The next day, I did a routine patrol of the corrals, barked up the sun at 0800 hours,and returned to my office, confident that I did a good morning's work.
Drover was there, of course, sleeping his life away, and making his usual orchestra of weird noises.
I ignored him, and turned to a stack of reports on my desk.
OK, maybe I fell asleep.
But it was a shallow sleep. More of a resting of eyes kind of thing.
Well, the next thing I knew, the door up at the house slammed, and I heard footsteps.
I leaped to my feet, staggered around in a circle, and yelled, "PORKCHOP THE MUTTERING HONKY WIFFLE! Wake up, Drover! For in case my ears deceive me, SCRAPS are being served at the yard gate! WE MUST BEAT THE CAT!"
Drover leaped to his feet, and started limping around in circles.
"SCRAPS! Oh my gosh, Hank! There's scraps being served at the yard gate!"
"That's what I said, you tuna!"
"Oh. Well, I guess so."
And with that we went streaking for the yard gate to beat Pete the sneak to morning breakfast scraps!
It wasn't Sally May with the breakfast scraps.
It was Calvin, and his tiger.
Bummer.
But on then one hand, we beat the cat to the false alarm, and notched up a mortal victory over the forces of kittydom!
Calvin was holding a bowl of... something, and Hobbes was at his side.
Calvin exited the yard gate, made some comment onmy... erm... Drover'sodor, then sat down on a log, and began eating his... what did he call it?
Chocolate Sugar Frosted Bombs.
Sounded pretty silly to me.
I mean, there he sat, gobbling down his Chocolate Bombs, and vibrating slightly.
Drover turned and stared at me.
"What's wrong with him?"
"He's eating cereal, Drover." I said. "It must be of the sugary kind."
"I'll be derned." Drover said. "I could have sworn he said he was eating... chocolate bombs."
"No." I said. "That's simply the name of the cereal. A name is a name, Drover."
"Yeah, and if someone didn't have one, they wouldn't have their identity."
"Exactly!" I exclaimed. "So there you have it, Drover. This boy is eating chocolate flavored bombs."
"I'll be derned. How does he stomach bombs?"
"It's not easy, I'll tell you that, Drover." I said. "As says the old saying, a stomached bomb never boils."
"Yeah, and if you wanted to boil a stomach just drink hot water."
I stared at the runt.
All at once, I realized that this conversation was making absolutely no sense whatsoever.
"Drover?" I asked. "Is there a point to this conversation?"
"No, I don't think so."
I cut my eyes from side to side.
I stepped away from the little simpleton, and tried to shake the vapors out of my head.
I walked back to him, and gave him a stern glare.
"Drover? May I ask you a personal question?"
"Oh sure, go ahead."
"Have you ever felt that you might be going insane?"
"Well..."
"Well, it's too late! It's already happened! I don't know how you manage to do it, Drover, but you have just yanked me back into one of your brainless swamp conversations!"
"Gee, Thanks, me too."
"Don't ever speak to me, again."
I whirled away from the little lunatic, and marched back over to Calvin and the Cat Mon... and Hobbes.
Hmmm, It appeared that Calvin had dropped one of the Sugar Chocolate flavor bombs on the ground.
I stared up at him.
He was gobbling the food down, and take no notice of me.
Hmmmm...
I moved closer to the bomb, and sniffed it.
I looked back up at Calvin to make sure this wasn't a trick.
I slowly nudged the round brown item with my nose, then scooped it up in my mouth.
I rolled the bomb around in my mouth for a second and...
HUH!
All at once, my ears shot up, my eyes bulged, my tail turned into a stick, my legs became stiff, and I started vibrating violently.
That was what he was eating!
I did three backflips, four handstands, a three meter dash, three carbunkles, twenty pushups, and I was still vibrating.
Cartwheels, not carbunkles.
That stuff was sweet! TOO SWEET! EXTREMELY SWEET! DANGEROUSLY SWEET!
All the circuits in data control went haywire, the computers hummed, everything was set on OVERLOAD!
