Title: Attn: All Shinigami

Rating: PG-13 (I really don't know how to rate these things… but this one's got language, as in the f-bomb)

Characters/Pairings: Gotei 13 (yay! I got all of 'em! I think...)

Word Count: 588

Warnings: No spoilers. Some Gin and Aizen bashing, though.

Summary: Yamamoto makes a grave mistake: sets up a community bulletin board.

A/N: If anyone is confuzzled by the way I set this up please let me know. I wasn't really sure how to distinguish each entry, so I made do. It may be confusing, though. And most of the stuff in the later part of this comes from actual bathroom graffiti. No joke. I just tweaked them a bit so they fit, and voila! Shinigami graffiti! .:shakes head:. My ideas keep getting weirder and weirder…

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One fine spring day, Yamamoto-soutaichou decided to create a bulletin board, in the hopes of promoting inter-division relations and providing an all-purpose sounding board for the various divisions.

It was one of Yamamoto's more spectacular mistakes.

A gentle reminder that taichou and fukutaichou meetings are today. Attendance is required.

--Ukitake Jushiro

Shinigami Women's Association meeting tonight at sundown. We look forward to seeing everyone there!

Get your fourth division asses over here to clean up the bloodstains at tenth division headquarters.

--K.Z.

I would take it kindly if you requested our aid rather than demanded it, Zaraki-taichou.

--Retsu Unohana

Ah… sorry, Unohana-taichou.

Will the eleventh division please cease sending their discarded body parts to sixth division headquarters?

--Kuchiki Byakuya

Shove it, pansy ass.

--K.Z.

I am shocked and appalled by your words, and that a man such as yourself would even dare to challenge the leader of the great Kuchiki house. Kindly escort yourself to sixth division headquarters, so that we may settle this like men.

--Kuchiki Byakuya

Bring it, bitch.

Can you people please stop talking about the taichou behind his back? He can hear you idiots. His ears are very sensitive.

--Iba Tetsuzaemon, seventh division

Party, tonight, eighth division headquarters.

--Shunsui

There is absolutely NO party tonight at eighth division headquarters.

--Nanao-fukutaichou

Nanao-chan,

In rolling waves

Is the wind that lifts my heart

To you my darling

--S.

P.S. Don't listen to Nanao-chan. Party, TONIGHT.

Seventh division members, please report to headquarters tomorrow morning as soon as possible. --Komamura-taichou

Oh, you can have the party at tenth division headquarters, Shunsui-taichou. I can shoo my taichou away…

--Matsumoto

Absolutely NOT. Matsumoto, please report the headquarters RIGHT NOW.

--Hitsugaya-taichou

Research subject are needed for Experiment #1278. Subjects please report to twelfth division headquarters.

--Kurotsuchi Mayuri

Like we'd go within twelve feet of you, freak ass.

--K.Z.

Ditto.

Hear, hear!

FREAK… but your daughter's HOTT

Please, do not wander into second division areas without proper permission. It interferes with training.

--Soi Fong-taichou

Ah, the angry little ninja girl speaks!

Who was that! Identify yourself! --Soi Fong

Hisagi, you bastard, give me back my best bottle of sake. I'll kick your ass.

--Renji

I don't have your sake, douchebag.

--H.S.

WHO HAS MY SAKE! --Renji

Sake is for pansies. Bring on the tequila!

One tequila two tequila three tequila FLOOR!

For a good time, call ICHIMARU GIN at 1-800-BITCH-CAKE

Yumichika has the sake. --Ikkaku

WHAT! Yumichika, don't you touch that! --Renji

Renji, stop this nonsense, immediately. Report to headquarters.

--Kuchiki-taichou

Yes, sir.

Kiss my beautiful ass, ugly. --Ayasegawa Yumichika

I'll KICK your--

eleventh division RULEZ… all you other bitch divisions can SUCK IT… especially fourth

Profanity is the linguistic crutch of inarticulate mother fuckers

Can we please stop insulting the fourth division? Thank you. --Isane-fukutaichou

Shinigami Do It With Swords

Goals for the year:
Find true love

Screw true love!

Both, yes?

ATTN: PLEASE STOP DEFACING THE BULLETIN BOARD. THANK YOU.

Aizen's mama is the square root of food

SEX MANUAL FOR SHINIGAMI:
1. In
2. Out
Repeat if necessary

why the heck do taichous always yell? when the person didn't do anything wrong... DAMMIT!

The horse's ass walks both ways.

eleventh PWNS

Don't discriminate, Hollows are people too!

ATTN: THE BULLETIN BOARD IS OFFICIALLY CLOSED. THANK YOU.

To this day, no one has ever suggested placing a bulletin board anywhere Shinigami can access it.

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END