So here we are again, ready for another chapter. So I guess I better get started. Just give me a second to think….. Okay now I'm ready.
Gokuing Deeper Under Ground
Back at the police garage Goku stuck a pin into a map of hell.
"Okay," he said proudly, "That's the location of our crime. Now let's see if there's a pattern."
"Why would we way to do that?" asked Freeza, sounding a little confused.
"Well I saw a movie once," said Goku, "where this evil cult where committing ritual murders in certain places so that the pattern made a mark, which opened a portal to hell!"
"Not to HELL!" screamed Cooler, "We're all doomed." With that the insane Icea ran through the nearest wall leaving a nice Cooler shaped hole behind him.
"Gee," said Goku "I thought that only happened in cartoons."
"I thought this was a cartoon," grumbled Cell.
"No it isn't," snapped Freeza "it's an anime! It's completely different!"
"Oooo aren't we mister touchy," mocked Cell, "If your so fussy about what it's called what's the difference?"
"That's easy," said Freeza confidently, "in an anime, or animated series for that matter; parents complain there should be an age rating if there's any violence in it. However in a cartoon you can shoot a duck in the head and cut a cat's tail in half and advertise it for children."
"Oh," said Cell, "That does actually make sense now."
"Ahem!" butted in Goku, "could we get back to the point!"
"What your ritual fertilizer thefts?" said Freeza trying to hide a smile.
"Yes the ones which could open a gate way to hell," finished Goku, quite seriously, then he pause for thought looking at the map. "What am I thinking," he said his voice suddenly full of realisation.
"Oh so you finally worked out the flaw in your theory," said Cell sarcastically.
"Yep," said Goku, "We won't be able to see a pattern yet as there has only been one crime to pin point. Guess we'll just have to wait for a few more thefts before we can see the evil mark." Cell and Freeza glared at him. "What?" asked Goku defensively.
"I think that we can safely assume that no one is trying open a portal to Hell!" snapped Cell, "since we're already there it would be a bit of a waste of time!"
"Oh," said Goku feeling rather foolish, "I guess your right. Okay then lets try theory number two," he flipped over a flip chart, replacing portal to hell with another theory. "The Fertilizer theft was committed to scare people away from the railway line so the gang who did it could look for the gold buried underneath it! What do you think?" Cell and Freeza stared at him blankly.
"Words fail me," said Cell.
"Yes I must ask," said Freeza, "are you really this stupid, or are you just playing dumb to make us do some of the work!"
"Hey I've never actually done this before!" snapped Goku, "All I know is what I've seen on TV, so give me a break." He angrily flipped over the chart again to his next theory, "Okay how about the Fertilizer, being a valuable commodity, is being used as an under world currency to purchase weapons, equipment and favours to grant the gang who stole it an advantage in the under world gang war." Cell and Freeza froze.
"So you did watch a few realistic cop shows," mumbled Freeza quietly.
"Great!" said Goku failing to spot Freeza's negative tone, "Let's try to work out which gang did it." Goku hurried over to the corner and picked up the box of the evidence they had collected at the crime scene.
"Right as I haven't been here very long I don't know which gangs are particularly common around here so you two are going to have to help me out," said Goku sifting thought the evidence. There was rather a lot of it, and all of it pointed to a gang of ex- Freeza solders.
"I don't know," said Cell trying to stall Goku, "It could be any gang really; lots of them used this sort of stuff."
"Really," said Goku, "I would have thought that the gangs would have used different weapons and armour, you know as part of there identity."
"Oh that's just a popular fictional misconception," said Call calmly, "really gangs just use stuff which is cheap, like this stuff." Goku examined one of the pieces of armour on the table.
"I guess this stuff is pretty cheap," he said.
"Yep," said Cell, "Its cheap tat!"
"It's not cheap tat!" snapped Freeza, unable to take the digs at his old army anymore, "My army only used the best equipment!" Goku looked at him.
"So your saying that this was done by a bunch of your ex solders?" he asked. Freeza was about to reply when he saw Cell snap a pen behind Goku's back.
"Err… well it could have been," he said trying to sound vague, having remembered his father's threat, "But it is such high quality material that anyone could have stolen it, and my men wouldn't have been clumsily enough to leave all that stuff behind!"
"Hmmm," mused Goku thoughtfully, "I do actually think that your men are just the kind of clumsy people who would have left all that stuff behind."
"Yes," admitted Freeza slowly, "but…"
"Right," interrupted Goku, "we have our prime suspects. I'm going to look though the HFIL property records to see if there is any where owned by one of your men which is big enough to hide all that fertilizer. I'll be back in a bit." With that Goku teleported away leaving Cell and Freeza alone.
