CHAPTER 4

The rest of the week had passed by quickly with only a few hundred minor hexes flying between Lily and James, and only two permanent. Only, a couple dozen public fights and only three physical fights. All in all, it was a good week, if you asked their friends. James was trying to decide on a plan of action to crack Lily Evans, and Lily was just trying to avoid him.

Friday night loomed closer, and with it came the misery of their eleven o'clock detention and the boredom of marking charm papers.

Detention

"Merlin's beard, some people are absolutely stupid," Lily said frustrated from grading papers,

"I mean the question asks 'What does the charm Wingardium Leviosa do? And this idiot wrote causes people to turn blue, how completely daft can you get."

"Evans, that's my paper," James said slightly embarrassed.

"So it is." Lily said glancing at the name, "I guess the great James Potter isn't as great as he'd like everyone to think."

"I was…having a bad day, I guess." He lied. Truth was, James was awful at Charms, not that he'd let her know that.

"Hmm, 23 percent, I think some one's lying to me." She said mockingly.

"Am not, I was sick that week,"

"No you weren't, Potter, admit it, you're horrible at charms," Lily said smirking.

"NO I'M NOT!" He shouted standing up, tossing the rest of the papers to the floor.

"Yes Potter, you are, just because you like to believe that you're perfect doesn't mean you are."

"WHAT!" James cried, "I do not believe I am perfect, Evans, though I come close with my extraordinary Quidditch skills, my dashing good looks, my cunning and smart mind and my funny caring, attitude."

"JAMES POTTER, YOU ARE THE MOST…ARG!" She stood as tall as she could, marched over to him and looked him in the eye. "YOU ARE THE MOST SELF ABSORBED, UP-YOURSELF, UNCARING, STUPID, ARROGANT PRAT I HAVE EVER MET!" Lily was on a roll, "You get around on your high horse because a few dozen ditzy girls happen to think you look good and like your money, then you play on their emotions and break their hearts and have the NERVE to call yourself caring! You are your own biggest fan and the only thing worse than that is you don't think it's wrong!" She took a deep breath. "You are pitiful, Potter, people like you make me absolutely sick, and one day you are going to wake up and your looks and money won't be there and guess what Potter, when they go so do all your 'fans'." Lily smirked.

James was stunned, this girl was continuously doing this to him, she kept putting him down and yelling at him, but perhaps what struck a cord with him this time was, maybe this girl was right.

James recovered, this girl isn't beating me this time, James was so angry, in fact he had never felt this much rage in his life.

"What would you know, Evans," he sneered at her, "You are just a poor, pathetic, lonely, little Mudblood, not worth the ground you walk on." I can't believe I said that, James thought horrified, I didn't mean too, I have never called anyone a m-m-mudblood, and it just came out, what have I done? James watched Lily closely, trying to pick her next move.

Lily felt her face fade. She turned ghostly white, her smirk turned into a shocked expression. There was a deadly silence; you could hear a pin drop. Lily picked up her back quietly and turned to the door. When she was almost out, she turned and walked back to James. She stood and looked at him then slapped him hard in the face. An echoing slap, the sound bounced off the walls in the silent classroom. James clutched his face, she had almost drawn blood.

"James Potter, I thought you were above that level, I guess I was wrong," she said in a lethal whisper, "You belong in Slytherin." then she turned and strolled out the door calmly holding back the stinging tears threatening to fall.

She briskly walked out and through the next classroom, past Professor Flitwick who was in charge of their detention.

"Miss Evans, your detention isn't over, I will have to tell profess-"

Lily ignored Flitwick calling to her and she turned her walk into a jog, then a run, then a sprint.

She had to get out. She had to be free. She had to leave.

She held tried to hold the tears back, she tried to make it outside. Not looking where she was going she ran into a sleepy looking Remus Lupin.

"Lily, what are you doing here, your detention isn't over for-" he stopped looking at her face. He helped her up. Her face held no emotion; it was an eerie white, as if she had witnessed a death. The only things portraying feeling were her usually emerald eyes. Only, now they were not emerald, they had turned a forest green. They looked glazed as if about to burst into tears, full of sadness, misery, confusion. This Lily Evans was a different one, one Remus had never seen before. She looked so shocked, and betrayed. "Lily, are you okay, you look so…" He trailed off.

"Remus Lupin, I'm absolutely fine, no need to worry, I'm just being a silly little mudblood," Lily said as if in a trance.

Remus was taken back, why is she saying this?

"Lily, what are you talking about, are you alright, should I take you to Madam Pomfrey?"

"Remus Lupin, Remus Lupin, Remus Lupin, don't worry you head over someone like me, there's no need." Lily then turned on her heel and strode off, leaving a dazed Remus behind.

