-๑-๑ ஜ ๑- Chapter 34: Hold me -๑ ஜ ๑-๑-
"You are avoiding me aren't you?"
It was an obvious question, one that Shizuo definitely knew the answer to, but it was the first thing he asked when he turned around the corner to Izaya's classroom.
School was over, the other students had all left already. Of course, why would they stay up here?
Shizuo had been down in the changing rooms, but Izaya hadn't come down to fetch his things.
And now he was here, facing a pretty surprised raven that was currently sitting on his desk brooding over what seemed to be homework.
A pen dropped to the floor, but Izaya really didn't pay attention to it as he stared at the blond for what seemed like an eternity.
"You are imagining things," he mouthed slowly, sounding as though he was unsure what to do or say.
"You haven't annoyed me all day," Shizuo started again, pulling the door to the classroom shut as he entered the room.
A snort ripped from the raven´s lips and that all to familiar grin sneaked back up on his expression.
A grin that for some reason looked just so fake to the blond.
"Are you going to complain about it now?" he taunted, still playing the same role he had prior when Shizuo confronted him with his feelings. He was teasing him, trying to refer back to the times when they still fought over nothing, when they still hated each other.
But now they didn't hate each other anymore.
Shizuo refused to believe that.
"You said what happened on the trip was just a joke," Shizuo continued, awfully calm and collected- his mind was somewhat clear, he wasn't nervous, he wasn't unsure of what he was doing, because the moment Shinra pointed out how weird it was for the raven to just leave him alone he realized there was something fishy about this entire deal.
"It was," Izaya repeated, cold. Calculated. His lips pursed into a tight line- no more reasons or explanations followed, just that small for of affirmation.
"If it was just a joke then why are you avoiding me now? Why don't you just continue being an ass?" Shizuo questioned, voicing one of the things that just didn't add up in Izaya's behavior.
Pausing for a second the raven swallowed.
OKay he had no planned this- he had not planned for Shizuo to approach him again, nor to confront him about what he said.
Unbearable hotness was taking over his chaotic mind as he tried to find a way out of this mess.
It didn't exactly help that he still felt like crying for ditching the blond in the first place.
"As I said you are imagining things," he repeated with the only expression he could muster- that of a grin. Because that was easiest mask he could call forth.
"Izaya-" the blond mumbled, and suddenly he was approaching the raven.
Surprised Izaya backed away, thinking that- he didn't even know, what was he supposed to think?
Did he think Shizuo would hurt him? Attack him? What was it that he was so afraid of?
There was a desk right behind the raven, of course the entire room was filled with them. He turned around, cast a glance backwards as his hands touched the wood- it was just for a moment until he turned his head around again- only to find a pair of arms sneaking around his waist
With a soft yelp he was pulled off the desk and right into the blond, soft lips suddenly meeting his own.
Surprise was reflecting in Izaya's eyes, and Shizuo knew he was behaving risky here- he didn't want to force the raven to anything, but he wanted to see his reaction, wanted to find out what his true feelings were- and as simple as he was a kiss was the only thing that came to mind.
Because all those times they had kissed it had just felt so god damn real.
Shizuo was almost hoping for Izaya to just slap him or something, or yell at him again- once more- because he just couldn't believe what the raven had said this morning, but maybe he would get it when he blew him off once more.
Once more and for real.
Except he didn't.
He didn't.
Shizuo couldn't keep his heart from overflowing with emotions when he felt the flea lean into him and move those lips in sync to his own.
Wrapping his arms around the raven he only pulled him closer in what felt like utter relief.
He had been right. So, so right. What Izaya had said this morning had been a lie.
That meant him saying he didn't love him had been a lie-
Fuck-
That meant-
Izaya loved him back. He really loved him back, didn't he? The blond couldn't believe it, not even while holding the flea close like this when they parted after what felt like an eternity.
An unsure glance was cast at the blond from Izaya's direction as he opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again almost instantly.
He seemed to be searching for the right words.
"Now, are you going to tell me again this is a joke? Because I seriously don't believe it is," Shizuo said only causing the frown on Izaya's face to deepen.
"Is it that you don't want anyone to know?"
Surprise flashed across Izaya's expression and for a moment he just looked at the blond pretty dumbfounded.
"What?" he questioned, obviously thinking he misheard or something.
