-๑-๑ ஜ ๑- Chapter 33: Lies -๑ ஜ ๑-๑-
The night of the drinking duel? As if Izaya could ever forget about that.
"Yeah-" he said although hesitantly. "You won if you remember the outcome of that evening." What was the blond trying to do? Or achieve?
Asking this, right now, right here-
Usually Izaya's mind would be generating options one after the other, trying to be prepared for whatever the blond was going to throw at him. But right now he just couldn't muster the concentration necessary to do so.
And so the blond continued and the roller coaster rushed downwards.
"Yeah, but I wasn't talking about that." Like a slap the reason the blond was bringing this up now hit the raven- although too late. "I'm talking about what happened after that."
He was talking about the end of the evening, about their drunk night, about how they had gotten so much closer than they had ever expected to.
"… Shizu-chan I was drunk of my ass," the raven quickly responded, hoping he could stop the blond, "I would have done that with anyone, it wasn't anything special-"
But the blond interrupted him.
"For you it wasn't maybe, but for me."
No.
No.
No.
Don´t say it-
Izaya wanted to revert time, or maybe just pause the flow, just for a little until he had come up with a solution for this mess. But Izaya owned no special powers and so he was left to stand there and watch the blond as he said the words the raven dreaded.
"It might sound stupid to say it now, but… I like you."
Silence.
The flea didn't say anything, instead he was just staring at the blond. Wide eyed.
Only slowly his lips moved.
"Like as in-" he suddenly mumbled and the blond felt his stomach sink as the raven´s lips curled into a smirk.
All of a sudden.
Without reason. Or at least none the blond could understand.
"You?" Izaya repeated, his voice suddenly steady again, but so cold, stoic while pointing at himself. "Me?" And then he just laughed- laughed as though he had heard the funniest joke in a long time.
Feeling a hint of nausea and anger well up inside his chest the blond´s expression turned into a frowning one.
"I'm not joking," he started, wanted to express his feelings properly, because he knew the flea felt the same, he just knew it- or not.
Because the flea´s next words just crushed his hopes right then and there.
"Sorry, but I don't feel the same if you didn't notice."
Just like that.
Those words, so cruel, so harsh they dropped from his lips with so much ease it just hurt. The flea didn't seem to intend to waste any more time on this topic either as he just walked past the blond that had stopped in his walk. "See you at school."
And with that he was just … gone.
Quick, sharp and cold the words had hurt the blond in a way he hadn't expected.
Just like those blades of his that used to cut the blond´s skin.
Hah…
A bitter smile that never reached the blond´s eyes crawled upon his features.
He should have known.
He was stupid to confess in the first place.
Izaya didn't hold any feelings for him after all.
He didn't.
Hah.
But that wasn't the truth- a fact that was known by no one but the raven however as his lungs burned. Running, running like he felt he never had before he dashed through the streets. The fear and panic of Shizu-chan having seen through his lies, of having seen right through him and following him was driving him to do so.
Run.
Run.
Run until his legs couldn't hold up anymore.
Turning into a corner the raven´s palms met his knees as he hunched over and gasped for air.
I think I like you.
Tears.
Sorry but I don't feel the same if you didn't notice.
Fast, like a river´s stream they were flowing from his eyes, covering his cheeks with the salty liquid.
He had felt so happy when Shizu-chan said that- his heart had skipped a beat-
And yet-
Choking on tears the raven tried to calm down the storm of feelings inside his chest. The sadness, the fear-
He couldn't tell the blond the truth. That he felt the same. Not after what happened the day before. Not after he was reminded in an all too horrifying manner just what he was, who was in control of his life. Not after his father found out.
Shizu-chan wasn't stupid. He would find out if they dated.
Maybe not right away, maybe it would take a long while even, but he wasn't stupid. He would notice something was off, something concerning the raven's home.
It was too risky.
The fear he felt for his father was outweighing the love he felt for the blond.
It was bitter.
But it was the truth- the undeniable truth.
Because even now, after having declined the blond´s feelings and denied his own the panic he felt deep within his core didn't settle down. The opposite, now that not even Shizu-chan was there anymore to distract him it was growing in intensity.
The fear of what was going to happen once he was home. What his father had in store for him.
And the fear accompanied him like an angel of death on his way to school. Like a puppet he was moving, pushing on, convincing himself that he had taken the right decision.
And the feeling in his gut was suppressed, tried to be ignored, at least during those next few hours. The few he had before he got home and met his father´s rage at least.
Shinra on the other hand was having a quite usual day. Entering his classroom one of the broadest smiles was decorating his expression as he thought of what was waiting for him in the afternoon~! A date! With his beloved Celty!