WITH LILY

She burst out the doors, and felt the coldness consume her body as she walked. She was hurt. She wouldn't let anyone see that though. She had worked too long to keep up her façade. I was better off when I was invisible, she thought, damn James Potter and his bloody Wizard Chess! At least then I was unnoticed.

Lily slumped against an old tree. The night was clear. The sky was almost cloudless, and the half moon seemed to be shining brighter tonight.

'You are just a poor, pathetic, lonely, little Mudblood, not worth the ground you walk on'

The words replayed over and over in her mind. Lily glanced at the clam lake and felt a rush of emotions hit her.

Emotions she hadn't felt in a long time. She put her head in her hands and she did something she hadn't done since she was eleven. Lily Evans cried. First it was a few stray tears, and then they turned in to waterfalls as body-racking sobs consumed her petite form. What Potter had said, brought back memories. Memories, Lily had tried to put out of her head, long ago. She had tried to block them out, and it had worked, so far. She had built up a mask. Hiding her emotions from everyone, including herself. Never once had she broken, she was too strong for that …

FLASHBACK

It was Lily's eleventh birthday and her father was making a special dinner in the Kitchen. Petunia, Lily's older sister was with her friends, but Lily didn't care because she didn't like Petunia much. Her dad was with Lily's new

Step-mother, Caroline. Caroline didn't like Lily at all and it was no secret to Lily. Often when her Dad left the two alone she would yell and scream at her.

Lily bounced down the stairs full of energy, as usual. Tonight was going to be great. Her dad had even invited her real mother over. Lily hadn't seen her in a while and she loved her Mother more than anything.

"Hey, Dad." Lily greeted him.

"Hey, Sweetie, there's a letter on the counter for you, it was incredibly odd, it just turned up." He smiled. "I could have sworn an owl dropped it here, but I guess I'm loosing my mind. Caroline must have found it outside this morning and just remembered it." He said walking to find Caroline.

Lily picked the letter, it had her name, and room on it. Weird, she thought. She turned it over and felt the wax seal. Gently she opened the letter, as if it was going to burst into flames. She gasped.

"DAD!" she screamed.

"What?" he yelled, running in, followed closely by an irritated looking Caroline.

"Look, here, it says I'm a witch." She said thrusting the letter at the two.

Her dad's eyes widened with disbelief, and then his faced settled on a look of awe. Caroline narrowed her eyes and glared at Lily.

"My, this is wonderful, Flower." He kissed her on the forehead. "I think we should celebrate doubly, I am going to pick up your sister so she can join us. Your mother will arrive while I am gone. Caroline will look after you, bye honey."

He grabbed his coat and walked out. Caroline waited for the door to shut before rounding on Lily.

"You little…You spoilt…" Caroline was fuming. "I'll teach you."

"What?" Lily asked, not knowing what Caroline was talking about.

"Oh don't you dare act all innocent with me. HOW DARE YOU! I should be the witch in this house not you. My family were respectable purebloods, with great honour. They had high hopes for me, their only daughter, but NO I was born a squib, no magic at all. Unacceptable in their eyes, so I was disowned." Caroline was fiddling in her handbag. "And here you are, you've got a perfect life, perfect father, who expects nothing of you. You are spoilt, endlessly, and YOU get the pride of being a witch. YOU STOLE IT FROM ME! Ah ha, found it."

Caroline pulled out a slender gun and held towards Lily.

"Spoilt little brats like you don't deserve to live, so I'll fix that."

Suddenly there was a knock at the door, and the sweet sound of Lily's mother, Rose, filled the house.

"Hello, anyone home?" She asked, turning the doorknob and stepping inside.

Her smile fell off her face as she saw the scene. "What are you doing?" she asked horrified.

"Teaching the brat a lesson." Caroline replied smirking.

"No, I won't let hurt her you." She yelled standing in front of Lily.

"Oh, well, I'll have to teach you instead." Caroline said, pulling the trigger.

"NO, MOM!" Lily screamed as her eyes went wide. Her mothers form crumbled to the ground as the bullet hit.

Her mother was dead and it was her fault.

"What are you going to do? Cry?" Caroline sniggered as Lily stood over her mothers limp body. "Only wimps cry,

Lillian. I guess that's all you ever will be. You'll be a pathetic, excuse for a human being, a mudblood of a witch, and a lonely little girl, not worth the ground you walk on. So Lillian, why don't you just cry about that?"

"NO!" Lily stood up screaming. "NO! I will not cry. Not because of you, or anyone else. Only people I care about can hurt me, and I don't care about so you can't break me down, no one can. I'M STRONG, I'M NOT A WIMP AND I WILL NEVER EVER CRY!"

