Hello out there!

Sorry this chapter is really rushed but I realised I hadn't updated in AGES! Seriously. So long! So I made something up for you, if you're still out there, and I apologise in advance.

CHAPTER 10

The holidays had been and gone with little much to note. Lily and Ally had had a good time, once Lily had stopped thinking about James, and now they were returning as seventh years. Lily convinced herself it wasn't because she liked him but she did feel a little guilty for treating him that way, until she realised he didn't care and it was just a stupid prank waiting to happen. That was her biggest mistake.

James had been trying to get over Lily but failing, throughout the holidays he listened to talks from his friends of how 'Lily was not good for him' or that 'she was an evil ice-bitch who had no heart' which, unfortunately, did nothing to help him. James decided he was better off without her. He would just ignore her and she would go away. Like every other female he had met. She was nothing special. He was going to ignore her as much as possible. Or so he thought.

The welcoming feast was a good as ever and it left the school in high spirits. Lily, as head girl, walked the first years up to the dormitory and gave the password.

James was head boy just as Dumbledore had said, and they would be sleeping in their own heads rooms from now on, as much as Lily hated the idea. She just didn't know how she would act around him.

Lily and Ally were sitting on the couch of the Gryffindor common room quietly talking about how Lily was going to survive the year sharing a bathroom with James.

"Honestly Ally, I think I'm going to die sharing a bathroom with that prat."

"Oh come on Lils it won't be that bad."

"Yes it will. I'm going to die and then we'll see who was right."

"Ok Lils, so what's going on with you two, huh? One minute you two were talking nicely the next…" She left the sentence hanging in mid air.

"Oh nothing, I just realised what an idiot he was."

"Lily, you should give him a chance. I gave Sirius one and now look, we've been dating since the holidays and I think I'm in love with him, honestly, it's the best feeling ever."

"That's all well and good for you but-"

"Lily, we've uh…got patrolling." The nervous voice if James Potter interrupted their talk.

Lily looked at Ally.

"Go Lils, I have to meet Sirius by the lake now anyway." She assured her.

"Ok then," she said sadly, "I'll see you when I'm done and I want details."

"Bye Lily."

Lily got up and slowly walked to the portrait door.

They walked the halls silently for over half an hour before James stopped them.

"Lily what happened on the day we left Hogwarts?" James asked suddenly.

"Nothing happened." She snapped.

"Yes it did."

"No it didn't Potter. Nothing happened!" She hissed.

"THEN WHY WERE YOU SO HARSH AFTER WE WERE FINALLY BECOMING CIVIL?" he yelled, he wanted answers he didn't care how he got them.

"I WAS-"

"Lily, Lily, come quick!" A voice called her.

"WHAT?" she yelled at a girl she recognised as one from her dorm.

"It's Ally!"

"She's with Sirius, she's been with him for like 40 minutes."

"No, she's not." The girl looked down.

"What has she done this time?" She asked exasperated.

"She's-she's ha-ad an a-accident." The girl stuttered. James watched the scene in puzzlement.

"What bones did she break this time? She's always having accidents tell her I'll be there soon."

"No Lily. I-I can't. I don't want to tell you this but…" the girl trailed off.

James had an idea of what was happening but Lily hadn't either that or she didn't want to know so she was blocking out the truth. Probably the Latter, he thought. Oh Merlin, if this is what I think it is I'm really scared for her, I don't know how she'll take it.

"Go on." Lily was getting irritated.

"W-well," the girl sniffed. "S-she was with Sirius by the Lake and t-they got in an argument, so Sirius left and…" she sniffed again and Lily could tell the girl really didn't want to be here, "Well, Ally must have s-s-slipped because she fell in." The girl stopped and looked at Lily hoping she would get the hint so she didn't have to explain it.

"Silly girl," Lily stated. "Why would she do that, she knows she can't swim."

"No Lily" the girl started to shake, "she fell in, and s-she was too far in, and s-s-she couldn't get back." The girl stopped again.

"Who was the poor sap who had to dive in and save her?" Lily asked amused.

"W-well, y-you see i-it's so late, so n-n-no one was outside," Realisation then dawned on Lily but she let the girl continue in case she was wrong. She hoped she was wrong. "S-S-S-Sirius was w-worried after she d-didn't come back for a w-while so he w-w-went to find her."

