Chapter 23

I had a really hard time sleeping that night. I couldn't stop worrying about him. I knew it was stupid,but I did love him and I did care about him. What the hell was wrong with me? Why was I stupid enough to come here in the first place?

My body was getting weaker. But I needed to hold on. I couldn't leave him now. I loved him too much to leave him now. I was probably just being weak,not my body. I tried not to cough too much though.

I had my back turned to him so I didn't know if he was still awake or not. I coughed again. Oh dammit,I thought. I probably just woke him up!

"Nicole?"he asked. He turned over and looked at me. I closed me eyes,pretending to be asleep. He kissed my cheek. "Are you asleep?"

I shook my head and turned over.

"Still don't feel good?"

"Not really."

He got off the bed and went back to the bathroom to get me some medicine. "You know you shouldn't have come here." He walked back to me and gave me the pills and a glass of water.

"Stop reminding me,"I said after I took them.

"It's for your own good."

I sighed and didn't say anything.

"How long did you know he was still alive?"

I knew what he was talking about. "I knew about it the day before you left."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Why do you think? I didn't want you to leave."

"I was going to have to leave anyways."

"Yeah I know."

"And…"

"You didn't have a choice. Well,I didn't have much of a choice either."

"You could have stayed home like I told you to."

"And you could have stayed with me."

"You're wrong."

"God I wish I was."

"You think it's so easy."

"It wasn't easy…"I said calmly.

"What?"

"Nothing is every easy Kirill. It wasn't easy having to walk away from that life…it wasn't easy seeing you again either…"

He sighed and put his arm around my shoulder.

"It wasn't easy seeing my parents die right in front of my eyes when I was nine years old."

"Is that why…?"

"Why what?"

"Is that the reason why you joined?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I needed to get revenge. So they dragged my butt into the operation and there I was. I didn't think I had a choice to leave…plus I enjoyed it."

"Really?"

"Do you think many nine year olds get to handle a shot gun? God that was fun."

"Then why did you leave?"

"There wasn't any point. After you came they didn't really need me any more. I didn't have to go to missions so I thought there wasn't any point in staying. But it wasn't easy…"I started coughing again.

"Are you all right?"

I nodded,still coughing. "Yeah…I'm fine. Nothing I can't handle."

"You should get some rest."

"When are you leaving?"

"I don't know yet. I think I need to stay here and take care of you for a while."

"Sounds good."

He kissed me on the forehead. "Get some sleep."