Do I dare reveal what I saw Calvin do?

Ah what the heck, I guess it wouldn't hurt.

Here's what I saw.

Calvin had his eyes squeezed shut, and he had his hands outstretched as if he was holding something. Oh and he was muttering.

"The intrepid SPACEMAN SPIFF sails across the vast regions of the galaxy!"

What was that supposed to mean?

I stepped closer, and tried to decode the message. For, unless I was badly mistaken, Calvin had just been taken over by some form of creature!

Someone who we knew only as, Spiceman Spaff.

I needed to probe the matter deeper.

I moved in, and locked onto Calvin's voice transmissions.

Would you like to hear the transcript of Calvin's muttering?

Usually, I don't do these kind of things because... well, think about it.

If our enemies ever got hold of this knowledge, then they would... I don't know what they would do, but it would be bad.

We usually don't release this kind of information until 2045.

Yes sir, it's that secret.

But I guess if we gave you a little peek it wouldn't hurt.

However, you must promise to forget all of it!

Promise?

Because if you don't you aren't allowed to read the following information.

If you don't promise, then just hit the back button and go read something else.

Alright here it is.


The amazing SPACEMAN SPIFF probes the deep darkness of the galaxy, hoping to find an intergalactic fast food restaurant, soon. Suddenly, and all of a sudden, Zorkians from planet X-575, appear out of nowhere, and start firing deadly zorcher rays at our famed hero! Our hero desperately tries to maneuver past the alien's rang!

At this point, Calvin began swaying back and forth, keeping his hand on the so called steering wheel.

Suddenly our hero is hit!

Calvin leaped off of the bench and collapsed to the ground.

OUR HERO IS GOING DOWN!

Calvin began running around in circles.

Our hero's only hope is to attempt to perform a 100 mph landing on a planet's surface!

Calvin started running towards the machine shed.

Our hero lowers the landing gear! CAN HE MAKE IT!


See? I told you it was weird.

And now, this was very odd, now Calvin leaped off his feet, and slammed face first into the dirt, sending dust everywhere.

Hobbes, Drover and I watched.

Well, you know me.

If any child falls to the dirt, sending dust up, I don't just sit there looking simple.

I started barking.

I leaped to my feet put the whole ranch under red alert, and rushed to the scene of the crashed kid.

Once there, I started performing several CPR emergency licks on the face.

That brought it around.

Quickly.

A little too well, actually.

After the third lick, he kicked me in the ribs, OOF! And said, this kinda hurt my feelings, he hissed at me, "Stop licking me, you idiot dog!"

I had never been so insulted.

I had just saved his life, and he...

Never mind.

Just skip it.

Dog's have feelings too, though.

Calvin spat and sputtered, and wiped his mouth several times, and Hobbes for some reason began laughing his head off.

But after Calvin was through insulting me, he sat back down at the bench with Hobbes.

Ya know, I never did find out who Spiceman Spaff was.

I guess it was just one of those things...


I stayed for about fifteen minutes after the episode.

I mean, I swore an oath to protect all little children.

Even the ones that were bratty.

Soon, though, even Calvin and Hobbes went into the house, and that left me alone with Drover.

Calvin had said something about, "preparing for the game." before he went into the house.

I turned to Drover.

"Drover, did you hear that?"

His eyes drifted down from the clouds, and onto me.

He stared at me for a long moment.

"What?"

"I said, did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"What Calvin said."

"Did he say something?"

"Yes."

"I'll be derned. What did he say?"

"That's what I'm asking you!" I yelled. "I was asking you if you heard what Calvin said."

He rolled his eyes around.

"Well... I'm not sure."

My eyes bulged.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT SURE! I ASKED YOU A SIMPLE QUESTION AND LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE WITH IT!"

He shriveled back in horror.

"Don't yell at me! It makes me think you don't like me."

"I'm just going insane is all!"

I marched away from him, and tried to escape the swamp of his mind.

I turned, and came back to him.

"Drover?" I asked. "I asked you the simple statement if you had heard what Calvin had said. Did you?"

"Question."

"What?"

"You asked me the simple question, not statement."

"ANSWER THE QUESTION!"

"OK! OK!"

He thought for a long moment.

Finally, he said, "No I don't think I did."

"Thank you, Drover. That's all I wanted."

"Thanks"

"Your welcome. Let's go check it out."

We studied the front door for a long moment, then Calvin and Hobbes emerged from it.

They were wearing the most ridiculous outfits I'd ever seen in my life.

They had black masks on, and Calvin was holding a volleyball.

What they planned on doing with a volleyball, I didn't know.

Yet.

Calvin said something about Calvinball, and they rushed off towards the Home Pasture.

I turned to Drover.

He had fallen asleep.

I calmly told him to wake up.

