Authors Note: This story wasn't supposed to have a sequel chapter or anything, I just thought it needed one. It occurs with the same events Lily rants about previously, but through James' perspective! I happen to think it's very cute.

Many references were made to my buddys TOTALLY RANDOM AWESOME STORY- If you give James a cookie... - so if you want to know how the whole "cookie" chaos originated, go visit Thegodmachine, because she totally rocks.

Seriously, go read her story or I'll eat it. It includes much of my randomness as well.

Disclaimer- I do not own Harry Potter, and references to other stories are made clear.



Conversations with the Giant Squid- James

Don't you hate it when you wake up assured that the day ahead will be perfect in every way possible, and it most certainly isn't. Usually mornings are horrendous and leave you wanting nothing more then to go back to bed, or to maul the nearest perky person. People just shouldn't be that happy so early… But when you actually are happy, it means danger looms in the distance.

Can't you just see that black cloud drifting closer and closer over the tips of the mountains? Don't let your joy lead you into a false sense of security.

So I woke up on this lovely Saturday feeling refreshed and ready to face the day ahead. I felt awake relatively early, meaning I could get the hot water in the shower. It was bliss knowing that the other guys weren't even awake to steal my towel and taunt me as I frantically tried to stay decent. While I brushed my teeth, I could only laugh as I watched my mate Sirius struggle with his covers, resulting in a harmful falling off bed- only to cleanse himself in the cold water that comes with three previous showerings. But then again , it's quite difficult to sleep past Sirius.

I met up with Remus and Peter in the common room, and we attempted to wait for Sirius to finish up, but soon got tired of waiting- so instead we strolled down to the Great Hall. Yes, when James Potter is in a good mood he strolls.

I didn't even mind it when that creepy cat-girl, Emily, tried to jump onto my back and declare her love for her (Reference to Thegodmachine- If you give a Potter a Cookie...). And that's really saying something.

Sometime during our relaxed gait, Sirius caught up with us and pronounced us all as "bloody wankers"- but I didn't mind that either. Sure, I tripped him on the first chance possible, but only because he was lagging behind our happy trot- because when your happy, EVERYONE has to be happy.

Breakfast was unusually wonderful this morning, and the toast was the best I've ever tasted. It was the perfect combination of light, fluffy bread with melted margarine. Heaven in your mouth is what I call it. Along with some cookies Peter found somewhere, it could count as the best meal ever. (Reference to Thegodmachine- If you give a Potter a Cookie...) Not only because of the chocolate-chip delight, but because today I was assured I would get the girl of my dreams.

I don't ask for much in life. A new racing broom, some Zonko's products, maybe even some nourishment here and there- but what I really want is Lily Evans.

She's the resident Gryffindor 6th year prefect, who is nothing short of perfect. I love the way her dark red hair falls onto her shoulders, framing her face, and the way her deep emerald eyes can always show what emotion she's feeling. I love the way she walks down the corridors with her head held high as she clutches her books for her next class, and I love the way she can imitate a dying duck so wonderfully. That's sheer talent, I happen to know for a fact that dying ducks are very hard to mimic (Reference to Thegodmachine- If you give a Potter a Cookie...).

So there's only one problem stopping me from being with my Lily, but it is only very small. Lily happens to hate me and think I'm an "egotistical, arrogant, selfish, prat", but deep down I know she finds me adorable. Everyone does.

It must be my rugged dark hair that always looks like I've gotten off my broom, and the way I drag my hands through it ever so casually. Maybe it's my stunning good looks and my entrancing hazel eyes. Whatever it is, I'm irresistible.

Then why must Lily resist me!

Not today though, I finally have the way to make her admit her feelings for me. I happen to know that girls love jewelry, and I also happen to know that Lily is of the female species. So Lily plus jewelry equals a happy Lily who would go out with James. It's all a very well thought out plan. On the last Hogsmeade trip I found a magnificent emerald ring in a fancy shop that sells those sort of things. I really really don't shop in those places often, seriously. Usually I'm at the Quidditch store fantasizing about the newest model of broom. The new Cleansweep is luscious, no matter what Sirius says.

Anywho, something compelled me to go into the dainty feminine store- so I did. That's when I saw the lovely-Lily-ring. I bought it with the intention of giving it to her when we were going out/married, just in case I forgot her birthday or something. That way, I'd always have backup.

But this morning seemed like the perfect opportunity to confess my love to her and give her the ring. I had the whole scene planned out in my head- I would sweep her off of her feet during breakfast and tell her in front of the whole school how she was the only girl for me. As I said these words, most of the girl population would faint, or run off crying. Lily, in turn, would throw her arms around me and admit to hiding her growing emotions about me, and then we would end in a passionate snogging session. Somehow in the middle of all of that I would slip the ring onto her finger- thus making her my girlfriend.

Of course, I told the Marauders this on the way to breakfast, which caused the immediate taunting and question of masculinity that I had to face. Sirius dissolved into a fit of manly giggles when he found out, and told me I had to be crazy- because Lily would rather date the squid, and that's a direct quote. Remus sympathetically patted me on the back, telling me that I need to find a new girl to stalk. Peter stumbled, but recovered and offered me a cookie. That boy always has cookies on him…

So even though the toast was extra-yummy for breakfast, I still had to sit with the growing anticipation that maybe Lily wouldn't like my love profession. What if she just laughed at me, what if it made her hate me more, what if she doesn't like huge public displays like that?

