Chapter 1: Morning
Kurt was asleep in bed with his alarm set for 6:00 AM. He was abruptly awoken, but found that it was not because of his alarm. Logan was standing over him, grinning. "Time to get up, Elf. There's a training session in the Danger Room after breakfast, so we're all getting up extra early today."
Kurt glanced over at his clock which read 4:17 AM. He groggily moaned, "Yes sir," and, with a puff of smoke and a flash of red light, he teleported.
"Now where'd he get off to?" Logan asked himself, his grin changing into puzzled expression. A second later, a shriek emanated from the bathroom down the hall, followed by two loudly yelled apologies. Another second later, Kurt reappeared in front of Logan.
"Uh, heh heh…" Kurt stammered with an embarrassed, lopsided smile, "I'll… knock next time."
"Do that," Logan said, scowling.
Kurt got dressed and walked into the hall. He saw Logan walking into the next bedroom to tell his news. He guessed that either the professor wasn't awake to telepathically pass the message, or Logan just wanted the pleasure of seeing the looks on the students' faces when they heard it.
As Kurt walked down the hall to the dining room, he bumped into Rogue. "Hey, watch it!" Rogue said, "Do you wanna fall into a coma or something?"
"Oh, sorry. I didn't see you," Kurt said as they continued walking, "So, did you get a visit from Logan too, or are you always up this early?" he asked.
"Oh yeah, Ah heard alright, but Ah've got different plans."
Kurt let out a sigh, and added, "I know where this is going."
"C'mon, Ah just want you to teleport me to the mall," she pleaded, "then Ah can walk to school from there."
"Uh, no. No. I'm not going to do it. I just got off probation, and I'm not going back."
"Pleeease? Ah don't think Ah can live through another one of Logan's sessions."
"No."
Disappointed, Rogue walked off with her head down, which must have mustered some fragment of sympathy (and stupidity) deep down inside Kurt. "OK, I'll do it, but I know I'm going to regret it," Kurt said, rolling his eyes.
"Ah knew Ah could count on you!" Rogue exclaimed, and hugged Kurt.
When they reached the dining room, Kurt started setting the table. The other X-Men were babbling useless conversation at each other. Kitty was sucking down milk straight from the jug right in front of everybody in spite of the fact that she had strep throat. Jean was serving the food with her mind powers because she was too lazy to do it herself.
After a minute or two, everybody quieted down and started to eat. Professor X telepathically asked Scott, who was sitting right across from him, to pass the orange juice. Scott sighed at the professor's laziness, and did so.
"So, how do you all like the pancakes?" Kitty asked, looking around eagerly, "I made them from scratch." There was sudden silence, and all at the table started looking at the person next to them, waiting for someone to say something.
Finally, Storm spoke up, "They have a very… interesting texture." She didn't want to hurt Kitty's feelings, so she forced herself to take a bite of the pancake on her plate. When she did so, she chewed into something that tasted like paper and had a texture resembling that of a stale cookie.
"I'm glad you like them," Kitty said, smiling brightly and oblivious to the fact that nobody else had even touched their pancakes, "because I want to make them tomorrow morning too. I was also thinking of baking a cake tonight!"
The X-Men kept straight faces, but inside, they were crying.
Scott couldn't resist any longer; he had to ask a question that had been boiling inside him for years. He knew the professor might find it offensive, but he didn't care. "Professor," he started "why do you wear that blanket over your legs?" The professor started to fluster. Scott continued, "Is it like me wearing my glasses? Are your mind powers going to break loose if you don't wear that blanket?"
"No," the professor replied as he wheeled himself to the front of the room, "X-Men, I have a confession to make. I wear this blanket because… because… I... can't put on my own pants." The professor paused as the X-Men's faces all froze and, jaws dropping, stared at him.
"Not even your underwear?" Evan asked. Scott, his jaw dropping further, turned and looked at Evan in surprise.
"No. Not even my underwear."
"OK, I have totally lost my appetite," Kitty said as she slung her backpack over her shoulder and walked towards the elevator leading to the Danger Room with a disgusted expression on her face.
"I'd… like to be alone now," the professor said as he started to leave the room, "I believe it's time for your training session now."
After everyone had cleared the table, they all started walking single file to the Danger Room. "Man! Kitty lost her appetite?" Evan said to Kurt, "I almost puked when I took a bite of those pancakes."
"Yeah I know," Kurt agreed, "do you think we should tell her?"
"We?" Evan asked, "If anyone's telling her, it's gonna be you. She's your friend."
"True," Kurt reluctantly agreed, "Uh… look, Rogue and I forgot something in the dining room. We'll be right back." Kurt and Rogue walked back down the hall and waited 'til they were out of sight, then they carried out Rogue's plan.
Evan continued walking and caught up to Jean. "Hey, where's Scott?" Evan asked.
"Oh, he had to pick up something at the mall, so he left early during breakfast," Jean answered.
During the Danger Room session, Evan was trying to look all cool and stuff by jumping off of a ramp with his skateboard, executing an off-axis aerial while grabbing the tail of his board just so he could shoot a spike at some far away target. Unfortunately, the spike grazed one of the X-Men instead.
"Spyke," Logan yelled angrily over the intercom, "you failed! First, if that spike had been off by even a little bit more, you could have impaled your teammate. Second, If you hadn't been tryin' to look like Tony Hawk out on the battlefield, this probably wouldn't have happened."
"Awww man!" Evan moaned.
"You don't say 'awww man' to me, punk. You say 'yes sir.' For your disrespect, you're gonna wax the X-Jet after school."
"Man! This burns," Evan said under his breath.
"What was that?" Logan inquired.
"Uh, I mean… Yes sir."
"That's what I thought you said."
Scott walked into the Danger Room with Kurt and Rogue following behind. "Look who I found playing hooky at the mall," Scott yelled to Logan, shoving Kurt and Rogue to the front of him.
"Well, looky here," Logan said, putting on his grin, "the brother-sister hooky team. Well, everyone, you don't have to worry about today's session being cut short by Spyke. Kurt and Rogue have made sure we have an extra session tonight." This announcement was followed by a chorus of complaints, moans, and groans. Logan continued, turning to Kurt and Rogue, "And after the session, you can both spend some quality time together while you wax the X-Jet with Evan."
