--
Day gradually overtook the night and as the artificial lights of the prison yard were replaced by the sun, Benson's internal clock, finally on British time, nudged her awake. In her sleepy haze, she attempted to stretch, only to have her ribs remind her of yesterday's events. It was only a matter of moments before the rest of her body reminded her of what else happened the day before. Smiling, she rolled away from the wall and glanced over her shoulder. And found she was sleeping alone.
Benson's movements must have alerted Nikki, because the con leaned over from her perch on the top bunk and said, "Morning." Olivia's eyes narrowed in confusion and Wade could almost see the cop trying to piece everything together. Deciding to help out, Nikki explained, "I've only been up here for about an hour. The screws catch us sleeping together and we're in it. They know it goes on, and they know they can't do anything about it, but they'd rather not have us flaunt it in their faces. Not much different than being on the outside, I suppose." She climbed off the bunk and grabbed her cigarettes off the shelf. Opening the window, she lit the cigarette and watched as Olivia sleepily ran her fingers through her hair. Blowing a cloud of smoke out the window, Nikki smirked, "Or was the confusion in finding you were the one who woke up alone and not the other way round?"
"Hey!" Benson objected, knowing full well the meaning behind the words. She also knew her defense was a weak one. "Okay, so I'm the one who usually leaves before morning."
"I knew it!" Nikki crowed.
"Anyway," Olivia went on in an attempt to change the subject, "once the screws open the door, they'll know we've been at it like rabbits."
Laughing, Nikki said, "Hence the window and the fag. Maybe we'll get lucky and we'll have the pleasure of Bodybag this morning. She wouldn't have a clue. Probably hasn't gotten any since the Napoleonic War."
Right on cue, there was a knock at the door and the rattle of keys as Sylvia Hollamby announced her presence. "All right, come on, rise and –" She stopped in the doorway and looked around suspiciously. Benson was on the bottom bunk, but it was obvious Wade had slept in the unmade top bed. And yet there was something not quite right, but she couldn't put her finger on it.
"Morning, Miss," Benson greeted.
"Morning, Sylvia," Wade added.
The guard frowned. "It's Miss Hollamby! Once more out of you and you'll be written up for disrespecting an officer." She looked around again, though failing to find anything amiss. "Hurry it up, then!"
When the guard departed, both Olivia and Nikki burst out laughing.
--
"We okay about last night?" Nikki asked as she finished her cigarette by the window.
"Regrets, Wade?"
Nikki scoffed. "Not bloody likely. Though I did wonder how it would be in the harsh light of the day as it were."
Benson sat up and cautiously placed her warm feet on the cold concrete. Looking up, she said, "Sweetheart, it might not seem like it in here, I know, but life's too damn short." She smiled and stood up, naked. "Now, in the harsh light of day, where is my underwear?"
Wade shook her head in amusement and lifted a pair of jeans off the floor. "I believe they're still in here."
Olivia snatched the denim from Nikki's fingers and slipped on both bits of clothing. Her eyes searching, she spotted her bra on the floor as well. "You're a slob, Wade."
"What?" the con asked incredulously. "I folded your shirt, didn't I?"
Benson conceded the point with an eye roll, and walked over to the sink as she gingerly pulled the tee over her head. Running the taps, she splashed cold water on her face and through her hair. As she raised her head to dry her face, she froze.
"Shit!"
Alarmed, Nikki joined her at the since and looked at their reflections in the mirror. "What is it?"
Benson tilted her head and pointed at her neck. In clear contrast to the white skin of her throat was a large red mark that stood out in relief.
Nikki's mouth twitched in poorly disguised amusement. "What?" she asked, her attempt at innocence just as poorly disguised.
"How am I going to explain this to the girls at breakfast?"
Nikki shrugged. "I would think they'd be able to figure it out on their own." For her efforts, she got a playful elbow in the stomach. "I do see a problem, though," she admitted.
"Oh?"
"Yeah." She slipped her arms around Benson's waist. "You're going to be off-balance all day, walking around with only the one." She nuzzled the unmarked side of Olivia's neck.
Benson slapped Nikki's arm half-heartedly. "I suppose it's okay," she confessed, "since you've got one, too."
