Disclaimer: No money is being made or received for this work in her playground of characters.

Author's Note: The stats say that several someones are reading this... and apparently enjoying it... please tell me what you think! It helps this thing called PRIDE... Oh yea... This chapter is long, but chopped up enough for an easy read...

Chapter 36 -- Diagon Alley

Upon her arrival, Rowan was given a suite on the second floor. Harry and Mason escorted her up the stairs with Ron and Draco following behind, in case she fell in her weakened state. Her pride would not let anyone carry her up the stairs; although she vaguely recognized that if Remus was there, she would have allowed it. She spent most of the evening and night in the suite; everyone coming in at different times. Visits were short and calm. Madison had not left her mother's side, however, preferring to stay in the room in case she needed anything. Draco and she played chess or talked quietly throughout most of the night. He transformed a table to a small bed, and fell asleep as the sun came up. Madison curled in his arms, but did not sleep for a very long time.

The following morning, Rowan left the sleeping teens to go to breakfast. Ron was coming out of a bedroom on the same floor and saw her take her first tentative step down the stairs. He walked quickly to hold her other arm to go downstairs safely. Every step, he was convinced, would have him watch her fall. After a quiet breakfast, she took her potions. Harry and Ron helped her back up the stairs to get ready for Dumbledore's visit.

Draco and Mason helped her down the stairs near eleven. Professor Dumbledore met Rowan at noon at the estate. Harry had finally learned enough about the wards of the Estate to let them down so they educators could apparate or shimmer out and in. They left quietly together, arm in arm, and arrived in front of Gringott's a few minutes later.

She did not feel like going all the way down to her vault, so she entered, spoke to Gargarel and simply withdrew a small purse of coins without the harrowing ride. When she returned to Dumbledore, she held his arm as they made their way down through the shops offering ludicrous sale prices for one of a kind items. She was exhausted as they wandered into a curio shop, Rowan saw what she wanted quickly, and paid for her purchases. The man wrapped them while she waited.

She emerged into the winter wonderland of Diagon Alley, she shivered as she looked carefully up and down the street. Dumbledore walked to the next set of windows looking at a new broom. She looked behind her and saw him. The two of them, walking side-by-side: Severus Snape and Remus Lupin, who had bags in hand and were talking in low whispers.

When she realized who it was, Rowan found she could not move. It was the first time she had seen Severus without a calming draught. So many questions ran through her mind, it became a jumble: i Why had he had not come sooner? Why had he had left her at their mercy/i She could not explain her fear and anger as it balled into itself.

Remus' gaze following Snape's as he stopped in the middle of the street. Their eyes had met, when he saw Rowan. Smiling, he waved.

She could not make her arm wave back. She stood very still, his dark eyes boring into her soul. As her thoughts searched his, she found guilt, dishonor, and disgust at what he was forced to do to her; but also found pride at the rescue.

He found abject terror at the sight of him.

Remus walked toward Dumbledore. "Professor? A little help here?" Dumbledore turned to see his two professors staring at each other. He knew they were both skilled legilmans and they were deep into one another's minds at this point.

"On the count of three, be ready to grab Rowan. I will get Severus. They will both black out for a moment." Getting into position Dumbledore muttered something. Both fell into waiting arms. The people watched with interest as two Hogwart's professors were caught by the headmaster and a werewolf. "Ennervate" Both Remus and the old man said quietly. Both came back to the light of the day blinking hard.

Being so deep in his mind when she was stunned, she was unable to understand what had happened. Too weak from her ordeal and semi-recovery, she took on the look of a beaten child who was about to be put into the cupboard once again; weakly scrambling from his hold toward the low brick wall of a shop. Her eyes wide with fear, as her tortured mind tried to make her eyes look for help. Tears obstructed her view as she mentally clawed her way into the dark place of calm her mind longed to find again. She ducked her head into her knees and pushed herself into as small an object as she could manage, as whimpering cries and begs came through the sobs.

Severus recovered almost immediately. He walked carefully toward her, sweeping past his old friend and pushed Remus aside, he picked her up in his arms and turned to leave the area. He swept past the curious onlookers and into the WWW Joke Shop; looking to the twins that had made his life so much hell in the past. "Help me" he said simply.

The twins, seeing who he was carrying, quickly led him to the back office. When they returned, they uncharacteristically made everyone leave the store, locked the doors, and drew the curtains closed. He sat her down in an armchair while the twins brought her water. Breathing hard, she drank it greedily.

Fred handed her a mint from the store which contained a calming potion. She took it without question. After a moment, terror still filled her eyes, but she seemed to be coming out of it. Looking into the dark eyes watching her, she said "Thank you." Her hands shook as she received the refilled glass of water from hands. "Please get me out of here?" Her shaking voice was barely above a whisper. He looked to the two faces peering at him.

