WARNING:
THIS CHAP CONTAINS THONGS AND MALFOY BEING CALLED A CUPCAKE

THANK YOU! to everyone that either flamed me or actually found something nice to say. both are always appreciated.

----- Chapter 9: Deity ----- (Hermione's POV)

The owls came soaring past my head and landed on the table where Draco was still sitting. 'Ah, well, so much for a triumphant exit,' I sighed.

"Hey, Granger, this is one's yours. It has to be if there's a head badge in it," Draco said sarcastically.

"I wouldn't be so sure," I said, looking in my packet, "This one's got a badge in it too."

"You know what this means..."

"Yeah. It means we're the new Head Boy and Girl."

"Actually, I was going to say that it confirms the fact that Dumbledore's off his rocker."

"Oh, shut it, Malfoy," I spat, chucking my new Head Girl badge at him.

"Now, now, Granger. Don't make me give you a detention as my first act on duty as a Head Boy. Please control your temper."

"Oh, come on, Malfoy. You can't possibly be serious!"

"And what if I am, Granger?"

"Then you've gone nutters. I'm leaving." Then, waving my school supplies list in the air, I added, "Shopping to do, you know."

"Wait!" Malfoy scrambled to catch up with me as I walked out into the hustle and bustle of Diagon Alley.

"What," I said, turning to face him.

"Well," he blushed slightly, "I've never been here without me mum, and... well... Will you let me go shopping with you, and you can, um, you can help me?"

I started to laugh, causing him to turn even redder from embarrassment, and possibly a bit of anger. "Well, I guess so..."

"Cool. Let's go get the books first."

"Alright," I sighed and led the way. 'Great, I'm shopping with Draco Malfoy. What a strange week.'

After getting all of our books, including a new one called:

Leadership and Rebellion: A Guide to Living a Complete Life,

Draco went to get both of our kit additions for Potions class while I stayed behind.

"Hey! Get your nose out of that book, Granger! You owe me fifty-seven sickles for the equipment," Malfoy called ten minutes or so later.

"But the addition kits are only fifty each."

"Yeah. Fifty for the kit and seven for my ice-cream," he replied, once again leaning forward, grinning rather childishly.

'I hope this doesn't become a habit for him to smile like that. He looks like a cute little kid. Wait, cute?'

"Fine, here." I shoved the money into his hand.

"Now the only thing left is robes and other clothes," Malfoy commented.

"Hey," I said, backing away, "you can do that yourself. I'm not helping you buy footy-pajamas." I had a mental flash of him in bunny-rabit footy-pj's and started to giggle.

"Granger. Quit thinking of me like that. I'd prefer that you picture me in a thong. Preferably green, but red is alright." He smirked.

"Ugh! That's bloody disgusting, Malfoy! Ew!" I exclaimed. 'How cruel could he possibly be? Imprinting that image in my mind?... He'd look much sexier in boxers... Satin boxers... Ugh. I really should stop thinking of him like this.'

"So you in? Maybe we can both get a thong." He smirked again, waiting for my reaction.

I composed myself before replying coolly, "I will if you do."

He looked a little surprised, but said, "Deal. But let's get them first. No hanging around and stalling, right?"

"Well, let's go, then!" I said. I think my enthusiasm scared him a bit. Solely to frighten him more, I grabbed his hand and pulled him through the crowds. We were practically running... Well... I was running and he was being dragged along by the arm. I laughed.

"I'm sorry, but I have yet to find a reason that being dragged by a mudblood to go thong shopping is funny."

"It's not that. Look."

He looked in the window. The place was packed full of Hogwarts' students.

"OK. Now THAT's not funny," he commented.

"Hey. You and I made a deal. I'm not ashamed," I said, smiling evilly.

"Yeah, because you're a girl!"

"After you fruitcake!" I said, and pushed him in.

In the 'Undergarments' section, we found the table with the thongs.

"Don't you ever call me that again, Granger."

"Shut up, Cupcake." I picked up a silk red thong, a navy-blue one with beads on the straps, and a plain black one. Then, grabbing Malfoy's arm, once again, I dragged him into a dressing room with me.

"What do you think you're doing?" he asked, pulling his arm from my grasp.

"We are here to try on our thongs," I replied calmly and without hesitation.