"Tell me Freeza," said Cell angrily, "do you want to have your neck broken?" Freeza looked sheepish.
"It's not a complete disaster," said Freeza quickly, "we could still stop him, you said that you had a plan."
"Fortunately I do," said Cell, "In fact I have two plans to help us save our necks."
"Really!" exclaimed Freeza, "what are they?"
"I'll show you the first one now!" said Cell with an evil smile….
Goku left the HIFL administration office about an hour later. That was a rather quick turn around for anyone trying to get information from the office. Of course the only information he had got was that the computer data base was down and that the written records had been temporarily misplaced. Still there were some people who had spent months trying to find that out. The only bad point was that it didn't get him any closer to the location of the missing fertiliser. Goku wondered whether Cell and Freeza might have found anything, but he doubted it, as far as he was concerned they seemed to merely be interested in doing as little work as possible. Hence he was rather surprised to see the Nissan Sunny parked out side the office.
"Maybe I miss judged them," thought Goku. Some people would have been annoyed at being proved wrong like that (AhVegetaem) but Goku, with his irrepressible belief that people could change, jogged up to the car to see what they had to suggest.
"Any luck?" asked Cell when the Saiyan leaned into the car though the window.
"No, I-" said Goku pausing abruptly, "Why dose Freeza have gaffer tape over his mouth?"
"Oh that?" said Cell innocently, "I just thought it would stop him giving you any more misleading information."
"Good plan," said Goku acknowledging Freeza's slightly contradictorily earlier contributions to the progress of the investigation. "Anyway I didn't find anything in the property office…"
"Don't worry about that," said Cell, "I'm sure King Co-" Freeza hit him, "I mean the criminal wouldn't store the goods on some of their property. They are probably storing them in some of the caves out side the city."
"What in the forbidden Demon Zone?" said Goku, "Now that would be clever, I heard Chi-Chi read Gohan a book about smugglers who hid their goods in a cave once. Let's check it out."
"Great, hope in," said Cell, he gave Freeza a tap on the back, "You know where we're going right?" Freeza nodded.
"Err… should he really be driving with his mouth taped up?" asked Goku.
"Why not?" asked Cell sounding a little confused.
"Well how is he going to curse at the other drivers?" asked Goku, just then a Rover driver cut them up at a junction. Freeza leaned out of the window and fired a death beam though the Rover's tyres. Before pushing it off the road and racing off.
"Never mind," sighed Goku.
The Forbidden Demon Zone is an area out side of the main city in Hell and as its name suggests, is off limits to Hell citizens and full of demons. Well not really demons; that was just what early inhabitants of hell called them. They are actually just the nastiest and evilest animals that have ever live, Godzilla, Jaws, that annoying little dog that yaps at anyone who comes near it and so on. And it isn't really forbidden either; it's just that you would have to be mad to enter it voluntarily. So it isn't really that misleading a name is it. What the Forbidden Zone is is dark, rocky and baron. And the roads aren't too good either…
Front wheel drive was not ideal for climbing a hill on a gravel road. Cell was sure that Freeza was using more of the Sunny's power to move gravel then he was using to move the car.
"If we get ambushed by a dinosaur now we're dinner," he thought, "well Freeza will be dinner any way, I'll throw him at it to draw its attention." As you can see Cell was good at coming up with plans for every scenario. However this particular plan was unneeded as the only animal that threatened them was an incontinent Pigeon, but that didn't matter too much because the car was already white. Eventually they reached there destination.
"Okay stop here," said Cell, "we're here." Freeza brought the car to a halt at the entrance of a cave.
"What's so special about this cave?" asked Goku, "It looks just like all the others."
"Yes but according to the tourist brochure," explained Cell, "This is the only cave in the zone with an under ground river, just the kind of place you could hide a large amount of fertilizer without any chance of it being found.
"Good thought," said Goku, "but can we be sure, we could spend days searching these caves, I don't want to waste all that time."
"Don't worry;" said Cell calmly, "I brought a sniffer dog with us."
"Really?" said Goku keenly, "let's see it."
Cell lead Goku round to the back of the car where he opened the boot (trunk for Americans). As soon as it was open Cooler bounded out of the back wearing a pain of novelty ears.
"WOOF!" he barked happily.
"You are kidding aren't you," said Goku sounding distinctly unimpressed.
"I never joke," said Cell connecting a leash to Cooler's neck, "unless it's about George Bush. Now pass me some Fertilizer." Goku did so. Cell held the dirt up to Cooler's nose. The "dog" took a big sniff and suddenly charged off into the cave dragging Cell behind him!
