Disclaimer: No money is being made or received for this work in her playground of characters.
Author's Note: This chapter is set to help understand why Sirius' wife is certifiably insane. I hope as you read this, you understand that she has just survived without really living during their time apart. If you want to skip to the end, and not read it, the last Author's note will sum it up nicely for you...
HOSPITAL WING...FINALLY
Understanding the Insanity…
It was coming from the Hospital Wing. Madison had returned, along with Rowan's older brothers, John, Tony, Robert, and Jeff; and a large silver and black box that emitted music. The songs were sad, and getting sadder. Draco looked at her questioningly as he sat in one of the conjured winged chairs. The brothers sat, staring at their younger sister whom they had each tried to protect and love. During the pause, Madison looked at the assembled friends and family, and then explained:
"Uncles, do you remember our letters to you about mom's behavior over the first few months of the year?" They nodded. "Well, just so you know, we have decided that mom was always insane and no one else noticed. We've talked about it over the past few months. Wondering how she got to this point. I think it is important that you realize what we have figured out. Some of what I am going to tell you, only Uncle Jeff will already know. But I brought you here, because you need to see her. You need to understand what brought her to this point and help bring her back. You helped create the woman that is lying in that bed. You need to think about how to help us save her now, because you haven't helped her much before." The men were offended, but remained silent.
"When she was just fourteen, her magic unbound itself. She attended Hogwart's for four years, met Sirius Black, married him, had us, watched him lose his mind when his best friends were killed, gave up rights to her Godson, volunteered to have her memory wiped and her powers bound. She then returned to Texas at the age of twenty one with us in tow. She walked away from her friends, and the only magical home she had known to live a life of regret, but without real memories. She believed that her husband had been killed in the north.
"She had no job skills, no practical education, and two children to rear. She worked ten hours a day, went to college five nights a week, studied, played with us, and was able to work in one of the most difficult field in the world: International Law Enforcement. Just when the world was getting better, Granddad had that heart attack.
"Then he died and mom was really - REALLY - upset. At the funeral, she cried until she collapsed. The whole sight was ugly. We couldn't get near enough to help her while she was lost in her own grief. None of you helped her either. Her two best friends carried her to the place we buried him. Only when she got there, did any of you take her. Then you forced her to say goodbye. Do you remember that? When it was over, her friends took us for a couple of days. We worried about mom. Did you worry about her at all? She had been the strong one for so long, that when she finally broke, she really broke."
Mason picked up the story. "Grandmother was mom's best friend. They spent a lot of time together, talking and laughing. It had been that way since mom was a little girl. Grandmother was an amazing woman. About three or four months after granddad died, we were all in the kitchen eating dinner. Grandmother turned to mom out of the blue and said 'Promise me that you won't cry at my funeral the way you did at your dads.'
"I remember mom nodded, but that wasn't enough for grandmother. 'Promise me you will not cry at my funeral.' Finally, mom promised her what she wanted." Uncle Jeff nodded in agreement at her assessment of her mother. Looking at her other uncles, they had a strange look on their face. "You all had your own lives, and as such, were not prepared when Grandmother died in November the following year.
"You didn't realize that she had made a promise. You see, not only did mom not cry when we found her, she did not cry when we went shopping for funeral clothes, or while making arrangements, or even while the service was going on. She seemed lost but determined to keep her promise.
"Her honor made her guilty if she did not do as she promised. That's why she did not make many promises to people. If she failed to complete it, she simply could not function."
Madison stepped back into the conversation. "After that, she was determined to stay close to her brothers and make her parents proud of the woman she had become. You, Uncle Robert, told her that she would not be the new matriarch of the family. All she wanted was to be close to you, but you turned her away. At thirty one years old, mom really wasn't as strong as she pretended to be.
"That December, less than a month after grandmother died, you, Uncle John, filed for custody of the two of us. You thought, correctly, that mom was losing her mind because she quit her job and took a year to herself. You dropped the suit, God knows why, but she knew that you three supported him. Do you know she saw a psychiatrist who told her she was going through normal grieving process?"
"She made us go to school everyday. Mom said we would have to get an education if we didn't want to grow up and rear children the way she had had to. Mom was determined to work through it alone somehow. The May after grandmother died, we walked in from school and found mom listening to a CD. The song played over and over for her. It was called "Comfortably Numb" by Pink Floyd…Wait this is it." They listened as the melody filled the room. Each person looked from the box to the still unconscious form; her lips moved to the words; her body became quite still once again as the melody ended.
Returning to the story, Mason continued, "Mom listened to that song over and over. The words were her escape. It drove us both mad with it playing all the time. That was the spring you and she weren't speaking, Uncle Jeff. You left us to deal with her madness alone." he finished as he hung his head.
"We finally learned, over the years, depending on what was going on; another song would play repeatedly in our home. We always knew that the lyrics were the key to her feelings. She never had a problem saying that she loved us. She made sure our part of the family was strong. But when it came to expressing her own fears or lack or confidence, she hid them, escaping behind a wall of music to help her heal."
"When she came here, her powers were unbound, her memories restored of the time away. Her grief of Sirius' love and betrayal threatened to overtake her. She was kidnapped TWICE by a dark wizard who wanted to have a baby with her. She was raped and sodomized for weeks before she was rescued, by a man that was killed saving her just last week.
"Her desire for us to learn what we needed to know to survive, gave her the project to pretend she was okay. She's not okay. She never dealt with everything that happened to her, because she couldn't take time to. I hope, as she hears the path of her hidden feelings via the music on which we were reared, that she can find a way back to us." Madison finished.
