-๑-๑ ๑- Chapter 32: Tomorrow, Izaya -๑ ๑-๑-

Ahhhh- what was he doing? Seriously, just what- Bed squeaking softly and the mattress giving off that squishy scream of protest the raven let himself slump inside his bed. He was very much awake, but ahh his mind was somewhere far far away as he looked up at his ceiling.

It had been cold outside and yet he just felt so warm.

He knew getting involved with Shizu-chan was a bad idea, he knew even while Shizuo had been really understanding before, that he wasn't going to let this matter slide so easily. He was like a dog that had picked up on a scent and now knew how to follow its lead.

There were surely going to arise more situations like the one today, more unnecessary fights because Izaya just didn't want the blond to be this close.

…. so why was he so goddamn happy acting the most irrational and illogical?

Rolling on his side the raven sighed softly.

Okay, so this was the worst outcome statistically speaking, logically speaking, it was exactly the opposite of what Izaya should be doing- but fuck.

Letting his eye´s sight travel through the room he couldn't stop his mind from travelling back to the day before.

Being at Shizu-chan´s place, talking, just fooling around some- and then those kisses.

One after the other- just thinking about it made the raven … miss the blond. He wanted to see him. Feel him, those strong arms that had hugged him earlier had felt good to a degree he didn't even know was possible.

Was this… what love was like? Did Shizu-chan feel the same way whenever they touched? Feeling the heat raise to his cheeks the raven couldn't help but feel a grin spread over his lips- fuck. He felt so giggly and happy inside- this was what Shizu-chan felt like, right? It wasn't only him right?

He was asking the questions in his head, but honestly they were no questions, he knew, he knew from the way Shizu-chan looked him in the eyes and from the things he said and did and ahhh-

This was a first for the raven. He had never felt this way before. He couldn't control his emotions- it was somewhat terrifying to be submitted to them to this degree, but also so heavenly addicting.

"Izaya." Jerking harshly the raven's eyes snapped back open-

Cold.

Harsh.

Like a slap his name was ringing in his ears as his eyes shot to the door. He was standing there, Izaya hadn't noticed him at all.

Palms tightening on the mattress the raven swallowed.

"Dad-" but the man wasn't even going to let the raven ask his question.

"What was this about?" Cold and quiet the words tore through the comforting silence, turning it into something frightening and tense.

"What do you mean?" Izaya didn't know what to do, or how to react- it was weird because usually his father never came to his room- not up here- he would rather call him down, yell from afar and make Izaya walk the distance on his own.

Why did he do that? Why go the extra effort?

It was unsettling him deep to the core.

"You think I didn't see?" he suddenly questioned only meeting confusion in response however- Izaya didn't know what the man was talking about, he seriously didn't know- usually it were minor reasons, something he said, something he did but now alone in his room what could he possibly have done wrong? His eyes were wide, a soft frown dipping them into panic as his brain was going crazy trying to come up with what it was that ticked his father off.

"No, no I didn't I-," Izaya didn't know what it was that his father had seen what it could possibly be that he was mad about- and suddenly the man stepped closer. Flinching hard the raven's palms on the mattress turned into tight fists, clenching that soft fabric underneath his touch for dear life.

Tensing Izaya's eyes fixated the floor, not daring to raise his head and meet his father´s eyes.

"So you are sorry?" "Embarrassing me like that, what do you think people will think huh?" the man spoke, low, soft and slow. "Do you want to make fun of me?"

And suddenly the man moved, his arms motioning towards the raven-

"No- no I swear I don't-" the raven quickly replied, not knowing what it was the man was talking about still, panic was reflecting in his eyes the moment before he closed them, expecting to be hit, to feel that all too familiar fist or grasp of his father once more- but to his surprise it was not his head that was met with his father palm.

Instead he suddenly found his wrist harshly tugged forward, almost making him fall off the bed.

Glancing up with trembling hands Izaya swallowed, expecting to be hit, kicked, thrown to the ground, but his father did not- no.

There was just this glance of pure hatred reflected in his eyes as he glared from above.

"Having fun in front of my house with some guy, just how much more of a disappointment can you become?" he spat with disgust, his stare hard and unforgiving.

And in Izaya's mind it finally clicked.

Shizu-chan. He was talking about Shizu-chan.

About the hug- maybe even then kiss- he had seen them, he-

Moving down the raven flinched violently, his eyes snapping shut in reflex as he expected for his punishment to start any second now. Considering what his father had seen there was no way he was going to get out of this unscathed.

There was no way he-

"Tomorrow."

One word.

It was just that.

One word.

Nothing else.

The tight grip his father´s cold hand had had on the raven´s wrist loosened and suddenly it was just gone.

"... what?" feeling his voice die in his throat the raven looked at the man that was now turning around and walking towards the door.

"Make sure you are home one time and don't you dare be a second late," he hissed, and with that… he was gone.

The door closed again and izaya was left in the dark room he had been sitting in before.

Just like that.

He was alone again.

Tomorrow?

Izaya didn't know what was happening.

What did that mean? Why did he not hit him, kick him?

