Contradiction

The log of 'Annika Hansen' was not long, 64.2 minutes, and it appeared similar to many personal logs from many individuals we assimilated over the course of our existence. Listening as directed, we attempted to consider its placement in our database.

I said to her,"It has become clear over the course of our interactions that I have romantic feelings toward you. And I am 84 percent certain you return them." Watch her react to my words was nerve-wracking. I tried to make my case."We obviously had some sort of relationship before my accident. Though I have forgotten the exact details of how it began or how it is at the moment, I do still feel strong emotion toward you."

Kathryn stumbled over her words and then asked, "You are 84 percent certain?"

I sipped my wine and Kathryn studied Kathryn again for long silent moment. I noted her body temperature rising but then the spell was broken when she dropped her eyes. It was mesmerizing to watch her fingers circle on her glass. I wanted to caress them, to catch them in my own. I drank from my glass as she drank from hers.

"Yes," I reported to her, as I could feel now was the most highly desired state. I wanted to report to her every thought in my mind, every feeling she stirred. "I am now 89 percent certain. You are reluctant to continue as we were, but there is no denying you are experiencing arousal at this moment. Your body temperature has elevated zero-point-seven degrees."

I clasped the woman's hand in mine and lifted it from her knee. Hearing her gasp and feeling her shiver made my lips turn up at the corners. I was pleased to have made her tremble, something she has caused in me many times. "I am also experiencing arousal in your presence. As the words are clamoring in my head right now, I must have told you many times how striking I find your appearance… Kathryn."

The use of her first name was strange, though it should not be. Lovers are supposed to be on a first-name basis. This I understood.

But Kathryn would not admit her feelings ran deeper than friendship. This I didn't understand. She had grasped both my hands in her own. Her fingers moved over my right hand, the one with the Borg mesh, the motion slowing, lingering, indulgent.

Desire swamped me and I had visions of lowering her to the bed nearby.

Kathryn drew in a sudden breath and I looked upon her with hope that the next words would be the ones I wanted to hear.

Slowly she withdrew her hands and sat back. Though her gaze never broke from mine, Kathryn grasped the thick arms of the chair and pushed herself to stand.

"I should be going." she said, her voice flat. My heart thudded painfully with it. I felt it was a harbinger of a painful moment.

Quickly I stood to stop her departure, standing mere inches from her. Her warm breaths touched my throat as I silently begged her to look at me. To not leave without looking at me, seeing the emotion I carried for her in my eyes. Kathryn lifted her chin and I saw her swallow.

My fingers chased the swallow and I felt her shiver. Her gaze glistened.

"I don't understand," I said, sensing pain from her but not certain what I might say to alleviate it. "But I want you to know that I am here. I will always be here. For you."

I brought my lips to hers, hopeful this connection we had would be communicated through touch. I caressed the underside of Kathryn's jaw and lifted her chin so I could deepen our kiss.

"I love you, Kathryn Janeway." I smiled earnestly.

Kathryn groaned and lightly grasped my fingers, removing them from her skin. "Let's take it one day at a time, all right?"

I studied Kathryn intensely, wishing we could unite our minds and I would understand why she wanted to flee from our obviously shared emotions.

Squeezing Kathryn's fingers and realizing I could not hold her back if she truly wanted to leave, I sought to assure that I would see her again. "Have dinner with me. Tomorrow? After our duty shifts."

I caressed Kathryn's fingers with my own, feeling her trembling but she did not pull away. I felt the corners of my lips pull even wider. I could see an objection raising in her eyes and her jaw move. But her fingers stayed in mine and I drew hope from the silence. "That's not a no."

Again, Kathryn opened her mouth.

I quickly acceded to what I knew could be a valid objection. "As long as there is nothing endangering the ship." I paused. "I recognize duty is important to you."

Kathryn shut her mouth then opened it again. I wanted an answer but she made a lightly chastising grip of her own on our joined fingers. "No, let me speak."

I beamed a smile at her chuckle, but did release her hands and take a step back.

"Thank you. Now." Kathryn tugged at her uniform and straightened her shoulders. "I accept your invitation." She lifted a finger and I held silent, expectant. "On the condition that Voyager is not in the middle of any muddles."