"He saved her right? He jumped in just in time to save her." Her voice was now eager as if begging that to be the answer. The girl kept her gaze down still.

"H-He was j-just too late, there was nothing h-he could do. She drowned Lily." Those three words hit Lily like a brink.

'She drowned Lily.' It couldn't be, I talked to her not long ago. She was by the lake, that's just outside, that's impossible. She's not dead, this is a silly prank. Yes, that's it, she will jump out soon and say, 'BOO got you', anytime now.

"Lily, are you ok?" James Potter broke her thoughts. The girl had gone.

"Yes, I'm fine," she smiled, "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because Ally she…" he stopped. "Let's go to the common room, I need to see Sirius."

SCENE CHANGE

They walked into the common room to find it empty, except for Sirius.

Sirius was sitting on the couch, head in hands, silent tears falling from his eyes. He looked up to see the two and immediately stood up.

"James, I just left her for a while, we had a fight. She didn't want me to prank the Slytherins so much. I was so stubborn, so I walked away. She didn't come back, I checked my watch every 2 minutes but she didn't come back. I went to say sorry but I couldn't see her. I sat down and saw her floating. I jumped in…but she…I couldn't…I was…if only I hadn't left her." James had left go of Lily who was watching them as James sat Sirius on the couch with his arm around his shoulders. It was easy to see why they were best friends, James could help Sirius like no one else.

"No, no, Sirius it wasn't your fault." He patted him on the back. Lily was standing there awkwardly, who were they talking about? She wondered.

"She was the greatest person I ever knew and I loved her so much…but I never got to tell her."

"I'm sure she knows. She's probably watching you right now."

"Thanks. How's Lily taking it, they were best friends, is she alright?" Sirius asked.

"To tell you the truth I think she's taking it awfully Sirius, she hasn't cried or even looked sad, she was humming up here. I think she's in shock, I really hate to see what happens when she figures it out."

"Oh god, what if she blames me James?" Sirius asked. He was quite scared he had seen only one person act like that when they were sad. Let's just say it took a lot to get them to snap out of it.

"She won't, but I'm scared you know what happened last time and she was closer with Ally than her Dad."

"James I'm going now," Lily interrupted them, "I told Ally I would meet her here after she met with Sirius but she must have gone up to the dorms."

Sirius and James looked at her wide eyed. She pranced up the stairs.

"James, go after her she'll break down when those girls tell her and you won't be able to help her up there." Sirius whispered.

"I can't get up there." James said. "And I wouldn't be able to help her."

"James, I think from experience you'll be the only one who can help her."

But there was no need to get Lily, she came down on her own.

"Hmm," she said thought out loud, "She wasn't there, those girls were being strangely nice to me though, how weird."

"Lily, come here." James said.

"What?" She asked walking to him.

"Lily this is important I need you to listen to me ok?"

"OK James. Hi Sirius."

"Hi Lily." Sirius mumbled, he was worried for this girl too, she was Ally's best friend and he had to help her, Ally would have wanted him too.

"Now Lily, something bad has happened." James started, he didn't know how to explain it.

"Oh, is that why Sirius is sad?"

"Yes Lily it is."

"Ok what happened?"

"Well, Sirius and Ally were by the lake and Sirius had to go and when he was gone Ally fell in…do you get me so far?"

"Yes, you said Ally fell in the lake…but James Ally can't swim." She said confused. Sirius took in a deep breath and James kept talking.

"I know. Now Lily, there was no one outside because it was dark, and because Ally couldn't swim and no one could save her…" Sirius took a breath as James continued talking, "Ally drowned."

Sirius sniffed and his lip started to quiver as the two watched Lily to see if she had gotten it this time.

"Do you understand Lily?"

"Yes I do…you said Ally drowned, but that's silly Ally can't be…gone, she can't otherwise I'd be alone and Ally promised she wouldn't leave me."

"I'm Sorry Lily but she is gone. She died." Realisation started to sink in.

"She…she did?"

"Yes, I'm so sorry Lily." He tried to comfort her but she jumped back like he was fire.

"Ally's…Ally's…she's…Ally's" she muttered. "But Sirius…and he…and she…before…she said…we talked…be back."

"Lily come and sit down." He reached out to her.

