Just a little thank you to Shakai, for your endless encouragement! And also thanks to Laura N, because I know you are going to be the first to read this, and your encouragement, well you have no idea! Thank you too! Finally, thanks to those of you who have reviewed! It means a lot, and gives me an incentive to continue!

Disclaimer: I own nothing, just borrowing for entertainment value!

Rating: M (Just incase, because i don't know how far my little mind can go, as of yet!)

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Okay, so I know my profile says that I will never attempt a Luby, but i was led in my very comfortable bed this morning, when this came to me! So i thought 'go on Elissa, give it a whirl!' And i have done. It is completely off the top of my head, but i have ideas as to where i will take it. I will carry on, if people like it, so read and review, i would really like to hear what you think! Hope you enjoy!


Last night was absolutely the most stupid thing I have ever done, yet lying here now; I'm not quite sure what is going on. This morning I had been certain that I at least knew what I had done, even if I knew it was wrong. Now though I'm not so sure.

After waking to find Abby asleep on me, with my arms wrapped around her, I had made the conscious decision that I would leave us that way, even though I knew it wasn't a sensible thing to do. I hadn't thought about what I would say to her when morning came, how I would explain what she would surely see as, me taking advantage of her when she had fallen asleep after making sure I was home safe. When morning came though I had woken up alone and had thought to myself that that at least gave me the journey to work to figure out what I would say to her.

I had stayed sitting on the sofa for a while, thinking about what I had done. Thinking of times she had been mad at me before. I had pictured her eyes hurt and upset, her frown wrinkling her forehead, and her disappointed shake of her head. 'What have I done?' I had thought.

I had showered and shaved, and got dressed. I had made breakfast and just about managed to eat some between stomach churning thoughts about how mad she must have been when she had woken up to find my arms around her. She had dashed out without waking me after all.

When I was gathering up things I would need for work I had picked up my discarded clothes to put them in the laundry. I had gone to throw my shirt in the laundry along with the rest but had been stopped in my tracks. It smelt of her. I had just caught a slight whiff of her. She smelt of a combination of her musk perfume, washing powder and her brand of soap that I couldn't for the life of me remember what it was called. Combined these made up her smell, the smell I had stood there breathing in for an endless amount of time. After a while I had come to my senses and chastised myself.

"Get a grip Luka! You are not twelve years old!" I had told myself and I had thrown the shirt in the laundry with the rest of my clothes. I had found everything I would need for a day at the hospital and had headed down to my car. When I got in I had spotted her bag, on the floor of the passenger side. I would give it to her at work, I had told myself, at least it gave me an excuse to attempt a conversation with her.

I had walked into the ER, to see her standing at admit looking over some charts, she had looked up at me and all I could do was smile, and hold up her bag and let her know that I would take it through to the lounge. She had smiled back, but didn't follow. I had perceived that as a bad sign. She had known that if she followed me into the lounge we would be alone. 'What does she think of me?' I had wondered.

The shift was really tedious. I had resident after resident running up to me to sign off on things, and I knew it was part of my responsibility as an attending, but today I just couldn't be bothered. Not once though, was the resident Abby. We had minimal contact all day, and she always managed to find someone else to sign off on her patient, even if I had been the nearest to her.

Then a trauma had arrived, and Abby and I had both gone out to meet the ambulance.

"Okay, we got a twenty one year old female, two GSW's to the right chest and right leg. B.P'S eighty-five over sixty, pulse is one-twenty." The paramedic had called out as she pushed the gurney out of the back doors of the ambulance.

"What's the pulse ox?" I asked, as we pushed her across the ambulance bay and through the automatic doors.

"Ninety-six on two litres." She told me.

"What is her name?" Abby had asked.

"Laurie."

"Okay Laurie, you're safe now, we will take good care of you." I had heard Abby say soothingly as one of her hands gripped Laurie's, the other gripping the side of the gurney as she pushed it along with the rest of us.

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An hour and fifteen minutes later and Laurie had arrested for the third time. For the third time Abby had climbed onto the side of Laurie's bed and for the third time I had started charging the paddles. I had known that we should probably have given up then, but Abby wasn't going to let it happen, so we had used the paddles and CPR for another twenty – five minutes.

Once I had stopped charging the paddles, I had just expected Abby to follow my lead and stop the CPR, but she hadn't. She had stayed up there, sweat running down her face, so much so, that I was sure she could no longer see. She had just continued pummelling Laurie's chest, oblivious to the rest of the room watching her.

"Come on Laurie, come on." She recited over and over.

