"I demand to know what you're going to do with me!" Calvin commanded. "If you don't tell me then I'll… Hm…"

He thought for a second.

"Well, there isn't much to do when someone's about to torture you anyway, huh?" he asked.

Rupert, Earl, and Retro shook their heads in unison.

"Alright then," Calvin said. "If you don't treat me like a guest and kill me MY way, I'll… I'll come back as a ghost and haunt these very walls of which you are standing in…on."

Calvin chuckled and crossed his arms.

"Heh, heh, what do you say to that!"

"We don't believe in ghosts," Earl yawned.

Calvin's smile wilted.

"Oh," he said. "Then what's that white thing behind you with the glowing green eyes and razor sharp talons?"

Calvin's words immediately started a mass panic.

All at once we had a hundred head of moron aliens, and one human called Bob (who only screamed because they were), running around in circles, running into each other and blocking Rupert, Earl, and Retro from getting to Calvin.

"YOU IDIOTS!" Rupert yelled. "THERE'S NO GHOST! STOP! HALT! YOU DUMBELLS!"

While the three villains tried to restore order to their lunatic crew, Calvin made his getaway.

"Don't go!" an alien shouted at Calvin. "There might be one at the doorway!"

Calvin gave the chaos a sweet grin, and then ran out of the room.

Calvin slammed the door and locked it. He chuckled and ran off. He burst into the control room.

There he saw an alien sitting in his chair, grumbling and muttering about, oh, the usual. It was too cold, he wasn't getting paid enough, his leg hurt, there was a planet leader gawking at him, and so on.

Calvin ignored him, and zoomed over to the control panel.

"Hey!" he called. "Which one's the planet selector?"

The alien looked up.

"…can't believe I'm stuck here staring at a bunch of stupid levers… It's the big red button with the green star on top… And everybody else just comes to me for their stupid questions about where's this thing? Where's that thing? They don't go through the trouble to learn how to operate the stupid thing…"

Calvin hit the button.

"Welcome to the Planet Selector," a voice said. "Which planet do you want to set the coordinates to?"

A small screen came up showing a yellow planet.

"Planet Qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm. Home to the Qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm-ians, and makers of the best Qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm-ian burgers in all of Qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm-ville"

Calvin's eyes glazed over. He hit the arrow button, and another planet came up.

"Planet Mnbvcxzlkjhgfdsapoiuytrewq," the voice said. "Home to the mnbvcxzlkjhg…"

Calvin slammed his fist into the arrow button. No one has that kind of time.

"Planet Earth," the voice said finally. "Home to the most obsolete and stupidest aliens in the universe, THE EARTHLINGS! If that is your choice, please engage hyper drive."

Calvin threw his fist at the screen.

"What do you mean the Most Obsolete aliens in the universe?" he demanded. "At least we've gone into space, before!"

"Yeah but you've never been on another planet before," the voice said. "And besides, you're always fighting."

"Good point," Calvin said. "Well, I have nothing against the stupidest aliens in the universe part."

Calvin's hands reached for the lever that engaged the hyper drive. He pulled the lever.

A voice came onto the speaker.

"We're sorry. Your call can not be completed as dialed. Please check the number, and dial again."

Calvin blinked.

"NO!" he bellowed. "You stupid computer! I ought to SUE YOU!"

Calvin slammed his fist into the intercom button.


Meanwhile, Retro, Rupert, and Earl had just about calmed everybody down, until Calvin's voice rang out of the speakers.

"I ought to SUE YOU!"

"Ah!" they all started screaming, again. "We're gonna be sued! I'm too young to be sued! I don't even know what sue means!"

Retro's eyes rolled into the back of his head, Rupert slapped his forehead, and Earl let his head fall to his chest.


Calvin exited the control room and started searching for the Space Jets again.
After the three villains had finally restored peace, they broke the door over and swarmed throughout the ship, looking for Calvin.

Calvin zoomed into the Space Jet Center, ripped a Space Jet pod open and leaped inside.

He stared at the controls.

"Start!" he commanded.

No response.

"You're not voice-commanded are you?" Calvin sighed.

No answer.

At that very moment, Retro burst into the Space Jet center.

"AH HA!" he declared.

Calvin stared at him.

