Disclaimer- Oh yea, we all know he's mine...ahhh Oka don't shoot me, he's not! Damn lawyers, damn sniper rifles...
http/ -Rin's dress
http/ -Sango's dress
http/ -Kikyo's Dress
http/ -Kagome's dress
Chapter 37- Confessions under a Broken Sky
The cold air that brushed past Kagome's lips as she moved outside did nothing to stop the ache in her heart. She searched around, letting a small frown fall to her face when she didn't see him. But hearing a small set of curses to her right sent her attention that way, and she slowly followed it till she caught site of him.
Inuyasha stared up at the sky in frustration. He hadn't intended to hurt Kagome, but he could feel the pained glanced she sent him when a slow song would come along. Not being able to take it anymore, Inuyasha had to find a way to get away from her looks. To get away from her sadness. So he ran like a coward outside.
It wasn't the right think he could have done, or one of his smartest ideas, but it was a way out. Seeing her in the dazzling outside was enough to make his heart clench in pain. He faced the facts; he couldn't have a relationship with Kagome. Being with Kagome during the summer was what got her into the deadly situations she had been thrown into. How could he ask her to continue to put herself in that danger after summer ended?
And even if he was selfish enough to do it, how would they be when they were pulled out of summer? Would she still want him, or would he just be a summer fling? He highly doubted it; she had said she loved him. But what about how he felt? Would he be able to stay with her? He blinked when the answer shot through his mind.
"I'd never let her go." He whispered, staring out at the stars. He crossed his legs as he smiled slightly at the thought. "She'd never leave my side; I'd like to see the sneaky wench try."
"I hope you're not talking about this sneaky wench." Kagome's breath against his ear sent a small shiver downs his back before he jumped slightly, glancing back at her.
"What are you doing out here!" He shouted, staring at her as she smiled shyly.
"I saw you come out here, I just want to make sure that you're feeling alright." He stared at her for a moment, simply taking in her features. Feeling a slight blush creep up her cheeks as he continued to look, she slowly placed her hand on his forehead.
"What are you doing now?" He asked, staring up at her hand as he shifted his position slightly. She paused before she laughed, pulling her hand away and rubbing it with its companion.
"Nope, you don't have a fever, I was just making sure."
"Why would I, I'm not sick." He snapped out, watching her shrug slightly as she glanced back up at the sky. The silence soon came, and Kagome tried to keep her smile from faltering as she slowly sat down next to him. He glanced at her, staring for a moment as she tried to get comfortable. Finally rolling his eyes, he grabbed her, pulling her onto his lap. She squeaked slightly as she glanced up at him, trying to find his intention. She tried to understand what he wanted from her, but the flash of pain that seeped though his eyes before he blinked was enough to keep her quiet.
"You're wearing a white dress and you decide to sit on grass. Don't be stupid you know that would ruin your dress, even I knew that." He said slowly, causing her to blush slightly before nodding. He could feel the heat on his cheeks when she smiled shyly up at him, but he ignored the feeling as once again his eyes looked up to the painted night sky.
"I'm sorry, I forgot."
"Why are you apologizing to me? Not like it makes a difference in my life, I'm not wearing it." He replied. She nodded as his arms fell around her waist limply, keeping his gaze upwards. She watched him in slight interest as his eyes darted around the sky, the stars playing a game in his gaze.
"You like astronomy?" She asked quietly. His shoulders lifted before sinking back down again.
"I guess you could say that. I'm just more of an outdoors person."
"The night is beautiful, probably the prettiest of times during the entire day." He scoffed slightly as she glanced back down at her, realizing that she now stared at the ground surrounding them instead of the stars.
"You would know, you're the woman after all."
"So? What about me being a girl?"
"Means you're into all that pretty stuff is all." She pulled his ear lightly, earning her a sharp look. "What the hell was that for!"
"That's for making that statement you sexist jerk." He stared at her for a moment before guiltily looking away. Suddenly the mood changed, and the forgotten purpose of her going to find Inuyasha slipped back into her mind. "Inuyasha-"
"We should probably go back." He cut her off quickly, grapping her waist tightly before picking her up off the ground, along with himself. Before he could pull away, she clenched her hands into his shirt.
