-๑-๑ ஜ ๑- Chapter 39: Lies - -๑ ஜ ๑-๑-
He felt worn out. Like he had just been on some sort of marathon.
Sleep had been something that gladly overwhelmed the raven as soon as he laid down on Shinra's futon. Exhaustion had probably been the one to thank for that.
But gazing at one of the windows decorating Shinra's living room and the sun now starting to fill the early silence he felt morning just came too soon.
He felt cold, yet simultaneously couldn't be more hot. A headache was approaching and his guts churned at the prospect of returning home.
He couldn't emphasize with himself anymore. He had been so keen to return- in the middle of the night even.
… but now?
He would rather jump off a building.
Shizu-chan's even snores filled the room. Usually he would be annoyed by something like that, especially by Shinra who kept talking about his make-believe girlfriend even in his sleep. But right now he was just glad they were there. The presence of the two alone prevented him at the very least from getting entirely lost in his anxiety.
Timidly brushing across the bandaid on his wrist Izaya couldn't help but wonder. Once Shinra and Shizu-chan woke up from their slumber they would head to his home. He had been so eager at night yet was so reluctant now.
Was his father home? Shizu-chan smashed his face in so he doubted it. Same for the guy he brought.
Nausea overwhelmed Izaya for a brief moment.
Now was a good time.
The perfect opportunity. With his father gone at least for a bit and no one but his mother at home he could finally tell her without having to fear his father would redirect his anger towards his siblings or mum.
So why? Why did his guts churn in a way that made him want to curl up and cry?
"Good morning, Izaya." Shinra had woken up. Was crawling out of that mess that was his futon and detangled his legs upon waking.
A soft nod was given while the blond next to him started to shift as well.
A suppressed yawn bubbled from his throat and for a moment Shizu-chan looked around in confusion, as if to wonder where the hell he was.
Enlightenment came soon, however, as his gaze met Izaya's.
"Are you okay?"
Funny question.
Was he?
Without another word the raven pushed himself to his legs.
"Let's go," saying the opposite of what he actually wanted.
The rest of the morning felt beyond awful. No one spoke as neither Shinra nor Shizuo had anything to say. Clothes were changed, borrowed from Shinra mostly for Izaya's part, and courage gathered.
Splashing some water into his face Izaya grasped the sink inside the bathroom. Glance meeting his own as he stared into the mirror.
Hah.
He looked scared.
His father would be delighted.
"Are you ready?" Shinra asked, tucking his head into the bathroom door like he was afraid to enter and disturb the raven. Exhaling softly the raven let go of the sink.
He had to pull through this now.
"I am."
It was barely past 6am when they stood in front of Izaya's home.
Wordlessly the group of three stood on the road, not sure whether they should approach the door while Izaya fought a battle of stares with the doorbell.
It was cold. The jacket Shinra had lent the flea was way too long as it belonged to Shinra's father and the raven found himself hiding his palms inside the sleeves like a child.
It was when he caught sight of his mother's hair in the kitchen window that his body finally set into motion.
Like bolts of electricity the sound of the bell tore through the early morning hours.
Inside his head an eternity went by as the raven waited for the door to open.
How was he supposed to start? With what happened the day before? All the way back when Mairu and Kukuri weren't even born yet? Should he be gentle about it? He was his mother's husband after all she loved him, didn't she?
And finally as the door opened another question, looming like a guillotine forced itself onto his conscience.
Would she believe him?
Face expressionless, his mother's eyes fell onto her son. She seemed tired- had she cried?
No questions of where the hell he had been during the night, nor any sign of worry was displayed on her face as she turned for a brief moment.
"Mairu, Kururi, please go upstairs." Only now Izaya spotted the two girls, having stopped in the middle of their play they were warily eyeing the entrance. But they did as told and disappeared into the living room.
Of course, she didn't want them to be present … that meant she already knew what happened, right? Or at least she had a hunch-
Tightening his fist Izaya gathered his courage.
"Mum, I have to tell you something, father-"
"I'm surprised you even had the guts to come back home."
Silence.
Wind blew past Izaya's hair as his brain tried to make sense of his mother's words.
"... what?"
Her expression had grown cold- icey and angry. It was a face he had never seen before-
Disgust displayed as she stepped out, pulling the door closer as if trying to protect the girls of what she was going to say.
"My husband already told me. I can't believe what you did-"
Izaya's guts took a skydive to the ground. His father? What did his father tell her?
"Excuse me but can you tell me what you are talking about?" It was Shizuo who had stepped up noticing something was going more than just wrong here.
His stance was tense and eyes narrowed, but the words were polite- this was Izaya's mother after all.
His actions only seemed to worsen the situation, however, as the woman's glare intensified.
"And you, you probably are helping him with this aren't you?" she hissed in angry spats. "Weren't you the one who beat him up? He is in hospital now, are you satisfied?!"
Izaya wasn't saying a word. Too flabbergasted, too shocked to even open his mouth.
"What?!" Shizuo growled angrily, "Hell, yeah I am!"
She wouldn't believe him.
Throat constricted he raised his eyes.
Nothing but hatred reflected in hers.
"Really, approaching him and asking him to touch you, what the hell is wrong with you?" Confusion ruled the moment as both Shinra and Shizuo were too flashed by the accusation to even react. Izaya's mother only found herself being proven right at the silence. "He told me everything. About How you would injure yourself so he would have to look at your naked body-" she continued, her eyes showing nothing but aversion as she scanned her son from head to bottom. "Disgusting. He never harmed you in any way. You just want to destroy this family!"
