Dear Wondering Witch , thank you again for your beta reading. sending flowers, hugs and kisses
Another thank you to all reviewers. Until now, I have updated rather quickly. My next chapter will need some time, partly because of a planned lemon.
Chapter 12
Severus Snape did not have much time to muse about his decision. His life had changed irrevocably: He was a hero now.
When Severus had reassumed his task as the DADA teacher, he had been in for quite a shock. Over years, he had deliberately and carefully built a reputation as Hogwart's most feared teacher. Nobody had challenged his authority, nobody had dared to contradict him, and nobody had felt the urge to ask foolish questions or to play a trick on him. Even the Weasley twins had been remarkably well behaved during his lessons. This was how Snape liked it; this was how it should be, orderly and predictable. He needed this order now more than ever. Order prevented him from losing his stability completely. But now his life was upside down.
His first lesson after leaving the infirmary had seemed to be rather normal at the beginning. He had entered in his customary dramatic way and had stood in front of his class, scowling as usual. Strange enough, they had not been intimidated; all of them had stood up and applauded. Well, not allof them; Harry Potter had remained in his seat and had looked at him with a gaze of pure hatred. Severus had expected Potter's reaction; it was what he deserved, but why did the other students...? Oh yes, he was a hero now, a damned hero.
Snape was not used to anyone applauding him and had not been prepared for what had followed. The girls had hung at his lips. He had looked into infatuated eyes and smiling faces. When he had towered over Lavender Brown, who had gazed at him with wide, wooing eyes, she had not shrunk away. After class, she had even come to his desk and asked for an autograph. Him, Severus Snape, an autograph! She had not been the only one. He was the only male teacher under forty and now a constant target of hormonal, giggling girls. Severus overheard conversations that made him shudder. It is sooo romantic, and to think that he has been a spy for years; it's wonder he's so dark. He's like one of these brooding heroes in my novels. A man does not need to be u that /u handsome. But he sure is sexy. He only needs the right woman and a bit of shampoo. Another giggle!
Rita Skeeter had asked for an interview. Of course, he had declined, but that did not keep her from writing an article.
As Severus Snape confided to star reporter Rita Skeeter, he has renounced a romantic relationship for years because of his duties as a spy. The uncommunicative professor is, in truth, a romantic man. A tragic and false decision in his youth led to a disaster. He has suffered for years to repay. The world needs heroes like Severus Snape. Our hope is that now that his role as a spy is over, he may find the witch he deserves.
Severus Snape had run but in vain. He became more irritated than ever. The only person he was friendly with was Serenita Aspen.
Serenita had remained at Hogwarts. Sometimes work was too much for Madam Pomfrey, and she was glad to have a helping hand. Serenita Aspen had seemed to be a remote and sad person at first, but turned out to be good humoured and outgoing. She had a kind word for everyone, and soon, young wizards of the seventh year showed up at the infirmary with all sorts of minor injuries just to see her. She was a beauty, indeed; raven-haired, with delicate white skin, a winning smile, and big dark eyes. Snape's omnipresent sneer crackled a little when Serenita appeared.
Hermione slumped in an armchair. Decorating and furnishing a flat was exhausting, even for a witch. She had tried different colours for the walls and carpets, and different kinds of wood for her furniture. A few trunks and boxes were still standing in the living room and pictures were leaning against the wall, but Hermione had been busy. The apartment was really nice. Tomorrow, she would put her books on the shelves. A knock at the door disturbed her thoughts. When she opened, she looked at a rather embarrassed looking Harry. "May I come in, Hermione?"
Hermione smiled and opened the door wide, letting him in. She was glad that Harry had found his way. He had been one of her two best friends over the years, and the encounter at her rooms had been the last time she had seen him.
"Hermione, I, uhm, want to apologise. I should not have shouted at you. I could not understand...But obviously you and Snape are not an item. I wanted to check whether you were okay." He paused bashfully.
"I'm fine, Harry, everything is okay," Hermione lied.
Harry sighed, assuaged. "I'm glad. I'm really glad that your feelings for him were not that, uhm... Furthermore, it seems he has found himself a girlfriend. I don't know what she sees in him. It's Madam Pomfrey's new assistant. All the girls at Hogwarts have gone crazy. Snape is a great hero, and nobody cares what he has done. Nobody cares that he is a murderer," he added bitterly. "Anyway, he was not worth it. Hermione, can you forgive me?"
