Morning Roses
Chapter 5: Peonies and Foxes and Cats, Oh My!
Disclaimer: I STILL don't own it.
A/N: Sorry this one took forever. But we had midterms, and the latest show I'm in opened (and closed), and there was vacation, and writer's block, and…enough with the excuses and on with the plot!
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"That…shrimpy little TWAT of a man…no. He's not EVEN a man. That shrimpy little twat of a RAT. A stinking flaming RAT who…GRR!" came the irate mutters of one VERY annoyed Shizuru, stalking down a stone corridor with laundry in arms. "Well," she continued to herself, calming down slightly, "it's not like he's anything to me. This isn't jealousy. He's just a pathetic lying CREEP WHO DESERVES TO—oh. Good day, Lord Yoko."
A silvery eyebrow rose. "Who is this shrimpy little stinking flaming pathetic lying twat-like rattish creep you speak of?"
"Hiei."
"Ah. I see," he replied, falling in step with her down the cold hallway. "So, did he break your heart, or something?"
Using physics to her advantage, Shizuru swung the heavy laundry basket with all her might and sent Yoko flying into a velvet tapestry of, ironically enough, a fox hunt. "NO, YOU MORON!"
The man rubbed his shoulder and gazed contemplatively at the wall hanging, pointedly ignoring the steaming woman to his left. "I should probably get that accursed drapery burnt. It deeply offends me."
"DON'T IGNORE ME! This is about YOU, too!"
His ears perked up and he spun around eagerly. "Me? What's about me?"
"Conceited idiot…" she breathed, but he fortunately didn't catch it. "You see," Shizuru began again, much louder. "Hiei seems to have a little 'thing' going with dearest little Botan."
The tip of Yoko's tail began to twitch and spasm. "Indeed…?"
She nodded; glad to have finally caught his attention. "I really don't know what it is, but I'm worried for her. He's an ass."
"Worried or jealous?" The tables didn't just turn at this—they did loop-the-loops and died.
Shizuru gaped at him like an attractive, blue-dressed laundry-carrying fish. "Worried, you idiot!"
He shrugged. "Well, you do seem AWFULLY concerned."
The woman attempted to shake this off. "Look, you're a fox. I need you to help me figure out what's going on."
"Why CERTAINLY, my dear Shizuru!" he chirped, ears pricking up. "I have precisely the method! We shall all dine together tonight!"
She began walking again; reminding herself that she WAS doing work. "I'm not sure if I have any confidence in this 'method' of yours."
"My DARLING Shizuru," he slid an arm around her shoulders, smiling condescendingly and completely ignoring her disgusted look, "I am a PROFESSIONAL. I am certain this will succeed quite well."
.x.x.x.x.
Botan looked uncomfortably around at the other three faces in the room. Yoko was smiling in a more than slightly disturbing way, Shizuru was intent on her food, and Hiei just appeared bored. She noticed the fire demon's food steaming just a BIT more than everyone else's, and made sure to scoot her chair further down the table.
The awkward silence continued, broken only by the ticking of the clock and clinking of utensils.
Shizuru glanced at Hiei. Hiei glanced at Botan. Botan glanced at Hiei. Hiei glanced at Shizuru. Shizuru glanced at Botan. Yoko glanced in a mirror and sleeked the fur on his ears.
Silence.
"Umm…great stew, Botan!" Shizuru forced out between glances.
"Thank you," she replied loudly, wishing it wasn't quite so tense.
Yoko finally noticed that he was not, in fact, the only person in the room, and he turned to Hiei.
Shizuru had a feeling in her stomach akin to radioactive frogs doing the tango.
"So, Hiei," the fox began cheerfully, "Do you—"
"LIKE THE STEW?" Shizuru blurted out. Under the table, she kicked Yoko hard across the shins, and was satisfied when he winced.
"It is excellent," he replied, somewhat bewildered.
Yoko raised his eyebrows at Shizuru. "He likes the stew," he reiterated slowly and meaningfully.
Shizuru kicked him again.
Botan turned and stared at Hiei, nonplussed, and his expression echoed hers.
Eyebrows were raised and shins were kicked.
The head of household cleared her throat. "So, ah, Botan, what do you think of the current situation with Taijir?"
She stiffened slightly, determined not to give anything away. "Impossible," she started guardedly. "It seems that nothing we do will avoid all-out war."
"I agree," Hiei responded with a smirk. "But I say that we attack them first and torch the bastards, slaughter their armies—"
"Hiei, not at supper, if you'd be so kind," Yoko interjected, seeming slightly green. Botan was quite appalled and Shizuru bit back a grin. The short man muttered obscenities down at his plate and returned to ingesting his food with a vengeance.
