Confidently walking between the large trees marking the start of the Forbidden Forest; Harry and his friends Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Luna and Neville screamed. Ron, the tallest of the six, cowardly ran behind Luna, who in turn crouched behind Neville (however this was not hard due to his large frame). Scuttling sideways like a crab, Neville tried to dive for cover behind Hermione who stood stubbornly trying to stare the eight-eyed creature who stood taller than the astronomy tower in the eye. Ginny dashed behind Harry, who also ran behind the closest and widest tree that he could find.
"Spider…BIG Spider …" Ron muttered incoherently behind Luna, Neville and Hermione, all who turned around to stare.
Stepping from in front of the small group, Hermione loudly exclaimed "He won't hurt you Ron. Spiders eat their food whole!" and walked over to pull Harry and Ginny behind the large oak that Harry had found. "Honestly, you two! We are in the middle of a crisis!" she tussed at them while she separated them.
"But, Mione! We don't need to be eaten yet! The spider has four of you to get through before he can eat us!" Harry complained to his best friend.
"Yeah, Hermione! Please don't let me die a virgin!" Ginny pleaded as she pulled at her arm.
"I'm not stupid or blind Ginny! I know that you are not a virgin! You seem to have forgotten last year. Do you need reminding, that I walked in with you and Michael Corner?" Hermione replied smugly as Ron's head popped out from behind Luna.
"Michael Corner? Michael-bloody-Corner? Please tell me that I heard that wrong. You, and Michael Corner?" Ron angrily yelled, suddenly forgetting about the spider looking down at him.
"Ron? Ron. The spider …" Ginny replied to her older brother, smiling as he crouched further behind Luna screaming.
"I do have a name you know!" shouted the spider angrily as five faces peered curiously at him (Ron was still hiding behind Luna). "BamBam, son of Aragog" he proudly told them only to receive blank looks of confusion, "What? Didn't you guys watch the Flintstones?"
"Honey! BamBam dearie, where are you? You can't hide from me forever, you sexy piece of spider!" and unknown voice filtered between the trees.
"Oh Shit! Hide me! He can not find me!" the spider cried, as he looked desperately for an escape, "Please, please help me!"
"What the – " Harry started as he painfully peeled himself away from Ginny's embrace, only to be interrupted by a thin, snake-like man running through the bushes and hugging BamBam's leg.
"I'm so sorry, sweetie. I'll never do it again. You know I have reflexes and occasionally kill people! You just have to forgive me!"
"VOLDEMORT!" Hermione and Harry yelled in unison as they slowly realised who it was, that was practically humping the spiders leg.
"Sweetie? Who are these people? Are they your friends?" Voldemort asked his hump-buddy and friendly turned around "Darlings, I'm Lord Voldiegoldie now! It has a much better ring to it!" humming, he started to sing, "Voldiegoldie, Voldiegoldie, you're my number one, Lord Vodiegollldddieeee! (this is the part where he goes unnaturally high-pitched, like someone is tightly squeezing his balls, and manages to crack Harry's glasses). No more mass-muggle-murders, just some spider looovvviiinggg. Voldiegoldie, Voldiegoldie, you're my number one, Lord Voldiegolllddieeee! (He is now blue in the face from screaming his name!)"
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Mwah
Queen of the Scoubies.
