The kiss went on and on. Fry trembled, his eye wide, his fingers spread apart. To Leela's consternation, he made no effort to resist. After what seemed an eternity to both of them, Foss pulled his lips away. "I love you, Leela," he said gently.

Fry stared blankly at the professor's silk shirt for a moment, then dropped his head into his hands. "Oh, dear God, I'm gay!" she wailed.

"You're what?" said Foss.

"I enjoyed that," said Fry anxiously. "I can't tell you how much I enjoyed that. Please don't do it again."

"I can explain," said Leela as she stood up. "She's really Fry, and I'm really Leela. We were helping Professor Farnsworth build a better body switcher, but the thing went off while we were holding it."

Foss gaped briefly, then started to chuckle. "Get out of here," he said.

"It's true," Leela insisted. "I can tell you things only Leela would know about you. Like what part of your body the space pirates mutilated when they were initiating you, and why you have a drawer full of pink satin stockings, and…"

"All right, I believe you!" Foss blurted out.

Leela and Fry watched the scientist struggle for words.

"I-I don't know," he said at last. "I don't know what to do in this situation. I've got to think about it."

Foss walked so quickly out of the employee lounge that he appeared to be fleeing. "Don't forget," said Leela to Fry, "we're trying to make Foss lose interest in you…I mean, me."

Fry quivered as he sat bolt upright. "Do you feel this way every time he kisses you?" he said reverently. "I thought I understood why you wanted to dump him, but now I don't."

Leela only sighed.


It was Zoidberg's habit to stop off at the mental health institute every afternoon, to see if any progress could be made with the conflicted Captain Brannigan. As he passed his claw over the DNA scanner to gain entrance to the cell block where Zapp was staying, he tried to imagine what creative threats and insults the spaceman would hurl at him. "I'd like to boil you and see if you turn red." "You'd look better in a malpractice suit." "Who gave you a license to practice medicine? I'd like to meet him—maybe he can grant me a license to kill." "Come any closer and I'll make bisque out of you." And those were the non-sexual ones.

Little did he suspect that Zapp was, at that moment, holding a conversation with a strange, white-bearded man who had mysteriously approached the door of his cell.

"Our new therapy will revolutionize the criminal justice system," said the old man in a gravelly voice. "The institute doesn't want you to know about it. The government doesn't want you to know about it. That's how effective it is."

"I don't know who you are," said the bedraggled-looking Zapp, "but if you're offering me a chance to get this evil out of my head, I'll take it."

"Excellent," said the stranger. By waving a pen-like device with a flashing tip, he caused the lock on Zapp's cell door to unfasten.

By the time Zoidberg reached the spot, the door was closed and Zapp was not inside. "Good Lord!" exclaimed the crustacean, searching every corner of the tiny room with his eyes. Then it occurred to him to use his nose. He breathed in a long draught of air, hoping to pick up a scent clue or two, but only one thing registered on his super-sensitive olfactory receptors.

"Garlic," he moaned. "My only weakness."


At the Planet Express headquarters, the debate had become intense as Bender, Foss, Fry, and Leela each tried to come up with a mutual solution to their problems by ignoring what the others were saying.

"I'm telling you, the moment I step out of the building, the Robot Mafia's gonna punch me full of holes," said Bender.

"You think you've got it tough," said Foss. "My girlfriend's a man! How am I supposed to deal with that?"

"I am not going to stay at Bender's cesspool of an apartment," said Leela. "That place is so filthy, the rats only go there to die."

"Well, I'm not gonna stay at your place and spend the whole night feeding Nibbler and cleaning up the quantum singularities he shoots out of his butt," Fry retorted.

Zoidberg burst into the meeting room as they bickered. "My friends, my friends!" he called out. "I have news of a disturbing and possibly chapter-ending nature!"

"Stick a fork in it, Zoidburger," said Bender sharply.

"Quiet, everybody!" said Foss. "Let's listen to what the lobster has to share with us."

The quarrelling foursome fell silent. "What's the news?" asked Fry.

Zoidberg dramatically waved his claws in the air. "Zapp Brannigan is missing!" he reported.

Foss, Bender, Fry, and Leela gaped with surprise.

"Missing?" Foss marveled. "You mean he escaped from the institute?"

"Escaped," said Zoidberg ominously, "or escaped with the assistance of person or persons unknown."

"Wait a minute," said Leela. "He was in there voluntarily to begin with. Maybe he just decided to grab a hamburger and a Slurm at the fast-food joint across the street."

"Tell me, Leela in Fry's body," said Zoidberg, "have you ever known Captain Brannigan to eat large amounts of garlic?"

Leela gave the question a moment's thought, then answered, "No."

"Interesting," said Zoidberg, narrowing his eyes. "As you may be aware, my sense of smell is so acute, I can tell you what you ate for your last three meals just by sniffing you. But the only scent I could detect in Zapp's empty cell was garlic. Garlic! Its stench is so powerful, it drowns out everything else."

"Then Captain Brannigan was helped," Foss concluded. "But by whom?"


To be continued