I can't get over the way you love me like you do
Sirius wants someone to love him. He didn't expect that person to be right there in front of him the whole time.
"I think I'm unlovable," Sirius mutters, his fingers clenched around the cushion, holding it to him tightly. "Is there a sign on me asking people to fuck with me all of the time?"
"You're not unlovable," Remus states, sinking down on the sofa in front of him. "If anything, you're the most loveable person I've ever met in my life."
Sirius snorts. "Of course I'm not. You're just saying that because you're my best friend, Moony. I'm just the sort of guy who guys get with until they get bored, or find something better. I'm just a bit of fun."
"Don't worry, I've got you," Remus says, grabbing his hand. "Fuck them. Fuck all of them, Sirius, you matter. You're acting like you don't, but you do. You really do."
Sirius snorts. He leans sideways, falling against Remus. Remus' arm wraps around him and Sirius sighs.
"It hurts," he admits. "I saw it coming, but it hurts every time. Why can't I find someone who actually cares? Someone who wouldn't hurt me?"
Remus doesn't answer. He just lets out a sigh that Sirius is familiar with and Sirius turns his head. "What?"
"Sirius, there is someone out there that would do anything for you," Remus says, turning his gaze away. "I just… I hate seeing you get hurt. I wish I could do something, anything that'd stop that."
Sirius stares. How would Remus know if there's someone who would treat him good? He sounds like he actually has a person in mind, and Sirius just wants to be happy. He just wants someone to actually love him. For him not to be a quick shag and then cast aside.
"Who?" Sirius pushes.
"You've just broken up with someone," Remus mutters. "It's not—"
"Remus, if there's someone out there that won't treat me like… everyone, I should know," Sirius asks quietly. "Please."
Remus hesitates for a long moment. "Sirius…"
"I'm sick of being hurt," Sirius whispers. "I know I'm dating the wrong people, but I… they're the only people that ask me out. I need to be turned in the right direction. If you think there's someone out there that I could actually fall in love with…" he trails off. "I'll get down on my knees and beg if that's what it takes."
He starts to move to the floor, but Remus grabs his arm, stopping him. "Please don't beg," Remus says. "Sirius." Remus closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.
Sirius watches him desperately.
"I don't expect you to fall in love with this person at all," Remus mutters. "I'm only telling you the name so you realise that you are loved. You're so, so loved. More than you realise." There's a long pause and Sirius waits with bated breath.
"Me," Remus finally says. "Since I was… what, fifteen. I've only ever seen you. I would do anything for you, Sirius, and it kills me to see you devote yourself to each guy and for them to hurt you - for them to not see that they have the most beautiful person in the world. It baffles me how a single one of them could ever consider hurting you. If you were mine, I'd make sure you felt loved every moment of every day for the rest of our lives."
He stands. "I… I don't expect… we're friends, and I wouldn't want to ruin that, so…"
Sirius stands too. How had he not seen this before? Remus loves him? He's not worthy of Remus, love and he doesn't know how to handle this.
"I'm not worthy of—"
"You're worthy of the world," Remus cuts in, "and I don't want to ever hear you say otherwise."
Sirius smiles. He feels like his world has been flipped over, and the knowledge of Remus' love for him fills him with a warmth he's never felt before in his life.
"I need time," Sirius whispers. "To get my head straight. But… I'd really like to take you out to dinner sometime. How about for your birthday next month?"
He watches Remus' face light up with hope, a beautiful smile appearing. He caused that, he brought that expression to Remus' face.
"A movie after, and maybe back to mine?" Sirius adds. "Because this… this feels right. I don't want to rush into anything right now because of the break-up, but… but… Moony, I would die for you. I would also… I would do anything for you, and… I would really like to take you out to dinner and see if there's something more to what we already are."
He moves closer to Remus, his fingers grasping Remus' hips.
"I think it could be very easy to fall in love with you, if I let myself," he adds softly, because he wants Remus to always look this happy. He wants Remus to look at him like this for the rest of their lives.
And Remus fills the space between them, crashing his lips against Sirius', and Sirius feels something he's never felt before. This is something that feels real, something that takes his breath away. Something that makes his heart pound in his chest.
He should push Remus away and give time between his heartbreak and this new, amazing thing.
But he knows deep down that this is different. Remus would never be a rebound because Remus is his life.
He grabs Remus and he pulls him closer. He's never going to let this moment end.