Having had enough the blond finally reacted-
"Wait a damn minute- That's not what happened his father was the one who-"
"Oh really? And why did neither Mairu nor Kururi or me ever notice anything?" Anger choked the blond, he wanted to show her she was wrong, wanted to explain. But the question she wanted him to answer was of a nature he couldn't tell.
"No explanation, I thought so," she mumbled in confirmation, the words feeling like searing arrows.
"Mum, daddy really beat him." It was Izaya's siblings who suddenly acted up, having opened the front door to see what was happening.
"Kururi, you don't have to defend your brother." Izaya's mother hissed between tight lips as she pushed the siblings back inside the house.
"Izaya. truth." Mairu protested, but her pleas fell onto deaf ears.
"You two go up into your room!" The door was opened, the mother following right after as she glanced over her shoulder one last time.
"I can't believe you made them lie for you. Don't ever come back again."
And with that the door was slammed shut.
Shizuo was shocked. He didn't know what he had expected coming here, but this? How could she not believe her own son?
Just what kind of bullshit was this? And Izaya's father, what the hell was he spouting? The scene the day before resurfaced from his memory just as fresh and painful as it had been stored away. How could his mother not even notice her own son was injured? She hadn't even stopped to ask Izaya's version of the story- when Shizuo thought about his own mother that would have obviously been the first action she would have taken.
He had messed up so often in his life, mostly in situations that were his own fault for losing his temper, but there had also been cases where he had not been at fault at all. Despite the former making up the majority, she had never stopped asking Shizuo first.
This mother was shit. It was the only conclusion left to draw and it fell shut like the last page of a grand book as he grasped Izaya's shoulder.
"Izaya-" and then he froze. He had wanted to tell the flea how he should just ignore what she said, how they were going to get his siblings out another way. What he hadn't accounted for were the tears now trailing down Izaya's cheek.
"Shizu-chan that's not true- that's not true I swear- I didn´t-" Trapping the raven in a tight hug the blond pressed the flea to his chest.
"I know- I believe you. We believe you."
A meaningful glance was cast towards Shinra and the friend thawned from his stupor.
"That's right, you would never…" but words failed him. Bitterness clung to Shinra's throat as he tried to come up with words of comfort. Anything, really.
But looking at the situation, how Izaya's own mother didn't believe him- ….. it was really not pretty.
Shinra couldn't even imagine what kind of courage it must have taken to speak up after so many years.
Made him feel sick to the stomach.
How could a mother act that way? He didn't have one, sure, but his father would not once doubt his words. And if he told him he saw a ufo flying by then his father would ask where.
But this-
"You never have to go home again Izaya," Shinra found himself mumbling between tight lips.
Letting go of the flea for a second, Izaya's glance met Shinra's.
"But Mairu and Kururi-"
"Your father is at the hospital, right? And your mother is home." swallowing thickly, Shinra paused for a bitter moment before continuing, "As long as she is there he won't hurt them, right?" These kind of thoughts must have been on Izaya's mind daily.
"Also, if your sisters started getting bruises out of nowhere he would bust his own cover." Daily.
"If you ask me that rat is shitting his pants right about now. He won't do anything."
Swallowing the guilt, Shinra's rant came to a stop.
"Also- I never figured- I mean-" he hadn't noticed. For years. Izaya had turned up so many times covered in bruises but Shinra had never drawn the connection to home. He thought they stemmed from random fights. If he had just stopped to think for a moment-
The hug followed by Izaya came as a surprise more than anything else that day. Tightly the raven pulled his best friend close.
"You couldn't have known. I made damn sure you wouldn't. I didn't want to burden you- I-" blinking away a tear that had gathered underneath his glasses Shinra merely nodded, before returning the hug.
It was bittersweet in a way. He had never felt closer to Izaya, just the reason was messed up.
"Still, you are staying with me, that's an order." Shinra stated once more.
"Apart from my father never being home I doubt he would have any qualms about you staying here."
Hesitation reflected in Izaya's eyes.
"I think it's a good idea," Shizuo suddenly agreed, eyes glancing towards the bitch of a mother now scurrying back in the kitchen.
Izaya couldn't return home. Staying at his best friend's place until that changed would be for the best.
"If you both say so, what choice do I have?"
"None." Shinra grinned sheepishly.
Izaya sighed and resigned.
It was comforting to know that at the very least he wasn't alone on this anymore.
Sending a last glance towards the kitchen window Shizuo urged the raven on.
"We should go."
It was only a matter of time until Izaya's mother would emerge from the house and ask them to get lost. That wasn't exactly an experience he wanted Izaya to partake in.
None of this was.
And it weighed heavy on his mind. He knew he was powerless regarding Izaya's father. It was one's word against the other and as long as his mother didn't want to see the truth….
A thick lump formed in Shizuo's throat as he thought about the future. Izaya couldn't stay at Shinra's place forever. There was no doubt he wanted to see his sisters. He wanted to protect them.
And even while his father probably wasn't going to harm them so soon after Izaya's accusations, there was no way to tell when that window was going to close.
In a month?
A week?
How long until he raised his hand against the girls?
… how long until Izaya returned to the household and faced his father again?
to be continued~
sorry I took a shitton of time to update this xD But here I am haha
and I'm planning to dish out another update by the end of September for this story :3 Also I will be announcing some interesting news soon hehe
But that's a surprise still~
With that being said see you in the end of september update xD