Tense and cold his hands suddenly started to shake. Why tomorrow?

His expression churned and a familiar sting filled his eyes as he tried to just not choke on this suffocating feeling that was suddenly crushing his throat. Why tomorrow?

His father had never postponed punishment, he had always acted in the heat of the moment, he wasn't the type to waste any time getting rid of the rage he felt towards Izaya.

They were alone at home, the siblings were already asleep, his mother was still away on her business trip- there was nothing that could have possibly kept his father from beating the shit out of him, so why?

Why not now?

Why tomorrow?

The word tasted like hot iron against his tongue and a feeling of nausea welled up within the raven.

His guts were churning at what was going to come, just what his father was thinking of doing tomorrow.

Fuck-

Fuck, he felt so fucking nauseous.

So cold.

Pulling his legs up the raven wrapped his arms around them, trying to stop the shaking, stop the tremors that were wracking his body, stop his thoughts that were starting to picture the worst kind of things-

"It's okay" A shaky breath escaped his lips, "It's okay," like a chant softly, and quiet the words dripped from his lips, falling to the ground like a fragile drop of glass, bursting in this awful silence.

So quiet.

So calm, breaking upon meeting the floor.

Tomorrow was just going to be another one of those days.

Izaya was used to it already, that's right.

Just because his father postponed it didn't mean it was going to be worse or anything.

"It's okay," his breath was choking and his fingers grip tightening on his pants

Tomorrow he would just go to school-

Like usual-

Hey, he would even get to meet Shizu-chan again, before-

Before-

A sharp breath tore the silence and the many tears that had gathered in his eyes finally spilled from his lashes as his eyes squeezed shut in frustration,"It's okay- It's okay," it was just a beating, what was he so afraid of? It was just that.

Just a little bit of pain again.

It was just that.

Just that.

But the tremors didn't stop- the tears didn't cease, he couldn't.

He was just so lost. So frustrated. So alone.

Like a bar of iron the burden on his shoulder crushed him from within.

Not knowing what was going to happen was worse than actually getting beaten.

Maybe that's why he did it, maybe his father just wanted to see him suffer- but he had never done these kind of things.

He wasn't the type to play games, he was the type to take the game and throw it into a corner while laughing as it fell apart and crushed to the floor.

Why did it have to be him? Just … why? What had he done wrong in his life? What was so wrong that he deserved to be treated like this?

It was his father, he was crazy, he had always been-

Why? Just why? The question kept going in circles inside his mind as the raven tried to calm down. Maybe it was because of the happiness he had felt earlier that this blow felt so much harsher than the usual bits of reality.

Maybe it was because of the undefined threat that was the lack of knowledge about what was going to happen.

He didn't know how long he sat there, on his bed, his back leaning against the wall, trying to figure out just what exactly his father´s intents were.

But he had to have fallen asleep somewhere along the way because the moment he remembered next he opened his eyes and his room was lit.

The hot feeling of a pillow fold having pressed itself into his cheek greeted him gently as he lifted his head. He must have fallen asleep.

All while still wearing the clothes he had worn the way before even.

Casting a glance around his room he spotted a clock next to his desk. Ah.

Seemed he woke up just a few minutes before his alarm was supposed to go off.

A usual day was awaiting him, one like every other of the year- except for what was waiting for him once he got back home from school.

Swallowing the ball of nausea that returned all too gladly at the thought the raven dragged himself out of bed.

School.

School first, he tried to avoid thinking about what was going to happen. Tried to distract himself.

No matter what it was that his father had in store for him, he wasn't going to find out anytime soon- what if he didn't find out at all?

He had been about to slip out of bed, get ready for school, but the idea that struck his mind made him pause for a moment.

What if he just didn't come home?

Conflicting thoughts were clashing inside the raven´s head as the tempting option of just getting out of here crossed his mind. He could. Hypothetically speaking nothing was keeping him here, he knew Shinra would let him stay, once he told him about everything that had happened, the reasons behind all his visits in the past, he would let him stay without a second thought. He could still go to school, never would have to go back home, never would have to face his father again- and yet…

He couldn't.

He knew he couldn't do that.

Mairu and Kururi- just thinking about the two of them tore his heart apart. They were so small, what if his father decided to focus his anger in their direction? He didn't want them to suffer the same fate.

No.

If his father´s anger was going to be directed towards his siblings instead he would rather stay and take what the man had to offer.

Heh…

Swallowing the raven got up. He felt like a puppet. Empty, shallow, steered by someone else. He couldn't do what he wanted- not without seeing the people he loved and cared about suffer.

He was free to leave, free to run and yet he was trapped in a net of strings.

His father in the form a huge black spider waiting, smirking in a corner waiting for the right moment to set his terrifying legs into motion. And Izaya? Izaya could just watch. Couldn't flee.

Shouldering his bag the raven left his room- silence was the only thing greeting him as they house was empty. Mairu and Kururi had already left- his father as well.

He was alone.

Down the stairs- his face was reflecting the past night, pale and void of emotions as he opened the door- and realized he wasn't as alone as he thought after all.