"You can use our fireplace." They offered at the same time.

"Thank you." Turning to the shaking woman, he asked where she wanted to go.

"Somewhere not here," was her only reply.

He picked her up once again, entered the fireplace as Fred threw the floo powder. In barely a whisper, Snape said "The dungeons, Hogwarts castle."

They arrived and stepped out of his quarter's fireplace and gently lay her on his bed. The elves had made it earlier. She lay there without words, her breaths ragged and slow, barely above a whisper, and she begged him. "Please…don't leave me. Not yet."

He removed her wet cloak and his, hanging them up to dry by the now raging fire. He returned to sit on the edge of the bed watching as she could not seem to stop shaking. He watched for a moment until there was another green rush from the fireplace as Remus Lupin stepped out. Removing his cloak as though he were an invited guest, he hung it next to the others. Turning, he looked from one to the other. Seeing her breaking down, he walked to the other side of her and pulled her into a tight embrace.

While Remus held her, Severus went to his potions storeroom for a longer lasting calming draught and a headache cure. When he returned, he found her hands at her temples rubbing at the intense headache. "It hurts… please…make it stop. Please… make it stop." Her words, almost childlike with fear and pain, matched the water trickling down her cheeks.

Snape, with his characteristic grace, pulled her face upwards and emptied both vials into her mouth, before pulling her out of Remus' embrace. She buried her head in his shoulder, still trembling; not caring who held her as long as someone held her without hurting her. He moved, drawing her near. He could smell her shampoo; the scent of her neck as she nestled in as close as she could to the man. Soon, her breath slowed and she fell asleep, one hand clutching his arm, the other clutched Remus', silently begging them to keep her safe. She lay between them, her last conscience thought was of being safe. They both whispered words of safety to her, reassuring words that no one would hurt her here. All three fell asleep when her sobs stopped.

She woke screaming several hours later. Both men jumped at the sound. Fighting the hold they both had on her, both released her and backed away a bit. She fought the covers, Remus pulled them back. She pushed herself into the headboard, hands flat on the mattress, eyes wide with terror, looking around the room wildly. Remus and Severus approached her cautiously, sitting one each side of her, gently touching her arms, willing her to relax a bit. It took several moments to come out of the nightmare. "What? How?" her words just above a whisper. She wrapped her arms around her knees and leaned into them. When Remus put a hand on the back of her neck, she shuddered. She met his eyes. Coming to complete awake she made to stand, she said, "The children? Where are they?"

Snape was about to answer when there was a knock on the door. Albus entered without invitation. "Hello my dear. Did you get a little rest?"

Coming to her senses, Rowan ducked her head, sucking in air as she answered, "Apparently," as the headmaster delivered a note from Harry to Severus.

He read it through, twice, and a small grin lit his face. Turning to Rowan as though they had been at a casual dinner, rather than her darkest nightmare, he said, "I have been invited to a Christmas Eve dinner, then to stay at the estate with my godson Draco, to have a Weasley Christmas." He rolled his eyes at the last part of the sentence. Hesitating, he met her gaze, he said, "We should talk about what happened in Diagon Alley."

Rowan smiled weakly. "Not now. We… we should all be…going. Can we use your fireplace again?" He watched as she breathed deeply, willing all traces of the terrified woman he had brought back just a few hours earlier to vanish. The forced calm was a physical transformation. She led the way to Harry's for Christmas.

Remus and Severus stared at one another with the clear message "She's going to lose it completely soon and we both better be there when she does..."

Christmas at the Potter Estate

Lupin, Snape, and Rowan arrived near ten o'clock that evening, with arm loads of presents for the families and students. A few were forgotten, and Severus and Remus volunteered to return to the castle to get them.

At their second arrival, they watched as the same four boys escorted her up the stairs to her suite. She paused for a moment when she heard the floo and met eyes with him briefly before turning to Remus.

When she was once again in her room, Harry and Draco returned and showed the two men their seperate suites for the night. Draco returned a few minutes later and led both men to Rowan's door. "This is her's. Madison will be sleeping in her own room tonight. I slipped her a sleeping draught about fifteen minutes before you got here. She is already asleep, I just need to move her. Rowan is bathing." And with that, Draco entered the door, picked up Madison and carried her down the hall.

Remus and Severus both entered the room and heard Rowan crying softly in the bath. Remus took a moment before shrugging off his traveling cloak and walking into the large bathroom. She was sitting in deep steamy water, her face in her hands, crying. He came closer, rolling up his sleeves in order to help her.

"Ro, what is it baby? Why are you crying in a perfectly wonderful bath?" He asked gently.

Through her sobs, she answered "The Scars...so many... they hurt. They all hurt. I hurt everywhere." As her tears renewed.