Hermione knew that Harry wanted to comfort her by telling that Snape had found a girlfriend, and tried to hide how much it hurt her. "I'm glad we're friends again Harry," she replied, and let herself be pulled into a firm hug.
Of course Severus had not needed her, and had realised it immediately. She had seen for herself how Severus had been idolised shortly before she had left Hogwarts. One day when she had left the infirmary after a visit, Lavender Brown hat looked at her with a gaze that said Time to remove yourself, wallflower. He can do better now.
It was time to move on. She would visit Ginny and Ron next week. And should she see Severus...seeing him with the woman who had succeeded in capturing his heart might be a way to overcome her feelings for him.
Visiting Dumbledore was enjoyable for Hermione. He had regained most of his strength, though his right hand remained stiff. She was also greeted heartily by some of her former professors. Eventually, Hermione headed towards Ginny's room. When she rounded the corner, she found herself face to face with Severus and Miss Aspen. Hermione's eyes widened, and she quickly averted her gaze, muttering a short greeting before walking away, but not quickly enough.
Serenita had seen her gaze and looked up to Severus. "I think you have to explain something, dear."
Hermione sat down on a sofa in Ginny's room. "Have you settled in, Hermione?" her friend asked.
"Well, I have a rather tight schedule, but that's how I like it. Especially now, I am rather glad that…" She stopped.
"Hermione, I noticed that you don't look very well, and during the last few days at Hogwarts I did not see you at all. Is this about Snape?"
Hermione sighed. "Maybe it's really better to talk about this than to pretend nothing has happened. You know, the day he got out of the infirmary, he came to my room and he told me that he knew that I loved him and we, um, kissed. And I was so happy; I thought he loved me, too. But when I came to his rooms in the evening, he told me that it had been a mistake, that it was only physical, and he apologised. Ginny, I know it's ridiculous, pining after a man who does not love me. I've seen him with his girlfriend. He can have every woman he wants; no wonder he wasn't interested in me."
Ginny looked at her and finally shook her head. "Hermione, I'm rather confused myself. The day you left, I saw him standing in an alcove staring after you. I've never even thought he could look like that. You should have seen him! He did not know that I watched him; he was oblivious to his surroundings, and he was only looking at you. I could have sworn...But I admit it's true, he spends much time with Miss Aspen."
An hour later, Hermione left Ginny and headed toward the portal, when a soft female voice called her. "Miss Granger?" Hermione turned around and was startled to see Serenita Aspen smiling at her. "Miss Granger, I would like to talk to you. It's really important. Would you accompany me for a walk outside?"
She agreed. They walked for a little while, and Hermione was puzzled. What did the witch want? Most likely, Severus had told her about Hermione's feelings, but clearly Serenita could see that she was no threat. Besides, she would leave soon. Lost in her thoughts, she heard the young woman's voice. "I think there is something you should know. I'm Severus' sister."
"You are...?" Hermione replied faintly.
Serenita nodded. "Nobody knows but Professor Dumbledore. Severus decided that it would be better for me to be in his vicinity in case somebody discovered we were related. Hogwarts seems to be safe. Severus does not know that I am talking to you. He would not approve. I am aware of the rumours that I am his girlfriend, though I did not do anything to support them. I am simply talking to him, but this seems to be enough. You are probably wondering why I'm telling you this. As I said before, Severus would not approve, but I know he loves you."
Hermione was startled. "Did he tell you that he loves me?"
Serenita smiled and raised an eyebrow. "You know my brother. He would i never /i say something like that. Actually, he explained in detail that he did not need a girlfriend, that you were too young anyway; that you were a nuisance, and that he is glad to have his privacy back. Shall I go on?" Her face darkened, showing her concern for her brother. "I know he is unhappy. He tries not to show it, and he follows his routine. Most people don't even notice."
Hermione could not understand what she had heard. Severus loved her? But he had told her that it had only been lust. Yet, Ginny had said that she had seen Severus looking after her. But why? Recalling the events of that certain evening, Hermione suddenly knew what had happened. Harry. Severus had seen and heard him. That was the only explanation. Severus had sent her away because of what Harry had said, pretending that he did not love her.
"I think I have to pay a visit to a certain someone."
