A/N: Thanks again for the reviews. OK, so on with the story... sorry to do this, but this is Jack and Sam, they can't just ride into the sunset happily ever after, right?
Chapter 13 - Aftermath
Sam started to pull back at first, but then slowly put her arms around him as his hands moved down her arms and around her back. The kiss seemed to last an eternity, neither wanting it to end. All of the pent up passion, feelings and desires from the past several years seemed to flow through that kiss. When it ended, they simply stood there in each other's arms with their foreheads pressed together for a while, each lost in their own thoughts and feelings.
Jack pulled away first. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."
Sam looked at him for a moment and nodded. "It's ok. I understand." She paused, thinking she really didn't know what reason he felt it was wrong and decided to call him on it. "Why not?"
He sighed loudly and rubbed his hand through his hair. He walked a few steps away and then turned back to her. "Sam..." She could tell how uncomfortable he was, just by looking at him. He was never one who was comfortable discussing his feelings, and their situation only made it that much harder. He started again, "Sam, I love you. I've been in love with you for a very long time now."
Sam's face instantly reddened and she was thankful the pink moon was probably hiding that from him. She hadn't been expecting such an open and blunt admission from him. Yes, they both knew or suspected there was something there for some time and had flirted with each other at times, but they had always skirted around the issue of their feelings before. That was probably why they were at this point right now.
"As your commanding officer and teammate I had to bury those feelings deeply so that no one would suspect and also, so that there wouldn't be any problems where I might make a bad decision, based on those feelings and wind up with someone else paying too great a price for it. I was also very selfish."
This surprised her, "Jack, you're one of the least selfish people I know."
"No. I have been selfish and that wound up costing me a lot in the end. You see, I loved you and I loved my job. I wanted to have my cake and eat it, too. I didn't want to give up the job... why, I don't really know at this point, but I didn't. I also wanted to spend as much time with you as possible, so I didn't want to see you transferred to a different SG team. If that had happened, we may have had some great times together, but they would have been few and far between, each of us being off-world at different times. Plus, I couldn't bear the thought of not being the one to watch your six. If anything had ever happened to you, while you were on a different team, I'd never have forgiven myself."
She nodded at this, she had had similar thoughts every time she had considered transferring off of SG-1 to try to pursue her feelings for Jack.
He continued, "So, I was content for a while, maybe not blissfully happy, but content. I had the job and could spend a lot of time with you, even if it wasn't quite doing what I would have liked to have been doing with you. But then Hammond got transferred, and I got promoted and put in charge, so that we were no longer on SG-1 together, you go off-world without me, I don't get to watch your six and no matter what team you might transfer to in the SGC, I would still be your CO. Then you said 'yes' to Pete and that was that."
"And that was that." She repeated without emotion. "So, you shouldn't have kissed me just now because I'm engaged and you and I could never be together because of Pete and because the job is still in the way." It was a statement of confirmation, rather than a question.
"Sam, I don't want to get between you and Pete. You said he makes you happy, if that's the case, then, I really am happy for you. Although, if I were truly honest, maybe not... does he really know you? I mean, most of your adult life has been defined by your job, I know the last 8 years have been. Has he ever seen the sparkle in your eye when you discuss the inner workings of a naquada reactor? Has he ever seen the way your face lights up when you read the test reports that show that the asgard hyperspace engine in the Prometheus is running at 110 percent of predicted efficiency? Has he ever had to figure out how to pull you away from a complex experiment on an Ancient doohickey?" He was smiling to himself at all the things that made her special – the way that every new technical marvel got her so excited that she glowed when working with them.
"I've thought about that a lot. It's true, Pete does know some things about what I do at the SGC, but he can never know the details. It's hard coming home after making a breakthrough on something and not being able to share it with him."
Jack cleared his throat and took hold of one of her hands. "Sam, as for the job, I don't care about keeping it any more. I'm tired of sending people I care about through that gate to their possible deaths. Yes, it's important work, and yes, all of our sacrifices will be worth it if we can get rid of the gould and the other bad guys, but, I don't like being behind the desk and telling other people to do the work, rather than do it myself. I also want to continue to be selfish and be with you rather than keep that job any more, if that's all that's standing in the way."
He looked into her amazingly blue eyes to see if she felt as much for him as he did for her. She smiled at him, love clearly showing in her eyes. "Jack, I can't ask you to give up your job for me, even if it's not your idea of a perfect one. We still need you at the SGC. I'd hate to think who they might find to replace you. I can retire, come back as a civilian contractor. I don't think anyone would object to that, I know more about how the gate works than anyone else, I doubt they'd want to let me go."
Now it was his turn to protest, "You'd no longer be on a front-line team. You'd miss the action. I can't ask you to give that up."
"Jack, that means nothing to me if I have to come home to an empty house or an empty relationship. I do love Pete, but... I just... I don't..." She sighed, not being able to admit the truth about her feelings for Pete yet, not even to herself. "I'm in love with you Jack and have been for a very long time."
Jack's heart skipped a beat at her statement. She loved him. But... "So, we still have the same problem. The job. Neither of us wants the other to give up their job for this to work. Sam, we'll figure this out, we've got some time before we dig out that gate. With your mind working on it, I'm sure we'll come up with something." He let go of her hand with a small frown on his face. "In the mean time, though, we should probably still stay just friends. I don't want the fact that we're currently stranded here together to cloud our judgment of our feelings. I know I love you and have for a long time, but, you still love Pete and I don't want to get back to Earth and have you conflicted over anything that may or may not have happened between us here. Take your time and think things through and figure out what you really want for your life. I'll stand behind you, no matter what."
Sam looked at the ground and nodded slightly. There were still some complications that needed to be ironed out. She had time while digging for the gate to think things through and find a way. But now there was hope – they each knew what their feelings were for each other, they just needed to work out the details.