After another moment of silence, Yoko's eye glinted. "And Hiei, what do you think of the LAUNDRY?"
Hiei slowly raised his head, bemused. "…What do I think of the LAUNDRY…?"
The fox was kicked, but he chose not to notice. "Yes, the laundry. Is it usually done to your satisfaction?"
"Perfectly well…" he answered slowly, staring across the table at the smiling face of his liege as though the straight jacket were about to rip. Botan locked eyes with Shizuru and communicated an unvoiced question akin to "what the hell is going on here?". Shizuru looked away and attempted not to giggle (or kill Yoko).
"Ah…what is going on?" the blue-haired woman finally inquired.
"Well, you see—" Yoko began, before Shizuru cut him off.
"Lord Yoko is considering giving me a raise, and he must know if—"
Yoko clamped his hand over her mouth. "—The laundry is being done to satisfaction. After all, a raise must be earned!"
Shizuru viciously bit his hand and spoke for herself. "He was also thinking of promoting me and hiring new staff, in which case he needs you to help with—"
"—The hiring process. After all, you did SUCH a good job selecting little Botan here. Speaking of which, I have a question for you, Hiei. Who do you—"
"Pardon me, Hiei, Botan, but I have to speak with Lord Yoko for a moment!" Shizuru grabbed him by the sleeve of his tunic and hauled the protesting fox into the corridor.
After a brief pause, Hiei walked over to the door and shut it. He turned and looked at Botan, eyes serious.
"Do you think they suspect anything?" he inquired, coming back over to her.
She sighed and picked at her stew with her fork. "They suspect SOMETHING, but I just don't know WHAT."
Hiei lifted her chin, forcing eye contact. "So we agree there's a problem. What are we going to do about it?"
Botan studiously avoided his ruby gaze. "I don't know. You're the brilliant tactician…what do you suggest?"
He released her and started to pace. "Well, we need an excuse for this sudden closeness. The problem is, it has to be a plausible one."
They pondered in unison for an endless silence, before Botan spoke. "Well, what if I was teaching you to cook? I could be planning on a visit to my family, and Yoko can't go without his food, can he? Simple solution, no questions asked!"
Hiei raised an eyebrow. "It certainly will take care of Yoko. But will Shizuru believe it?"
She shrugged. "We'll just have to hope, won't we?"
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"What were you DOING in there?" Shizuru exploded in a maelstrom of verbal abuse, most of which cannot be repeated for the public good.
Yoko winced. "What do you mean?"
She glowered at him. "You said you'd be SUBTLE. You said there was NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. You nearly just GAVE US AWAY! …And I'm not JEALOUS of Botan! I just want to know what's going ON!"
"Of course you do," Yoko responded seriously. "Your love drives you to intense curiosity about your darling Hiei's every movement."
"Can you take this SERIOUSLY?" she shot irately.
"My dearest Shizuru…" he said sincerely, gently taking her hand. "I am of the utmost sensitivity to your plight, and wish it to be known that I am available for emotional support at any time."
She snorted.
The lord huffed in offense. "What?"
"Look. A sexy woman in nothing but her undergarments."
"WHERE?"
"Knew you were lying."
He sniffed sadly. "You are cruel to me. I am trying to help you!"
"Well, you're not doing a very good job. Just look at what your brilliant idea about DINNER turned out like!"
"That was because you didn't let me handle it entirely on my own!"
She rolled her eyes in exasperation. "If I had let you handle it on your own, you would have ended up inviting Botan to spend the night with you!"
He stroked his chin thoughtfully. "That isn't that bad of an idea…"
Shizuru took a deep, calming breath and clasped her hands behind her back so that she couldn't throttle the demon. "Please, just listen to me. And take it seriously."
"I took what you said PERFECTLY seriously—"
"I DIDN'T mean for you to take my SARCASM seriously!"
.x.x.x.x.
"…They still aren't back."
"…Yeah, they aren't."
"…Would you go…?"
"Yes."
.x.x.x.x.
Hiei closed the door on the banquet hall, soft shoes silent on the stone floor of the hallway. He crossed through passages and chambers, following thegentle murmurof voices. Turning a corner, he spotted them—just as Lord Yoko himself pulled Shizuru into a firm lip-lock.
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"What the HELL did you just do?" a disgusted Shizuru cried out. She wiped her mouth avidly on her sleeve, noting that Hiei had disappeared
"I kissed you," he replied matter-of-factly, sporting a cheerful grin.
"But WHY?" she wailed.
"Because, dear Shizuru, I figured it out! What we need to do…" Yoko spoke excitedly, "is to make THEM jealous!"
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A/N: All right! I'm leaving it there so I can post quickly! With any luck, I'll have another chapter out before the weekend is over! Review! Constructive criticism welcomed!