"Abby, you have been at that for thirty minutes. It's time to stop." I had said, distress evident on everybody's faces. No one knew how to act when one of their colleagues reacted this badly to a trauma.

"Not yet. I told her I would take good care of her. I won't give up yet."

"Abby." I said again, slightly firmer.

"Luka, No!" She had shouted. "Is somebody charging those paddles?"

"Just how long do you intend to go on with this?" I had asked her.

"Until I get a pulse." She said contempt in her words, like I was stupid.

"Abby, call it" I had said, definitely firm this time.

"Come on Laurie, Come on." She continued to chant.

"Abby!"

"ALL RIGHT!" She shouted throwing her bloodied hands in the air in front of her, as a signal for me to stop. "All right." She said again, quietly this time, the distress evident in her eyes. "Time of death, twenty-forty five."

She had climbed down off the bed and snapped off her gloves walking over to where I stood by the door.

"You," She said pushing her gloves into my chest, I took them without realising, "Can sort this out." She motioned to the room, and walked through the door. I heard her say, "I am going home." Then the door had swung shut behind her.

I hadn't stayed to clean the room though. I had left following Abby to the lounge. I opened the door and she was in there at her locker.

"I came to apologise." I said.

"It's okay, she was-" She started

"I don't mean for tonight." I interrupted.

"Oh, well, apologise for what then?" She asked genuine confusion etched on her face.

"Last night." I said quietly.

She had looked down at her shoes, and I could have sworn that I had seen a hint of a blush on her cheeks. "It's okay, I shouldn't have left like that this morning, I should have stayed to explain."

"What? Explain what?" I had asked bewildered. I had no idea what she was talking about. What did she have to explain? "You stayed to check on me, that was nice of you. I just didn't want you to get freaked out by it." I had continued.

"Freaked out about what?" She asked, looking bewildered herself.

"About how we ended up together like that." I elaborated.

"Oh." She had appeared to realise what I meant then. "Oh, no, don't worry about that." I smiled at him, that wasn't your fault. It happens." She had said, honestly.

She really didn't blame me. She must have just thought that we had both fallen asleep and moved together in our sleep. Well I would let her believe that then, it was partly the truth. There was no need to tell her that I had woken up and decided to not do anything about it.

"So we're okay then?" I had asked.

"Mhmm." She nodded, then smiled as she added, "Won't be if you don't let me get out of here quick, so I can go home mind!"

I had just laughed in response and moved out of the way of the door to let her pass. "See you tomorrow." I said.

"Yep, see you tomorrow." She smiled as she walked through the door.

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If last night had been such a mistake then what is going on now? It is three A.M and I am led in bed with Abby to my right. Abby is in my bed! I had thought that last night I was being really stupid. I was so sure she would hate me, yet she has come to my bed tonight. Did she find comfort in waking up wrapped in my arms? She hadn't said anything to me today when she had had the chance. I really have no idea what to do. I want to reach out and touch her. Put my arm across her waist and hold her to me. I don't though, I just stay there, trying to quieten all my crazy thoughts and fall back asleep.

I had finally managed to slip out of the grasp of the ER, about half an hour after my shift had ended. I had decided to stay and do my paper work there, hoping it would give me the motivation to actually do it. I had known for a fact that if I had taken it home, it would have been left to one side, as different thoughts of Abby fought for prominence, whilst I sat on the sofa. She had forgotten her bag again.

Once I had finished the paperwork it was nearing ten-thirty, so I had grabbed my things out of my locker, leaving Abby's bag in there, and had practically sprinted out of the ER. I drove home and once I had gotten in I had flung everything on a chair and flopped down on the sofa. It was just going up for eleven, not too late and I wasn't ready to go to bed so I had turned on the television, not really concentrating on what I was watching.

Someone knocked on my door. I had flicked the stand by button on the remote and stood up and made my way to the door. I had opened it and felt my jaw drop. Abby was stood there looking ghostly pale, and I had immediately known something was really wrong.

"Shit, Abby, what the hell happened." I had heard myself asking, I couldn't shake the feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. I had always reacted badly when Abby was in trouble; this time had been no different.

"I don't know." She had told me quietly, stopping for a second. Then, seemingly unable to keep it all in she had continued, hurriedly. "I went to bed and I couldn't sleep, and I felt really sick, like in the pit of my stomach, but when I stood up my legs gave way, and I couldn't feel my hands, and I couldn't get up, and I couldn't breath-"

"Shhh. Abby it's okay. Shhh." I had put my hands on her shoulders to stop her as she got more worked up. I had steered her into the apartment, a little wave of relief washing over me. Nobody had hurt her, thank God!

