Please consider the usual disclaimers written. Samantha Kathy, thank you again for your beta reading.
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Chapter 8
"Hermione! Wait!" Harry took three steps at once to reach Hermione, who was on her way to the dungeons. He smiled at her. "Hey, I have not seen you for days except for the lessons. You look exhausted. Doing too much work, huh?" Hermione looked up to him. It felt good to be cared for. Yes, she was exhausted; lessons during the day and working together with Severus in the lab in the evening were taking their toll.
"Come on! Why don't you come to the common room this evening with me and Ron?... Like in the good old days." Harry smiled again, but I t was a sad smile. The forthright laughing boy was gone and had been replaced by a severe young man. Nobody laughed much these days. Dumbledore had been more than just a kind mentor for Harry. Hermione hesitated; she did not have much time, but on the other hand it would raise suspicion, if she declined all invitations of her friends. It would not help her reputation either. "Okay Harry, we'll meet at 8 o'clock there. But I am in a hurry now. I have to prepare another lesson."
Severus would not be exhilarated. No, he was not and scowled indeed. "It's a waste of time," he snarled. If he was honest to himself, he didn't so much consider it a waste of time, but did not want Hermione to spend time with Weasley, though he had to admit that they had rarely met each other during the past weeks.
"Severus, maybe some hours off will be good for both of us. We will be able to concentrate better tomorrow," Hermione replied.
In a way, Hermione was glad that she would meet her friends. The past weeks had been a heavy burden, and this evening was a welcomed distraction. ...like in the good old days, Harry had said. But it was not like in the good old days. Everyone believed Dumbledore to be dead, and she could not tell anybody. Ron had barely talked to her since she had taken her N.E.W.T.s and become a teacher. Ron...she had to admit, she had barely thought of him either since the incident with Severus.
When Hermione entered the common room, Harry was sitting at the table, but Ron was missing. "Howdy, Hermione! Sit down. Yes, I know, you are looking for Ron. Well, he told me, he would come to you later on." Harry looked around and took a sip of his pumpkin juice. The cheerful chatter which had usually filled the common room, was gone. "Not much fun, huh? I am not good company these days either. I miss him so much, you know? Weird, but sometimes I think, he is with me. How is it to teach in the other classes? I bet all the students are happy to have you as a teacher and not Snape." His eyes glittered. "And I would give everything just to see him only once again and to be able to kill him. I don't know who I hate more, Voldemort or Snape."
What could she say? She could not say anything about Severus and did not want to lie. "Uhm…Where's Ginny, Harry?"
"You don't want to talk about Snape, do you? Do you remember, how you have always defended him and told me that I was wrong? I was right from the beginning. I can't blame you. If even Dumbledore was fooled and the other professors...But I swear, I will kill him!" His voice became more agitated, and hatred etched his face in a way she had never seen. Hermione looked down. She so wanted to tell him that he was wrong, that Snape was not only on the side of the Light, but that he was honourable, brave, wonderful! But she was not allowed to. Hermione stood, her chair nearly toppling over. She had to go back to her rooms. "Harry, I am sorry. I have to go, I am really sorry, but..."
Harry looked after her, puzzled.
When Hermione closed the door of her office behind her, she leaned against the heavy oak and started to cry silently, her hands covering her face. It was too much for her, everything was too much for her. Why had they chosen her, an eighteen-year-old witch? When she finally wiped her tears away and opened her eyes, she looked straight at Severus Snape. He did not say a word. Had he watched her all the time?
Before she could say something, she heard a sound at her door and then a knock. "Hermione?" It was Ron. "Hermione, please open the door; I have to talk to you."
"Ron, please, can't we talk tomorrow? I don't feel well." She did not want Ron to see her crying nor did she want to talk to him while Severus could overhear their conversation.
"No, Hermione, it cannot wait. I cannot wait. We have to talk." Ron's voice was earnest, and after a short hesitation Hermione opened up the door. Ron slipped in and eyed her. "You look like hell, Hermione. You have cried. Can I help you?" He touched her face considerately.
"It's all been too much, I suppose," Hermione replied lowly.
"Yeah, I know. Harry told me that you left in a hurry after he had said something about Snape. But, Hermione, that's not what I want to talk about. Look, we have always been honest to each other, and I really hate myself for avoiding you for the past weeks. I have been thinking...I can't do that. I can't deal with you being a teacher here and me a student. I thought I could, but I can't . Maybe I am not strong enough. I have always known that you are so much brighter than I am, but I thought my feelings for you would be sufficient...You know, it is so hard to always be just plain Ron Weasley. There is famous Harry Potter and there is you, the –what do they say –brightest witch of her age. And then it's me, just another Weasley and nothing else, nothing to look at and mediocre in everything. Oh yes, I am pretty good at Quidditch, but I have to work hard even for this, and it's nothing you are interested in. Do you know the jokes they make about us? 'Hey Ronnie, does your girl-friend deduct points if you don't behave?' You may call me a coward, but I cannot deal with this any longer. I need an equal and not someone who is superior to me in every aspect. Maybe you think me narrow-minded, but if you are honest to yourself, you will agree. Maybe we became sweethearts because everybody expected it or maybe there was a time when it would have worked, but this time is over. I don't think you missed me that much in the past weeks. Am I wrong? We should move on and return to the friendship we had for years, before we start to hate each other."
