Try as she might, Leela was unable to dissuade Fry from his plans to date Zapp. She finally decided to sleep on the matter, but when morning came around, the only conclusion she had reached was that she needed help. The tubes were jammed with commuters when she set off, so the trip to Soho occupied roughly an hour of her time.

She found Foss behind a small table, hawking wares in the midst of a small crowd of assorted bohemians. As she passed by, they assaulted her with desperate sales pitches: "Paintings for sale, half price!" "Will perform interpretive dance for food!" "Documentary footage of the rent strike, really cheap!" "My hand-crafted Zuni fetishes will bring you good luck!" "Buy my crap! I haven't eaten for three days!"

"Philaster, I need your help," she told the professor, paying no attention to the items piled on his table.

"What's the problem, er, Fry?" said Foss, glancing nervously to the left and right.

"Fry is the problem," said Leela. "He's out of control. He's gonna take my body on a date with Zapp Brannigan!"

Foss stared thoughtfully at the young redhead. "He could do worse," he remarked.

"No, he couldn't!" Leela retorted. "Can't you see what this will do to my image? Zapp Brannigan becoming romantically involved with the mutant who rescued him from the space pirates? It'll be all over the tabloids!"

"What do you want me to do?" asked Foss with concern.

"Get him to break the date," Leela urged him. "Take advantage of his raging female hormones if you have to. Tell him you still love him, even though he's not really Leela." The surrounding bohemians turned their heads, intrigued by the exchange.

Foss shook his head. "I could never do that," he said with finality.

Leela's heart sank, as did her face. "I know," she said weakly. "I shouldn't have even asked it of you."

"I love you, Leela," said Foss, and more bohemians perked up their ears. "But I won't touch you as long as your body and mind are separated. I'm willing to wait a month for a love like yours."

Crud, thought Leela. It's not working. Men are so dense.

Honest Flem strolled up to their position, dressed in his usual cowboy duds. "Whatcha got fer sale there, pardner?" he asked Foss.

"This is my Bendermatic line of accessories," the scientist replied. "Alarm clocks, watches, and cell phones…with attitude."

He handed one of the cell phones to Flem, who casually flipped it open. "You got a call, buddy," the device uttered in Bender's voice. "I'll tell 'em you're not home."

Good Lord, thought Leela.

"The wristwatch is even more entertaining," said Foss, dangling a watch in front of the car dealer's nose.

"You got a five-o'-clock appointment," said Bender's voice. "Or maybe it's four-thirty. I don't know and I don't care."

Flem snatched the watch from Foss' hand. "Whatever you're askin', I'll pay double," he said. "I just love a timepiece that says what's on its mind."

"Let me see that," said Leela, seizing the watch from him. "Bender?" she called out. "Are you in there?"

"Fry?" said the watch. "Is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me," said Leela.

"Where am I? What's that constant ticking sound? Why can't I feel my legs? Why do my arms move so slowly?"

Leela gripped the watch firmly as she glared at Foss. "What did you do to my friend?" she demanded to know.

The professor grinned nonchalantly. "It's nothing but a watch programmed with a subset of Bender's personality. When last I checked, there was no law against duplicating a robot's psyche."

"It's 9 a.m. and you're still a chump," stated the Bender watch.

"I'll take that watch now," said Honest Flem impatiently.

"Oh, no, you won't," Leela shot back. "Bender is not for sale."

"Be reasonable, Leela," said Foss, passing a different watch to Flem in exchange for money. "He's only a robot, and a poor one at that. Besides, I need some way to fund my research, now that I'm no longer getting a share of pirate booty."

I don't want to cause a scene, thought Leela as she dropped the watch back into the pile. I'll find a legal way to put a stop to this, I swear it.

"This isn't over, Philaster," she said, and marched away in a huff.


To be continued