Fairy Tail is the creation and property of Mashima Hiro and Kodansha. Because it doesn't have enough money for the things it wants, it hangs around in street corners after dark, whoring itself out to little gradeschool girls and satisfying lolis for money.

Mahou Sensei Negima! is the creation and property of Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha. It likes to go to street corners after dark and be satisfied for money.

ANOTHER IMPORTANT WARNING: If you don't favorite this story, in three days the spirit of a boy who killed himself over the horrible end of Negima will come out of your toilet, kill you in your sleep and drag your body down the sewers.


Irredemediably Collateral and Supplemental.

Chapter Four: Dial H for Homo!

Edits, Proofreading and Pudding by Shadow Crystal Mage.


Two lone figures trudged across the vast wastelands of Mundus Magicus, wrapped in ragged, concealing cloaks and heroically withstanding the wrath of the ferocious winds battering them.

"Hold on, Cocone-chan!" the taller figure shouted over the roar of the wind. "I'll get you alive to Misora yet! Don't lose faith in your Oneechan...!"

"..." the smaller figure said. She said it very eloquently, particularly the part about not being able to lose faith you didn't have in the first place.

Then the taller person gasped, stopping at the sight of a gigantic city in the middle of a valley, right at the end of their torturous mountain road. "Cocone-chan! Behold! We are saved! Civilization, at last!"

"..." the shorter person said, and then, "Saotome-san, that's a city populated by demi-humans, I don't think we'll be welcomed there at all..."

"Oh, we'll just put on some nekomimi and fake tails and fit right in, you'll see!"

"... I don't think it'll be that easy at all..." the other, whispering individual said, but then the other female grabbed her by the hand, forcefully pulled her down along with herself, and Cocone Fatima Rosa couldn't do anything but following her into the heart of a hostile city of non-human races...


"Huh," Cocone said as she and Saotome Haruna sat in a public library, checking on large stacks of official books and records, big steaming cups of delicious hot cocoa by their sides. "This city is far more welcoming than it used to be..."

The small, gray-furred bunny officer who had found them wandering along the streets, half-starved and, in Haruna's case, delirious (though she was not to know that was a normal state of affairs), shrugged her narrow shoulders. "Well, you know, we've grown a lot more inclusive and accepting of late, ever since a cleanup of the Mayor's office."

"Not to boast, but we had something, just a wee bit, to do with that," smirked the red fox police partner of the bunny, sitting by her side and before the human girls. "Like my famous ancestor who went to the old world to find his fortune and became a famous hero! You know, you kinda look familiar, for some reason. Are you sure we haven't-?"

The bunny laughed lightly. "Don't be silly, Nick, how could we know them at all when they come from so far away? It's not often humans wander into Zootopia at all, the only way we could've ever seen their faces would be in a global alarm... like... the one... from..."

They stared blankly at each other, checked on the contents of their smartphones, and then glared accusingly at the girls.

"Um..." Haruna uneasily said. "We can explain it..."

"Okay," the fox said. "Explain it, then."

"Seriously?" Haruna blinked. "Without arresting us first?"

The fox shrugged. "Look, we've been fugitives ourselves before, we know how these things can be. Besides, and maybe I shouldn't be saying this, but it's not like we don't have a few friends who are sorta playing at the other side of the fence themselves..."


"And why should we go all the way up there, just to catch two little girls?" groaned Natsu, splayed on one of the couches of the Guild's greeting room, eyes lazily half closed. "You need to catch a train or whaleship to get there, so I'm not interested..."

"Even if they're wanted terrorists, I have to say I'd prefer going after the ringleader," Gray nodded. "Hunting young girls? That's too much like bullying for my liking. For God's sake, they're even younger than Yukino and Nanami..."

"I have something that might convince you to help," the government officer said, and then pulled out a stack of magazines from his briefcase, showing them to Lucy, Natsu, Erza, Happy and Gray. The girls' eyes bugged out, the cat laughed dumbly, and the boys instantly saw red.

Forbidden Love in the Magical Guild! boldly proclaimed the cover showing a half-naked, highly stylized Natsu and Gray sensually embracing each other...

"NO TERRORIST LITTLE GIRLS WILL ESCAPE JUSTICE!" Gray and Natsu cried.