Wade's head jerked up in surprise. "What?" she exclaimed as she pushed Benson out of the way. Sure enough, the reflection didn't lie. Directly above her collarbone, a faint yet obvious welt showed itself. "Are those teeth marks!" Nikki's eyes were as wide as saucers. "How am I going to explain this to the girls at breakfast?" she asked, echoing Benson's earlier refrain.
"I would think –" Benson stopped short when she caught Wade's reflected glare.
"You're lucky you've already got a rib problem," Nikki muttered as she touched the hickey just to make sure.
The two women looked at their reflections for a quiet moment, and then, for the second time that morning, erupted in laughter.
--
Beyond a hearty, "Thank Christ!" from Yvonne as a morning greeting at the table, and a knowing smile from Barbara, Olivia and Nikki hurdled the gauntlet of breakfast with little incident. It was only when the two Julies stopped by under the pretense of wiping the table did someone try and get a good one in.
"Ah, look Jules, Liv and Nikki –"
" –neck and neck."
Olivia nearly choked on her tea and Nikki's eyes snapped up. Glaring, she warned, "Julies…"
"What?" Julie J innocently replied. "I was just mention to Jules that you two were almost done eating at the same time, wasn't I, Jules?"
"You were."
Yvonne piped up, "I'd say Liv and Nikki have been eating more than breakfast lately."
"Had we known you girls were so interested in our sex lives, we would've got a camera smuggled in, wouldn't we, Liv?" Nikki asked, deciding that playing along was the best defense.
Olivia chose another path. "Let me die," she groaned.
Julie S nudged Nikki's shoulder. "Ah, come on. You love us."
"Which is the only reason I'm not using you two as fertilizer for my plants."
"Aw, you know we was just joking."
Nikki's expression softened her tone. "Don't you two have work to do? Go on, then. Sod off."
When they saw her smile, they winked in return. "We love you, Nikki."
As the two women walked away, Atkins turned to Barbara. "Hey, Babs, a quid or a card says the news of recent shagging events gets around by tea time."
Barbara looked up from her diary and seriously contemplated the odds. "With the two Julies knowing? You'd better get me down for mid-afternoon. Say two o'clock?"
Nikki shook her head. "You two are shameless," she accused. After a fraction of a pause, she added, "Put me down for lunchtime." Olivia turned to her, eyes wide and mouth agape. "What?"
--
"I should be using you as fertilizer," Benson muttered as she sifted through the rich soil.
After breakfast and cleanup, the cellmates decided to go out to the shed and finish the potting job they started a week ago.
"You're not sore about breakfast, are you?" Nikki asked.
Olivia glanced at the woman who was standing shoulder to shoulder with her. She couldn't help but laugh. "No. I'm just not used to being the topic of conversation."
Wade smirked. "That's because you leave before anyone can get your name." While she had the cop speechless, Nikki said, "So tell me about your life beyond all this. What are you going back to? You told me you worked on some kind of special unit. What's that about?"
Choosing to let the original quip pass, Benson replied, "Special Victims Unit. Pretty self-explanatory, though some cops call it the Sex Crimes division. And other cops just call us the Panty Brigade."
"Oh, very nice."
"Yeah," she acknowledged. "Divisional rivalry is par for the course, but we get it fairly often."
Nikki placed a small bulb into one of the plastic containers and gently covered it with soil. "Why do you think that is?"
"Dunno," Benson shrugged, "though I've always suspected it's because it makes most people uncomfortable. Straight up murder or robbery they can deal with, but when it comes to rape or assault of women, a lot of cops just can't deal with the sensitivities of it. Most cops are married or have kids of their own, so to have to deal with a woman lying broken on the ground because she's been raped…" she trailed off before picking it up again. "And rape of a man? Forget it. Most of the time the testosterone's so thick, accepting a man can get raped isn't a macho attitude to take."
"And you deal with kids as well?"
Benson nodded. "Mm-hmm. Another hot button issue for most cops."
"For most people, I should think."
"True," Olivia agreed.
"Can I ask you something?" Hearing the question come out of her mouth, Nikki flashed a self-depreciating eye roll. "Sorry, habit." When Benson's look encouraged her to continue, she said, "I have to say, this unit sounds pretty shitty –I mean, you deal with pretty shitty things. What made you want to join?"
"When I joined the academy, I never heard of SVU; I joined just because I wanted to become a cop. It was only later that I heard about it and decided it was something I wanted to be a part of."
"But why?"