"How did you know I was here?"

"I'm an evil genius," Retro said.

"Yeah, but I'm going into second grade!" Calvin declared. "I'm supposed to be the genius!"

Air hissed out of Retro's mouth.

After that, the three villains and the crew lead Calvin into the torture room.

"This, Calvin," Rupert said, "is the torture room. I take it you've been here before?"

"Um…no?"

"What do you mean, 'no'?" Earl asked. "We must have told the crew a billion times to remember to take you here the last time you were on this ship!"

Rupert and Earl exchanged glances, then glared at the crew who were whistling, shuffling their tentacles, and avoiding Rupert's gaze.

"You forgot to do it, didn't you?" Earl said in a dangerous calm.

"No, it's not that," one alien said. "We just… Uhh… Well, you see, there was this show on called SpongeBob SquarePants, and…"

They all started pointing at each other.

"IT'S LENNY'S FAULT! HE TURNED THE TV ON!"

"THAT'S A FILTHY LIE! IT WAS KENT'S FAULT! HE SUGGESTED THAT WE PUT IT ON NICKELODEON!"

"YEAH, BUT IT WAS DANNY WHO SAID HE WANTED TO PUT IT ON NICKELODEON WEST!"

"THAT WASN'T ME; THAT WAS JAY!"

At that very moment, the entire crew got involved in a heated argument, which soon turned into a fight.

Lenny bit Kent, and Kent kicked John, who was straggling Michael, who had his head stuck in Jay's mouth.

Five pairs of eyes stared at the war going on next to them.

"Do you even remember what they're fighting about?" Retro asked.

Bob, Rupert and Earl shook their heads in unison.

Calvin's eyes rolled around to his three and a half enemies.

They were staring at the scuffle, and paying no attention to… Hm…

Calvin started edging away.

Retro's eyes shot around and glared at him.

"Where do you think you're going?" he growled.

"I have to go to the bathroom," Calvin said innocently.

"Yeah, right," Retro snarled. "I'm not falling for that."

"Well, just darn the luck," Calvin said. "I guess I'll have to use my brute strength to escape from you."

"Uh-huh."

"No kidding," Calvin said. "I can escape anytime I want."

"O-o-o-o-kay," Retro said. "Why don't you prove it? In ten seconds make a run for it and see what happens."

There was a moment of silence.

Then ten seconds went by, and Calvin screamed, "GHOST!"

At that, the aliens stopped their fight, long enough to panic and run all over the place, running into each other and blocking Retro's grasp from Calvin.

Calvin smiled sweetly, scratched an itch on his head, yawned, and strolled out of the room. Stopping every few steps to tie and retie his shoes.

That just drove Retro insane. He screamed at Calvin, threw his arms into the air, foamed at the mouth, and started taking his anger out on the first alien he saw.

Calvin walked out of the room.


The full day had been nothing but misery for the gang.

They had finished the movie and were now at the playground, trying hard to have fun, but Evil Calvin was being, well, evil, and they had yet to find out what was really going on.

"Was he like this yesterday?" Andy asked Hobbes.

"YOU CALL THIS A DELECTABLE DAIRY PRODUCT?" Evil Calvin shouted at an ice cream vendor. "THIS IS THE WORST CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM CONE I'VE EVER HAD! I OUGHTA SUE YOU!"

"Yes," Hobbes replied, rolling his eyes.

"What do we do about him?" groaned Socrates. "I can't prank him, you can't pounce him, Rodent Breath can't insult him and Andy can't…um, what does Andy do?"

"He carries Rodent Breath around."

"Hey!" Andy and Sherman shouted.

Evil Calvin was still contemplating how he was going to send his plan to Retro and Rupert. He didn't have a radio or a transmitter with him, and he would have to remind himself later to yell at them about that if he ever got in contact with them.

"I wonder if the smart-mouthed rodent would have a transmitter I could use," he thought. "I'll have to disguise my reasons though."

Evil Calvin approached Sherman, who was sitting on a bench, writing equations on a notepad with a tiny pen.

"Sherman, ol' pal," he started.

"What do you want, tick?" the little hamster asked coldly.

"First of all, don't ever call me that, or I'll squash you. Secondly, I need to know if you have a transmitter I could use to get in contact with Galaxer and Nebuloid."

