"HELP! MURDER! MAYDAY!" Calvin screamed, running in circles.
The figure made another dive for Calvin, but Calvin seemed a little faster than usual. I mean who wouldn't be? He was trapped in a dark room filled with red light, with some unknown creature with the only thing to keep him company.
"BACK!" Calvin screamed. "BACK, YOU FIEND! I'M WARNING YOU!"
The figure chuckled and stalked for Calvin.
"THAT'S CLOSE ENOUGH!" Calvin warned. "I'M SERIOUS ABOUT THIS! I'VE GOT A BLACKBELT IN ORIGAMI!"
Calvin got into a karate stance he had seen on TV.
"See?" he said. "I have the reflexes of a cat. I'M LETHAL!"
The figure yawned, and continued stalking for Calvin.
In the darkness, Calvin still couldn't see who it was.
"Alright!" Calvin yelled. "I warned ya!"
Calvin grabbed a pencil out of his pocket and heaved it at the figure.
He missed.
Not that it would have helped him much anyway.
"I knew I had to work on that aim," Calvin muttered.
"It was most likely your only hope," the figure snarled.
It stepped into a beam of light.
Calvin couldn't believe what he saw.
"It can't be!" Calvin thought. "It's a trick! Rupert and Earl are trying to trick me!"
Calvin rubbed his eyes a few times, blinked twice, hit himself in the head, twice, and pushed his eyes inward with his fingers.
He then looked back at the figure
He did that same thing with his eyes over again.
He looked back at the figure.
He did it again.
He looked back at the figure a third time.
Nope. He was still there.
It was Retro.
Yep. There he was. With all his Three Stooges haircut glory.
"HA!" Calvin yelled pointing an accusing finger at the Retro. "I don't believe it! From what I just saw, RUPERT AND EARL are the villains here! YA CAN'T FOOL ME, RUPERT! Wherever you are. But wherever you are, I shall PROVE that this is a… just a hologram!"
Calvin inched for the figure and poked at his shoe.
"AH HA!" Calvin screamed. "Quite a convincing robot, Chill! But you can't fool me! I read the newspaper comics!"
Calvin jumped onto Retro's head, and began to try and yank it off, thus revealing a robot head.
Retro continued to just stand there with a self-satisfied grin on his face, and his arms crossed.
"Boy, that thing's really on there!" Calvin screamed into the darkness. "But you still can't fool me, Chill!"
Calvin studied Retro.
"I still don't believe you're Retro," Calvin said, matter-of-factly.
"Oh, you don't?" Retro asked, raising an eyebrow.
"No, I don't," Calvin said smugly. "You can't even do his voice right!"
"Really?" Retro asked. "What does Retro sound like then?"
"Like this!" Calvin started walking around, hump-backed. "Oh! He-wo! I'm Wetro! I am an evil genie-us! I have hair that could solve the oil problem of America, and breath that could stun a moose. Beware, for I will destroy all of you! Even though a six-year-old can beat in fifteen minutes."
Retro rolled his eyes.
"Normally, I would destroy you on the spot for such insults," he said. "But considering that we're going to torture you anyway, I can't care what you say."
"Eureka!" Calvin shouted. "The Real Retro would've destroyed me for such insults! I know it's you, Rupert! Come out, come out, wherever you are! Get over here so I can dramatically defeat you and get on with my life!"
"What would it take to convince you that I am Retro?" Retro asked.
"If Rupert and Earl weren't involved," Calvin sniffed.
"Alright. They're not," Retro said, crossing his arms.
"How dumb do you think I am?" Calvin snarled.
"I've been working on that for a while," Retro sighed.
"OH, HO, HO!" Calvin screamed. "You are not Retro! And that's final."
"I'm Retro," Retro said, getting impatient.
"You're Rupert."
"Retro!"
"RUPERT!"
"RETRO!"
"RUPERT!"
"Um…Rupert."
"Retro!"
"Rupert."
"Retro!"
"Rupert!"
"YOU'RE RETRO, AND THAT'S FINAL!" Calvin screamed, throwing spit into Retro's face.
"Oh, fine! You win! I'm Retro."
"Yes, you are! You think you can fool me? Well ya can't, Larry, because…"
Calvin thought about the conversation that he had just had.
