Chapter 7 Let it all end
Osaka High school Gate
When I emerged from my hiding spot with my book bag in one hand and the umbrella, my phone was buzzing with messages from Tomoko telling me to hurry. Running as fast as I could I thought I could make it to the cemetery.
But that was when I began to see more and more flashbacks of what I thought was myself running towards Natsuki's house six month's ago that night. I kept running towards the cemetery but it felt like I had weights strapped to my feet slowing me down. Ignoring it, I kept going in the direction of the cemetery.
The Graveyard
By the time I got there I saw an already crying Tomoko who ran past me. That was when I saw her, Yuri laying next to Natsuki's grave. Dead. With a knife in her stomach. Dropping everything I quickly ran over to her and held her in my arms.
That's when the memories of Natsuki flooded my mind and history repeated it's self once again. Tears flooded my eyes as I couldn't save her, I began to cry that day.
That was when I saw Monika from the corner of my eyes and tears welled up in her eyes as she collapsed and cried her eyes out knowing that I wasn't fast enough.
If only I got here I could have stopped her from ending it all. Monika went off somewhere. I left as well, I couldn't stand to be here anymore.
MC's house
I ignored messages from both Sayori, Tomoko and Monika. I just didn't want to be bothered, Depression was already sinking back in and thoughts of me ending it all were at the razors edge as well.
I'm so sorry Yuri,I wasn't fast enough to save you! This is all my fault it's like I failed Natsuki all over again. I guess I just let people die no matter what I do. I thought. I'll just have to get through school and whatever I do after that it won't matter.
Naomi didn't bother me either, I'll likely just cut contact with Monika, Sayori, Tomoko and Naomi. As I'd just be a burden to them and they would be better off without me. Day turned to night and it felt like my world was spinning like it was 6 month's ago. I eventually past out from crying myself to sleep.
I awoke the next morning with heavy bags underneath my eyes from the constant nightmares not just of Natsuki but now of Yuri. This is going to be hell. I thought bitterly. That was when I heard footsteps enter my house and up the stairs to my room. When my door opened I saw Monika, Sayori, Naomi, Tomoko and someone else I never met before.
By the time Monika and the rest of the girls saw the heavy bags underneath my eyes Monika rushed to my side but I brushed her off. I guess she already figured out what I am going through. "MC if need someone to talk to." said Monika sadly.
I said nothing in reply and walked to the bathroom to take a shower and get dressed. As I let the water wash over me I began to let the events lead up to arriving at the cemetery to see Yuri's dead body.
And already I thought of just letting it all end, and while I really wanted to I would just end up in a coma again. It wasn't worth it. I got dressed in a tuxedo that I had for a while,but I guess that I may as well get it over with.
All of us walked out of my bedroom and out of the house. All of us walked to the Cemetery to see a crowd of people and a casket with a picture of a smiling Yuri. Already tears were welling in my eyes. But I had to get this over with.
The Cemetery
While the funeral was going on I thought back to doing anything to save Yuri maybe get her to open up doing anything to save her. Save her from ending her life just hours ago. I never spoke a single word. It's like Yuri was gone without a trace,it was hell living without her.
While Monika, Sayori, Tomoko, Naomi and this other person known as Kyoko who is a spitting image of Yuri. Oh great now I need to be reminded of Yuri even here. I thought bitterly. I looked up and it started to rain. Great just great. Rather poetic that it would rain like this.
While Monika spoke first more and more thoughts began to flood my mind. Thoughts of Yuri, and Natsuki. It was hard to get through the whole funeral without crying but I eventually began to break down. I began to blame myself. I'm not sure if I can get through this.
Hours later
The funeral ended and I simply buried any feelings I had and just threw myself into my studies. I no longer cared for anyone anymore.
It was best to just focus on my studies and try and get through life. I slowly began to cut contact with Monika, Sayori (who moved back to Tokyo), Naomi, Tomoko, and now Kyoko. School was just hell all over again,the classes were boring, and the teachers were boring as ever. Hours turned into weeks and weeks into month's. I heard that Yuri's parents eventually left Osaka and went somewhere else.
To me it felt like it was for the best. I may as well just plan to move out as well, no sense in staying here when I'm constantly reminded of Yuri and Natsuki. I thought to where I wanted to move to and Kyoto felt like a place to move to. At least it will be far enough away from Osaka,away from everything that I see of both Yuri and Natsuki. I feel like I can no longer be here anymore. If I stay here I'll end up attempting to end my own life for a second time and maybe succeed.
Of course I ignored Sayori my own childhood friends texts as she was desperately trying to reach out to me again. Not this time Sayori , this time it's too much for me and I have to bear it alone. I know what she was trying to do and frankly it wasn't going to work. Monika tried the same thing, even openly talking to me.
But all I did was simply shut her out and shut her down every single time. Even Naomi tried to get me to open up but it was the same with her much like Sayori, me shutting her out and shutting her down. I became so numb to everyone around me that I may as well not exist here.
I left school knowing that I'd have to pack up to leave for college or at least get a job of some kind. That was when an idea struck me . Writing. It was the only thing I could take away from being in the literature club.
MC's house
Naomi didn't notice me entering the house. Not that I minded. And not that I cared either. I won't be ever returning here to Osaka. It's best if I just move out of here and leave everything behind. I walked up the stairs to my room.
I closed and locked the door knowing what I had to do next. Leave. I began packing my clothes and everything in my room. And keep it well hidden from everyone. Even Naomi.
This is the only thing left to me. To just leave and never contact any one of my friends. I thought. I decided to even take my phone with me and perhaps later ditch it or leave it here. Once everything was packed I moved to my desk and opened up the drawer to take out Nasuki's phone,her crumpled up suicide note, and the diary. I closed my eyes knowing what had to be done next. I took out a blank sheet of paper, sat at my desk, grabbed a nearby pen or pencil and began to write.
Should anyone find this
I can't take living here anymore. I feel like I was the cause of Yuri's and Natsuki's death, and I'll be moving away. Don't bother trying to look for me. Trust me you won't find me here anymore,I'll be like a ghost and vanish. I can't begin to force myself to continue living here in Osaka, it's just one massive graveyard with people as walking tombstones and they don't even know it. I can't live like that. And I won't, this is where it all ends. This is where I end.
Goodbye,
MC former member of the literature club.
I placed the note on my desk as I packed up the clues that I have collected thus far. I then packed up my PC and any books and placed them into boxes. I had to hide them as well. Goodbye literature club, and good bye Osaka not that I cared anyhow! It's best to just move on. I thought.