I rushed to the computer of my mind and typed in the command to spit out the bomb. It didn't work. I tried it again, and again, but the old jaw muscles were just petrified shut.
Drover, Calvin and Hobbes were all staring me.
"What's he doing?" Calvin asked, taking another spoonful of the chocolate bombs.
"I just watched him gobble up one of your cereal bits." Hobbes said.
I had been hopping around in circles by this time, trying to spit out that yucko chocolate, when I realized that Drover had come up to me.
"Are they really bombs, Hank?" He asked.
I gave him a withering glare, and spat, "Over! Umimes I ink oor eyeing oo ake a ockery of my ife's wouk!"
"No thanks, I'm stuffed. Besides it looks to sweet for me."
I retyped the message to empty mouth.
It still didn't work!
This was getting serious, fellers, I pawed at mouth, and tried to get that awful cereal out of my face!
Calvin and Hobbes continued to watch me.
"Do you think we should help him?" Hobbes asked.
"Sure." Calvin said. "But I'm sure not going to pry his disgusting slobbering mouth open. You do it."
Hobbes sighed, got up, and started walking towards me.
Well! I sure didn't need a tiger working on my mouth!
I hit full reverse on all engines, and went roaring for...
CRASH!
That is, I crashed into the fence post.
Hobbes walked over to me, and took hold of my nose, and lower jaw.
Slowly, grunting and pulling, Hobbes managed to pry my mouth open, and knock the bomb out.
OH SWEET RELIEF!
I shook my head, and tried to get out all the deadly toxins that had invaded my body.
Once that was taken care of, I marched... uh, waddled over to Drover, and... my tongue was hanging out of my mouth?
Hmmm.
Well it appeared that I had been exposed to deadly Sugar Frosted Chocolate Bomb poisoning. And, uh, waddling and tongue extension are full symptoms of, uh, Chocolate poisoning.
No kidding
Drover was staring me with his usual simple grin.
"Hi Hank! Was it good?"
I glared at the mutt.
"Rover it waz not good! I'd nebber pasted anything worth in my enbire life!"
"Yeah, Thanks me too,"
"Thut up, Rover. Your nonthenthe is thu wast thing I need wight now."
And so, I heaved my beaten body up to the gas tanks, and collapsed on my warm gunnysack bed.
And yes, I did catch a few winks of sleep. But it was only momentarily, because, all at once, I picked up another sound.
IT WAS THE SLAMMING OF THE DOOR!
I leaped to my feet, and spun around in all directions.
SALLY MAY WAS GIVING OUT THE BREAKFAST SCRAPS DOWN AT THE YARD GATE!
I hit full throttle, and went roaring down to the yard gate where Sally May would give me...
We needn't go into details. I got one lousy piece of burnt toast, and Drover and Kitty Kitty got everything else.
I will say no more on the subject.
I had been crunching my toast, when all at once, the door slammed, again.
I looked up and saw that same tall guy with the glasses, and the thinning hair.
He was putting on a business suit, and was strolling out the yard gate.
"Calvin," He said turning to Calvin. "I'm going to the meeting I was called for. Please don't make any trouble while I'm gone."
Calvin grinned.
"Oh, don't worry about a thing, Dad! Me and Hobbes 'll be angels!"
Dad walked away rolling his eyes, and muttering to himself.
That left me alone with Calvin and Hobbes.
And Drover, the little moron, who was sitting there in the middle of the dirt, looking simple with that stupid grin on his face.
It got pretty boring, after a while.
And come to think of it, I had better things to do right then and there, then sit in the middle of nowhere and be bored.
Things such as,
A.
B.
C.
And D.
And I'll fill in the blanks later, because they've slipped my mind at the moment.
And so, I jacked myself up, turned, and walked away from the boring crowd.
Suddenly, I heard a sound.
I looked behind me.
Calvin, Hobbes and Drover hadn't moved.
I shrugged it off, and continued my march.
I heard it again.
It was a kind of announcing voice.
I turned, and looked back at the three...
HUH!
I saw something exremely weird in front of me.
You'll never guess what it was.