The next songs were Big 'N Rich's Holy Water, followed by Barry Manilow's 'I Made it Through the Rain' and 'Mandy.' Joshua Kadisen was on the list with 'Desert Serenade' and 'Jessie'. Sarah Evan's song "Rocking Horse" came ringing through followed by all genres of music. Rock, Country, Jazz, Classic Rock, the list went on and on. They watched as each song played. Rowan grew tense through some, cried through some.
There had been hours of music on the CD. They talked through most of it, only pausing to drink or look at her reaction to a song. But when the last song on the CD was Big 'N Rich's 'Live this Life', a strange thing happened through the lyrics. As though they were waiting for a last song to begin, Dumbledore entered the room; on his heels were Hagrid, Professor McGonagall, the Malfoys, and Weasleys. When the lyrics started, the slow melodious words filtered through the room as strange things began appearing around her, flashes of memories playing out like a pensive.
Met a man on the street last night
Said his name was Jesus
Met a man on the street last night
Thought he was crazy till I watched him heal a blind man
Watched him heal a blind man now I see
Rowan's brothers and children stood as their dad/granddad, dead these past seven years, appeared next to her bed holding hands with their mom/grandmother. Her young nephew, Michael Alexander, who was almost ten when he was killed, just one year after his grandmother, appeared, holding hands with them both. Robert broke down and cried as he saw his son with his parents. He raised a hand to reach for the child he could never hold again; but could not make his feet move any closer.
I live this life until this life won't let me live here anymore
Then I will walk yes I will walk
With patience through that open door
I have no fears, angels follow me wherever I may go
I live this life until this life won't let me live here anymore
With another flash of light; Harry gasped as his parents appeared, James Potter held the grandmother's hand with one, and Lily's with the other. He waited to see Sirius; but was disappointed by his absence.
Met a girl in a chair with wheels
But no one else would see her
Met a girl in a chair with wheels
Everyone was so afraid
To even look down on her
And she just spread her little wings and flew away yeah
Another flash of light, Rowan's grandpapa flashed beside their granddad, flanked by her grandmamma, uncle, and aunt.
I live this life until this life won't let me live here anymore
Then I will walk yes I will walk
With patience through that open door
I have no fears, angels follow me wherever I may go
I live this life until this life won't let me live here anymore
Another flash, the ghostly figures held hands with Winky, Healer Richardson, a woman no one knew, and Cedric Diggory.
Met a kid on a bridge last night
Contemplating freedom
Met a kid on a bridge last night
And he said
I'm tired of this maddening life
And I'm ready to go meet Jesus
And I said he's a friend of mine
Met him just last night
And it's alright
Yeah it's all right
Yeah
Another flash, Professor Snape appeared. He was holding a perfect baby in his arms. They watched as he passed the ghostly infant to Rowan's mother before floating to the head of the bed, bent and kissed her forehead. Inaudible words left his thoughts to give her comfort; his translucent arms solid enough to gather her close to him. His ghostly tears falling to her face as he whispered of his love and forgiveness as he laid her gently back to the bed and returned to take the sleeping infant from the grandmother.
I live this life until this life won't let me live here anymore
Then I will walk yes I will walk
With patience through that open door
I have no fears, angels follow me wherever I may go
I live this life until this life won't let me live here anymore
Live here anymore
Met a man on the street last night
Said his name was Jesus
Met a man on the street last night
The room began to glow from the light of the guardian angels around the bed. The living group watched as the angels connected with her; no living creature could not hear what was being said. They could not see all the expression on the faces of those who were bringing her back. As the last note of the music faded; Rowan's grandparents, aunt, and uncle faded quickly. Cedric and Winky left after a few seconds of looking at the living people.
The parents looked at their sons with love and pride. Dropping his grandparents' hands, Michael Alexander floated towards his dad, connecting for the briefest of moments. Only long enough for Robert to be sure it was real; he could feel his son's love for him once again. He nodded once and waited for Alexander to return to them. The three held hands and faded out of sight. Robert held his head in his hands and cried the tears for the son who would have been seventeen in just a few weeks. The other brothers gathered around him and cried silent tears of pain as their parents left them again.
Lily and James Potter left after making eye contact with Harry, and Remus but neither cried, only feeling a peace wash over them as they left.
Severus looked from the baby's sleeping form to Remus Lupin, gliding toward him, gently cupping the living face with one hand while holding the child with the other, as he brushed his lips against Remus', before leaning to whisper something in Remus ear. Remus looked into the eyes of his dead lover, reaching for the baby between them as he felt the tear of good-bye roll down his cheek as Severus and their child dissolved from the room.
Rowan sat straight up in bed with wide-eyes looking around the room to see those who were already gone. Shaking her head, she fell back against the pillows, curling herself into a ball, tears flowing freely from her closed eyes.
Professor Dumbledore asked them all to leave the room. As they left, Poppy told them that they needed to be ready for graduation the next afternoon. Remus waited until they had all left before crawling in her bed and sharing her tears.
They ate breakfast at Hogwart's. Although Mason and Madison had not actually attended very many classes at Hogwart's they were to graduate as part of their class as well. Once Remus had left, no one was allowed back into the Hospital wing after the ghostly visitors. The older Malfoy's returned their uncles to Texas; each with a new desire to get to know the woman lying in bed.
Remus was allowed to help Rowan bathe when she woke a few hours later. She took a very long hot soothing medicinal bath, washed and stood on shaky feet as Dobby brought her clothes and a warm chicken broth. She had made it back from the brink; fighting curses, physical torture, pain, and guilt. She had been pushed back by those she missed most, into the harsh reality after escaping for so long with Remus right beside her.
Author's Note: For those who did not want to read the chapter, the gist is simple: Rowan is, in fact, insane. She never forgave Sirius for leaving her with two children, nor her brothers for the way they dealt with her after their parents died, nor Remus for allowing her to leave in the first place. Yea, that about covers it.
