Fifth year was just like any other for the most part was rather normal. That is, as normal as life can get for a fifteen, turning sixteen year old werewolf with friends who had just mastered the skill of being an animagus. So, ok, it wasn't that normal. But, we still did things that every other fifth year did, and one of them included taking the O.W.L.'s. I can't remember most of the test, but there was one thing that happened during the testing period I could never forget even if I tried.
Even though I was a prefect and had the authority to stand up against Sirius and James and their crazy antics, and yes they were getting crazier, I couldn't do it. I was chicken, afraid that if I told them what I thought they were doing was wrong that they would think I was lame and I would lose my best friends and be on my own, and the thought of trying to make new friends wasn't exactly high on my list of things I wanted to do.
I always said that I was going to start standing up for what I thought, but I never did. And most of the time it was little things and I just passed them off and forgot about them. But after our Defense Against the Dark Arts O.W.L. I saw something I knew was wrong and just sat there.
We had finished up and I was definitely feeling confident about my essay. After all, how could I go wrong with a question asking me to "Give five signs that identify a werewolf"? I don't think I could have gotten that wrong if I tried!
Finally, tiny Professor Flitwick called time on the test and my scroll left my possession to be graded. I just got up and went to join James, Sirius and Peter. Of course, the first thing anyone brought up was that question.
"Did you like question ten, Moony?" Sirius asked me.
"Loved it," I said with a bit of a smirk. "'Give five signs that identify a werewolf.' Excellent question."
"D'you think you managed to get all the signs?" James asked me, joking obviously.
"I think I did," I said with a nod as I tried being serious while we finally made it outside. "One: He's sitting in my chair. Two: He's wearing my clothes. Three: His name is Remus Lupin…"
We all laughed wildly at the joke, well, everyone except for Peter. He just went on about worrying about if he got them all. I just rolled my eyes and exchanged a look with Sirius as James harped on him for being stupid. Of course, my attention was drawn back to the pair once James brought up the "running around with a werewolf once a month."
"Keep your voice down," I said quietly as I looked at James. After all, I didn't need everyone in the whole bloody school knowing about what I really was.
We all headed across the grass and over to a nice shady tree near the lake. Of course we would sit there, Sirius and James could easily see the group of girls, which included Lily and her friends, who were sitting by the lake and it was under the shade. I had taken a seat and pulled out my transfiguration book to get some studying. James on the other hand was talking about a Snitch that he had nicked and was now showing off with. Sirius was lying out across the grass and watched the people outside, mostly the girls over by the lake that were giggling and having their feet in what I bet was rather cool water. Peter was just watching James play with the Snitch like it was the most amazing and entertaining thing in the world.
I couldn't help but roll my eyes at them, but I occasionally found myself looking over at the girls by the lake. Lily and her friends were there, so I immediately started scanning the nearby area for Rebecca. After all, she and Lily were friends, so I assumed that she would be over there with the group. I knew James was looking over, because if he hadn't noticed Lily there he wouldn't be showing off with the Snitch and running his hand through his hair messing it up more than it already was, if that was possible.
I kept trying to study, but Peter "oohing" and "ahhing" and clapping every bloody time James grabbed the Snitch was getting rather annoying. I was about to say something, but I didn't have to.
"Put that away will you?" Sirius said looking at James. "Before Wormtail wets himself from excitement."
I stifled a laugh as Peter slightly blushed. James on the other hand looked rather proud of himself as he put the Snitch back in his pocket.
"If it bothers you," he said.
I just nodded my head. James playing with the Snitch didn't bother me; it was more so the way Peter went on about it that was bothering me. I went back to reading but was soon distracted by a loud and long sigh from Sirius.
"I'm bored. I wish it was a full moon," he said as he looked around the grounds dully.
"You might," I muttered. I definitely was glad it wasn't a full moon. Something about a horribly painful forced transfiguration just didn't fall into my idea of a fun time. "You know, we've still got Transfiguration, if you're bored you could test me….here," I said as held out my book to Sirius.