"No Potter I'm fine." Sirius watched the display in amazement. This girl was so strong, so strong. He admired her. Her life was full of heartache, yet she never showed it. She had been through so much already and she hadn't once shown weakness, yet if she had he would admire her more.

"Lily, it's ok to cry." James tried.

"No…not it's not…not in her eyes." Lily thought back to Caroline, "It would make me weak, Potter, I am not weak, I WILL prove her wrong, she can't hurt me!"

"WHO LILY?" He shouted.

"CAROLINE THAT'S WHO! I WON'T LET HER WIN!" and she ran upstairs to her heads room.

"James, I'm seriously worried for Lily, I know I'll be ok but Lily…Lily is…different." Sirius said.

James stared in wonder. Lily is so strong, she has felt so much pain, she's been through so much. Now she thinks she has no one left. She's wrong she has me. I will help her. OH MERLIN! LILY DON'T BE LIKE THIS! He pleaded internally.

Scene change

A month had passed and James was getting more and more worried. Every time he approached Lily she would leave, she avoided him. She only ever talked to him to discuss head duties and even then she was brief. Not only that, he still hadn't seen her shed a tear over Ally and she was walking around like she never had a best friend. Like a zombie.

She wouldn't pay attention in class, she hardly ever showered, she almost never slept, she wouldn't eat, nor do her homework, she wouldn't study, she didn't talk. Hard as he tried she wouldn't listen to him. She was becoming invisible again, and he couldn't bear to loose her. It was almost as it was before he met her. Everyone seemed to let her disappear. Except him. He wouldn't EVER let her go. No matter what. He obviously wasn't the only one to notice because the teachers glanced worriedly at her too, but that was before they stop looking at her. He even caught Remus and Sirius shooting nervous looks at her during dinner.

Not only Lily, but Sirius was a worry too, though he seemed to be coping better. After the night Sirius had stayed up with James and he had let it all out. James was there to help him and support him every step of the way. After the funeral, which Sirius attended alone, was finished he talked to him and helped him mourn.

A month down the track and Sirius was showing a lot of signs of his old self and that pleased James to no end.

But then there was Lily.

Dumbledore had asked to speak with him later that night and James hoped it wasn't about Lily. He was becoming annoyed with her not listening to him and didn't want to talk about it.

"James, I feel there is something we need to discuss." The headmaster stated pouring himself some tea.

"Go on." James nodded.

"James there is a very important matter at hand and I think you are the only one who can fix it."

"Yes?" James said his tone becoming more aggressive, he had a feeling he knew where this was going.

"I need you to help Miss Evans, she is in danger." The man spoke gravely.

"I HAVE TRIED SHE WON'T LET ME!" James screamed at the old man, he was sleep deprived and the worry had caused him to lash out.

"James it is very important you listen to me, she NEEDS your help whether she wants it or not" Dumbledore looked at the boy. "James, since the loss of her friend have you noticed she has almost disappeared? She is getting more and more tired looking, she is paler, and her grades are slipping. I am very worried as are the rest of the staff."

"How can you help some one who won't let you?" James asked.

"The invisible, the unobserved, the unnoticed are the most in danger of us all. They are in danger of themselves. They are the first to loose their light. The simple affect of being present can save them. The simple affect of bringing the light can save them."

"So you're saying she is in danger of herself, do you think she will hurt herself again?"

"One cannot know." He spoke wisely.

"No offence sir but why are you asking me, she hates me, remember?"

"Yes it would appear that way, yet one cannot always judge a book by its cover."

"What?"

"Miss Evans is a very unique person James as you should know. She is unlike anyone you have ever met, I dare say. However I have seen someone who is quite like her in their spirit, as much as they try deny it. That person is the only one who can help her. While some people may wear their emotions on the outside, I fear Miss Evans is the opposite. She is in a state of shock and it has gone on for much too long. It reminds me of a familiar incident, yet that person had people who cared for them, Miss Evans is under the impression she does not. I however know that is not true, I know a few people who care a great deal for her. She keeps everything bottled up and if not careful it will break and with it so will she."

"I understand but I don't think she will let me help."

"All I ask is that you try."

"I will Professor Dumbledore. I want her back the way she was."

"She can never be as she was for, people are always changing."

"Sir, I think I should go, your riddles confuse me."

"Yes that would be best, goodnight James."