Well it wasn't an actual day per se, but she had agreed to go out with him for a walk, now if that wasn't romantic then he didn't know what could possibly be.
Grinning he walked towards his desk, the one in the very back of the class right next to the window- it wasn't too far to lose track over what was happening in class, but far enough to be able to do whatever he wanted without being noticed.
And yet upon sitting down on his chair a certain blond entered the classroom that nearly screamed for Shinra´s attention.
Angry.
Upset- not in a good mood at least, it was Shizuo who had entered the class. The other students within the classroom instantly scurried away, making room for the possible source of danger and violence. Usually they weren't this afraid of their classmate, after all Shizuo was quite peaceful as long as the flea wasn't around. But today his glance was just especially intimidating.
Pushing his chair back with something that almost sounded like a growl the blond slumped down in his seat right in front of Shinra´s.
It was somewhat odd- usually Shizuo would be like this right after a fight with Izaya. A few hours had already passed, however, and Shinra didn't hear of any fights occuring in between. And really, every single time those two were each other the whole school would know about it.
On second glance Shinra noticed one more thing. Shizuo didn't exactly seem to be angry, maybe a little, but more like-... sad?
Frowning deeply the blond leant back in his chair as he let his eyes trail to the window.
The teacher had already entered class, but he didn't really give a fuck about that.
This morning´s events were still weighing too heavy on his chest.
He had walked to school, tried to think back and find out just where- where had he gone so wrong?
Izaya had kissed him before, he had come over to his place- just the way the flea had acted had seemed so real, so genuine, he would have never guessed that he was just playing one of his games after all.
He knew Izaya just played him, he knew it, and he was angry at himself for not realizing, but at the same time he was even more angry because he just couldn't accept that fact as the truth it was already.
He had seen the flea, two times since morning.
On the corridor, on the training ground.
Both times their glances met. Izaya had told him how he felt about the blond.
And yet- the way Izaya looked at him still didn't seem like a joke to him at all.
He didn't know what to think of him. He didn't know how to face him either.
After all, just because the flea played with him, treated him cruel like this, didn't mean Shizuo´s feelings were going to disappear just like that.
He had fallen for the flea.
For that shitty louse.
"Hey shizuo, where is Izaya?" Jerking his head up the blond frowned into the direction of the future doctor. For a moment he wanted to ask the brunette what the hell he was thinking he was doing, standing next to his desk in the middle of the lesson, but then he realized that it was actually break time again already.
… he didn't even realize.
Sighing softly the frown on his face only deepened at the question.
"Avoiding me," he uttered under his breath as he got up from his chair.
Perplexion reflected in Shinra´s expression at the response.
"Eh?" Avoiding?
The smile Shinra had been wearing dropped as he realized how defeated the blond´s voice sounded as he said that. Stepping out of class Shinra followed the blond on his way. He had no idea where he was going, but like this it almost seemed as if he were trying to run. As if he didn't want to talk about what happened.
And that was really odd considering the blond always ranted to Shinra about the flea.
"Wait, what happened?" he questioned, walking next to the blond now trying to keep up with his fast steps.
"I told him I love him." Short, cold, the words dropped from the blond´s lips as though he had just stated common sense.
Stopping short the brunette took a moment to blink and let the information sicker in.
"Wait, you did what?" he mumbled, although not too loud. If anything his voice was so quiet Shizuo wouldn´t even have heard him if he had been whispering them right next to his ear.
A deep frown decorated Shinra´s expression as he caught up again to the blond. "What did he say?" Because from what Shinra saw so far Shizuo was in a really low mood- which could only mean something bad happened.
But- how even?
Shinra had seen the way Izaya acted, he had seen the two kiss. He had been more than just sure that Shizuo´s feelings were going to be returned by the raven, so why?
"Well what do you think?" the blond mumbled low, not exactly making the brunette any wiser.
"That he loves you back and now you are a lovey dovey couple?" Shinra said provocatively, already knwoing that this was not what happened.
"No. Shinra," the blond sighed, almost sounding angry. "That´s about the opposite of what happened…" his voice faded out. The memory of Izaya's reply still too fresh in Shizuo´s mind.
He had approached him, with his hopes so high. No not even high- he had almost been sure of the raven´s response.
Seeing as they had kissed the day before, how the flea had reacted to seeing him, everything about the raven just screamed that he was feeling something similar.
Shizuo might not be the smartest guy out there, but he could always rely on his guts- so why now?
Why did his instincts fail him that bad?
