"Hello, Leela," he said politely. "Are you as surprised to see me as I am to be here?"
Amy almost knocked over her martini as she leaped to her feet. "Z-Zapp?" she stammered. "How did you…where did you…"
Inside Leela's head, Fry's mind was in a whirl. He'll kill somebody! What do I do? I may have Leela's body, but I don't have her martial arts skills, and I can't kick in this stupid dress anyway. I may as well do what comes naturally…
He screamed at the top of Leela's lungs. Amy joined him, screaming long and loud.
The one-robot band stopped playing. The patrons on the dance floor turned their heads as one. Zapp only shrugged. "Girls, there's nothing to be afraid of," he said. "I've been cured of my violent urges."
"He's an escapee from a mental institution!" yelled Fry.
"Call the police!" shouted Amy. "He's dangerous!"
One by one, the men, women, aliens, and robots on the floor stepped toward Zapp with outstretched arms and tentacles, preparing to pounce. "I don't want to hurt anyone!" cried the space captain, but to no avail. Seeing that the mob had hemmed him in on every side except for the side facing Amy and Fry, he sprang upward and vaulted over their table. Landing gracefully on his feet, he charged in the direction of the club exit, only to be confronted by two officers of the law.
"Well, if it isn't good ol' Cap Zapp," said Officer Smitty respectfully. "If you're here, then the situation must be well in hand."
"I had no idea you were into the club scene," said the robotic Officer URL. "And look at that suit. I do declare, it's mohair. Stylin'."
"Arrest him, officers!" Fry called out. "He broke out of the mental health institute!"
"He's unpredictably violent!" Amy added.
The club patrons stood back and watched the scene unfold. "No crime has been committed here, gentlemen," Zapp assured the policemen. Turning to Fry, he continued, "It was a simple misunderstanding, one that will be cleared up over dinner tomorrow."
Geez, Zapp Brannigan's coming on to me, thought Fry. I have to admit, he's awfully good-looking…oh, God, did I just think what I think I thought?
Officer Smitty raised his arm and began to type into his wrist console. "You, one-eyed chick," he said. "What's your version of what happened?"
Oh, that's me, thought Fry. "Captain Brannigan's been mentally unstable ever since Lee…ever since I rescued him from the space pirates," he related. "It's true that he didn't hurt anyone here, but he could go off at any second, with potentially deadly results and junk."
"And you, chick with the blocky hair," said Smitty.
Amy's response was simply, "What she said."
"All right, then," said the policeman. "Since the captain apparently didn't break any laws, we'll go back to sitting in our squad car and watching for drunk drivers."
"Drink all you want, and drive all you want, but don't drink and drive," said Officer URL. "Oh, yeah."
Smitty turned to leave, then looked over his shoulder at Fry. "Out of all the women in the galaxy, he invited you to dinner," he said. "Think about that."
The dancing began anew once the officers had left. To get away from the musical din, Zapp led the two girls into an alcove decorated with potted palms. "I can explain, but you won't believe me," he told them. "I hardly believe it myself."
"Go ahead, explain," said Fry. "How'd you get out of the institute?"
"And how did you recover from what the pirates did to you?" asked Amy.
"Good questions, both," said Zapp. "It all started when an old man visited my cell. He told me of a revolutionary therapy that would take away the violent urges that Captain Balalaika implanted in my mind. I wasn't thinking straight at the time, and I was ready to try anything, so I followed him. I can't remember much of what happened after that, except for brief periods of being strapped in a chair with my eyes pried open and Beethoven's Ninth Symphony playing in the background."
"Sounds like torture," Fry remarked. "I've heard that piece is, like, fifteen minutes long."
"Before I knew it," Zapp went on, "I was standing on the sidewalk, wearing this suit, and with no desire to commit acts of violence. I was too grateful to question what had happened; I wanted to celebrate, so I came to the Robocabana for drinks and dancing."
"Spleesh," said Amy. "You can't remember where you were, or anything?"
"No," replied Zapp, shaking his head. "I must have been under a powerful sedative. Maybe it'll come back to me eventually."
"We'd better get you to Planet Express," said Fry. "Dr. Zoidberg's dying to know where you've been."
The sun was disappearing over the New New York horizon as Amy, Fry, and Zapp strolled through the club's parking lot. "That police officer made a good point," Zapp said to Fry. "I've been all over the universe, and I've seen all sorts of women fall for me, but not one of them has the balance of sexiness and voluptuosity that you possess, Leela. I saw how the men at the club looked at you. All they could see was your eye; they couldn't see anything below it. But I'm not like those men. I've seen what's below your eye, and I love it."
He talks so sweetly, thought Fry.
The return trip to the PE building via transit tube was unpleasant for him, as the flowing air filled his dress like a parachute and circulated around Leela's privates. It feels like I'm wearing nothing below the waist, she thought. I can't wait to change into a nice, airtight pair of jeans.
By the time they reached their destination, only Zoidberg and Delta remained in the PE offices. The crustacean and the fembot were engaged in an earnest discussion of their future.
"If we pool our salaries, we'll be able to afford an apartment," said Zoidberg. "We'll have an actual home to call our own."
"But I don't earn a salary, John," said Delta. "And I think it would be too much of an imposition to ask for one, after all the generosity I've received from…"
"Merciful heavens!" exclaimed Zoidberg when he saw Zapp, Amy, and Fry walk in. "Where have you been, captain? And is that garlic I smell?"
"I don't smell any garlic," said Zapp.
"We ran into him at the Robocabana," Amy reported. "He says he's cured. He has an interesting story to tell."
"I'd love to hear your story, captain," said Zoidberg. "But first, I have a question—has any of you seen Fry?"
Several hours earlier, Leela awoke to find herself in a hospital bed.
To be continued