Reaching for the watering can, Olivia lightly sprinkled the clear liquid over the freshly potted plants. "The fact that very few cops were interested was one good reason. But if we're supposed to protect and help people, shouldn't we be doing everything we can as officers to do that instead of shying away from it because it makes us feel uncomfortable?"
"Good point."
Olivia touched the soil to make sure it was damp enough. "And I had a personal reason."
Nikki waited, unsure whether Olivia's comment was the end or a beginning.
Glancing quickly at Nikki then back to her work again, she said, "My mother was raped."
Nikki froze. "Jesus. How… how old were you?"
"I wasn't born yet," Benson answered. "I was born because of it."
She waited for all the pieces to fall into place for Nikki, and it only took seconds for the con to figure out the implication of Olivia's words.
"Bloody hell," Nikki whispered. She thought of how her life and that of Trish's had changed because of the attempted rape. She couldn't imagine what it must have been like for Olivia's mother to go through that horrible experience, let alone come out of it pregnant. Deciding to keep the baby must have been the most difficult decision the woman ever made. "Your mother's a very courageous woman," Nikki admired.
"She was," Benson agreed and seeing the questioning look from Wade, she added, "She died last year."
"I'm sorry." Shaking her head, Nikki said, "That word seems woefully inadequate."
"No, it's okay," Benson assured her with a small smile. "You know, she seemed to make peace with things a hell of a lot sooner than I did. I don't think she took any hate with her. Though back then, I probably carried enough for the both of us."
"And now?"
She wiped her hands and stepped back to admire her handiwork before answering, "And now… you know, when I graduated from the academy, I was on all cylinders. I pursued every perp at full throttle. And when I got accepted for SVU, I carried that over."
"Every crim was your father."
Olivia looked at Nikki and nodded at the con's insight. "Yeah. Yeah, I suppose you're right. But somewhere along the way I learned the most important person in a crime isn't the perp. It's the victim. So I tried to find a balance in all that zeal."
Nikki smiled. "And what's your partner like?"
This time, Olivia's smile was a full and genuine one. "Detective Elliot Stabler. He's my anchor, my family. He's married with a brood of rug rats," she chuckled. "He's always had my back and has always treated me like a partner instead of a woman."
Nodding appreciatively, Nikki said, "Sounds like he's one of the good guys."
"He is."
"Maybe one day I'll meet this knight in shining armour," Nikki quipped.
"Hey!" the cop half-heartedly objected, "that's my partner you're joking about. Besides, I bet he'd love to meet you."
"Oh yeah, I bet," Wade facetiously concurred. "Just don't tell him I have a way with bottles and men in uniform. I'm sure he'd figure I got what I deserved."
"He already knows." Wade's eyes widened. "What? You don't think he didn't read the same files I did before I got here?"
"So he knows about me?"
"He knows about you," Benson informed. "And he knows I'm sharing a cell with you. And he's not ready to string you up just because the guy you killed was a cop." She saw the con's expression of mild surprise. "You have to understand, we deal with cases like yours every single day. The irony is, if it had happened in New York, chances are, we would have been the ones investigating it."
Nikki picked up one of the few remaining empty containers and filled it with dirt. Glancing at Olivia, she mused, "Strange how it turned out that we'd meet anyway."
--
The day passed with little fanfare, and though she knew Nikki was doing all she could to keep Olivia's mind occupied, for the cop, time seemed to push her closer and closer to the edge.
"Sorry," Benson apologized at the con for the second time that day.
Wade took it in stride. "It's okay," she said as she slipped her nightgown over her head. "Frankly, I'm surprised you've lasted this long."
At the sink, Olivia replied dryly, "I'm not sure whether that's a compliment or not."
Tidying up the table, Nikki smiled and answered, "What I mean is, you've got a lot to think about right now and it's only getting harder. I'd say you did a hell of a job keeping your feelings at bay today."
"Well, I'm sure it would have raised some eyebrows if I couldn't keep my emotions under wrap."
"Your undercover skills deserve an award."
Laughing lightly, Olivia added, "And the company I kept helped." She refused to let Wade ignore the praise. "I mean it. Thank you."
"Yeah, sure, whatever," Nikki accepted with an embarrassed shrug.
"Perhaps the sentiment just doesn't translate properly," Benson mused. Reaching out for the front of Nikki's nightgown, Olivia grabbed a fistful of material and yanked the startled con towards her, kissing her hard on the lips.
