Joey was in the B&B as she looked up at the ceiling she felt her eyes water. They just broke up, after almost a year of being together this how they ended.
Joey thought about Pacey. The way he kissed her lips. The way he comforted her when she was upset. The way he would listen to her about nothing to everything. The way he would just smile at her when she was in a messy bun in a t-shirt like she was the most gorgeous thing he had ever seen.
But she failed at those things, she failed to listen and understand the way he did. The way she should have.
She thought about how he was to her family. How he took time to make breakfast at the B&B or how he took the time to help Alexander and Bessie when Bodie wasn't around. He did so much more than he ever needed to.
"I feel like I'm stupid and I'm worthless and I'm never right. But you know what I realize? That it's not my fault! That it's not my fault."
She should have agreed with him more, she should have thanked him more. She should have told him how much he meant to her. How much she wanted him. But now they were done. Her heart is now broken into a million pieces and there is nobody there to wipe her tears.
When she got home that night she passed Bessie and went to her bedroom while locking the door. Now, she wished she didn't because now she needed her sister. She found herself walking to Bessie's bedroom and calling out her name.
She didn't hear Bessie very clear when she asked what was wrong, she didn't even remember asking her to stay with her just to sleep.
But she felt her sister's arms pull her into her chest as she sobbed. She felt the back rubbed but for the first time in a long time, she wished it was her mom. This was the time she needed her mom and she wasn't there to help her.
"When I'm with you, I feel like I'm nothing. I feel like I'm nothing."
She too wanted to feel like something to him. His words didn't matter after she heard those words. It stuck with her, it haunted her. She heard his apologies but she didn't care about those words. For a moment, as she sat at that table she thought of everything she could say to him at that moment. The speeches she could make.
But all she could feel was the pain that he was causing in her heart. And now he is not hers anymore.
And now he wasn't there, and just like everyone else in her life. He was gone.