Severus had stayed by the door but had been close enough to hear her declaration. Turning he left and made his third trip back to Hogwarts for potions and salves that would deal with pains and infections. Upon his return, Draco was waiting for him to insure that he did not get lost on his way back to his girlfriend's mother.

Entering the suite, he saw Remus and Rowan sitting at a small table sipping steaming chocolate talking in low whipers. He walked, still unsure of himself, toward her. Their eyes met for a moment as he held a hand out for her to take or reject as she saw fit. She took his hand with hers and stood. Severus gave her the strongest pain potions he could make and moments later, she was breathing normally again, thanking him. The two men helped her back to the bed and began to gently apply the salves to the piercings and scars of her nightmares.

The gentleness of their touches allowed her to find rest and safety. Before midnight, all three were sleeping soundly.

Rowan woke near six o'clock on Christmas morning. She slipped quietly from the warmth of the bed and her lovers, put on her bunny slippers and made her way cautiously down the stairs. Molly and Arthur were sitting in the dining room talking to Albus and Minerva when she walked in. An elf set her coffee in front of her as she sat at the table.

Molly reached out and took her hand for a moment before releasing and returning to their conversation about the upcoming day. Rowan was grateful that no one expected much conversation from her. But as the minutes ticked by, she did begin to talk about Christmas' in Texas with the kids and other assorted memories of this time of year. Molly warned them all about the twin's love of ripping wrapping paper with a laugh. This would be the first year Percy had been part of the festivities in many years and she was excited.

Near eight, the five adults moved into the sitting room where the enormous tree was almost hidden by gifts. Hagrid had joined them and they were all now waiting for the other occupants to wake and join them. Remus entered first and left for a moment to get an elf to bring coffee and tea in for everyone.

A few moments later, Snape entered a few moments later, and locked eyes with Rowan, who met his gaze with her mind firmly blocked. She smiled and held her just refilled cup of coffee for him. He crossed the floor and joined her on the love-seat. Their heads drew near in whispered conversation which no one else could hear. Remus was about to move to sit next to her on the arm of the couch, but was swept up in conversation with Harry. Madison sat in the chair next to her mother.

Christmas at the Estate was full of people, food and best of all presents. The teenagers were almost as bad as the older Weasleys. The paper flew. Fred and George opened anything within reach and were finally tackled by Bill and Charlie when the twins had opened one of their gifts. The scuffle was filled with laughter. Molly finally pulled them apart once she stopped laughing herself.

Snape passed out his gifts to each. There were thoughtful gifts and he had obviously put a lot of thought into each one. When he handed Rowan's to her, he gave the slightest shake of his head, an unspoken request to open it later. She nodded as she handed him his gift.

The best part of the morning was Snape opening his gift from Molly. A Green and Silver hand knitted sweater with an "S" on it. Most everyone else had already donned their sweaters, and in another uncharacteristic move, he walked to the hall, closed the door, and returned with the sweater firmly in place. He put both hands on his hips in very much the way a Muggle would have thought of Superman, and pushed out his chest; his smile infectious. Molly wanted to cry, and the rest of the people at the estate clapped and whistled wildly.

Rowan rose and beckoned Severus to join her for a moment in the library. The others watched them closely as they left together.

Upon entering the Library, he sat next to her on the couch, she handed him the gift she had picked out for him. He took it with shaking hands. Carefully opening the paper, he revealed a small box with ancient writings. He looked to her with questioning eyes. She breathed deep as she met his thoughts with her own. "It is a bit like a pensive. Except when you extract the thought, once added to the box, it takes the emotions associated with that memory," swallowing hard, she continued, "you saved my life. I am so very sorry for my reaction to your presence when I got back. I know now that you did what you had to do to save me. Even knowing that, you can't get past the guilt of the act it took to put you in a position to save me. I don't hate you. I could never hate you Severus, if not for you, I may not have ever escaped. Thank you."

He looked from her to the box. "Please, take the memory of the act and put it aside until later. Let us enjoy the realization that you were the hero in this one, not the villain." He silently nodded.

"Thank you Rowan, for your generosity. Now, please open mine." Rowan, putting all pretenses aside, tore into the paper. She laughed out loud when she saw a charm of a mother and two children's faces. It was beautiful. She met his eyes. Was that a twinkle? Smirking, she said "Thanks…" Reaching over to hug him, she whispered that was going to go change and he should return to the party. He agreed on the condition that she wears her new sweater.

When he returned to the dining hall for breakfast without her, he was met with strange looks. Severus sat next to Remus and leaned in to tell him about the gift exchange. Mason leaned over and whispered to Madison, and she too looked at him before excusing herself and walking toward the room where her mother would be changing out of pajamas. She met her mom in the hall; her mother now fully dressed in a pair of jeans, bunny slippers, and her new sweater; smiled at her daughter and swept her up in a hug. Breakfast was no more subdued than the opening of presents. When at last all was eaten, Harry stood and attempted to get everyone's attention. Turning to watch him as he spoke, all eyes were finally upon him.