A pleased Nikki pulled away slightly and smirked, "I think I got that message loud and clear."
"Did you?" Olivia asked. "Good. Because I owe you a thanks for last night, but that might take me a bit longer to translate."
"Good things we've got all night."
--
"So when are you going to tell me about Helen Stewart?"
Nikki had been awake for less than an hour and she wondered how Olivia knew. Was it the lack of the warm body the cop had moulded herself around that signalled Nikki's move to the top bunk? She allowed herself that bit of pleasant conceit before realizing what Olivia's first words of the morning had been.
"That's a hell of a way to greet someone," Nikki remarked while carefully avoiding the question.
"Don't worry, you didn't say her name in your sleep. Or worse." Nikki craned her neck over the edge of the mattress and Benson chuckled, sleepy and thick. "I am a cop, you know. It's my job to read people."
"Yeah, well, you read wrong."
"Did I?"
Nikki slid off the bunk and nearly yelped when she felt Olivia's hand on her calf.
"Skip the cigarette and come lay with me for a bit," Benson said.
Assenting, Nikki slipped under the thin blanket. "First sign of the screws and I'm out." She curled around Benson, enjoying their fit until she felt Olivia's feet against her own. "Jesus!" Nikki complained. "How can your feet be so bloody cold and your body so warm?"
"Why do you think I called you back into bed?" Nikki groaned her dismay. Revisiting her earlier question, Olivia tried again. "So, you and Miss Stewart."
"So, me and Miss Stewart nothing." Though Olivia didn't respond, Nikki knew she wasn't going to get away that easily. "Nothing anymore," she conceded. "We tried, but, you know, it was impossible, really."
When the lifer said nothing more, Olivia said, "Yeah, I guess I can see it. The situation isn't what I would call a workable one."
"Oh, it was workable. I just wanted too much and she… she didn't know what she wanted."
"That's not just you being stubborn, is it?" Olivia nuzzled Nikki's ear in order to soften the question.
"Well, she rebounded with Dr. Waugh, the prison shrink. Dr. Thomas Waugh. So draw your own conclusions, Officer Benson."
"Yet she obviously still cares about you."
Nikki snorted. "Oh, our Miss Stewart is full of good intentions, I'll give her that much. I'm her pet project. Not that I'm bitter or anything."
Olivia's chuckle tickled down Nikki's throat. "No. Not at all."
Nikki turned her head slightly to face Olivia. "Beyond the whole 'It's my job' bit, what tipped you off?"
Benson's brow furrowed as she tried to articulate her instincts. "I don't know," she admitted truthfully, "there was just something in the way you looked at each other. And the fact you called her by her first name."
Wade admired the cop for picking up the clue she hadn't even realized she had left. Then, with a sly grin, she said, "And I've called Bodybag by her first name twice since you've been here. Doesn't mean I want to shag her!"
The women shuddered in unison. "Thanks, I'll never that that out of my head," Olivia groaned.
The jingle of keys alerted them and Nikki bolted from the bed and for her cigarettes. The door swung open and another day began.
--
Benson barely made it to the front of the food counter when Dockley leaned over and hissed, "When do I get my gear?"
The cop blinked. "Sorry?"
"You heard me. Word has it your deal is going down today. I want my share by the weekend."
"Or what?" Benson's stare was icy and hard.
Dockley glanced menacingly at Nikki, who was sitting at a nearby table. "I'm just saying, right, that I might not be able to touch you, but that doesn't mean other people can't be got, if you catch my meaning."
Benson followed Shell's gaze, and Wade must have felt the attention her back was getting, because she turned. Seeing the two women looking at her, Nikki stood up and approached the counter. Other prisoners went around Olivia and quickly got their breakfast, as if sensing the storm brewing.
Benson's stare nailed Dockley to the floor. "If I thought for a second that Nikki Wade couldn't hand you your ass in tiny pieces, I might be worried. If that's it, I'd like my breakfast now."
Dockley's eyes burned red. "Oi! You listen to me. I've had just about enough of you walking around here like you own the place. The only reason you've still got two eyes in your bleedin' head is because I've let you, right? Anybody can be got to and no one would ever know who did it. You remember that."
"What's going on here, then?" Nikki asked as she stood beside Olivia. Closing ranks on the other side was an alert Yvonne Atkins, who could feel the trouble developing from her seat at the table.