"Inuyasha, this has to stop. You can't keep avoiding this! You can't keep avoiding me, avoiding us. Tell me why you won't talk to me tonight, out of all the nights!" Her voice rose with anger as she stared up at him, watching his eyes widen in slight surprise. He swallowed deeply as he stared back at her, dark brown eyes coated with unsheathed tears that threatened to roll down her cheeks. His hands tightened on her waist as a sudden urge to protect her surfaced into his chest. But that's what he was trying to do by keeping her at bay. Wasn't he doing the right thing?
"Do you...do you love me?" Inuyasha asked quietly, keeping his eyes from pivoting away from her face.
"Wh-what?" The hue that sprouted to her cheeks as the breath left her body made him draw his own conclusions. Still, he pressed on.
"Kagome, I want to know now if you love me."
"Why are you asking me this now! Out of all the places and times, when I'm supposed to be angry with you! Why now?" She could feel her heart beating fasted as he slid one hand from her waist down to grab her hand, squeezing it lightly. Slowly, she let her fingers entwine with his, glancing down at their joined hands.
"I want to know." He said quietly. As if breaking from a trance, Kagome looked back up at him.
"This is what you want?" She asked. Their voiced seemed to only sink with volume as the continued to talk.
"I just want you know if you love me."
"Yes...I love you Inuyasha." She watched as mixed emotions flooded through him. His body moved back, as if repulsed by her words. But his lips crashed down to meet her mouth in a fiery kiss that made her knees quake. His lips burned against hers, his teeth nipping against her lower lip as his hands gripped her waist tighter. I feel like he's scared I'm lying...Afraid that her word weren't enough for his conscience to accept, Kagome gently gave back his kiss, returning his small bites with her own. She let her unoccupied hand cup his cheek, pressing closer to him.
"God." He murmured as he ripped his mouth away from hers. Her breathing was both erratic and heavy as she stared back at him, watching slight fear fill his facial features. "You love me..."
"I wouldn't lie to you." She said softly. Her eyes closed when he kissed her again, much gentler than the first. Slowly the kiss became nothing more that gentle kisses that would be shared between two children just exploring the opposite sex. Finally Kagome pulled away, glancing up at him. The look he sent her sent a chill down her spine. "Inuyasha, do you love me?"
"Kagome I..." His voice constricted in his throat while his vocals shut down, the end of his sentence fading away into nothing. Still, Kagome looked up at him hopefully.
"You?" She pressed her hand closer to his, swallowing the harsh reality when he looked away from her. His movement crushed her heart as her stomach dropped. Still she kept quiet, barely flinching when he squeezed her hand. He pulled her forwards gently, glancing at the door of the dance before moving towards them.
"Come on, we should probably go back. The others are waiting for us I bet, the dance is probably going to be ending soon." He muttered trying to ignore the sudden burning in his heart. He couldn't tell her the truth it would only hurt her in the end. Now that he knew she loved him his determination to make her life simpler by letting go after tonight only rose.
But they still had the night, tomorrow was still far away. Inuyasha was going to make the rest of the night something she would remember, ever if he could never see her again. He wasn't stupid, and he had easily figured out the Dj liked to play three fast songs before every slow song. He was just ending his third, another slow was some coming. Gently Inuyasha pushed the doors open pulling her to the dance floor.
Tears blurred the inside of her eyelids as she tried to shake off the horrible truth. Inuyasha didn't love her. Inuyasha didn't want her. Inuyasha didn't need her. And Inuyasha defiantly didn't hope to be with her after the summer ended. She was a fool. A fool who had fallen in love with a boy she knew would never want her. And yet, he had kissed her.
As she let him lead her wherever he wanted to go, all the memories of them together flashed through her head. The first time they met. Their secret spot. The fire, the ski lift, her first kiss with him. How he showed her his true self, how she didn't care. How he had fought for her to stay with him, for him. Even the night she almost died, and how he saved her life by putting his own on the line. Just like a camera, the filmed reeled in her thoughts, and as he pulled her closer to him, the screen went blank.
He didn't want to want her; he had tried to make that clear by all of the mean things he had said and done to her. How he had tried to piss her off, and how he made fun of her and called her names. When he ignored her and pretended not to care. How he wouldn't let himself get close to her, even as their lives started to intertwine. So how could she believe that after all the fight, he would give in and want to stay with her? Who was she to ask for the impossible?