END FLASHBACK

And she hadn't. Lily had not shed a single tear for her mother, or anyone else.

Her father and Petunia had come home soon after that and called the police. Caroline was sent to jail and her father had to cope with loosing two women close to him that night. A piece of him died that night. He had never been the same again. Neither had Lily. Lily had simply shrugged off the things that should have hurt her reinforcing her mask each time. She had not broken. Not until tonight. What Potter had said had hit her hard, cracking her thick shell and tapping into her bottled up emotions. He had triggered this reaction with his cruel words. He had dragged up the first in a long line of bad memories. Now Lily would pay the price for being naïve and hiding behind her armour, now Lily would have to relive all those years of bad memories, feeling what share didn't dare feel before.

WITH JAMES

James was still in a daze. It had been 50 minutes since Evans had left and he had just stood there bewildered since then. This girl had really got him this time. Lily Maree Evans, he thought, you will become my undoing one day.

He knew as soon as the words had come out of his mouth it was wrong. He didn't mean what he had said, she had got him mad, but that was no excuse. He fingered where Lily had slapped him. I deserved that, he thought, No matter what she says to me, I should never have called her…that. It's not her fault she's a muggleborn, and that was low, to insult her parentage, she was right I belong in Slytherin. Good one, Potter.

'I thought you were above that level, I guess I was wrong.' Her words echoed through his head and almost caused his eardrums to burst. I thought I was better than that too. Her words were spoken with such distaste, yet so much meaning, they struck him hard, leaving him feeling weak and vulnerable. She sounded so… disgusted, so revolted. It hurt him to see her look towards him that. Sure she had spoken towards him harshly before, but this time was different, this time had pushed Evans too far.He didn't know why he cared what Evans thought. He didn't know why he cared that he had hurt her. He didn't know why he felt a pang of sadness when she had walked out. He just did, for reasons he couldn't begin to comprehend. James had felt as if his heart was going to break when she had said that to him. Her words, so cold, so full of hatred. What's wrong with me? He thought.

James couldn't understand much right then, thoughts were flying through his head, swishing and zooming in and out, making no sense. His mind was ringing, and screaming in frustration. He shook his head trying to clear it of everything. But one thought remained.

Go. Run after her, James.

Finally he snapped out of his confused state and did the only thing sensible. He ran.

He sprinted down the hallways, looking for signs of the redhead. I hope she's not in her dorm. He had almost lost hope until he spotted Remus staring out a window, at the seemingly deserted grounds.

"Remus, Remus, I'm glad you're here, Have you seen Evans?"

"Ah, James, I was wondering when you would show up, I knew it was you when I saw her, only you can do that to a person like Lily Evans." Remus stated in a scary, calm manner. His mouth was set in a twisted smile, yet he looked disappointed.

"So, you've seen her?" James asked shakily, he was quite scared of this Remus.

"Yes, James, I have seen her." Remus glanced at the window before turning back to James.

"James, this has gone too far, I think you may have broken her. Such a feat for you, huh? I bet you're glad, are you proud of yourself, James, you finally broke Lily Evans. Isn't that what you wanted? You caused her pain, torment, she's suffering, and you wanted that didn't you James, to shatter her spirit?" Remus was scaring James, he was slowly getting closer and his voice was in a dangerous tone. "Congratulations James, you hurt the girl, you broke her down, and you stomped all over she that is Lily Evans. One thing, Are you happy now, James? Does your life have new meaning? Are you going to sleep better now, because you destroyed her? Is her hurt making YOU feel better, now James, huh? I sincerely hope it does, otherwise you did that to her for no reason." Remus then turned away, because looking at his friend right then, made him want to beat him to a pulp.

"No, Remus it's not like that."

"Well, why don't you tell me what it's like?" he snapped.

"I-I-I don't know, Remus." He muttered dejectedly.

"James, you have more power than you will ever know, to crack someone like Lily Evans, will permanently scar her, I would be careful James, you may have pushed her too far." He sighed, and shook his head.

"I'm worried, James. I have never seen Lily cry before, in fact I don't think anyone has. Not because she went unnoticed but because she didn't do it. But what scared me the most is how she looked tonight. She wasn't herself." Remus continued. "She's down by the lake, she's been there for over an hour."

"Thank you so much Remus." James said turning to go to the doors.

"Wait, one more thing James," James swivelled to face a curious looking Remus. "Why do you care?"

James left the question hanging, the truth was, he didn't know.

Why do I care? He asked himself over and over. He stepped into the cool, outside air, and made his way silently down to the lake. When he set his eyes on her figure, his stomach lurched and he felt like a piece of his heart was tearing off. His mind was racing again, he shook his head again and was left once again with one sober thought.

Why do I care?