The mob wife carefully whispered, "Everything all right, Liv?"
During Dockley's quiet outburst, Benson could feel the hackles rise on the back of her neck, and the flush of anger spread up to the tips of her ears. Her cop training told her to stay calm, that staying rational was the only way to defuse the situation. Perhaps it was her surroundings that made her overlook her training. Or maybe she had adapted her cover so well that she had forgotten. Either way, it wasn't the cop in her that reached out and grabbed Dockley by the throat.
Alarmed, but unsure of what to do, Nikki used her height as cover from the guards and Atkins twisted her body to do the same. Even the two Julies, who were nearby wiping tables, surreptitiously sidled up to the trio to block any curious eyes.
So overcome with rage, Benson didn't know where to begin. "I hear another word out of your mouth and I'm going to cut out your tongue, understand?" she whispered furiously, and the blonde blinked rapidly in response. "You sic your fucking pit bull Fenner on me and you have the fucking nerve to ask me for drugs?" Nikki wondered what Yvonne and the two Julies were making of this revelation. "I have just about had it up to here with your fucking bullshit, your fucking threats and every fucking thing about you. If you only knew…"
Nikki jumped in, worried Olivia might say something to blow her cover. "Olivia? Liv?" When Benson didn't respond, Nikki put her hand on the cop's arm. "Liv. You can't afford to be sent to the Block. Do you get what I'm saying to you?"
The red film over the American's eyes cleared and she unlocked her fingers from around Dockley's windpipe. McAllister chose that moment to make an appearance.
"What's all the fuss, ladies?"
Benson painted an apologetic expression on her face. "Sorry, sir. Just a little misunderstanding with Shell. She didn't realize I'm allergic to…" Olivia looked down at a nearby selection and couldn't identify a single ingredient. "… that," she pointed.
If the guilty looks of the women weren't enough to convince him that Benson was lying, the deep red spots around Dockley's throat were enough to do the trick. "That true, Shell?" he asked, knowing his chances of getting the truth out of Shell Dockley regardless of the circumstances, were slim. If the truth didn't suit her, she'd lie. And if she felt compelled to tell the truth, the unspoken rules between prisoners would prevent her from saying anything.
The blonde nervously nodded her head. "Yes, sir. Mix-up with the paperwork is all."
McAllister bit the inside of his bottom lip and nodded, though he didn't believe a word of it. "Fine," he said, "let's move along then, shall we?" He watched until Dockley slid an eggs and some toast onto Olivia's plate, and the group of women walked to their table. He looked at Dockley. "You okay, Shell?"
She rolled her eyes. "You'll forgive me, sir, if I tell you to sod off."
At the table, Yvonne leaned back in her chair and remarked, "I think you've got some explaining to do, Liv."
--
Benson told what she could, which wasn't much. She admitted her role in setting up deals through Dockley, though she kept the scope to the confines of the prison.
"Oh, Liv," Barbara said disapprovingly. "And you knew about this, Nikki?"
"She told me last week," Nikki informed.
"And I haven't done anything since," Olivia assured. Thumbing in Nikki's direction, she added, "I've been too scared of this one."
Even Barbara had to laugh.
Yvonne tried to put the pieces together. "And what was that bit about Fenner?"
Nikki looked at Olivia. "Show them."
Glancing around to make sure the screws were fairly occupied, Olivia half-stood and raised her shirt up her rib cage.
Barbara covered her mouth. "My goodness!"
"Fenner did that to you," Atkins growled.
Olivia nodded. "I told Shell I wasn't hooking her up with any more drugs. I guess she didn't like it."
"And we know when it comes to it, Dockley can't play with the big kids," Nikki said.
Yvonne clenched her jaw. "So she got a bigger kid. Bastard!"
"Please be careful, Liv," Barbara implored. "I don't trust either one of them."
"I will, I promise."
"Should have finished her off when you had the chance," Atkins said. "What?" she asked when she saw the reactions of Barbara and Nikki. Olivia simply shook her head. "Come on, Nikki, don't tell me this place wouldn't be better off without that slag around?"
Nikki conceded the point. "You've got me there."
"If I didn't have a chance of getting out of here soon…" Olivia trailed off, wondering just how far she would have gone. "Anyway, I've got more important things to think about than Shell Dockley."
--