"Well, could you try yours on in a different stall?"

"They're all taken," I lied, starting to unbutton my robes. "Here. Could you be a dear and unbutton the last one?" I asked politely and innocently. I turned around.

He looked away, and unbuttoned the last one.

"Thanks," I muttered. I handed him the red silky one, smiling at his look of disgust.

"Which one are you trying on?"

I held up the blue one and the black one, "I know I'm already getting the black one, but what do you think about the blue one?"

"Remind me not to ask you anything EVER again."

"Bariarde," I muttered with a flick of my wand. A curtain appeared, separating the area in half, making it smaller than before. A minute later I decided to check on Malfoy. I had chosen to get the blue one also, and I wanted to see how he was getting along with it.

"Hey, Malfoy? You got it on? What do you think?"

"Yes, I do have it on, and I think it's like a slingshot."

I laughed, "Can I see it, then?"

There was a pause, I could practically see him cringing in disgust, "...NO!"

"Fine!" I smiled, "But remember, you have to get it!"

"I know. But I'm not gonna wear it."

"I'm going to wear mine."

I could see him cringe again, "Please keep that information to yourself."

"I wonder if Harry'll like it. I know Ron won't. He doesn't like the ones with the beads."

I could almost hear him cringe, "Harry and Ron are going to see you in a thong? I don't believe that."

"Shut up, muffin."

"Wait, you've owned these torture contraptions before?"

"Yes. I didn't think you'd want to know that, though."

"Well, do you know how to get them off?"

I couldn't help laughing. Malfoy was stuck in a thong. "You want me to come over there and help?"

"NO! I can do it myself."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, honeybun."

"What's with all the gay names?"

"Well. I'm in a shop. With a guy. A pureblood. A SLYTHERIN. A male pureblood slytherin shopping for thongs. I simply can't help it!"

"Fine. I got it off. Let's go."

"Okay. But we still have to buy them."

"Alright, alright! Let's just get this over with."

We left the dressing room and headed over to the cash register, getting in line behind Parvati Patil and a girl with red-blonde hair.

"Lavender?" I asked.

The girl with the red-blonde hair turned. It was Lavender Brown.(AN: Victoria, that's for you.)

"Hey, Hermione. How are you? You like my hair?" she asked.

"Yeah. It's cool! Hey, Parvati."

"Hey, Hermione," Parvati answered, "Who're you here with? A guy? He's cute. Aren't you going to introduce us?"

They both started giggling. I turned around. Malfoy was looking the other way towards the door. I smiled, laughing hysterically in my mind. They hadn't recognized it was Malfoy.

"Oh," I answered, "that's Fruitcake."

"What, he's gay?" gasped Lavendar.

"No, I'm just calling him that because I can," I smiled, "Hey, sexy. They want to know your name."

Draco turned around, "Huh? Didn't I tell you not to call me that?" Then he saw Lavendar and Parvati, "Um. Hi."

The clerk had finished with Parvati and Lavender while we talked and impatiently called, "Next?"

I put my two thongs on the counter, "Cupcake-boy! Hey! Where's your thong?"

"You're getting a thong?" Parvati looked surprised.

"Yeah. You like his?" I held it up, grinning manically, "It's pure silk!"

"That's his? As in, for him? Draco Malfoy?" Parvati asked.

"Yep. The other two are mine. But you can't tell anyone," I replied.

"Don't worry. We won't," Lavendar promised. But with a sneaky glance between Parvati and herself, they headed off.

"Great," said Malfoy, "Now the whole school will know by lunch!"

"You underestimate me, Malfoy. I'm not going to let it spread around that easily." And with another flick of my wand, I cast a memory charm on both girls as they headed out the door.

"Hmph."

We soon left the shop after paying and receiving many strange glances from the store clerk.

"That went well," I commented.

"Remind me to NEVER make a deal with you EVER again."

I smiled and continued to walk down the street next to my arch nemesis. Not to mention, I was carrying a shopping bag full of thongs. 'Isn't life surprising.'

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OK! I hope you got a laugh out of that chap. If you did PLEASE REVIEW!!! Thank you to AnimeLover14, I think that's your user name, sorry if I got it wrong . Have a good Thursday!
-hsg9