I promised her I would be thorough and assure Voyager was safe.

"I'm sure you will." Kathryn chuckled again and my body flooded with happiness. "I think I will enjoy getting to know you, Annika Hansen."

There was a lengthy pause in the recording. We stopped the playback.

"It is useless emotional drivel," Subaltern Lorot said, "expunge it."

"It must matter," Marla Bergan said. "A Starfleet captain does not give orders to research something without purpose. My Gregory would…"

"Shut up, human," the Ferengi Daimon Torot said. "You're making my ears ring."

Marla's words made the most sense of the expression we recalled so clearly on the face of Captain Kathryn Janeway, whom this recording seems to be about. So we reactivated the log. After a bit of vocal silence where we heard activities that seemed to be in another room, Annika continued her log, "I do love her. Her presence eases me and her laughter lightens me."

Love? Subaltern Lorot and K'Val shook their heads.

"They're all about logic and business, what do they know?" Marla said. "It's a wonderful thing to love someone, to have someone who cares for you. It makes your existence matter."

We recognized that we did care for Kathryn Janeway's safety. But we were responsible for the safety of everyone aboard Voyager. Was this the same thing?

"She kissed Annika back," Marla said. "This is what she wanted us to understand."

Maryl, a five year old human girl sat by a kadis-kot board. "She said she's our friend. Maybe she wants to play."

"Sounds like she wants to be more than that," Ensign Stone said, sounding conspiratorial. Our understanding was immediate. The Starfleet ensign was thinking about a sexual liaison. "Let's find out what happened on the date," Stone added.

We found another entry. Annika was happy, recounting that the date had been dinner and a visit to the holodeck to make models. They had been successful. Knowing simulations and models were ways to gather useful data to solve problems, we wondered what problem the two had solved on their date. We searched forward but found no details. This frustrated us.

"It does not matter," Annika said. The crowd around the console turned to look at the young woman with blonde hair walking toward them. "She couldn't…" Annika was one of our assimilated number. This fact disturbed us.

"But you cared for her so much," Marla said. "You should try to talk with her again."

A clamor of disagreement arose and we assessed the data, arriving at one conclusion. "This is what Captain Janeway wanted us to understand." The many exchanged nods. We agreed.

However, in order to converse with Captain Janeway, we needed one voice. As it was Annika who had connected with Captain Janeway, we agreed she would speak for us. She was afraid, uncertain. "I need more information about Captain Janeway."

We spent the next several hours and finally found more logs within the ship's database belonging to another Borg: Seven of Nine who reported many encounters with Voyager's captain. That it was another Borg intrigued us. Then we discovered Seven of Nine's voice among us as well. Encryption codes and command lockouts were of no matter. Our purpose required those logs. We accessed them.


"The drone rejected the designation One of One," Kathryn told Icheb. She had left the drone under guard in the cargo bay and immediately gone to the Doctor in sickbay, summoning Icheb from Astrometrics. "She feels it is a reminder of the drone your mobile emitter and her Borg technology caused to form. She seemed pained by the idea of taking that name."

"That's a good sign," the Doctor said. "Last time she only had herself for company, so she suffered terrible loneliness. You captain, encouraged her to unify her purpose with ours as a way out of the confusion and become part of our community."

"We all did that," she said. "Your lessons, Icheb's friendship, even B'Elanna's argumentation." She bit her lip as she thought, our philosophical discussions.

"She still sees you as her superior," Icheb said. "She's an auxiliary drone assigned to USS Voyager."

Kathryn didn't need the reminder. "When I left, the drone was reading her...well, Annika's...logs."

She remembered that Annika had herself told Kathryn that she couldn't find many. She'd made one, and the computer reported no others. She wondered if Annika made more...after their date. She blushed. Then she remembered how that date had ended with her realization that she was in love with Seven of Nine. She frowned.

"Captain Janeway." A Borg voice echoed slightly through Kathryn's comm badge. "This drone requests your presence in Cargo Bay 2."

Kathryn swallowed and tapped her badge. "On my way." After looking from Icheb to the Doctor, she strode out the door.