"See" shouted Cell over the sound of Cooler barking, "I never jo-" He suddenly tripped over a rock in the cave. This didn't slow down Cooler in the slightest, who suddenly started weaving across the cave throwing Cell's body into every sharp rock available. The evil android started to have flash backs to a fight with Vegeta as he became personally equated with all the hard walls and edges of the cave. Eventually Cooler stopped suddenly, throwing Cell over his shoulder and into a freezing lake! Cell emerged to see Goku and Freeza arrive at the lakes edge.
"See," declared Cell triumphantly trying to save face, "what did I tell you an under ground river."
Freeza looked around a little puzzled, he tired to say something but remembering the tape wrote it down on a note pad.
"Where does it go then smart arse?" it read. Cell looked around the cave but couldn't see anywhere for the lake to go. He probably could have though of something, but he was cold and wanted a towel. Goku came to the rescue.
"It will probably travel though some under water caves," he said, "I'm swum though them before when I was a kid; I can probably do it again. Do we have any air tanks?"
"Why would you want one of those?" asked Cell shivering as he climbed out of the water.
"Well I don't really fancy drowning if it's all the same to you," said Goku, "and there is no way that Cooler can be an air tank before you suggest it!"
"I wasn't going to," said Cell, "I was just going to say that you can't drown because you're already dead!"
"Oh yeah," said Goku, "well in that case I'll just tied this rope around me, you lot hold onto it, and then I can use it to guide myself back here, I wouldn't want to get lost in these tunnels. If that happened I could be lost for weeks."
"Yes," said Cell innocently, "That would be tragic." Goku nodded.
"Okay guys wish me luck," he said. With that he Saiyan dived into the water and swam away. Cell waited for him to disappear under water for a few minutes before turning to Freeza.
"Well I think that went rather well," he said.
"Mmmmm" said Freeza in an irritated tone.
"Oh year I can remove the taper now can't I," said Cell. The Evil android carefully grabbed the edge of the tape before suddenly ripping it off Freeza's face.
"Aggghhh!" screamed Freeza, "You could have done that a bit gentler!"
"Hey I just saved you having to shave your lip for a while!" protested Cell
"I don't need to save anyway!" snapped Freeza. Cell looked at the back of the tape.
"Oh year, that would explain how clean this is," he said, "Still you will thank me later."
"How come?" asked Freeza.
"Because I dropped Goku's rope to do that," explained Cell.
"Oh what a shame," said Freeza, "we'll be without Goku for months now, how tragic."
"Yep," said Cell, "what ever will we do."
"Oh don't worry guys," said Cooler, capable of speech once more, "I caught it."
Cell turned round to thump him, but before he did he noticed something odd about the rope Cooler was holding, it was too thick to be the rope he gave Goku, and he swore that ropes weren't scaly. Suddenly it clicked.
"THAT'S NOT A ROPE YOU IDIOT!" screamed Cell, "IT'S A DINOSAUR TALE!"
"DON'T SHOUT LIKE THAT," bellowed Freeza, "YOU'LL WAKE IT UP!"
Neither of these speeches were productive, as Cooler yanked on the tale just to make sure the creature couldn't remain asleep. The sharp toothed creature got up and glared at the through burning eyes. Then it roared, shaking the cave. Freeza leapt in to Cell's arms, like Scooby Doo. Cooler merely smiled.
"Funny," he mused, "It may have been asleep but you think we would have noticed something that big!"
A few seconds later two figures sprinted out of a cave, dragging a third behind them, who was busy taking photos of the dinosaur that was chasing them. He was promptly thrown into the back of the car, outside the cave which sped off. I tell you now that you could go to any road in the world, even an autobahn in Germany where there are no speed limits, but you would never see a Nissan Sunny go so fast.
Goku was a little confused as he swum thought the dark waters of the cave. He could have sworn that the rope was not as long as he had swum, but perhaps he just hadn't swum as far as he had thought. Suddenly he saw something in the water. Goku used a ki ball to light it up. It looked like algae.
"What would algae be doing in a cave?" wondered Goku. The Saiyan swum to the surface to investigate. He quickly found an answer. This part of the cave was lit by an electric light, and the algae's food supply was a huge pile of fertilizer sitting on a dry ledge!
"Whoo hoo! Thank you so much guys," he said to the algae, "Now all I need to do is sit here and wait for who ever stole it to arriv-" suddenly someone grabbed him around the neck, preventing him from finishing the sentence.
"Hello Kakarot!" said a familiar voice, "So we meat again." Goku carefully strained his neck to see who it was. Eventually he managed it.
"Oh hello Broly," he said calmly, trying not to scream, "fancy meeting you here…"
Will Goku survive his encounter with Broly, can a Nissan Sunny out run a dinosaur, does the author actually know what is going to happen next? Find out the answer to all these questions in the next chapter of Law and Order: HIFL department. Please Review while you wait.
