Humoresque
By Azure Orbis
Disclaimer: Do I really look like I earned a couple million for the creation of this awesome manga/anime series? I would love to though. )
A/N: Okay, happy April Fool's Day- it seems like a fitting day to post the start of a series of humorous drabbles about certain favorite characters. The original title of this chapter was called "Poking fun at Sasuke" and I think that sums it up pretty well. I like the character of Sasuke too, but the way some fanfiction authors write him…wow! I would love to do the things he can do, but he's human too and only 12! Let's not forget that little fact. I've planned stories concerning: a Lee one, Asuma/ Kakashi one, one with Neji, and maybe even Tsunade just because no one really focuses on her.
Chapter One: Blue Boy
The sun shone through the shutters, waking the sleeping form of a boy with dark hair. The boy turned onto his other side and let his thoughts wander a while. His hair used to be a lovely shade of pure black and a lustrous shade of black it was. That is until a prank gone wrong and the blue dye that was supposed to stain his hair temporary somehow turned out to be permanent. Not only was his gorgeous hair dyed a permanent sea-blue, his face was also stained with that annoying color. His mother had tried in vain to wash the vexing pigments away, but in the end she was left with her youngest son with a mop of blue hair and a scowling face that still had visible traces of dye. It did not help the household harmony that she tried so hard to maintain, when her eldest son and her husband snickered at the blue-haired boy every time he tried to walk pass them inconspicuously. Sometimes, a family barbeque could go so wrong.
Sufficient to say, little Sasuke did not dare to show his little blue face to the world, his classmates or his friends, for the one time he did show his face to a close family friend, the man burst out laughing so hard that he knocked over the table and the tea that was residing so peacefully on that table. Little Sasuke's blue face turned red, which gave him a very interesting shade of purplish hue, before his father and his brother completely forgot their stoic manners and started laughing outright at this new color.
Sasuke fled to his room and shut the door, refusing to come out days later even after his mother tried tempting him with his favorite dish and made her husband and eldest son apologize formally. In truth the smell of the food was delicious and seeing his father's and his brother's bowing shadows before his door did make little Sasuke feel better, but he would not be lured out so easily! He left his room only with the promises that no visitors were allowed to see his face in this disgraceful state, his father purchase the most expensive and renown face wash known to mankind and all who saw and/or knew of Sasuke's predicament were to remain silent under pain of death.
Now the truly strange thing is that while most of that horrendous dye eventually washed out of Sasuke's hair and all of his face, (he made his mother check twice before even thinking about venturing out into the world again) there was still a small amount of dye left in his hair. Sasuke begged his father to allow him to stay home and let his hair grow long enough to cut off the blue parts or to let it wash out, whichever way was quicker. But his father was adamant. Sasuke had already missed out more than a month's worth of classes and to let his hair grow out would take several months more, more time than he would allow his second heir to be out of school except for illness or a legitimate family vacation. And so little Sasuke, pouting at his mother and scowling fiercely at his father, was sent back to school with most noticeable highlights in his hair. He hoped that his classmates would not notice and ask him about his newly acquired "accentuations to his hair," as his brother liked to call them. The poor boy was asking for too much.
Already by the age of six, Sasuke was a popular boy, although he wasn't quite sure why. The thought of girls liking him was revolting but sometimes their praises were very comforting and helped boost his self esteem to the point where he truly believed that he would someday surpass his genius brother. And over time, he came to believe he deserved the overwhelming praises because he did work hard (sometimes) and he was the top in the class. In short, Uchiha Sasuke lived a charmed life and for the life of him, he was actually scared that he would lose some of that legendary charm the day he walked back into class with those hateful blue things.
To his surprise, the blue highlights made him more popular than ever. He would never quite understand why the girls, including the ones who ignored him in the past, fawned over him with sudden intensity. But could he really say it was a bad thing? Suddenly he hoped beyond hope that the stubborn blue dye would stay in his hair forever. Perhaps the color was starting to grow on him, but whatever it was, he was starting to like it and hoped it would never disappear.