"What do you mean?" Shinra picked further, only rubbing salt into the wound as the frown on Shizuo´s face deepened.
"He was just playing with me, the whole time. Never felt anything for me," he explained, and it it just felt so wrong to hear his own mouth say such hurtful words. Words that only hurt his own feelings anyway.
"... he said that?" Shinra repeated, seemingly just as surprised as Shizuo had been. He couldn't blame the quack, Shinra had rooted for him, had supported him and probably had also hoped for a different outcome.
"Wasn't it maybe a misunderstanding?" he tried, and god how Shizuo wished the brunette was right.
But what use was it to relish in hope that was only going to be destroyed again anyway?
"No. Shinra. It wasn't a misunderstanding," the blond made clear, pushing the door to the roof of the school open.
He had wanted to get up here to clear his head for a bit. He couldn't concentrate at all in class so he was hoping some time up here was going to help at least a bit.
Sighing he let himself drop down,crossing his legs as he let the cool breeze shuffle through his hair.
It was nice. Just not thinking about the flea and how much his chest tightened.
Shinra didn't really seem like he was done with the topic yet though as he keep digging further.
"And now he is avoiding you?" he suddenly questioned, referring to the raven that the blond hadn't seen all morning.
"As I said-" he started slowly, trying to his best to not get mad at the future doctor or yell at him for trying to be considerate. But said best friend didn't even seem to notice that he was starting to annoy the blond as he interrupted him mid sentence.
"Isn't he teasing you even more?"
Taking a deep breath the blond tried to remain calm. If he answered Shinra´s questions now then at least he wasn't going to ask and remind him of all this later.
"No," he answered firm. And it was the truth after all. At least the flea wasn't making fun of him for his feelings.
Yet.
"Weird," Shinra suddenly mumbled, only grazing the blond´s attention a little bit.
"How so?" he questioned with a deep sigh. His eyes were focused on the clouds in the sy. Flying above they were passing fairly quick as the wind picked up the farther up it got.
"Well, if my friend were in love with me I would probably try to comfort them at least a bit," Shinra started, only stabbing Shizuo´s heart one more time. Or rather, it felt like he merely twisted it while already being stuck inside his ribcage.
"He never even thought of me as a friend I guess," the blond replied with a frown, somehow feeling as though his throat was starting to constrict.
Fuck, great.
Now he felt like crying.
"Well then it's even more odd, he should tease you even more, no? Rub salt into the wound you know," Shinra continued, only making the blond´s frown grow even deeper as he tired to swallow the bitter feeling.
It took him a moment to realize what his friend was saying
True.
If Izaya didn't even consider him a friend, then he should be here right now, grinning, making jokes about how stupid he thought Shizuo´s feelings for him were and shit like that.
But he wasn't here. That was a fact.
But if Izaya thought of Shizuo as a friend- then shouldn't he be trying to comfort the blond?
No wait. Izaya said he didn't even like Shizuo to begin with.
Just what was going on?
If he wasn't teasing him, but not comforting him either- then wasn't there a chance that what he said in the morning-that it had all been…
…
…
… a lie?
to be continued
DUN DUN DUNNNNN well, well, and so the plot thickens~ I bet you are wondering now what Shizuo will do with this new piece of information~ I can give you a hint though- next chapter, will end in a way that will leave ya all on the edge of your seats xDDD I got something cruel planned for our precious little cinnamon roll~ now do i mean izaya or Shizuo? hehehe that´s the question~
Now now I'm so sorry people- I have been taking 3 month to update this omg O.O
From now on I will update quicker again xD Maybe not quite as regular as once every two weeks, but fuck I won´t take months anymore omg xD
Besides I'm really getting into writing again, finishing my book this month as well and all -fidgets nervously- I'm going to send it to publishers finally- let´s hope someone wants to publish this piece of shit I have written x'D 500 pages- Fantasy- in english of course xD ohohoho I will keep you up to date on that matter x'D
Well then, with that being said, see you next time~! On approximately 17th February 2019~ - oh right 2019 xDDD HAPPY NEW YEAR *0 * ! I love you all peeps 3 Thank chu for staying with me and my little stories and reading them hehe 3 and thank you for not killing me for taking so god damn long x'D
Guest 2: xD haha well well, soon the "bastard" will get what he deserves C: C: C: C: or maybe he won´t...? who knows maybe this is one of the stories that i planned a bad ending for C; xDDDDD and yeah, Izaya truly is just a little kid in here naw I extra created this kind of scene where the difference between older izaya and high school Izaya is shown so clearly xD Lol sorry for again breaking their happy bubble though xD God i really am a fucking saddist xDDDDDD