"Why are you doing this?" She asked tearfully, slowly closing her eyes as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Even when he broke her heart, she couldn't ignore the need to be closer to him. Her soft sobs ripped at his heart, but he only tightened his hold on her. Turning her head into his shoulder, Kagome let her tears fall, dampening his shirt. She followed his lead slowly, trying to stop the river that broke through her dam. But her eyes only continued to water and tear.
"Kagome please stop crying, I hate your tears." He wanted to make her tears go away. He kissed her cheek, rubbed her back, held her tighter, anything that he thought would make her stop. She looked up at him, obvious that she was holding in her sadness as he leaned down, gently kissing her. Helpless to stop him, Kagome kissed him back, letting him deepen the kiss as her tears came back with a vengeance.
"Why are you kissing me?" She whispered gently as he pulled away. She opened her eyes to watch him, staring up at reflected green sorrow.
"I want you to be happy." He said, smiling weakly. She continued to stare at him when he leaned closer, looking as if he was going to repeat the action before he stopped. "I want...to remember tonight with you. I don't want to remember your tears."
"But..." She sighed as she placed her head on his shoulder, staring at the other on the dance floor and smiling when she caught sight of Sango and Miroku. The two were quietly dancing, Sango occasionally laughing when Miroku would whisper something into her ear. She watched in silence when Sango moved her eyes up to look at Miroku smiling before Miroku leaned down and gently kissed her.
What cut Kagome the most was the look that Miroku gave Sango before he had kissed her. Happiness. How was it that one couple could find it so easily, and yet Kagome couldn't even trace a lead to it? How come when Sango looked up at Miroku, she could smile while Kagome had to wince? Had Kagome done something wrong, did she overstep a line or never even cross it? Or did she just have to look harder to find what she was looking for in Inuyasha's eyes?
"What's wrong?" Glancing up, Kagome searched his eyes for the same emotion that Miroku had kept locked in his when he looked at his loved one. But Kagome's heart only cried out when she only saw his confusion.
"Why can't we be like them?" Her voice was low, sadness weighting it down.
"Be like who?"
"Like...Sango and Miroku, like Kikyo and Kouga, like Rin and Sesshoumaru! Hell, like anyone else who was just happy with what they had and didn't throw it away!" She looked once again. "I want to be happy." Her eyes searched his. "I want to find love." A small break in his eyes. "I want to be with you!"
"What if we're not like them though? What if..." He sighed and shook his head, looking back at Miroku and Sango. "We're different than them, we can't be the same."
"I don't know what you with me anymore." Kagome said slowly. Her hands clenched around his neck before slowly slipping to his chest, weakly pushing away. "I just want to be happy, and if don't want me fine. But don't keep pulling me back to you like I'm your toy or something."
"I don't see you as a toy!"
"Then why won't you let me go!"
"Because I can't!" He shouted, catching the unwanted attention of the couples around him. "Maybe I can't get myself to let you go without losing a part of myself. I can't stand to see you walk away, I hate when you go and leave me. I love kissing you, I get jealous when you're with other men and ma-maybe I do..." His voice wavered at the end of his uncontrollable speech, which only caused a soft reaction from Kagome.
"Maybe you do what?"
"Maybe I do love you." He said quietly, watching her face contort into a sad smile. Gently she pulled away form him, letting her hand slip from his as she did the hardest thing she had yet to face that summer. She stepped away from the only person she wanted to hold onto.
"I can't live with a maybe forever. I want to be with you, I always will. I just can't stand to think of what will happen if you decide that you don't love me, and don't want to stay." Her body cried in protest when she turned from him, and even her heart clenched when she walked away. Pushing open the doors with what little strength she had left, Kagome walked out of the dance and away from every good memory she had at the summer camp she had now called home.
There was nothing she could do but move on. He would never love her, and she could never stay with him when he wasn't sure what he wanted. She wanted to stay, but she couldn't force happiness. She couldn't fake a laugh or pretend to smile, no matter how much she wanted. Taking a deep breath as she walked back to the cabin, she tried to keep herself from falling with the shoes that now felt constricting to her feet. She glanced up at the sky again, but this time, the stars only seemed to be staring down with pity falling behind them.
