, I want to help you get through this. I want to see you smile again, becase…" he paused. "I need you here to help me through it too."
Kagome's mind was split in two. On one hand, she wanted desperately to hug him back, to say yes and let him embrace her, because she needed his protective embrace. But she still wasn't ready…Inuyasha had said this all too soon. I can't…because…
The crimson eyes flashed in her mind again, along with the insane cackle of joy at suffering. She saw his claws flash downward, and the pain…the pain that injured her soul came back to her. And finally, a flash of pink light, followed by a yelp of extreme pain—
With another gasp Kagome jerked out of Inuyasha's embrace, turning away sharply as she tried to steady her breathing and stop the shaking that had come over her. She saw Inuyasha's hand start to reach out towards her, but then he stopped, pulling back when he saw the depth of her anxiety. "Kagome…" he murmured, imagining what she was going through.
Turning back to him, with tears in her eyes, Kagome replied, "No, Inuyasha…I can't." she started getting up, with Inuyasha jumping to his feet as well.
"Kagome!" he half pleaded, coming towards her, his eyes revealing how much he needed her.
"I'm sorry, Inuyasha." She said, her voice back in monotone, her eyes once again tragic. "I'm sorry for what's going on, but…It's all too soon. I still—" She clenched her hand into a fist and sharply shut her eyes, a sob escaping her as the painful memory came to mind.
Then she turned sharply, and dashed back to the camp, leaving him behind. "Kagome…" he whispered, his heart filled with sorrow at her suffering. She had turned him away, the one man she had claimed to love not that long ago, and the one person who knew, if she opened up to him, could perhaps make her happy again.
Glancing back at the moon, Inuyasha thought. I wish that I could just take away all of her suffering, but…A sigh escaped him. She won't let me.
A/N: You know, someone told me I should write soap operas. I think I'd be good at that, eh?