"So this is what it is like to have a Family Christmas? I have to say that I am overwhelmed. Presents and Sweaters aside, I have never been in a home with so many people and still felt so much love. My friends, this is the only way to enjoy life. As you know, this house was that of my family, the Potter's. Molly and Arthur have agreed to run this estate until either a decision is made to either rebuild the Burrow, or make this permanent. Personally, I sincerely hope Molly will see many generations of grandchildren run around here." He looked to Ginny and raised his eyebrows. Everyone laughed. "So with that, I want you all to know that you will always have a home here, well, as long as I can call it home too." Harry heard a 'hear hear' from the red-headed older brothers. "Anyway, the house will always be yours. We have set up apparition points in this room, so you can come and go when you please. Now, as for me, I am thinking Quiddich in the indoor arena… any takers?"

The afternoon was spent watching Quiddich games, the Weasley's as well as Dumbledore were on brooms. It was a sight to see that much grey hair flying as he played seeker against Harry. Mason and Madison played as well after a few lessons. Draco flew close to Madison while teaching her. Remus and Severus were hitting bludgers at each other with enough force to take off someone's head. The problem was that they only seemed to be aiming for each other.

Rowan watched only a few minutes of the game before she grew weary and quietly excused herself. Ignoring the fact that she had a room there, she didn't want to try to go up the stairs again by herself. She flooed to her quarters instead. She would go back to the castle and lay down for awhile and return later that evening. Severus and Remus both left within the hour to go over homework papers.

Rowan was asleep in her quarters when the nightmare started again. The words and pain flashing all too clear, as the sights, sounds, and smells filled her senses. She relived moments when she began to beg for them to not hit her again. The screams filled her thoughts and mind. She could not escape.

Her screams echoed in the deserted castle halls. Professor Snape was met by Remus Lupin as they rushed to her quarters, wands drawn with the assumption that she was being attacked by some outside force. Severus flung the door of her common room open. Her screams reverberated off the walls. They reached her bedroom as she lay in her bed; her words muffled by the loud tear filled crying over and over, words begging her unseen attacker to stop. As Severus watched, guilt and anguish rushed over him, but he ignored it as he rushed to her bed. He reached to her. Lying next to her he shook her. "Rowan" he commanded "WAKE UP"

She woke with a jolt, pulling away from his arms. She sat up, scared and breathing hard; the images still too real to be a nightmare. Her breathing rapid and her sobs still on her tongue. She looked around the familiar room. Trying to figure out where she was. She looked to Severus and let out another loud scream.

Severus stood quickly, putting distance between them. Remus held her close, trying to pull her out of the horror in her mind. She shuddered and cried. Pulling her knees up to her and rocking, tears flowed freely. "Please" was all he could hear from her. Severus only knew he would not leave her again to fight the dreams that haunted them both. He cautiously sat near her, pulling her to him slowly. She resisted at first. He moved closer again, until she pulled away from Remus and fell against him. He wrapped his arms around her as they both cried; once again falling asleep with her between them. No words spoken except and occasional "shhhhhhh" and "it's okay" as he whispered into her hair. She slept the rest of the day and night in his arms. He was honestly afraid to leave her.

Sometime later, Albus walked in. Once again, catching three of his professors in a compromising position, he walked quietly to the edge of the bed. Snape woke at the sound, caught his eye, and dropped the barrier he held in place so that his thoughts could be read. Dumbledore performed the familiar Legimens and saw the dreams that the woman had. He felt the despair and anguish that had brought this man to her. Breaking the meld, he nodded at the professor and whispered that he would contact the estate and let them know that Rowan was sleeping peacefully. The headmaster left the room, closing the door gently behind them.

Many thoughts went through the old man's mind as he walked back to his office. Rowan, obviously, was a witch of immense power. Her daughter was stronger, but only in the presence of the son. She also loved her husband very much, even though he had fallen into the veil. Voldemort knew she was important, but how much did he actually know about the supposed "Muggle Professor." Bellatrix had probably told him everything her sister had told her.

Then there was his old friend Severus. He obviously cared about the woman. He had helped her at least three times through horrific trials and memories. Would he be able to overcome the guilt for the deed he committed in order to save her life? And what of his life long hatred of Sirius Black? Severus did not forget a slight, yet, Sirius' best friend was lying on the other side of his wife. Too many questions were asked without reconciliation. He sent a note to the estate with Fawkes, telling the inhabitants that Rowan was overly tired and was resting peacefully.

He also began drafting a notice that the Holiday's would be extended a week and no one was to return to the castle until January 9th.