Snape had never been patient. Reading the essays of his new DADA class did not improve this non-existent virtue. He would grade them tomorrow. Irritated, he threw his quill away and rose, heading towards his chambers, determined to end this day with a bottle of wine from his cupboard. A knock on the door of his office made him even angrier. Another dunderhead disturbing his evening! If this student did not have a very good explanation for this disruption, he or she would find themselves in detention for a long time. Closing the space with a few long strides, Snape opened the door and found himself face to face with Hermione.
"Good evening, Severus. May I come in?" she asked calmly.
"Of course," he answered, clearing his throat, and Hermione entered. What did she want here? But then she looked straight into his eyes, and he realised that she i knew /i .
"Did you really think this was a solution, Severus?" she asked, searching his face.
Snape quickly regained his composure. "It will always be this way, Hermione," he replied in a flat voice. "Potter was right. I am a murderer, and I cannot be forgiven. I only deceived myself for a while. It won't work, Hermione. I wished it were different, but you have to face the facts. I had time to think about it, believe me. Everybody will believe that we had a dalliance going on before your graduation. Not that people would be astonished to hear something like that about me, but have you considered what this would mean for you, for the career you are planning, for your reputation? What would your parents say being presented a i boyfriend /i who is only a few years younger than your father? You would lose all your friends. I don't doubt that you love me; I am the living proof, but one day you would hate me for having given up everything that matters to you for an ugly, much older man; for a former Death Eater, a murderer. I am not worth it. And even if you were able to overlook all these facts, let me assure you that what you have seen of me during the past years i is /i the real Severus Snape. I cannot be what you could expect from a man at your side."
Hermione's eyes flashed. "I knew you would say that. The moment I realised that you heard Harry, I knew you were trying to be damn noble." Calming, she continued, "And I love you for being so considerate to me. But you cannot decide what risks I am willing to take. I don't know if it will work between us, but I would hate myself for not having tried, always having to ask myself 'What if?' I love you; I love you so much it hurts. I need you. " With this she came nearer and placed a hand on Severus' arm, looking up to him.
Severus' dark eyes looked at her, and he shook his head. "You call it noble, but I am nothing of that sort. It's realism. As much as I dislike Potter, he is right. If not for me, your best friend's parents would be alive. I am guilty of the death of the woman I loved in my youth. Hermione. You don't know what kind of man you fell in love with. Have you ever considered what I have done as a Death Eater? i Theoretically /i you know, but if you took only one look into my memories you would run away screaming. A relationship between us is impossible, Hermione. As I said, it was a delusion on my part. I cannot erase my past."
"Then Severus, let me take a look into your memories," Hermione replied. "I love you regardless of what you have done, believe me."
Severus' eyes became unreadable, and he pressed his lips together. He knew that she would despise him after she had seen his memories. Even a friendship would not continue after that. "As you wish," he said evenly.
"Legilimens!" Hermione said.
He did not hide anything, obviously determined to drive her away. She was not prepared for the things Severus showed her. She saw the young Severus participating in raids, saw him killing a man; saw him laughing while other Death Eaters killed during those raids, saw him administering a potion to a man who died afterwards... Hermione's eyes widened and she paled. He was right; she had known only theoretically. Then she looked into his face, which was etched with self-loathing and pain, and she saw the man she loved. Despite everything he had done, she loved him.
"Severus, I have seen what you wanted me to see. That man is not you anymore; you have changed," she whispered, looking firmly into his eyes. Severus could not stand this any longer.
"Hermione," he groaned and drew her in his arms. "Oh, Hermione!" He inhaled the sweet scent of her hair and stroked her curls. Without further thinking, he kissed her, his mouth crashing down on hers. He kissed her with all his pent-up love and desire, with all his despair, and Hermione knew that he loved her as much as she loved him.
"Severus," she whispered. "We will not let them win. This is only about us. Let me stay with you, let us try."
"Hermione, it won't work between us. You don't know me," Snape moaned.
"Severus, I want to get to know you. I want us to be seen together, not meeting secretly. I want to sit together with you in your chambers, talking and just spending time with you." She looked up again in these beautiful eyes, which showed all his love, and another emotion began to rise within her. She wanted to touch him, really touch him. "Let me stay with you tonight," she whispered. Severus was stunned.
"Hermione, I don't think we should…" Inwardly he groaned. i Of course /i he thought they should, but he was supposed to be the mature one, possessing a certain amount of restraint, though this restraint appeared to leave him completely with this beautiful woman in his arms.
Severus hands trailed down her spine. "Yes. Stay."