"Morning, flea." Shizu-chan was there.

Leaning on the fence a scarf had been wrapped around his neck and was dangling from his shoulder. Tiny puffs of air were leaving his mouth as he straightened himself, obviously having waited here for a while. Izaya couldn't do anything but stare for a moment.

He was- happy? Was he happy? He didn't know. He didn't know what to do with all these emotions swirling inside his head. His father's words were still ringing all too loudly inside his ears- but so were Shizu-chan´s. The day before, the way they had parted- "You intending to keep standing there like frozen?" the words snapped the raven out of his thoughts and he closed the door he had been holding onto.

… something was off about the flea. Shizuo noticed so the instant he laid eyes upon his features.

Dark circles were decorating his eyes and redness was marking his skin. … did he cry?

He seemed troubled. Terribly apathetic even.

Shizuo didn't know whether the flea had even noticed, but he hadn't said a single word yet. Closing the door he came over, joined the blond.

And Shizuo started to walk.

Hands stuffed inside his pockets left and right he kept glancing at the flea, waiting for some kind of input, but he was just so damn quiet.

"Hey," stopping in his walk the blond turned to the flea. "... are you okay?"

Nothing.

A blank expression met Shizuo´s- Izaya´s lips parted for just a moment, seeming like he wanted to say something, but they closed again almost instantly. His brows dipped into a frown as he closed his eyes momentarily.

"Of course."

A lie.

It was obviously a lie.

"I'm not quite sure why you are even here though," the raven continued, but despite having asked a question the blond couldn't help but feel like the flea wasn't interested in his answer at all.

And he was right.

Izaya couldn't even be less interested in why the blond was here. He was sort of happy, yes. It was a warmly welcomed distraction from what was waiting for him after school, but apart from that Izaya couldn't muster any resources to deal with the blond.

"The real reason?" he heard the blond asked and shrugged in response.

"Preferably, yes?" He was tired, tired of trying to come up with options and reasons why the blond was doing what he was doing. So the answer he got surprised him so much more.

"So that the creep won't bother you again." Right. Hahhh… his father- he had forgotten about it already. That guy. That creep his father had supposedly sent. Why had he been there? An awful connection formed inside Izaya's head. Today. His father had said he was going to be punished today.

Was that guy somehow related to this? A scorching hot feeling was taking over his mind and the soft sound of a high pitched noise ruled his ears.

As if he were on autopilot the answer to Shizu-chan´s questioned slipped from his lips.

"He won't appear again." It was a lie obviously, he had no idea who that guy was, what he wanted, if he was going to return or not. But this was Shizu-chan, and he couldn't risk him finding out what was going on.

"That's good," Shizuo sighed, relief causing his frowns to ease up a bit. He was still worried about the flea, but if at least that guy wasn't going to bother him again then he had at least one thing less to worry about.

Casting a glance to the side his hand found its way to his neck. There was a reason he had been waiting for the raven in front of his house. Not just to make sure that he wasn't bothered by that weirdo again, no…

Yesterday, after that kiss, that hug- he had felt so close to the flea. Closer than ever and yet he didn't know just what this was- what they were. And he had made a decision.

"Say… do you remember the night we had the drinking duel?"

to be continued~

oh- oh my- I am actually alive? Yes! Yes my friends I am! xD Sorry for taking god damn forever- seriously- this time I really hit a new record and I'm not proud of it T^T

I have to set my longest date for updating to 4 months TAT I'm sorry guys OAO Honestly, really, I will never take this long again holy fuck-

For everyone who wonders or who missed my little notes, during this time I have had an operation that rendered me immobile for a month, moved into my own apartment, university started, I got a new job (my first job yay xD) and I'm also nearly done with my book x'DDDD

That's about all that happened the past 4 months lol C':

I took quite a while trying to get my daily life organized lol xD

But now I have a fixed schedule for uni, work and free time and I set some time aside that will be used for writing everyday~ C;

About every update is already started, halfway done or almost completed xD You can look forward to new chapters x'D Finally xDDD

Well then, with that being said the next bcd chapter will be up on 1st November 2018 C: and YES this time I will be on time x'D

Also I want to thank all the dear cookies that kept leaving me reviews/ messages while I was gone naw 3

Cizinek: thank chu naw 3 sorry for taking so long, your patience is amazing gosh

witagowtama: ... haha, uh well- that asshole of an excuse of a father did in fact something worse than usual xD and oh my if you knew what exactly he has in store for izzy ... next chapter will get pretty interesting C:

Fiery Wings: ahhhhhh - x'D you were already waiting a long time for the last update and now, now I took even longer TAT I´m so sorry naw 3 This time i will definitely not take even a day longer than my anticipated update date xD

Unknown: aww I hope chu are better by now honey 3 you always support me so much jeez, guess it´s tme for me to dig out my dedication again so I actually deserve all that affection xD

Guest 2: xD haha mini spoiler ahead- this "day" is the day where shit is gonna go down xD Once izaya reaches home, wll, let´s just say shit will seriously go down oh my xD