Title: Attn: All Shinigami
Rating: PG-13 (I really don't know how to rate these things… but this one's got language, as in the f-bomb)
Characters/Pairings: Gotei 13 (yay! I got all of 'em! I think...)
Word Count: 588
Warnings: No spoilers. Some Gin and Aizen bashing, though.
Summary: Yamamoto makes a grave mistake: sets up a community bulletin board.
A/N: If anyone is confuzzled by the way I set this up please let me know. I wasn't really sure how to distinguish each entry, so I made do. It may be confusing, though. And most of the stuff in the later part of this comes from actual bathroom graffiti. No joke. I just tweaked them a bit so they fit, and voila! Shinigami graffiti! .:shakes head:. My ideas keep getting weirder and weirder…
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One fine spring day, Yamamoto-soutaichou decided to create a bulletin board, in the hopes of promoting inter-division relations and providing an all-purpose sounding board for the various divisions.
It was one of Yamamoto's more spectacular mistakes.
A gentle reminder that taichou and fukutaichou meetings are today. Attendance is required.
--Ukitake Jushiro
Shinigami Women's Association meeting tonight at sundown. We look forward to seeing everyone there!
Get your fourth division asses over here to clean up the bloodstains at tenth division headquarters.
--K.Z.
I would take it kindly if you requested our aid rather than demanded it, Zaraki-taichou.
--Retsu Unohana
Ah… sorry, Unohana-taichou.
Will the eleventh division please cease sending their discarded body parts to sixth division headquarters?
--Kuchiki Byakuya
Shove it, pansy ass.
--K.Z.
I am shocked and appalled by your words, and that a man such as yourself would even dare to challenge the leader of the great Kuchiki house. Kindly escort yourself to sixth division headquarters, so that we may settle this like men.
--Kuchiki Byakuya
Bring it, bitch.
Can you people please stop talking about the taichou behind his back? He can hear you idiots. His ears are very sensitive.
--Iba Tetsuzaemon, seventh division
Party, tonight, eighth division headquarters.
--Shunsui
There is absolutely NO party tonight at eighth division headquarters.
--Nanao-fukutaichou
Nanao-chan,
In rolling waves
Is the wind that lifts my heart
To you my darling
--S.
P.S. Don't listen to Nanao-chan. Party, TONIGHT.
Seventh division members, please report to headquarters tomorrow morning as soon as possible. --Komamura-taichou
Oh, you can have the party at tenth division headquarters, Shunsui-taichou. I can shoo my taichou away…
--Matsumoto
Absolutely NOT. Matsumoto, please report the headquarters RIGHT NOW.
--Hitsugaya-taichou
Research subject are needed for Experiment #1278. Subjects please report to twelfth division headquarters.
--Kurotsuchi Mayuri
Like we'd go within twelve feet of you, freak ass.
--K.Z.
Ditto.
Hear, hear!
FREAK… but your daughter's HOTT
Please, do not wander into second division areas without proper permission. It interferes with training.
--Soi Fong-taichou
Ah, the angry little ninja girl speaks!
Who was that! Identify yourself! --Soi Fong
Hisagi, you bastard, give me back my best bottle of sake. I'll kick your ass.
--Renji
I don't have your sake, douchebag.
--H.S.
WHO HAS MY SAKE! --Renji
Sake is for pansies. Bring on the tequila!
One tequila two tequila three tequila FLOOR!
For a good time, call ICHIMARU GIN at 1-800-BITCH-CAKE
Yumichika has the sake. --Ikkaku
WHAT! Yumichika, don't you touch that! --Renji
Renji, stop this nonsense, immediately. Report to headquarters.
--Kuchiki-taichou
Yes, sir.
Kiss my beautiful ass, ugly. --Ayasegawa Yumichika
I'll KICK your--
eleventh division RULEZ… all you other bitch divisions can SUCK IT… especially fourth
Profanity is the linguistic crutch of inarticulate mother fuckers
Can we please stop insulting the fourth division? Thank you. --Isane-fukutaichou
Shinigami Do It With Swords
Goals for the year:
Find true love
Screw true love!
Both, yes?
ATTN: PLEASE STOP DEFACING THE BULLETIN BOARD. THANK YOU.
Aizen's mama is the square root of food
SEX MANUAL FOR SHINIGAMI:
1. In
2. Out
Repeat if necessary
why the heck do taichous always yell? when the person didn't do anything wrong... DAMMIT!
The horse's ass walks both ways.
eleventh PWNS
Don't discriminate, Hollows are people too!
ATTN: THE BULLETIN BOARD IS OFFICIALLY CLOSED. THANK YOU.
To this day, no one has ever suggested placing a bulletin board anywhere Shinigami can access it.
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END
