"Lesbian nightclubs?" said Amy, astonishment filling her face. "Are you crazy?"

"Yes," said Fry. "All the lesbians will think we're together, so they won't hit on us."

"But I want to be hit on," said Amy. "I mean, by guys, not by lesbians."

The two girls stared at each other, too stupefied to speak.

"How's this?" Amy finally said. "Call Fry…I mean, call Leela, and ask her if it's all right for you to take her body to the Robocabana. If she says yes, then you have no excuse not to go."

Fry pondered the suggestion. Leela will almost certainly say no, and then I'll be off the hook. Either way, I win. "All right," he agreed, punching the number to his own apartment into her wrist console.


Halfway across the borough at the Robot Arms building, Leela stepped into the dingy living room clad in a bright orange sweatsuit and a striped headband. "Well, here I go," she said to no one in particular.

Bender, who had been gazing intently through the window at the street below, turned and looked at Leela's outfit long enough to make a snide remark. "What is this, deer season?"

"No, I'm on my way to the health club," said Leela. "I made Fry a promise, and I intend to see it through." She looked glumly at her new flat-chested body. "I just hope Fry's dingle doesn't jingle while I'm running on the treadmill. That would be so embarrassing."

"I wouldn't know," said Bender.

"I'd better feed Nibbler before I go," said Leela as she reached for an enormous can of Kibbles 'n' Snouts, "because you're obviously not going to do it."

As she searched the kitchen cupboards for an implement that would hopefully open the can of pet food in less than five minutes, Nibbler crawled into the room on his long arms and short legs. Seeing the huge can towering over him, he widened his jaws as far as they would go, and devoured it in one gulp.

Leela gave the Nibblonian a look of disapproval. "Spit the can out, Nibbler," she ordered. "Be a good little alien and spit it out."

Nibbler only stared at him in confusion. He let out a tinny belch.

"Great," sighed Leela. "Another trip to the vet."

"Oh, my God!" cried Bender. "They're coming! The Robot Mafia!"

With an exasperated groan, Leela hurried to the window to see what Bender saw. "That's not the Robot Mafia," she said peevishly. "That's just a big guy in an overcoat, a short fat lady in a dress, and a kid with clamps for hands."

"Oh, yeah?" said Bender. "What about those cases they're carrying?"

"They're clearly musicians," said Leela.

Fry's cell phone rang, and Leela fumbled for it in the pocket of his jeans. "Hello?"

"Leela, this is Fry," came Leela's voice.

"Hey, Fry," said Leela. "Are you and my body getting along well?"

"Yeah," replied Fry. "I wanted to ask you something. Would you object if Amy and I went to the Robocabana tonight?"

Leela was taken aback. "The Robocabana? Why the hell why?"

"That sounded like a no," said Fry. "Thanks, Leela."

"No, wait!" Leela blurted out.

Hmm, she thought. Hmm… Not a bad idea. I wish I'd thought of it before.

"Fry," she spoke into the cell phone, "not only do I not object, but I insist you go to the Robocabana with Amy."

Insist? thought Fry. D'oh!

"Go to the Robocabana, and enjoy yourself as much as you want without hurting my body or getting it pregnant," Leela instructed him. "Just don't be surprised when I pretend to be outraged tomorrow. It's all part of the plan."

Fry stood speechless, his mouth hanging open.

"It's a great club," said Leela. "I wish I could go with you. Have fun, Fry."

The light on Fry's wrist console went off. He made an attempt to slap himself on the forehead, but only struck the upper part of Leela's eye. "Ow!"

"So you'll go, then?" said Amy. "Please say yes."

Now I know what Leela means, thought Fry's mind in Leela's body. She wants me to make it look like I'm being wanton, to discourage Foss from waiting around for us to switch back. It's a clever idea, but…hey, how did I figure that out so easily? Is it because I'm thinking with Leela's brain now? Well, if I'm so smart, I should be able to weasel out of this somehow…

"I've got it!" he said abruptly. "Uh, I mean, I've got a better idea. Foss is really lonely right now, since I'm in his girlfriend's body, and I think the best thing for him would be a visit from an attractive female, let's say, uh, you, Amy."

"Schnot even," Amy protested. "Foss is way too old for me."

"He's thirty-six," said Fry. "For a professor, that's young."

"I don't go for nerds," said Amy, grabbing his arm. "C'mon, let's get you into a dress. The clock's ticking before you turn back into a guy."


Contrary to Fry's impression, Foss was anything but lonely. He had a companion, albeit a cybernetic one. "You did an excellent job of luring those robot mobsters away," he said to the small, black metal box on his shelf.

"Yeah, so give me a medal," said the box in Bender's sarcastic voice. "Can I have my body back now?"

"I'm afraid not," said Foss without emotion. "You see, you never had a body to begin with. You're a portable processing unit, programmed with Bender's personality."

The black box fell silent, save for a slight, low-pitched hum.

"I don't completely understand what you said," it spoke up, "but I sorta get the feeling that I've been horribly degraded in an existential way."

"We all have, Bender," said Foss. "Now go to sleep."

"But I'm not…" the box started to say just before it shut down entirely.

Foss plucked another item from the shelf, a plastic alarm clock with Bender's visage printed on the face. He pressed a button and the clock uttered in a harsh voice, "Wake up and bite my shiny metal ass. Wake up and bite my shiny metal ass. Wake up and…"


The lights were dim at the Robocabana, the dance floor crowded. The live band was made up of a multi-armed 'bot that played the drums, bass, keyboard, and saxophone simultaneously. Men, women, androgynous aliens, and robots wandered past the round table where Amy and Fry were seated. The man-turned-cyclops wore a red sequined gown, rouge lipstick, and silver platform shoes (he had refused to go so far as to wear high heels). While Amy nursed a martini, Fry's mind reflected on the odd situation in which it found itself.

I don't feel half as weird as I should. It's like being a girl makes it seem normal to wear a dress and makeup. What'll I do if a guy asks me to dance? Looking at a guy and feeling love seems so sick and wrong to me. Maybe I should take Amy's advice, and just do what comes naturally.

"I'd kill for a beer right now," he mumbled.

Amy shot him an understanding look.

"Doesn't it bother you at all," said Fry, "that dozens of men are sizing up your boobs as we speak?"

"No," said Amy with a giggle. "Does it bother you?"

"They're not sizing up my boobs," said Fry. "They're looking at my eye and turning away." The real Leela would be totally depressed about that, thought Fry's mind. I couldn't relate before, but now I can.

"Pardon me, lovely lady," he heard a suave male voice say. "May I have this dance?"

He means me, thought Fry. I've got to say something, or at least stand up. Just do what comes naturally, and you'll be fine. Just do what comes naturally…

He carefully rose to his feet. When he laid eye on the face of the man who had invited him to dance, he recoiled in shock.

"Zapp…?"


To be continued