Meredith was driving to Derek's trailer. The closer she got, the more frequently Doc looked at her and wagged his tail. At least someone's looking forward to seeing Derek, she thought. She wished and wished that she could shake off this guilty feeling she had inside her for agreeing to dinner with Finn. It's only a dinner right? But she just couldn't, and the guilt was growing stronger the closer she got to Derek. So what? She thought, Derek has no right to be hurt by this. I'm the one he hurt in the first place by being very McMarried. As the trailer came into her view, Meredith noticed Addison's car moving towards hers. She appeared to be driving at an alarming speed, with a stony look embedded on her face but Meredith didn't have much time to analyse this as her eyes flicked to Derek standing outside the trailer. Her heart leapt when he gave her a small smile as she pulled up. Stop doing that… she tried to will her heart, but it seemed to ignore her with every beat growing faster than the last. She let out a deep breath before opening the door to the car, letting Doc run across to greet Derek. "Looks like he missed you," she shouted across to Derek, who was now on the floor, tickling Doc's belly. Smiling, she walked over to them. What a great picture, she thought, suddenly believing this would be what her life was life if Addison wasn't in the picture. But she is… with her killer heels and designer hats and her juju.
"Yeah. I missed him too. I guess you don't realise how much something means to you until it goes away," he said meaningfully, looking up at Meredith.
"Do you…"
"I have…" Meredith and Derek both start talking at the same time, but stop abruptly, suddenly making the atmosphere between them very awkward. It's never been like this before, mused Meredith, feeling the cool wind sweep her hair behind her. "You go," she indicated to Derek, giving a nervous smile. Why does he still get me like this?
"Well I was just wondering if you're free for a walk?" He said, nodding down towards Doc, whose ears pricked at the sound of his favourite word.
"Now?" Meredith's mind raced to her dinner with Finn. She'd have to get a move on if she was going to have time to shower before he picked her up.
"Yeah. We've been neglecting our morning walks ever since Doc got sick. And I miss them. We need to catch up Meredith, there's something I need to tell you." He took a step closer to her.
"You know I miss them too Derek. It's just…" She stopped. It's now or never. "Well, the thing is, I need to get home to, um. Get ready. I'm having dinner with Finn tonight." She blurted out, avoiding his eyes as she said it.
"Finn?" Derek's face looked puzzled. But then he got it, and a sad expression replaced the puzzled one. "As in Doc's vet Finn?"
"Yeah… so I have to go Derek." Meredith saw the look that now resided on Derek's face. He looks so sad… he needs to get over that. He has a wife remember! Not. Your. Problem. Awkwardness fell once again over the pair, and Meredith knew it was time to leave. "But if you still want to talk, I'll be walking tomorrow. Maybe I'll see you up there?" She hoped that this was the case. After all, they were friends.
"Sure Mer. I guess I'll see you tomorrow then." Derek said, turning back towards the trailer. Doc was following him through the door when he turned around and gave Meredith a woof.
"Yeah… tomorrow. Bye Doc," she called out, but they were both already through the door. There wasn't anything else for Meredith to do but walk back to her car and look forward to her dinner date with Finn. She was determined to enjoy herself that night, but on the drive back, she couldn't get Derek out of her mind. He looked so sad… she thought, recalling the look Derek had on his face when she'd told him about the dinner. And he was going to tell me something… she was curious and somehow wished she could have stayed longer, but the evening beckoned and she couldn't change the past. As she turned onto the freeway she made a decision. Derek was her past, and for all she knew, Finn could be her future and she wasn't going to mess anything up this time. Not that I really did the messing up last time. She knew that she had to give Finn a shot, despite her feelings for Derek. She needed to turn a corner. And this is exactly what she was going to do.