Scene Change
"Oh Kagome..." Sango whispered gently, watching her friend push out of the door and into the night. Even though she hadn't heard the entire story, she knew what had happened just by the lost look on Inuyasha's face. They had misunderstood each other; something had gone wrong between them.
"What the hell did that idiot do now!" Sango glanced back at Kouga, who was being held back by Kikyo. His lips were pulled tight and thin as his brows furrowed together, glancing back at Sango and Miroku. "Do you guys know what just happened?"
"We're not exactly sure; I can only assume that the two were fighting. We were too far away to hear them anyways." Miroku explained, watching as Kouga threw his hands in the air.
"I knew it. I knew that we shouldn't have let the idiot try to figure this stuff out on his own! I told him not to hurt her, and when I can see are tears coming from her, then we know exactly what happened." Before reason could be pushed into his thick skull, Kouga shook his arm away from Kikyo before making his way towards the still frozen boy. Kikyo sighed as she moved next to the others, staring at her angered boyfriend.
"I swear if I didn't know he loved me I'd be a little worried about how he felt for Kagome." Kikyo said, glancing at the other two before she smiled.
"You don't think that Kouga will really hurt Inuyasha, do you?" Sango asked slowly, glancing around. Taking one good look at Kikyo's uncertain expression was enough to make Sango sigh. "Come on; let's go over there before they start a fight."
"I think they already have started." Miroku said slowly as they began to walk over. Though the music was still playing, the two could clearly be heard to anyone around them. Miroku assumed that was why most people had cleared around them.
"I told you not to hurt her!" Kouga said, growling slightly when Inuyasha looked away from him.
"I didn't mean to hurt anyone, but I'll gladly change my intentions if you keep butting into my problem." Inuyasha said, crossing his arms. Though he tried to glare, the obvious pain he was dealing with still hung in his eyes. Kouga didn't seem to feel pity as he continued to rant.
"Your intentions changed the minute you made her cry. How many times do you want her to cry over you until you realize that she cares about you?"
"You make it seem like I wanted to make her cry! I know what I did, do you think that I feel good about it!" When Kouga didn't respond, Inuyasha fisted his hands. "I care about Kagome more than you'll ever be able to comprehend, so why don't you shut your big mouth and go back with your girlfriend."
"Because my other girl that's a friend is currently walking home, alone, with a messed up heart. And you're sitting here, not doing a damn thing about it. I should have crushed you when I had the chance." Inuyasha continued to glare at the floor before he took a deep breath, calming his nerves. His anger and irrational thinking was what had caught him in the web.
"I told her I could love her." His voice seemed to be stolen in the excitement of the fight, and he was left with just the echo to use. "I told her, and she walked away. And right now I don't feel like listening to your bullshit, saying this was my entire fault." Inuyasha pushed past Kouga, keeping his head down as he walked. All stared at his retreating form, no sound passing their lips as their eyes stayed on him. He didn't seem to notice or care about their looks as he moved out of the dance, silently following the dirt road back to the cabins. He tried to keep his ears from hearing anything as he passed the girls' cabin. No matter what he tried, her soft sobs racking through his head.
He stumbled into his cabin, his eyes closing tightly as he slid down against the door. He tried to move his legs back under him, but his body was too worn out to listen. Letting his head drop to the side, Inuyasha sighed heavily before hitting his head back onto the door, swearing lightly as he opened his eyes. Try as he might, he couldn't stop the unbearable heart ache he felt inside.
Inuyasha did the unthinkable. Balling his hands next to him on the floor, he let his head drop slightly, as if to hide from the truth. Two drops slowly raced down his face, dropping onto the wood floor to stain it.
For once, Inuyasha cried.
Surprise surpise, I actually finished this chapter! Sorry about the wait, but the good news is that I finished this chapter! There is only one more left till the end, I hope you're all ready for it! So anyways, what will Inuyasha do? Will Kagome give him the chance to fix this? Who's going to cry at the end! Maybe even I will, I have been working on this story for a long time! Anyways, I'm planning on having this done by the end of April Vaca, if not sooner...talk to u then!
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