"GET UP, HALF STEPPER! ARISE AND SING! GET UP AND SMELL THE COBRAS!"

One eye popped open.

"HELP! MURDER! MAYDAY! I'M SCARED OF SNAKES! OH MY LEG!"

"Forget the leg. Get out of bed, Drover, or else you'll start growing roots."

He sat up, and stared at me with crossed eyes.

"Did you just say somebody forgot their leg on their vacation to Rootwood?"

"No. I did not say that. I told you to get up, or you would start growing roots on your gunnysack."

"Yeah, and if someone forgot their leg, they'd really be lost!"

"Exactly! And let that be a lesson to you! Never forget your leg, Drover! No matter how much it burdens you!"

"I saw a bird the other day. He was flying over the house."

"Yes, the birds are coming back from down south,"

"Yeah, good old birds. I've always liked them."

"Yes, and me too."

There was a moment of silence.

"I seem to have lost my train of thought."

"No, I've been here forever."

I glared at the runt.

"And I believe that you are the reason my brains are scrambled, Drover!"

"Yeah, I love scrambled eggs."

"Shut up, Drover."

"OK." Calvin said, a few feet away from us. "This is pretty wide open terrain, so this should be a perfect Calvinball field."

Calvinball field? What was he talking about?

Calvin and Hobbes walked away.

Did I mention that Calvin and Hobbes were wearing masks?

Yes sir, masks.

I turned to Drover.

"Do you know what's going on here?"

"Not really."

"Calvin and Hobbes being called for a top secret mission. So secret, that they need masks for the operation, so their enemies wont recognize them. Holy smokes, Drover! Unless I'm badly mistaken, Calvin and Hobbes are actually SPIES!"

"I thought they said that we were going to play a game."

"Drover, he was using code. Don't you understand? We always have to use code words for our operations! Especially top secret ones like this!"

Drover blinked.

"I'll be derned." he said. "What's the mission?"

"We're not sure about that, yet, Drover. It's so secret that not even the elite troops of the security division can handle the deep dark truth of it all!"

"I'll be derned."

"And we're obligated to follow him to this mysterious CALVINBALL FIELD."

"Have fun."

"And you're coming with me."

"Oh drat."

He started limping around in a circle.

"I'd love to come, Hank, but my leg's been acting up."

"Drover, you're coming with me if you want to or not!"

"Oh darn."

"And we will have none of your naughty language!"

"Oh smirkle."

"That's better. Let's go."

And with that, we launched ourselves into the mission.

I got onto the radio, and called Drover.

"Dingdong, this is Dishrag. Do you have a visual?"

"What?"

"Can you see Calvin or Hobbes yet!"

"Oh. no, not yet."

"Hmmm, this is very odd. Is it possible that they have vanished in thin hair?"

"Maybe. Or maybe we're going in the wrong direction."

I screeched to a stop.

Drover did the same.

I glared at the mutt.

"What do mean we're going in the wrong direction?"

"Well, Calvin and Hobbes went that way. We're heading towards the Caprock."

I cut my eyes from side to side.

I turned and glared at Drover.

"Drover, this is the last time I let you lead our progression."

"Yeah, but..."

"Don't argue with me! Calvin and Hobbes were going that way, you dunce!"

"Yeah but..."

"We can only hope that you haven't ruined our reputation."

"Yeah but..."

"Shut up, Drover. I'm leading this time. And no more excuses!"

I turned around, and started streaking off in the other direction.

Drover followed.

Can you believe that Drover would do that? I mean, how dumb is that?

We went streaking for the barn, where we found Calvin and Hobbes.

Calvin was setting little round iron things into the dirt, and Hobbes was stacking up mallets, balls, and little pink things with white on the top.

What were they doing? Preparing for battle?

Yes that's it, they were preparing for battle.

I spun around to Drover.

"Drover, unless I'm badly mistaken, we've just blown this case wide open!"

I spun back around.

"Alright." Calvin said, holding a mallet up. "The first person to find Base twelve gets a ghost point and one free 'get out of jail'."

"Wait, that's how we did it, last time." Hobbes said.

"Uh huh. Good point."

Calvin thought.

"OK! New rule, first one to get the Bonus Box gets a free pass to wicket five."

"Sounds good to me."

None of this was making any sense to me.

I turned to Drover.

"Drover, they're using code. I can't understand anything they're saying."

"They're about to play a game."

"Don't be stupid. Of course they're not going to play a game. Why do you think they have masks? It's not just decoration."

"I guess not. But they're going to play a game."

"That's the most preposterous thing I've ever heard! In the first place..."

I turned around, and stared at Calvin and Hobbes.

I didn't know what the heck they were doing.

Until Calvin grabbed the volleyball, threw it into the air, kicked it with his foot, and it came flying straight for me.

Then I knew...