Retro walked over to the Space Jets room, and found Calvin screaming and yelling at one of them, and threatening to sue it.

Calvin was so involved in screaming and carrying on at the inanimate object, he didn't see Retro grab him by the shirt collar and carry him away.

"HEY! NO FAIR! YOU'RE SUPPOSE TO ANNOUNCE YOU'RE ARRIVAL! YOU MORON! YOU AMATEUR! YOU'LL BE HEARING FROM MY LAWYER, YOU CREEP! AND I HOPE PEANUTS GO UP TEN BUCKS A PEANUT!"

Retro flung Calvin back into the torture room, where everyone was waiting.

"I DEMAND THAT YOU STOP STARING AT ME!" Calvin screamed at the aliens. "I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW MY DAD'S A LAWYER! YOU DON'T LAY A TENTACLE ON ME! I DEMAND THE RIGHT TO A FAIR TRIAL!"

Retro and Rupert stared at each other as Calvin continued to make threats to them.

"What should be our first method of torture?" asked Rupert studying the area around him.

"We might try the…," Retro was cut off.

"I DEMAND THAT YOU SET ME FREE! I HAPPEN TO HAVE A LIFE!"

"We might try the…"

"AND FURTHERMORE, YOU'RE A BUNCH OF UGLY CRETINS!"

"We might try th—"

"AND I HOPE THAT INTERGALACTIC UFOS GO UP FIFTY BUCKS!"

"We," Retro stated, squeezing his eyes shut.

"AND ALWAYS REMEMBER DECEMBER THAT YOU CAN NOT DEFEAT THE FORCES FOR THE CALVIN!"

"Are you through?" asked Retro.

"NO, I'M NOT THROUGH!" Calvin bellowed. "I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT MY GENIUS IS BEING FORCED FOR WRONG DOING!"

"We're not making you do anything," Earl said.

"SAME TO YOU, BUB!" Calvin screeched. "I WILL NOW TEACH YOU DUMBBELLS A LESSON YOU'LL NEVER REMEMBER!"

Retro, Rupert, and Earl crossed their arms.

Bob and the aliens cowered behind the three villains.

Calvin marched over to Retro, and kicked his leg.

Retro stared down at him.

"Hard to beat up someone, when you're three feet tall, huh?" he asked.

Calvin gasped.

"YOU'VE STOOPED TO HEIGHT JOKES! WELL I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW……That I'm leaving. Goodbye."

And with that, Calvin flew out of the room.

"Oh, give me a break!" Rupert yelled.

"He's at the Space Jets," Retro said. "I'll be right back."

He walked out of the room, then returned, carrying the lunatic by his shirt collar.

"…AND FURTHERMORE, YOU'RE NOT DOING THE RIGHT THING FOR OUR COUNTRY BY HOLDING BACK ALL THAT OIL IN YOUR HEAD, YOU FREAK!"

"Well we can't torture him with him constantly escaping like this," Rupert stated.

"We'll have to throw him back into the cell until we find something to do with him," Earl said.

"We can't leave one of your crew guarding him," Retro said. "Not after what happened last time."

"WILL YOU QUIT TALKING ABOUT ME LIKE I'M NOT HERE!" Calvin bellowed.

"We're gonna have to make Bob guard him," said Earl.

All eyes turned to Bob.

Bob looked around.

Rupert blinked, then smiled.

"Brilliant idea," he said. "Oh Bob?"


The next thing Bob knew he was sitting in a chair next to Calvin's cell.

Calvin was there, grumbling up a storm and complaining about all the injustices in the world.

Then Calvin got an idea.

He walked over to the edge of the cell, and turned a sweet grin onto Bob.

"Hello, Bob," he said sneakily.

Bob turned a worried look onto Calvin.

"Please don't throw anything at me," Bob said.

"Oh don't worry," Calvin said. "I wouldn't think of such a thing…uh……would you help me escape?"

Bob looked up.

"Why would I do that?" he asked. "I'm supposed to be the bad guy."

"Correct," Calvin said. "But consider this. If you don't help me…then your life will come to a sudden and unexpected stop!" He finished the last statement through gritted teeth.

Bob's eyes nearly exploded out of his head.

"Sounds reasonable," he said.

He opened the door to Calvin's cell.

Calvin walked out.

"Now," he said. "I'm going to need you to cause a distraction so I can escape. In other words, decoy."

"DECOY!" Bob screamed. "There's no way I'm going to…"

Calvin grabbed Bob's shirt collar.

"You're giving me no choice, are you?" Bob asked.

"Nope."

"Suicide! That's what you're asking!" he said. "Ho, what madness!"

He started pacing back and forth in front of Calvin.

"You've spent years practicing to be a bad guy, Bob," he said, mimicking Calvin. "Now all we ask of you is that you offer yourself to the dragon to be torn into ribbons of quivering bleeding flesh!"