Ron looked at her expectantly. She knew he was right, and in a way she was relieved. With a lopsided smile Ron added, "Eventually, you will find someone who does not feel uncomfortable with a genius at his side."
With a sigh Hermione hugged Ron. "I am so sorry, Ron, but am really glad that we can remain friends," she said. "Maybe you are more mature than me after all. You are right; we are not meant for each other. Thank you, Ron."
"Okay, Hermione. I think, I will leave you alone now." Obviously relieved that everything had gone so well, Ron slipped out of the door. Hermione was still confused, but felt assuaged, too. She closed her eyes and leaned against the desk. She needed some time to calm down and to think.
The fact that she had not once thought of Ron since she had begun to work with Severus and had started her job as a teacher, spoke volumes. She was glad how Ron had handled this situation. Retrospective, she should have realised earlier that more than friendship was wrong. Granted, both of them were Gryffindor, Ron was brave and loyal, but except for these characteristic traits, they had nothing in common. Ron had mentioned several times that he would pursue a career as a professional Quidditch player, whereas Hermione felt the urge to flee every time the topic was mentioned.
Hermione craved knowledge. She read everything, yes, everything . Yet, she had not been sorted into Ravenclaw. Hermione nearly smiled when she remembered the astonishment of her classmates how mousy Hermione Granger who had seemed anxious not to break rules, had developed. She had been the one who had set Snape's robes on fire. She had had the idea with Polyjuice. She had been the one who had initiated the DADA lessons with Harry in their fifth year. Hermione was willing to take risks if necessary.
Severus! Was he such a risk? She could not understand her emotions. Her instincts screamed i caution/i where Severus was concerned. How come that she had developed feelings for him? He was definitely not the kind of man she would have chosen as a potential boy-friend. She knew she could trust him, but she also knew that he was a dangerous man. She had seen facets of him he had probably never shown to anybody, given his solitude. But she did not delude herself. He was an overbearing and often cruel man. Obviously, this was part of his personality. How often had she comforted Neville after Severus had reduced him to tears in his lessons! Not everything was part of his camouflage as a spy. He would never be nice . But she had had nice with Ron, and it had turned out to be a mistake. Whenever she looked at Severus, she felt butterflies in her stomach. What if she showed him that she cared for him?Oh, yeah, Hermione Granger, the great seductress! Dream on! She rolled her eyes and straightened.Then she opened the door of the lab.
Snape had disappeared to the lab when he had recognised Ron Weasley. He knew that Hermione dated Weasley, and perhaps they had a lovers quarrel. Imagining Weasley's hands on her, made him furious. Weasley is an idiot, but he is young, cheerful and not bad looking, and he is untainted. Why would she look at you, a man, twenty years her senior and ugly as sin? She would not, unless…You are a Potions master after all. She likes you, she even admires you; why shouldn't you give her a love potion? Don't you have a right of a woman in your life, too? Nobody would know. Even Dumbledore is not fully aware of your abilities. Hermione uses to drink tea with you in the evening. It would be easy to slip a potion into her tea. She trusts you…she trusts you.Severus shoulders slumped. He would always soil everything that was pure.
Since the night he had killed Malfoy, Hermione had haunted his dreams. He felt like a hormonal teenager again. When they worked together, he always watched her covertly. It was about to become an obsession. It was safer not to care, safer not to feel. He had always managed, and he would manage now. She had managed to crack his emotional armour, and he would be damned if he would allow her to do more damage.
When Hermione entered the lab, Severus was working on a potion. He did not look up nor did he say anything. Again, she noticed his tense demeanour and drew a deep breath. "Have I done anything wrong, Severus?"
Even now, he did not look up. "No, you did not. It is very Gryffindor to assume that something must be wrong, when I simply do not wish to talk. I am a solitary person, and I would like you to respect this. If you have hoped to get a pal for idle chatter, you will be disappointed, either if you thought I would spill my guts to a eighteen-year-old witch.
"I am sorry, Severus, I did not mean to pry."
He simply nodded and turned away. Hermione was smart enough not to say another word. But she was sure; something must have happened. An hour later, he finished his potion and filled a little vial which he handed to Hermione.
"The spy in the Order is Hestia Jones. You will have to slip her this potion as soon as possible without attracting attention. It will only cause a severe fever, hallucinations and weakness, but she will be forced to stay in bed. The antidote is unknown to a normal mediwitch. The Dark Lord would get suspicious if she died. Professor Dumbledore will deal with her later on."
A few hours later, Severus Snape left to meet the Dark Lord.