"OH HA! Very tricky, Rupert! Thinking you can fool me with that switcheroo idea. Oh HA!"
Retro sighed.
"Alright," he muttered. "If I'm not Retro, then how did Rupert and Earl know of me in the first place?"
"Uh…," Calvin rolled his eyes around.
"And why is Bob also on the ship?" Retro asked.
"Um… Well…"
"And why is the Imaginator here?" Retro asked.
"Ok, you've raised some considerable points," Calvin said, tapping his chin.
"Yes, it is I! RETRO!" Retro screeched, throwing his arms into the air. "And thanks to your buddies, Rupert and Earl, I HAVE BEEN RELEASED FROM THE FOREVER SLEEP WITHIN THE IMAGINATOR!"
"Creepy," Calvin said.
"And now you will PAY!"
"That doesn't sound too good."
Retro hit a button on a remote control. He turned an evil grin onto Calvin.
"Attention," he said into the microphone. "The…um…Earth Potentate, has been captured. Please report to the Imaginator IMMEDIATELY!"
Calvin groaned. "Don't tell me you've fallen for that malarkey too!"
"No, no, I'm probably the only here who knows you're not the Supreme Earth Potentate, but hey, it's business," Retro chuckled. "Bob might know, but hey, you never know with him."
At that very moment, Rupert, Earl, and Bob walked into the room.
"Well, hello, Calvin," Rupert said. "Long time no see."
"I can see that your still shaken up from that last meeting we had together, Rooty!"
"Rooty?" Earl asked, confused.
"Yeah, Rooty," Calvin said. "It's close to Rupert. So I guess the full thing would be 'Rooty Root Beer Chill' I guess."
Retro and Rupert rolled their eyes.
"Well, Potentate, your time has come," Rupert snarled.
"Really?" Calvin asked. He glanced at his watch. "Hooray! 6:56 is my favorite time of day!"
"How come?" Bob asked.
"Because all the numbers are close to my age."
Retro rolled his eyes and grabbed the helmet on the Imaginator.
ZAP!
"YAH!" Calvin was thrown into a yellow orb that had electricity going through it.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" Calvin demanded, punching at the wall of the orb.
"We're gonna torture you," Retro said.
"WHAT?" Calvin said.
Retro started laughing.
"No, seriously, I didn't hear what you said," Calvin said.
Retro sighed.
"I said, we're going to torture you!" he repeated.
"Oh, Ok. I caught it that time."
The yellow orb vanished and dropped to the ground.
Calvin stood up and brushed himself off.
"But if you're going to torture me, you're going to have to do it the way Earthlings do it," Calvin said to Retro. "And being a fellow earthling, I'm sure you'll probably understand."
"Why?" asked Retro.
"Well, let's think about it, Mr. I-Know-Everything," Calvin said. "Can't you imagine the horrors that would happen if you tortured me their way?"
He pointed at Rupert and Earl.
"Yes," Retro said dreamily.
"Not just to me, but the entire universe!" Calvin announced.
Calvin received expressionless stares. He had everybody's attention.
"If you broke the balance of torture, then just think! Entire galaxies would collapse! Planets of all shapes and sizes (Including Zok, I might add), would crumble and explode into seventy-three pieces!"
Some of the aliens gasped in horror.
"There'd be millions of aliens in the streets! Begging for food and dying horrible deaths!"
Rupert and Earl exchanged glances of amusement. That wasn't a good sign.
"And furthermore, I'm your guest in this UFO! Therefore, I should choose how you torture me!"
There was a long moment of silence, in which several pairs of eyes stared at Calvin.
One of the aliens muttered, "He's got a point there…"
Calvin looked around the faces among them.
They looked…poker-faced. No expression whatsoever! It looked like someone had stolen all of their emotions.
Then Rupert smiled.
"No, Calvin, you can not choose how we kill you."
Calvin grinned. He started leaping in the air, going, "HOO-RAY!"
He stopped all of a sudden and gave them a glare. "I suppose you know I'm outraged!"
Rupert looked at Earl. "Poor little fella," he said.
Authors' Note: People, don't be afraid to review.Don't act like you don't like this story, because this is my third most popular story on my profile, and it's got over five hundred hits. So, come on! Give an opinion!