"Are you finished?" Calvin asked.

He stopped.

"Yes, I am finished in every sense of the word!" he said. "However, if I might offer one small suggestion, suppose you held me in reserve while you escape so I can…"

"Get going."

"Very well, alright, fine. But I must warn you: if I am maimed or disfigured, I shall hold you personally responsible!"

"Hit the road."

"History will be your judge, Calvin!" Bob said. "Unborn generations of terror stricken weenies will…"

Calvin narrowed his eyes and started growling, dangerously.

Bob gulped and walked out of the room.

He walked over to the room where Retro, Rupert, and Earl were.

They all stared at him.

"What are you doing away from your post?" asked Retro.

Bob held his arms up and slowly started waving them up and down.

The villains stared at him.

Suddenly, Calvin bolted past them.

Retro's eyes bulged.

"YOU LET HIM ESCAPE!" he bellowed.

Bob cowered and nodded.

"Which death will you give me?" he asked.

"I might try the firing squad!" Retro yelled. "How could you be so dumb as to leave your post as he escapes?"

"What?" Bob asked

"You're sitting there playing airplane, and the Earth Potentate escaped! HOW CAN YOU MISS THAT!" Rupert screeched.

Bob cut his eyes from side to side.

"Uhhh…yeah. Let's go with that," he said, aware that villains did not yet know of his betrayal.


Meanwhile, Evil Calvin ran down the sidewalk.

When he came to the TV station at the end of town, he looked around to make sure no one was watching.

He chuckled (evilly, I might add), and began walking towards……a man in his way?

"Halt," the man said. "This area is for people who work here. You're not allowed."

Evil Calvin glared at him.

"I will give you exactly three seconds to get of my way before I DESTROY you!" he growled.

The man rolled his eyes.

"You're just a kid. What are you going to do?"

"I am counting," Evil Calvin said. "O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ne……"

The man chuckled and crossed his arms.

"Two-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o……"

The man yawned.

"THREE!"

The next thing the man knew he was in the garbage barrel on the other side of the building, gagged, tied up, and missing one of his shoes.

Evil Calvin marched into the TV station.

He walked across the hallway.

"Let's see here," he muttered. "I need a way to transmit TV signals throughout this ice capped planet."

He came to a room with the words CONTROL ROOM on the window.

"Yeah! That'll do."

He walked into the room.

There, he ran into three people operating the panel.

"Outta my way, scum! I got a planet to take over!"

The three people stared at him.

"Who are you suppose to be?" asked one of them.

Evil Calvin sighed.

"I so don't have time for this," he said.

Seconds later, the three operators were in the trash barrel with the guard.

Evil Calvin leaped onto a chair and studied the buttons.

"O-kay," he said. "Now what?"

Evil Calvin scratched his head in thought. Evil thought.

"I need some way to contact those ugly aliens."

The Evil so forth looked around, then spotted a generator on the floor.

He walked over to the generator and carried it over to the panel. He attached it to several wires under the panel.

Then, he took more wires from the generator, and started to climb out the window with them.

Evil Calvin walked up to the satellite dish, relocated several wires, and hooked the generator wires up to them. He then climbed back into the building, and started flipping several switches. He turned the generator on, and electricity started flowing through it and all around the dish outside, and the panel inside.

Evil Calvin laughed.

I doubt that I have to tell you how he laughed.

"HA, HA, HA, HA, HA! All tasks completed! Now all I need is a transmitter."

Evil Calvin looked around for a transmitter.

"GEEZ! How out of date ARE these people!"

Then he spotted a telephone on the wall. He walked up to it, and tore it out of the wall. He walked back to the panel, and started hooking the wires up to it. He picked up the phone and started hitting buttons.

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep……

Several minutes later, he placed the phone to his ear, and waited.

He heard Rupert pick up the phone.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?" he screeched.

"STOP SCREAMING AT ME OR I'LL DESTROY YOU!" Evil Calvin yelled.

"I'M NOT SCREAMING!" Rupert screamed.

"Ok fine," Evil Calvin sighed. "I guess you don't want to take over Earth, that's fine with me."

Evil Calvin prepared to hang the phone up.

"Wait, wait!" Rupert yelled. "Alright! What's the plan?"

Evil Calvin held the phone back up to his ear.

"Find a video and voice transmitter and send it down to Earth. I have the satellite set up perfectly; the radio signals can't miss it."

"Uh huh," Rupert said. "That's it?"

"Yes, that's it," Evil Calvin said.

"OK thanks, now……LENNY YOU MORON! THE EARTH POTENTATE WENT DOWN THAT HALL!"

Evil Calvin rolled his eyes and hung up the phone.

Earth was deep trouble.

And the only people who could save it were light-years away in space.