"Well there has to be a reason right? You didn't say that just for fun. So what is it?" Shizuo continued further- he might not be as smart as the flea was, but he wasn't stupid. There had to be some sort of reason for the flea to act like he did.
Frowning deeply the raven averted his gaze for a moment.
"It wouldn't work out. I mean come on, seriously, you and me?" he suddenly started- slowly, sounding unsure.
Honestly Izaya was just trying to come up with any kind of excuse by now. He didn't want to hurt Shizu-chan any further, but neither could he just deny his feelings anymore without the blond noticing.
"So you rather don´t give it a chance at all?" The raven faltered for a second.
"Something like that?" he tried hoping the blond would understand and back off after all.
It wasn't an excuse too far fetched either- they were different, very different, opposites of each other actually, and had hated each other ever since they had first laid eyes upon each other so how? This was doomed anyway- the raven tried to convince himself of that fact.
"So it wasn't a joke?"
The raven sighed.
"No, but it's useless anyway, I mean-" but he didn't get to say much more, because there was a pair of lips pressed to his own again cutting him short of the air he needed to speak.
"Sorry Izaya," the blond whispered, leaning away imperceptibly, "but fuck your plans." Again another kiss. "I don't intend to just go back to the way we were."
Actually it would be impossible anyway. No matter what the raven said or did, Shizuo wouldn't be able to hate him anymore like he used to. How?
How could he seriously try to hurt him if he cared so much about his well being? About whether he was sad, worried, happy or excited? He wanted to see him elated and not frustrated like he did right now.
Something was bugging the flea, but Shizuo just didn't know what it was.
Looking up at him for just a second Izaya grew quiet. So, so quiet.
Shimmering traitors were starting to collect in the corner of his eyes and he rubbed them away quickly.
"Izaya? Hey," Shizuo spoke softly, his brows furrowing into a tight line as he wanted to beat up whatever was causing the flea so much trouble.
Be it back then when they were on the trip and he suddenly left outta nowhere- or once Shizuo returned and Izaya just behaved cold like stone for a little while. there was just something about this- something about izaya's behavior that made it so obvious something was going on behind the scenes and yet he couldn´t grasp what it was at all. "What's wrong?" he whispered once more, hoping he would finally get to know the reason. "Just tell me," but the only answer he received was one of a small laughter as the raven shook his head firmly.
"I can't that's the problem Shizu-chan," he replied with a smile, and yet that smile just dropped and melted from his expression as his face just churned in what almost looked like pain. But not from an outer source- more like- a pain of frustration and defeat.
Izaya was slowly but surely getting really lost. On one hand he wanted to tell the blond so much what was bothering him, he wanted to tell him what his father was doing, because he knew Shizu-chan would do anything in his power to protect him and damn, that was a lot of power Shizu-chan had to offer.
But he couldn't risk this, not as long as his siblings were still at home.
Alone.
Undefended.
Softly but slow the tears kept spilling from his lashes as he tried to calm down again. Swallow down the bitterness like he had always done.
Just right now it was strangely so much harder than usual.
Frowning deeply the blond leaned forward and let his forehead meet the raven's shoulder as he tightened his hold on the flea.
Izaya held onto his shirt, but his lips stayed sealed.
Shizuo wanted to know what was going on so badly- and yet he didn't dare ask what was wrong. He knew Izaya would push him away, he knew he would end up losing him completely and not be able to even give comfort like this.
Clattering down the corridor made the two flinch for a moment and the blond pulled to the side, leaning on the wall that was connected to the corridor, just in case one of the teachers decided to walk in.
Inhaling deeply the raven brought his sleeve to his eyes, wiping off the last remains of the traitors that had escaped his lids.
Looking at him with a soft gaze Shizuo brought his hand forward, letting his fingertips brush over the dark tips of hair and bangs covering the raven's face.
"Embarrassing," Izaya mumbled softly, letting his gaze wander from the blond´s eyes and yet he couldn't quite help glancing back at him anyway.
"It's not," Shizuo assured and closed his eyes for a second as he leaned forward to let his lips touch the raven's forehead. "If I can do anything, and I really mean anything, you know I would do it right? No matter what," he stated, and really meant it. Even though he hated it he knew he had power, so whatever it was that bugged the raven if he was somehow able to take care of it he would be more than glad to.
"Even kill someone?" the raven chuckled softly, the frown of bitterness quickly hidden as he knew he shouldn't play around with fire like this.