Lucy stared with a rapidly reddening face. "W-well, art isn't a crime. In f-fact, d-didn't the continent of Remnant fight the rest of the world for the right of artistic free expression? I-I'm sure… "

Silently, the government agent pulled out another stack.

More Forbidden Love In The Magical Guild! it just as boldly proclaimed the cover showing a naked, stylized Lucy, only strategic strands of hair only technically concealing the censorable bits that weren't quite censored enough, being dominated by a naked, stylized Mirajane on top of a a naked, stylized Erza…

"My, what a stunningly rendered depiction of 'The Congress of The Trinity'," Erza said approvingly.

"Eh, Mirajane keeps hinting at more," Lucy said, not even bothering anymore.


"Ah, this is the good life, ain't it, Coco-chan?" a smugly smiling Haruna said, chilling at a huge Jacuzzi with Cocone, both submerged up to their chests. Haruna had her glasses and a pimping gold chain as a collar on, but that was it. Around them, muscular polar bears in black Speedos poured them soft drinks in the Roman-styled bath that looked like something out of a degenerate Emperor's fantasy (the naked woman carved all over it was in fact Emperor Nero, who was pretty damned degenerate. She deliberately lets her panties be seen!) "In three months, starting from nothing but Mr. Big's loan, we've built a whole empire spanning the world! We have enlightened millions! We're queens of the world, baby...!"

"I still miss Misora," Cocone very quietly said.

Then the bath's rooms exploded from the outside, and several polar bear guards were thrown in, brutally pummeled and hurt. Haruna rose from the water in all her naked glory, gasping as she saw an also naked black haired hunk bursting in. At first she thought it was some sort of room service Mr. Big-sama had hired for her, and was seriously thinking of inviting him to join in and then pray for Rito's forgiveness, but just as soon, she recognized him, and the other boy she had used in her one of her many FT doujin also broke in, with flaming fists and a look of supreme anger.

"YOUUUUU BIIIIIIITCH!" Natsu Dragneel roared in a paroxism of fury.

The tiny shrew in a fine black suit staggered in between the boys' feet, desperately gesturing at Haruna and Cocone. "Flee, ragazzas! Save yourselves! I, I'm sorry, I really am...!"

"Saotome Haruna!" Gray shouted. "You're under arrest in the name of the Allied Governments of Mundus Magicus and the Comics Code Authority on charges of global sabotage, mass terrorism, sexual exploitation, public corruption of our fair countries... but mostly, of slander and malicious lies! You cow, how could you ever say I'd be gay for this MORON!"

"Damn! You'll never get me alive!" Haruna swore, grabbing Cocone by a hand and jumping out the nearest window with her. "Ha ha ha ha ha! I'll be back, suckers! Hasta la vista!"

"Curses!" Gray seethed, running to the window and seeing the duo had landed on a whaleship waiting below, which was quickly ascending and taking them out of range while Haruna cackled madly, still naked. "They're escaping!"

"NOOOOOOOO!" Natsu shook a fist at the sky. "Fuck fujoshis, man! Fuck fujoshis to death...!"

"Girls? Girls!" Lucy shouted, running to the window as well. "Why are they running, Erza?"

A somber Erza, still holding several Yaoi and yuri magazines in each hand, spoke sternly. "Because we have to chase them."

"They didn't do anything wrong!" sobbed Lucy, hugging her own Yaoi magazines, and even a few (GASP!) Het with Yaoi overtones and subtext.

"They are the heroines Mundus Magicus deserves, but not the ones it needs right now. So, we'll hunt them, because they can take it. Because they're not our heroines."

"NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!" Natsu and Gray yelled.

"They are silent benefactors," Erza stoically told Lucy, her eyes fixed on the sky over the darkened city. "Watchful providers. Shounen Ai Knights."

"WHAT THE FUCK, ERZA, WHAT ARE YOU ON?!" Natsu and Gray protested.

"Um, bambino, can you put some pants on now?" Mr. Big asked Gray. "I have a young daughter at this house, you know..."


The End!


"Wait a minute," Elfman grumbled, looking up from his Yuri doujin, "this wasn't even a Fairy Tail omake, it was a Negima omake! Why to waste time with this when they already have their own fanfic and we haven't even shown up yet?"

Cana kicked him in a shin while deeply lost in reading her own Yaoi doujin. "Shut up, nobody asked for your opinion."


To be Continued.