Ah, wise boy, Dumbledore thought, he is wise beyond his years, if only luck were on his side. Destiny works in fickle ways. Poor boy though, he and Miss Evans will suffer more than any others I will ever know except…yes but he is an exception.

SCENE CHANGE

James saw Lily the next day wandering the corridors aimlessly as if looking for something better to do.

Now is the time.

"Lily, we need to talk." James touched her on the shoulder. When she turned around her could see what Dumbledore had said was true. Her once beautiful skin was now chalky and greasy. Her hair was matted and knotty. Her eyes were tired and worn and her posture was slouched and lazy.

"I'm sorry I don't have time, I have to…study." She turned to walk away.

"No you don't," he grabbed her and twisted her around, "Lily, why are you lying? Dumbledore told me your grades are way down, I know you aren't going to study."

"Yes I am, if my grades are down all the more reason to study."

"Listen, I'm worried about you."

"NO!" she yelled. It was the first time she had yelled since…

"What?" He needed her to yell at him, he longed for it. He needed her to feel an emotion, and any emotion would do.

"No, I will not listen to you or anyone else. I do not want to hear it. I am happy being alone. Why does no one understand. Ally would have understood." For the first time in a long time her eyes held emotion. They were full of hatred, confusion and betrayal. They held no sadness like they should have.

"Lily you have to listen, you can't just pretend it didn't happen. You have to grieve. You have to cry. Let it all out."

"Never." She spoke in a barely audible whisper. "I will NEVER EVER cry. I am not weak."

"Lily crying doesn't make you weak. If anything it makes you strong. You can't hide from your emotions." He reasoned with her. His grip tightened. Where did she get these ideas from?

"I don't need advice from you. I bet you've never cried in your whole life. You've probably never felt pain." She looked him up and down. "Just leave me alone!" She wrenched out of his grip and ran down the hall.

Sirius and Remus who were watching the scene came over to comfort James, but he turned the other way and sprinted to his dorm, tears threatening to spill.

"Lily," he whispered while gasping for breath, "I miss you."

later that night

Lily was sitting in the astronomy tower looking out onto the grounds as she often did lately. She watched as the once warm bright air turned to cool darkness. She sat in silence thinking over the days events. It had been an eventful day, one of the most so far since Ally…left. She had actually talked to some one, and she had raised her voice. But that was James Potter. He could always get her riled up for some reason. Sitting there she felt once again tears sting at her eyes. Why is it only James can make me cry? I mean Potter. Why is it when he says something it always tugs on my insides? Why does he have that control?

A small cough alerted her to someone else's presence. She didn't turn around just continued staring into space until the person sat beside her.

She turned her head to find a pale looking Remus.

"Lily, we need to talk." He said quietly. Great, Potter sent one of his cronies to fix me.

"Why would I talk to you, Lupin?" She said turning her face to the grounds once more.

"Lily, this is very important. It's not just about you anymore." He put a hand to her cheek and turned her to look him in the eye. "Lily, I know you and I have never been friends but matters are getting serious and some one has to talk to you."

"Look, how I grieve for my friend has nothing to do with you or Potter or anyone else."

"No Lily this isn't only about Ally. And it's not how you're grieving it's the fact that you aren't grieving at all that has everyone worried. Especially James."

"Ok, I don't want to hear it. I can't believe Potter sent you here to talk to me." She seethed.

"James didn't send me. He doesn't know. If he did, he wouldn't have let me come."

"What?" Lily said quietly.

"You see Lily this isn't only about Ally anymore. The fact that you're not grieving is taking its toll on other people too."

Lily snorted. "What other people? No one cares. It's just like it was before. I'm invisible."

"No it is almost as it was before. Almost. But there is one thing keeping you from being invisible."

"And what's that?"

"James."

"I don't want to hear this speech again. James cares for you. James feels…blah blah blah. I know he was only trying to get me for a prank. He's talking it too far. I mean, why is he still trying to hurt me?" She closed her eyes.

"Lily, it's not a prank James care for you. Really. I have never seen him this way before, it's scary."

"Whatever." She said unbelievingly.

"Lily, I need to show you something." He said standing and offering her his hand.

"I don't want to see."

"I don't care, you have to see." He pulled her up.

"Fine." She grumbled.

"Here put this on." He held up James' invisibility cloak.

