Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender. Some wonderful guys do. But I still will make my own happy little stories of Zuko and Katara.


A million, billion, gazillion, trillion, bazillion thanks to my reviewers! I love each and every one of them!Chocolate for you guys! Love y'all!

CHAPTER 4: Wife Applications…Anybody Interested?

Zuko eyed the strange concoction in front of him with loathing and cautiousness.The peasant girl said that it was a kind of stew that is a favorite of many residents of the tribe. It was made of meat, potatoes, and other vegetables and herbs.

"It will help you recover from your sickness," Katara urged, exasperated, when the stubborn King did not want to eat something that looked like whale blubber.

"I refuse to eat something that I do not know what it is," retorted the recuperating Fire Lord. "It may even have poison."

"Then shrivel up and die for all I care! Don't you dare pin this on me when you couldn't get well because you're too damn picky! I'm sorry if we could only afford to give you something like this, Your Highness." Katara stormed out of the room, Zuko picking on her last nerve for the last time. Thankfully, Zuko hadn't healed fully and that prevented him from shooting a fireball at her for defiance.

How dare she speak to me like that! I'm a king! Zuko thought furiously, stabbing the pudding-like mixture with his spoon. I'll teach her a thing or two when she comes back…. She can't talk to me like that and get away with it!

With some—hell, a lot—of trepidation, Zuko lifted the spoon, and after sniffing it cautiously, opened his mouth to let the warm meal in. He swallowed hard and found that the food wasn't that bad—it was kind of good and had this spicy yet sweet taste. The spiciness was like fire that spread through his blood, invigorating him.

The girl was right when she told me that it would be good for me. But pride kept him from saying it out loud or even saying or thinking about it ever again.

"Fire Lord Zuko," came the jovial voice of his uncle. "Is it safe for me to come in?"

"What do you mean, Uncle?" asked Zuko, putting down his spoon.

"I heard a young lady shouting here, and I thought that you'd be shooting flames," answered Iroh honestly, coming in and sitting down on the chair Katara had vacated a few minutes ago. He looked around him and noticed that everything was still intact. "But I presumed wrong," he added, smiling at his nephew.

"Hmmph." Zuko thought fast for an answer. "I'm still a bit ill, so I can't still fire as large a blast that I want to at her. But when I get better, she'll be sorry."

"And have the whole Water Nation against ours?" Iroh laughed heartily. "I advise against that, young Fire Lord."

"Why?" Zuko had picked up his spoon again and was cramming in as much mystery stew in his mouth as was possible without looking like a voracious pig.

"She's a well-known and well-respected figurehead in this country. Even the Water Lord and his wife respect her dearly. There are rumors that since the Water Lord has no heir, she might succeed him, and I think she will, as all people clamor for her to take the throne. Go against her, they say, and you go against the whole Water Nation. Don't forget, they also have ties with the other two nations as well, and with the Avatar as her dear friend…you could start another hundred-year war!"

Zuko dropped his spoon. "She's that powerful?"

"Yes." Iroh nodded. "So I suggest that you get to her good side."

"I can't believe it. The last time we saw each other, she was a peasant, dressed in frayed clothes and almost starving to death most of the time when she was traveling with the Avatar. And now…ugh, what next? King Bumi will say that he will marry her?" He looked at his uncle with narrowed eyes. "It's all your fault."

"Why mine?"

"You said that I need a change of scenery. You said that I should take time and see other nations for a while. You said that going somewhere where it's cold might cool my own hot head. You said that it's a good idea to come here. You said that I might find what I'm looking for here." Zuko slumped back to his pillows. "And I was an idiot to listen to you. Now I have a fever, the most influential person I might meet my whole entire life is angry with me and might start a war with my nation, and my uncle is a complete sadist. Get me some real food from the ship, okay?"

Iroh laughed again.

"Tell me, Zuko, how old are you?"

"I just turned seventeen, why?"

"In a few years, you'll be at the right marrying age."

"Yeah, so?"

"How about looking for a wife now?"

"But Uncle, it's still so far away, and the women I meet…let's just say that they'll be a hindrance to me. Plus, they're all dimwitted, without an ounce of logic in their brain. All the girls I meet are just giggly morons, pampered and spoiled rotten by doting parents who slap money on their faces and hands to keep them quiet and happy. I don't want to spend my life with a woman like that. I want a woman who'll be able to help me, someone who will not only attend to my needs as my wife, but also attend to the needs of my people—someone who loves her nation as much as I love mine. I want someone who wants me for me, and not for my throne or power, or just because they're forced by power-hungry parents."

"Is that what you really want, Zuko?"

Zuko sighed. "Yes, that kind of woman who's my ideal mate." He snorted. "But fat chance of me finding a girl like that. That kind of girl is either extinct or doesn't exist in the beginning. I guess I'll live my whole life as a bachelor. But that doesn't matter. At least I'll have more time in trying to rebuild my country again."

Iroh noticed the slight wistfulness in his voice when he spoke. Yes, girls like that are really hard to come by…and knowing Zuko…his standards are so sky high no girl will match up to him. Iroh knows that Zuko is too preoccupied with his duty to pay any attention to women, but the retired general hoped that this bull-headed nephew of his would pay at least the slightest attention to a certain chieftess he had in mind….

"Is that all you want in a woman, Zuko?"

"Well," Zuko thought for a moment. "I also want her to be maternal, you know, very motherly and loves kids, because I want a lot of heirs to help me when they grow up. She must be kind, knows household chores (though I can afford to give her at least twenty slaves), but most of all, I must love her and she must love me back with much more intensity and give me all the attention I need."

"And knowing your temper, she must be practically a Buddha to endure your fits of rage."

"Yeah…she must also be patient and understanding."

"Good heavens!" Iroh stood up. "What you're asking for is simply impossible! No woman could ever be what you describe. She had got be a goddess or a real, true-to-life angel to be what you specify!" Distress was in his voice, but there was a strange gleam in his eyes that showed he was really amused. "You're spending your whole life as a bachelor! For heaven sake, put your standards down a few pegs, will you? I want to see some grandnephews and grandnieces!" He began imagining himself bouncing children on his knees.

"No," said Zuko, folding his arms. "I want that kind of woman, and if I can't find one, the hell with it. You could spend the rest of your life without any grandnephews or grandnieces…. Anyway, what did you come here for?"

"To merely check up on you…and run up a want ad in the newspapers for a wife for an impossible king. 'Must be pretty, loving, kind, generous, maternal, motherly, a real patriot, patient (and a whole hell of it), understanding, and is willing to love and spend the rest of her life with a hot-tempered king. Must be fifteen to seventeen years old. Please submit your résumé to Retired General Iroh, The Fire Nation palace, The Fire Nation capital, The Fire Nation, just beside the Earth Nation. Please put in the scroll, 'Wife Applications.' Submissions should be no later than the next full moon. Winner will receive title as Fire Lady, one thousand gold pieces pocket money, a closet full of expensive silk robes and shoes, a crown, and the chance to be with Fire Lord Zuko for the rest of her life.'"

Iroh walked out of the room, shaking his head, leaving Zuko gaping after him.


Bwahahahha…I did it again! A short chappie, but I had fun writing it. I'm sorry if I promised a longer chapter, but I'm too damn busy with college work and we just had a program today... I want to apply! Interested applicants please leave a review and Iroh will get back to you as soon as possible, but don't expect any from Zuko...he's already mine!Mwahahahahah!But tell me if you really want a longer chapter and I will do it, cross my heart. Leave me tons of reviews, and I will not sleep for a whole night to give you what you want. I'll update tomorrow, if you wish.

Rienne ;p