"If it's a person that caused you to cry then sure as hell," Shizu-chan bluntly replied and somehow Izaya couldn't help but snort at the response.
He knew Shizu-chan had the power to do what he said- but Izaya also knew what his favourite monster was like at heart, and he was not a monster.
"Don't ask," he mumbled instead, knowing this was the only thing he could and had to wish for.
"What?" Shizuo repeated, not quite understanding what the raven was referring to yet.
"Don't ask okay? Just stay the way you are but don't ask," Izaya repeated- and this time the blond understood.
he didn't understand why, but he understood that Izaya wanted to keep whatever it was that was bothering him a secret.
"Okay, I can do that," he responded softly, knowing that if he didn't comply to the raven´s wishes he would definitely lose him for good.
For a moment the two of them just stood there. Neither of them wanting to cease the hug they were still sharing. Izaya was relishing in the blond´s body warmth, in the comfort he provided, he felt as though he was some kind of phone that could only charge with the blond close like this.
Maybe it was the closeness, the love he felt- he knew he had to go home to his dad, he knew he had prepared something special for him considering how he had left the room the day before without any punishment.
But somehow Izaya found himself less and less caring the longer he spent time with Shizu-chan.
So he was going to get home and get punished for something he didn't see a need to get punished for- as usual.
So what?
It was just a matter of hours, what could his father possibly do? No matter what kind of injury or psychological terror he was going to face, it would be over within a couple hours- so why? Why give a fuck?
Why let himself be torn by this shit?
The flea felt strong- for the first time in his life he felt as though his father couldn't do shit to him.
He had Shizu-chan, his siblings would grow up- and one day or the other, no matter how long it took, they would all move out. hell izaya would get a job and make his sisters move in with him in worst case. And then that bastard wouldn´t be able to ever get them or threaten them again in any way.
Ah-
Thinking about it.
Softly pushing at the blond the raven separated from his lover.
"I have to go home now." His father was waiting for him, coming home late today was only going to worsen whatever it was that he had in store for him.
The blond frowned for a second in obvious displeasure, but then sighed softly as he let go of the flea.
"Okay," he mumbled, knowing Izaya asked literally just seconds ago to not ask any further questions. He still didn't like to though.
"Thank you," the raven suddenly said, making the blond cock his head in slight confusion.
"For what?" he questioned- not really sure what he had done that would be worth getting gratitude for.
The raven shrugged- before leaning up to capture the blond´s lips in a short kiss.
"... being there I guess?" he whispered softly- and there it was again, that smile, the smile Shizuo loved so much. Not a smirk, not one of his grins, but a genuine smile.
"Can I accompany you home?" he asked, wondering for a moment if he was already trespassing the boundaries Izaya had declared, but as he nodded softly those worries dissipated.
"... sure, why not."
No matter what it was Izaya's father had prepared, he was going to deal with it and then he could enjoy his time with the blond.
To be continued
Well well, this is going to be quite the …. interesting walk home :3 Things are getting dangerous oh my xD next chapter- well let's just say things will suddenly take a really bad turn- ohohohoho
Now- Sorry for not updating in fucking ages aaaahhh
But now I'm back xD And this time I swear by my life x'DDD
I plan to get 4 more updates on the other stories done by saturday, adn you know what? next chapter of Bcd will be coming out on Sunday already ! *0*
So you don't have to wait too long to find out what it is Izaya's father has in store for him ohohohoohoh
get ready to get your blood boiling xDDD
Well then, see you on Sunday the 28th April~!
Oh and one more thing, next time I will announce something really damn fucking special ;3 So make sure you read the Author´s note ;3 xDDDD
See you~!
Guest 2: xD awwww haha yeah Izaya is really convinced he can´t do shit about the situation- poor little flea. Oh and also Shinra will be brought up soon ohohoo he is gonna play a pretty important role in this fic ;3 But for now Imma not spoiler too much xD
Unknown: You know, actually you aren´t too wrong with what you are expecting ehehehe C; Things are gonna get quite serious soon~
Mizuri: xD awwwww honey xDDD ahahaha Shizuo noticed no worries~ everythign is finey now~ now bwahahahahahah knowing me it won´t stay peaceful for long xDDD oh? my writing changed since the beginning of this fic tho? O.O I didn´t notice that- how so? xDD and here you go xDDDD Finally more of your favourite story x'D and hey on sunday there is even more to come xD get ready to get angry C:
