-๑-๑ ஜ ๑- Chapter 37: Limbo - -๑ ஜ ๑-๑-
It was late.
Way too late.
Especially for unannounced visits at other people´s places.
Only one would even open the door for them in the middle of the night, and so they were standing in front of the door to Shinra´s apartment sooner than Izaya liked them to.
They hadn't knocked yet. Silence covered the moment as Shizuo looked at the raven.
"About what happened-" he faded out. Somehow the words didn't seem to slip past his lips. The memory was still too fresh- the incident too recent to wrap his mind around it. Around what it meant, around how the flea had felt, or was feeling now, about what was going to happen from now on-
Shizuo couldn't help but feel like he was in some kind of limbo.
Unsure of what was the right thing to do and the next step to take.
Taking the flea to Shinra was one thing. It was logical. Izaya was hurt. Whenever the flea had been hurt, be it from their chases or anything else, it was common sense for them both to just visit Shinra.
Having him patch them up again so they could continue their fights.
But… after that?
Shizuo was at a loss.
What was going to happen once Shinra patched the flea up? And what were they going to say once he asked how that happened?
"It's fine," Izaya suddenly announced quietly, snapping the blond out of his thoughts. A glance was cast towards the raven, as if to confirm what he was implying. A shrug was given. "I mean, it´s Shinra," he mumbled slowly and with that a step forward was taken, and the raven knocked at the door.
The silence that followed was overwhelming. The footsteps nearing the door were crushingly heavy. Shizuo didn't even know why he felt that way, he just did. Despite not being the one at the center of all this.
Quirky as usual the door was drawn open. A very groggy and sleepy Shinra with a provisoric grin had been carved into his face stood in the doorframe.
"Hello~ Now who is-'' Surprise reflected in Shinra´s glasses, which he quickly adjusted as his sight fell onto the blond.
"Shizuo-kun?" Eyes wandering back and forth between the blond and the raven, dozens of questions seemed to pop up inside Shinra´s head. But all of those were blown away easily when his eyes fell onto the raven´s wrist.
His expression.
The air.
The grin Shinra had worn was shredded off his face in a matter of seconds and replaced with solemnity. It was obvious there were a lot of answers their friend would have liked to hear, but he stayed quiet.
"Could we crash at your place?" It was Izaya who first broke the silence, causing the future doctor to nod quickly, before stepping aside. "Come in."
A short glance was directed at Shizuo, signalling that he was meant as well. The blond followed obediently and the front door fell shut.
It was quiet inside the apartment.
Of course, after all Shinra had been sleeping. And he was living alone from what Shizuo had understood. He had never really bothered to ask much about Shinra´s family, but he had somewhat guessed that his father wasn't exactly the prime example of a doting father. Self-made bentos, short complaints about how Shinra couldn't get a stain out of his shirt while washing- all those little dabbles had been hints on the friend´s family situation.
Not to mention how often the blond had been here without meeting a single soul except for the future doctor. How often had he met his father? Once? Twice?
Too little for a lifetime.
"Show me that," Shinra´s voice was quiet, gentle- yet firm, leaving no option to turn down his request. Izaya had sat down on the couch in the living room and was obediently doing as told.
The flea had never been extremely talkative when he paid the brunette a visit. But this was an entirely new level of silence.
Grabbing his first aid case from underneath the table he spread out the contents on the table.
… Shinra wasn't stupid.
He could tell. He could tell so much more than the raven probably wanted him to. The only reason Shinra never pried for an explanation was because most of the time one glance at his best friend's face was enough to at least roughly figure what had happened.
Usually it displayed guilt, anger or a mixture of happiness after getting what he wanted. The latter was a surefire way to tell he had gotten injured while teasing the hell out of Shizuo.
But now it was different.
Izaya had been crying. He could see it in his eyes. He looked devastated. Lost. And a hint of something the brunette couldn't quite pinpoint.
Just what had happened?
Shizuo was just standing there, watching. Not saying a word. No sorry, nothing. It wasn't him who had done that. But it also seemed like this hadn't been the work of an ordinary thug. Otherwise one of them would be ranting right now how stupid the raven had been for getting hurt in the first place.
No.
This was something more serious.
Worryingly so.
"Guess I'm starting to become a regular, huh?" Izaya suddenly said, forcing at least a bit of small talk into the pressuring silence.
But Shinra still didn't pry.
And Shizuo was somehow glad that he didn't.
Because he just wouldn't know how to put this into words.
"I take it you are staying?" Shinra merely questioned, the softest hint of a smile on his face, as he got up from the ground. A soft nod was given by the raven and the brunette glanced at the blond. "You too?"
Should he?
A glance was cast at the flea.
"Except you want me gone?" he questioned cautiously- not sure whether he was already out of place or welcomed. To his relief Izaya shook his head.
The sudden sound of hand clapping together caused both of them to jump as they looked at the future doctor.
"Alright a grand sleepover it is~!" he chirped lively, scurrying towards a cupboard- all while rambling about something about them enjoying their youth and his beloved Celty.
It was funny.
His friend was behaving quite odd in logical terms, and yet the raven couldn't have appreciated the action more. It was liberating. It caused the heavy air to release at least some of its crushing pressure.
Stifling a soft laugh the raven watched the future doctor struggle while attempting to drag over three futons in one trip.
"Why three?" he questioned, watching Shizu-chan scurry over to save their friend from an unsightly death by futons.
"Can I not join you?" Shinra merely cooed, eyebrow cocked, "I mean except you want some alone time~" he grinned, obviously referring to the time on the trip.
Feeling a soft flush of embarrassment flash his face, the raven merely snorted.
Only Shinra could pull off changing the topic this smoothly.
The memory of how he almost got it on with the blond was still quite fresh- fresh, and similar.
A cold shiver of ice unwillingly trailed down Izaya's neck as a different, way too recent event violently forced itself into his mind instead causing him to fall dead silent. He didn't want to think about what happened earlier. He didn't want to think about his father, to think about what that guy had paid him for.
He didn't want to think about the words he said, about what he tried to do- and yet…
Somehow he suddenly felt dizzy.
Hot.
"I`ll be right back," he managed to get out quickly, before heading to the bathroom.
Shizuo´s body jerked- ready to get up from the ground, follow the flea- and yet his body froze a second later- unsure of what to do.
Because what was he supposed to do?
Tell him everything was going to be okay? When he had no idea whether or not that's true? Ultimately Shizuo knew just how little power they had.
He had gotten Izaya out of there.
Today.
For now.
But what about tomorrow? They had to tell someone- the police? Would they even believe them? Did Izaya even want to tell anyone? He had never said a thing because he had been scared for his sisters, because he had been cared no one would believe him-
Shizuo as well. Getting involved in fights daily, being known as one of the problem students- who was going to believe what he said?
The thought about ultimately having to watch the raven go back into that household caused his throat to constrict and fists clench in utter frustration.
The flea had probably already figured all this- and probably more.
So what was he supposed to do? When thinking had never been his strength?
Should he follow? Should he give him time?
"Shizuo." it was Shinra who interrupted his string of thoughts. The friend had frozen in his motion as well, watching the door Izaya had left through. "This isn't the first time he has come to me with injuries like that," he continued quietly, as if wanting to make sure the raven didn't hear him.
Feeling the anger in his blood surge the blond´s grip on the futon tightened.
"I figured," he replied slowly, trying to keep the regret and frustration from imploding inside his chest.
Not the first time.
Of course.
He knew that.
The second he had entered that room and saw his own fucking father hit Izaya like it was nothing he had known. He had known. But hearing the brunette confirm his worst fears somehow still made him feel worse. Worse for not noticing shit. For not acting sooner. For not simply asking.
"But it's the first time he has come with you." Redirecting his eyes, Shizuo looked at the future doctor. His expression was nowhere near carefree anymore. It was worried. Angry. Desperate.
"Who did this?" the question sounded like a plead, "Tell me."
… how often had the flea crashed here at Shinra´s place in order to get patched up? Judging from how they acted earlier this was more than just common and obvious that neither had talked about what had happened.
What was he supposed to do? Tell Shinra? What if Izaya didn't want him to know? He had never told him, so-
No.
No that was wrong.
Just because the flea didn't want him to know didn't mean it was the right thing to do.
This had to stop.
This secrecy.
Had the flea told him anything- given him a hint or whatever, maybe they could have done something about this already. Swallowing hard, the blond took his decision.
Who it was, huh?
Glance straight he met Shinra´s eyes.
"... his father." And saw how the brunette´s expression fell.
Shock painted itself across it, accompanied by realization and pain. So much pain. Probably caused by regret.
Regret for never guessing, noticing or questioning. It was relieving and crushing at the same time how much the blond could emphasize on how their friend had to feel right now.
Crushed.
That was also how the raven felt right now.
Standing at the sink the water tab was turned on shortly- ice cold water being scooped by both hands as he splashed it into his face, before turning it off again.
So cold.
And quiet.
For a second he had thought Shizu-chan was going to follow him in here- but he was somehow glad he didn't. Not right now. He wanted to sort his thoughts.
Wiping a droplet of water off his cheek the raven glanced into the mirror.
Wow, he looked like shit.
No wonder Shinra looked at him like that.
… everything was just a mess. He didn't know what to do. Couldn't discern anymore if Shizu-chan beating the hell out of that bastard and his father was a good thing or not. It was funny. He should be happy. He should repeat that moment to no end in his mind- that asshole finally got what he deserved. And yet he just couldn't stop the trembling.
The fear.
Because his father was mad- right now- he had to be furious. Angry.
And Izaya's body reacted accordingly. He was scared. He didn't want to be but he couldn't control this emotion.
What was he going to do?
He had to go home. Maybe not today, maybe not now- but he couldn't stay away forever- and then-
Again the bastard that paid his father came to mind. A cold shiver shot down his spine.
Fear.
Nausea.
Letting his head thud against the sink he closed his eyes, trying to get rid of the pictures.
He didn't want to worry Shizu-chan and Shinra any more than he already did.
Shinra wasn't prying- as always. No questions asked. It was somewhat normal as he never did- but Shizu-chan was an entirely different topic.
He was awfully quiet.
Even Shinra had to have noticed.
He probably didn't want to say the wrong thing.
By now he had probably told Shinra who hurt him.
Shinra never pried, but that didn't mean he didn't care. Izaya figured as much. Otherwise, why would he always treat him no matter the time of the day?
He had seen his expression when he opened the door. When he saw his arm and Shizu-chan and just-
He exhaled deeply.
Was he going to be offended? He didn't even know why he never told Shinra. He knew the guy well enough to know he wouldn't do anything the raven didn't want him to. He could stay away from his affairs. But somehow that topic had always been a barrier he had been too afraid to cross. Too afraid of what a revelation could have brought.
Swallowing hard, the raven pushed himself off the sink and headed for the living room with heavy steps.
His mind was already overwhelmed. With everything that had happened- he was too exhausted to worry about even more than he already did. And so he entered the living room.
He saw Shinra.
One glance was enough to confirm his suspicion. Shizu-chan had told him. Before he knew it Shinra was getting up from the ground.
He was walking towards him.
Izaya was ready.
Would he yell? Would he accuse him of not trusting him? Would he be mad for him not having told a thing? Was he going to kick him out?
Izaya was ready. He expected yelling, he expected accusations, he expected questions-
But instead.
A hug followed.
A tight, tight hug.
Shinra wasn't saying a word, and yet the action just told so much.
To be continued~
Damn I actually updated AGAIN xD who would have thought? xD
Slowly but surely I'm getting the hang of this xD Also some really intense chapters are about to follow haha- and also this story is relatively close to finishing xD
I think it will have, 6-7 more chapters and then it´s over C:
Already got the end written, and damn it will be one intense ending xD
but I'm not gonna spoiler anything haha 3
6 more chapters to go is still like half a year xD sooo xDDDDD
See you in the next update on 31th of December~! ;3