"Stupid Marauders." She grumbled stepping under it letting Remus lead the way.

They entered the common room. It was almost empty except for Sirius, who was pacing the floor with a worried look on his face.

"Why do we need to be invisible to enter the common room?" She whispered.

"There is something you should see upstairs, you must be quiet."

"Fine." She said, she didn't want to go back up to the boys' dorm but she was getting curious.

He led her up the stairs and silently pushed the door open.

Inside it was a mess, a pigsty. Everything was thrown around. It looked as though it had just been in a war. Especially around the bed which was obviously James'. She saw the hangings were almost fully drawn around his bed and there were quiet sounds coming from it.

"This way." Remus whispered leading her to James bed. "Look inside."

What Lily saw made her want to cry. James was sitting on his bed, his covers drawn and he was shaking. There were tears streaming down his face and every few minutes he would hiccup. He looked so vulnerable and sad. Lily just wanted to hold him. To hug him. To see him as his normal self again. She wanted to know what was hurting him so much. A single tear made its way down her face and she hastily wiped it away, hoping Remus wouldn't notice, but he did. He tugged her sleeve and nodded his head towards the door. She followed him out. They made their way silently back to the Astronomy tower and took off the cloak.

"He's been like that since he talked to you. He ran upstairs and kicked around everything then he fell down and started crying. Sirius and I tried to help but he just told us to leave. We're worried Lily."

"What's wrong with him?"

"You see Lily, you remember what you said to him don't you?" She nodded.

"You said he had probably not felt pain. Well a few years ago Sirius, James and I were at the Potter mansion when there was a tragedy. We were playing hide and seek with his sister, Nicole. Well we had found everyone except her. The rules were no hiding in the bedrooms but James thought she might cheat so he decided to look for her in her room. He went upstairs and when he found her she was dead. James' mother had gone crazy and slit Nicole's throat then hung herself." Remus turned away from her. "They were best friends. They got along like no other siblings. She was to come to Hogwarts that year. So you see he did feel pain and that's why what you said hurt him."

"Also he has been through so much with you. He found you almost dead and it reminded him of Nicole. He watched you and knew you. You stood out to him. You were different. It scared him how much you were like her, and him. But Sirius and I don't think that's the only reason."

"Well?" Lily asked.

"After he found her, he just went into a state of shock and he wouldn't go near anyone or anything. He wouldn't cry. He wouldn't talk to anyone. He just wanted to fade away. Like you. You two are very alike you know, it's a wonder it took so long for him to notice you. Though I can see why he likes you now, you are so alike it is scary. You both have tempers. You both are extremely smart. You both pull great pranks. You both deal with sadness in the exact same way. He is afraid you are going through the exact same pain that hurt him so much, he wouldn't wish that on anyone…You reminded him of himself."

"What happened to get him better?" Lily asked anxiously.

"He will never really be better, but what helped him through his state was us. His friends. Finally we got him to see that it was ok to be sad. We snapped it out of him and he cried for a very long time. Once it was over he felt better."

"Oh…" Lily trailed off.

"Also, Sirius and I think that maybe there is one more reason to such a state."

"And that is?"

"You. Lily he cares about you so much. He hates seeing you in pain. He doesn't want to loose you. If he looses you, it will be like loosing his sister again. You are the only female he has cared about since then. He wouldn't allow himself to care for anyone else. Yet, you snuck up from behind and hit him hard."

"Please, Remus, I can believe all you have said before that but that Potter cares is completely ridiculous. He could never care for me." She ended quietly.

"Ah, but he does and if I am not mistaken you care for him too." He gently smiled.

There was a moment's hesitation from lily. "You are mistaken, I do not…" she paused. "I cannot care for him."

But that moment's hesitation told Remus what he needed to know. Lily was in denial but her feelings were strong. He had seen that tear earlier. He had seen how only James could make her cry. It all made sense.

"Just keep telling yourself that Lily." He smiled and walked away.