She sat down on the sofa and I went to get her a glass of water.

"I think I must have passed out, because I woke up on the floor next to my bed." She told me. I had known she was trying not to cry.

"Okay." I said, handing her the glass of water. "Here have a drink. Have you eaten today?" I asked.

She shook her head and lowered her eyes.

"Abby!" I exclaimed. She was a Doctor; she knew how important it was to eat properly!

"I know Luka, I know!" She had cried. "And I did try, twice!" She had sounded like a little child, weak and helpless. "I just felt really, really sick."

"Okay." I said to her, trying to calm her down. I stood up, looking at her, I told her. "I'm going to make you something," When she had tried to protest I had simply said to her, "And you will eat it."

I had left her on the sofa whilst I went to make her something to eat, but she had followed me into the kitchen. "Luka. I'm sorry. "I just didn't know what else to do." She whispered.

I hadn't told her what I really thought about that comment. It wouldn't have done anybody any good to have told her that I was so glad she was there, that it relaxed me, made me feel good for something. She really had no idea that I craved to be around her, so I had simply said, "Don't worry about that. I'm glad you came here, at least this way I can keep an eye on you."

I had then proceeded to tell her what I was sure had happened. "Seems to me you had a panic attack, which wasn't helped by the fact that you haven't eaten anything all day." I had added the last little scalding on the end on purpose. She could be so stubborn; she had to see how dangerous it could be.

She had just nodded as I told her, looking sheepish, I felt quite bad, I had reduced her to that of a little girl being told off. On the other hand, she needed to hear it, cruel to be kind and all that.

"What are you making?" She had asked pulling some kind of face.

"Just soup. Nothing too heavy." I had assured her.

"Please can I take something for my headache?" She had asked, in her quiet tone.

"There is Tylenol in the bathroom cabinet. Help yourself." I had told her. She wandered off to the bathroom to find the Tylenol, whilst I finished making her soup.

She had eaten the soup with minimal fuss, for which I was thankful. It was really hard being Luka the Doctor, trying to make her eat, because it was what was good for her body, and being Luka the friend, knowing full well that given my current state, I would probably have given straight into her had she argued with me about eating it.

Whilst we had sat there in contemplative silence, I asked, "You want to stay here tonight?"

She had replied with an embarrassed, "Yes please. If you don't mind." Avoiding my eyes at any cost.

'If you don't mind' she had said, well I didn't mind, she had no idea how much I didn't mind. "If I minded I wouldn't have offered." I had told her, then I had added, "You can take my bed; I'll sleep on the sofa."

"No. That's ok; I'd rather sleep on the sofa." She had tried to assure me.

"Okay. You sure?" I had checked. "I'll just get the stuff." I had wandered off to find blankets and pillows, trying for the life of me to remember where Sam had moved them to when she was here.

Once I had found them, I had gone and made up the sofa, with Abby protesting behind me that she might not be capable of eating by herself, but she could sure as hell make up a sofa. Well I had wanted to do it, so I ignored her.

Once I was sure it was as comfortable as it could be for her, I had said, "I'll leave you to it now then."

"Thank you." She had replied. I had seen the honesty in her eyes. She had really meant thank you.

"Don't worry about it. Goodnight." I had said. I had walked away then, mainly because she needed her privacy, but also for fear that I might have been really stupid and added what I had thought onto the end of that sentence.

"Night Luka." I had heard her say quietly as I left.

I had brushed my teeth and washed my face in the bathroom, then left the light on as I left, because I knew she would be in shortly to use it as well. Once back in my bedroom, I had pulled off my clothes and clambered into bed, finally. I heard her use the bathroom, and then it all went quiet. I had stayed awake for some time, thinking about her, picturing her face as she said thank you to me only minutes before. I could have kissed her. Maybe I should have done. Just taken her face in my hands and kissed her. No. Definitely not. 'Stop it Luka!' I had whispered to myself in the dark. I must have fallen asleep then.

Here I am now, and it is a stupid hour in the morning, and I can't take my eyes off her. I don't remember her coming to me, so it must have been when I was asleep. I am fighting the urge to wrap my arms around her, she is so peaceful and I am remembering times four years ago when I had instinctively put my arms around her waist, or we had held hands under the covers whilst we slept. I couldn't do that now though. I had no idea why she was here led next to me, but she isn't mine to hold this time, so I will fight the urge and just lie here safe in the knowledge that for whatever reason, she has come to me. I will stay here because this is what she wants, and all I ever want to give her is what she wants, so if lying next to me in the dark is enough for her, then she can have it; God knows she can have it.