Imagine his panic when he was washing his hair one day and suddenly the water turned blue. The blue highlights had stayed in his hair for a lengthy duration and now the dye was finally starting to wash off. Sasuke hollered for his mother to see if the color was really coming out or if it was just his imagination. With a smiling face, she confirmed that the dreadful color was finally coming out and soon Sasuke would have his gleaming black hair again. Instead she was met with a most dolorous face on her son. She could not understand why he was so depressed at the news. She thought he would have been overjoyed. Little Sasuke told mommy everything.
After some clever blackmailing, Sasuke's mother was able to obtain the secrets of the blue dye and the next day, she helped apply some of the horrendous-turned-wonderful dye onto Sasuke's hair. Since then and after the Uchiha massacre, every few months or so, Sasuke took a couple personal days off. No one quite knew what he did with those days alone and no one dared to ask the boy, for his icy demeanor spoke unspeakable punishments to anyone foolish enough to do so.
Some thought that those were the days that he choose to remember his family and burned incense for them while praying for them and asking for strength to avenge their deaths. In actuality, Sasuke usually stole out of the village in the guise of a purple haired youth to a neighboring village that was close enough to journey to in a day but also far enough so that he could not be recognized. There, he went to the same barber shop he had gone to since he was one of the sole survivors to have those specialized streaks added to his hair. After he came home, he would go through the whole remembering the dead ritual, but in his heart of hearts, he knew his personal days were mostly about his hair. That did not mean he did not hate Itachi with every fiber of his being, or that he did not mourn his family's passing. It was just he had appearances he had to keep up, literally.
When he didn't have the time, he would do the touchups himself, using the stock he kept at home for that very purpose. But he usually went to that barber because he did such a fine job. Sometimes while he was washing his hair and the horrid stuff got all over his hands and under his fingernails, Sasuke would curse the dye and the day he decided to keep the highlights. It was such a hassle to keep up the pretense that he had such strange and evidently glorious highlights in his hair. Sometimes, he almost let his hair revert back to its normal (but no less beautiful he assured himself) black state. However, he remembered the adoring fans and kept on with the farce. After all, it would not be nice to disillusion them after all this time.
Sasuke sat up, rubbing his eyes. He got up and stretched. Strange, the things he would think about while still half asleep. In truth he was not a morning person, but he did like giving off that impression. Rumor had it that Uchiha Sasuke did not wander between the realms of sleep and consciousness like any of us mere mortals. No, he was either fully asleep or fully awake; nothing in between. There was never a sleepy look in Sasuke's eyes for he always had to look foreboding and dark, to please himself and to keep up his image. If only it was true.
Sasuke swallowed the pill with a gulp of water and set the glass down; the same one he had at his nightstand ever since he heard that rumor and decided it suited him and would work to his advantage by helping advance his image of a brooding and tortured but handsome, young man. He shook himself to get his blood moving again, but not enough to cause unsightly color to stain his cheeks. Again, just another part of his routine. There was not a chance he would let something like that ruin his pale skin, which he prized so much, especially after having perfected his routine years ago. The caffeine entered his blood stream and after dressing, he looked at himself in the mirror. Perfection, he thought, before setting out to meet his less-than-perfect teammates and teacher. It was obvious he was the star of the show, if there was any.
The moment he stepped out of the Uchiha estate, Sasuke knew he forgot something vitally important as he was mobbed by his die-hard league of fangirls. He forgot to leave through his new secret passage way that he had newly dug over the weekend! These fangirls were peskier than the cockroaches that he occasionally came by. After completing his first tunnel, he thought he was safe and was he? No, of course not and perhaps it was because of those darned highlights that they caught him or maybe they found some of his hair and thus followed it and found his secret tunnel. With amazing dogged determination, Sasuke dug new tunnels and his fangirls found them all. For a few days, there was peace, but that didn't last long especially with Sakura as the self-proclaimed captain of this abominable league. Finally disappearing from the mob that thought he was still under the pile of girls, he head off to meet his team at their bridge while dabbing a few puffs of foundation makeup on the bruises on his face. He wouldn't want anyone to see him looking anything other than perfect, did he? He brushed a strand of blue-black hair from his face and hurried on; it was time for young Sasuke to shine.
A/N: Me thinks Sasuke is too angsty of a character and he needs to loosen up a little. Out of curiosity, did any of this make you laugh? That's my goal for this project and how did you think it was written? Poor? Mediocre? Well? Criticize as you will!.