SCENE CHANGE

Why does James always affect me like this? Lily asked herself throwing a stone into the lake. She had moved from the tower so she could think. It just so confusing. I mean, no one has ever made me want to cry so much ever. And tonight I just wanted to hold him and be with him. I don't understand. Maybe Ally was right. Maybe I should give him a chance. What did she say again? She gave Sirius a chance and look what happened. That's it. Yeah, Ally, look what happened. You're dead. You left me. You said you would never leave. You said I would always have you. You said you'd always be there for me. You lied. You left me alone. Now I have no one. No one to care for me. My family are all dead. Except petunia and she hates me. I have no friends. No one will talk to me. Except James. I mean except Potter and Lupin but that was a one time thing. No wait James has been trying to talk to me. Maybe I'm afraid of my feelings for him. WAIT WHAT FEELINGS? I DON'T HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM! Yes I do. HATE! That's the only feeling I have for him. Yet, why is something telling me that's a lie. It's nagging at me. Oh Ally, I need you now more than ever, I'm so confused. I just want to hold him tight. I want him to hug me like he did the day on his broom. I Miss him talking to me. Asking me out even. I need happy go lucky James back. I Miss his charming voice. His sexy body. His funny attitude. His determination.

Oh Merlin. I think I like James Potter.

I need a shower.

That will fix it.

"James can we come in?" Remus and Sirius appeared at the door.

"Sure." He sat up in his bed.

"James I really think you should talk to us about this, we're worried about you mate." Sirius sat beside James on his bed.

"Yeah, I know. I want to tell you but I just can't find the words."

"Just tell us what's wrong with you at the moment." Remus said kindly.

"Where is Peter?" James asked looking around for the mousy boy.

"Um…I put him back in the broom closet. Do you want me to get him?"

"No I think it's best he doesn't hear this, I was just checking."

"What is it Prongs?"

"Je pense c'est un cas d'amour sans retour." James sighed putting his head in his hands.

"What?" Remus asked.

"I said, I think it is a case of unrequited love."

"Oh."

"Amour sans retour." James repeated. "Remus, Sirius, I'm really scared, now." He confided in his friends.

They motioned for him to continue.

"I mean I thought at first when Remus said I loved Lily it was a little too far and maybe it was just lust or that I liked her or something. Now I know it's not. I love her. I really love her. But, I'm so afraid she doesn't like me. What if she never likes me?" He asked.

Remus and Sirius were a little concerned, they had never seen James like this. Lately he had been acting different and they didn't know what to do for their best friend.

"I miss her so much. Seeing her as she is now practically kills me. Knowing she hates me makes me hate myself. I would do anything for her. I would go to the ends of the earth and die for her." He looked up at them, his eyes glazed with tears.

"It's ok Prongs."

"No! It's not ok. I know she'll never feel the same, but I can't stop trying because she gives me hope. She keeps me alive. If she wasn't around I couldn't eat, sleep, or breathe. I love her so much and she thinks it's a joke. A bloody joke. I don't know how to make her see I'm not lying. I need her. But she's hates me and that's that."

Sirius and Remus exchanged glances, worry filled them both. But in Remus' eyes there was a little dash of hope.

"We'll leave you alone now James."

"Thank you for listening."

"Anytime."

downstairs

"What was that about?" Sirius asked heatedly. "Why did we just leave him, he's practically suicidal."

"No, James isn't that bad."

"Whatever, why did we just leave?"

"You see Sirius, I went to talk to Lily today and I took her to see James."

"WHAT!" Sirius yelled. "What did she say to him?"

"Nothing, she was under the invisibility cloak, he didn't see her."

"I can't believe you Remus."

"Anyway, when we saw him, I swear I saw a tear in her eyes. Last year I remember James made her cry all night by just saying a few extremely harsh words."

"And?"

"Sirius, don't you get it?"

"No."

Remus sighed exasperatedly. "She cares for him. Only those who you care for can hurt you. James hurt her. She cares for him, she just doesn't know it yet."

"Are you sure Moony?" He asked his tone daring to gather a little hope.

"I am positive, you just have to read between the lines."

"THAT IS THE BEST NEWS I HAVE HEARD IN A LONG TIME!" Sirius hugged him.

"No, I said she cares for him I didn't say she likes him."

"Who cares it's a start. We're going to help her realise she likes him so that I can be the godfather of their children. Ah, the little Potters."

Remus sighed. "You know I don't think they'll want us in on their personal lives."

"I don't care. They'll thank us in the future."

"Fine. Lily can be very stubborn and somehow I don't think convincing her will be too easy." Remus smiled.

"Yes. We definitely CAN NOT let them find out, agreed?"

"Agreed."