"You mean Galaxoid and Nebular, you twit," Sherman snorted. "And yes, I do, but it's in Socrates' head. I think you already knew that."

"How did you get it in there?"

"What do you mean, 'how did I get it in there'? You were there! You kept talking about it for weeks because it was 'so cool'," Sherman scoffed.

"Oh, right. Well, how do I activate it?"

"You just have to use the activation code: 98462."

Evil Calvin made a mental note of that.

"Thank you."

"Just, whatever you do, don't mention it to Socrates," said Sherman. "He'd kill us both."

"Whatever."

Evil Calvin approached Socrates.

"What's up, squirt?" asked the red-tailed tiger.

"Oh, I'm thinking of a number between 98461 and 98463. Take a guess as to what it is," Evil Calvin said.

Socrates stared at him. "Um, 98462?" he asked.

"Correct!"

Suddenly, Socrates jumped into the air, landed on his tail, spun around, closed his eyes and put his hands up.

"This is the Galaxy Transmitting System sending out a transmission from Earth. Please state the planet you are trying to reach?" Socrates said in a high-tech voice.

"Planet Zok," Evil Calvin stated.

"Planet Zok is being contacted. Please wait…Do, do, do, duh, do, duh, do, dee, dudaloo… We have reached contact with Planet Zok. Please state who you wish to contact."

"The Alien King: Rupert Chill."

"Please state your business."

Evil Calvin was growing impatient. "We need to discuss the plans so he and Retro can take over Earth," he grunted.

"We shall now connect you with him," said Socrates / Transmitter.

Evil Calvin grinned evilly. What else would you expect?


Meanwhile, Rupert, Earl, and Retro were still trying to calm the moron crew down.

Suddenly, something on Rupert's uniform started beeping.

Rupert paused from beating Lenny up, to scream at everybody to shut up their yapping and answer the phone.

"Hello?" he asked. "This better be good, we're in the middle of a deep discussion."

"This is Evil Calvin," said a voice. "I'd like to give you an extraordinary discovery."

"Well, Ok," Earl said. "But make it snappy."

"I have discovered a Planet Deteriorater," Evil Calvin said. "We can relinquish it on Earth, and therefore scare everyone into falling under our control!"

Retro walked up just then.

"Amazing," he said. "I never thought of that!"

"That is because you rarely think," Evil Calvin said evilly.

"HEY!" Retro yelled. "Let me remind you who can reduce you to ashes with the Imaginator!"

"Uh-huh," Evil Calvin said. "Anyway, that's the plan."

"Good plan," Rupert said. "And does anyone suspect you?"

Over the radio, Evil Calvin chuckled. Evilly

"Not even a raised eyebrow, Rupert."

"Calvin, who are you talking to?" asked Hobbes' voice.


Evil Calvin whirled around. Hobbes, Andy and Sherman were staring at him.

"Galaxy and Neptune, why?"

Hobbes raised an eyebrow.

"Just wondering."

Hobbes turned to Andy and Sherman and shrugged. They resumed what they were doing previously.

Evil Calvin turned back to Socrates.


"Well, that was close. What was I saying?"

"Something about no one suspecting you?" Earl said expressionlessly.

"Oh yeah," Evil Calvin said. "Well, anyway, that's it."

"Alright," Retro said. "Do it as soon as possible."

Evil Calvin chucked again. Evilly, I might add.

"Don't worry. I'll sneak into the house tonight, and try and find out how to work it. Now then, how do you turn this guy off?"

Rupert pushed another button on his uniform, and the phone went off.


Meanwhile, Evil Calvin had also turned Socrates' transmitter off, and he returned to normal.

"What happened?" Socrates asked.

"Oh, nothing," Evil Calvin grinned slyly, and he walked away, basically scaring Socrates out of his wits.

"Alright," Rupert said. "Now all we have to do is recapture Calvin for the billionth time today."

"Can we start screaming about the ghost again now?" asked Lenny.

"If you do, I'll tear your head off."

"Oh darn."

And they set off after Calvin.

Again.

Little did anyone know that Galaxoid and Nebular were hovering next to the ship in their little UFO.

And they had heard everything.