All of these thoughts running through my head caused me to panic and form a new plan, a more discret plan.

Slipping the ring into her morning pumpkin juice seemed much more safe at the time. Little did I know that Lily is incredibly paranoid about objects in her liquids.

And it turns out she does enjoy huge public displays, as on discovery of the lovely-Lily-ring she jumped from her seat and screeched. That Marlene girl who is always with her seemed to be frantically trying to calm her down, but to no avail. The way to know if Lily means business is to just look in her eyes, if they seem almost reddish- then it's time to get out of her way. That's the glint she gets every time I ask her out, but it has to be a coincidence. Anywho, Lily marched over to my section of that table with that possessed glare in her eye- for all I know, she is possessed- and began her oh-so-common rant of how I was just an arrogant pig who she would never go out with. Same old, same old. She then proceeded to pour my morning pumpkin juice down my front, and snatching away the delicious piece of toast I was about to devour. The nerve of her. By now everyone was gawking at us, most likely amazed at her ability to turn me down.

It ended the same as they always do, she huffed away with her friends close behind, and I'm left to wallow in my rejection. But if you have to wallow, why not do it and enjoy it as well?

So that is why I am currently wallowing on the bank of the lake, watching the little ripples that form when something moves on the surface of the water. It may be a rather pathetic display, but I feel rather pathetic. I should have never trusted today when I discovered that the house elves left us a new non-crusty tube of toothpaste, because I really do hate that film that forms on the tip.

Sitting here is proving to be rather dull, even if I am supposed to be depressed. And watching those annoying third years throw moldy bread at Joshua is only proving to annoy me more then they are.

He has feelings too, if they don't realize, and I don't think they would like it if I started pelting old pieces of bread at them. Joshua should pelt them right back, but he doesn't have any backbone- symbolically and literally. That bloody squid needs to show them who's boss, and show that it will not stand to have food thrown in its general direction.

So I gave the squid a name, I come here often enough that we got to know each other. This is where I come after Lily puts me down. It's usually quiet (if you ignore the bread-pelting third years) and no one questions you about it. The lake is a popular spot to think and philosophize about your place in the world, or maybe the meaning of life. I'd figure out my place if I wasn't trying to figure out girls.

That dim light that can only mean the evening is coming, and the bread-pelters seem to have gotten bored with bread-pelting and are heading back into the castle. Plus, it's getting chilly out here. Maybe the new cold is symbolic for my crummy mood. Maybe the darkness is a sign to show I'll always be alone, and I should get used to it. Maybe I can end my pain and suffering by throwing myself into the lake besides Joshua.

No, that would be too angsty. If I have to die, I'd rather die in some heroic way- such as a pirate invasion on Hogwarts, or a freak Quidditch accident that still resulted in my team winning. But that still doesn't change the fact that I'm sitting alone outside on a Saturday night, and not on a date with Lily Evans.

"I just don't get it…"

I think I'm beginning to lose my sanity as well if I think I just said what I think I just said. Which is "I just don't get it"- true, I don't get it, but talking to myself isn't going to help anything.

I swear I here something from behind me, like movement of some sort. Watch it be those third years again, done with pelting bread and back to laugh at my insanity. Insensitive arses, is what they are. Unemotional buttocks. Cruel behinds. Sickening derrieres.

Perhaps coming up with butt references isn't helping much either. Or it could be helping loads and I'm just too stupid to realize it. I must not realize a lot of things. Mainly about Lily.

"I try so hard."

Shut up, mouth! Must you vocalize my thoughts at all possible moments! It's bloody irritating after awhile. Yup, those third years are definitely having a good snicker about this. It's probably very hilarious actually, so I'll refrain from turning around and body slamming them to the ground. That might be considered assault too.

Joshua seems to be getting bored of my mind-ranting, as he is showing signs of impatience. Squids are never very good in that area, I have found. Neither are squirrels for that matter. I tried to talk to the one that likes to hang around the beech tree- I even named it Ducky- but it just wasn't the same.

"I just love her so much, you know?"

Okay, I'm seriously mental. I wasn't even thinking about Lily at that moment and I said something about her. Unless I'm secretly in love with Ducky and don't know it. Hopefully not, as I don't think my parents would approve of my marriage to a squirrel. An impatient squirrel at that.

"But I won't give up."

Really, I need to know what I won't give up on. Ducky, or Lily? They both prove to be hard to talk to. I'm sure I could win over Duck if I just dangled a peanut or something in front of his face, but that might not work on Lily. Or it might, I'll have to try sometime.

"I'll get my Lily someday, you'll see."

Yeah! I will get my Lily someday! The peanut will work, and she'll fall in love with me, and we'll get married and have adorable Quidditch playing babies! And the first thing I do after I have her, is bring her to this very lake and boast to Joshua.

You see, he has never had much faith in the cause.

Oh Merlin! Those third years that were giggling from behind as they witnessed my growing insanity have taken to hostility! And to improving their wrestling skills! Strong little buggers, they are. I swear I didn't have that much force when I was 13. Unless this is some new mutant breed of third years. I think they may be after my soul, but I'm not quite sure.

Or it could be Lily running up to snog be ferociously after hearing my love confession to Joshua.

That works too…

Hopefully she's not after my soul as well.


Authors Note: Reading this actually caused me to laugh. But that could just be me.

Pleeeeeeeeease review.

I'll love you forever.

And if you don't- I'll unleash those rabid third years on you.