Sirius just snorted and looked at me. "I don't need to look at that rubbish, I know it all," he said. I just took my book back quietly. Apparently him getting the hint that it would be really nice and he'd be being a great friend if he helped me study, since I certainly didn't know it all, just went right over his head. I sighed quietly to myself I went back to my studying. That was when all hell broke loose.
James poked Sirius to get his attention. "This'll liven you up Padfoot," he said quietly. "Look who it is…"
I didn't even have to look up to know who it had to have been walking nearby. There was no one else in the school that those two would have talked about like that…Snape.
Sirius turned and smirked ever so slightly. "Excellent," he said just as quietly. "Snivellus."
I once again sighed to myself. I knew trouble was coming. Snape showing up in the midst of Sirius telling James he was bored was definitely a cauldron with trouble brewing in it. It was like one of those potions that went wrong and adding one more ingredient will make it blow. Well, it was eminent that that last ingredient was going to be added.
I noticed Sirius and James getting up, where as Peter and I stayed seated. I kept looking at my book, trying hard not to look up at the trouble I knew was coming. I frowned some as I tried to focus, but my concern was suddenly not on studying for my Transfiguration O.W.L.
"All right Snivellus?" James called loudly. I almost winced as I heard these words. Why oh why did those two have to go pick on him? I would have understood if Snape had come over and done or said something, but the guy was just walking by! I'm not going to say I'm his biggest fan, or even fond of him, I actually dislike the guy a lot, but still. I at least have morals. I just fail miserably at trying to give them to Sirius and James.
As soon as he heard his name called, Snape didn't hesitate and pulled out his wand, only to be stopped by James shouting "Expelliarmus!" causing Snape's wand to fly out of his hand and making Sirius laugh.
"Impedimenta!" James added as Snape was brought down to the ground in the midst of a dive. I must admit, if it hadn't been such an unfair fight and was happening for a reason other than sure boredom it might have been mildly entertaining. But under the circumstances…this was just sad. I couldn't believe what bullies my two best friends actually were and for the first time I was actually seeing it for myself.
I knew perfectly well as a prefect I should have stopped the fight from the first spell that left James's mouth. But I was so worried about keeping my friends I just hid behind my book, hoping that no one noticed I was there, and if I tried to ignore it hard enough the whole situation would just go away.
I noticed more students gathering around the scene as Snape lay on the grass struggling as if he was bound by invisible ropes. James just kept glancing at the girls who were still by the lake. How he thought torturing Snape was gonna impress Lily I will never know. After all, she was normally the one yelling at James to be the bigger person and stop the nonsense.
"How'd the exam go Snivelly?" James asked.
"I was watching him. His nose was touching the parchment," Sirius answered for him and not in the kindest of tones either. "There'll be great grease marks all over it. They won't be able to read a word!"
I just sighed and shook my head as I heard several of the people around laughing at Sirius's comment. I'll admit that Snape was a rather greasy git, but that was a low blow. A low blow indeed.
"You-wait," Snape said as he looked up at James with pure hatred in his eyes. "You- wait…"
"Wait for what?" Sirius asked rather coolly. "What are you going to do Snivelly? Wipe your nose on us?"
More people started laughing, but Snape started to scream out a large array of swear words and hexes, which did nothing since he didn't have his wand.
"Was out your mouth," James said looking down at him, with out a single sign of compassion in his voice or his face. "Scourgify!"
Before anyone knew it, there were pink soap bubbles coming out of Snape's mouth which made him choke and gag. Now I definitely knew they went too far. Snape could really get hurt from that, he was choking for Merlin's sake! What would those two do if something really bad happened because of what they did? What would have happened to me if I didn't do anything…?
I grew nervous about my fate for sitting by idly, yet still I did nothing. I went back to trying to hide behind my book and block out the commotion. But I was once again pulled back into the action by a loud voice.
"Leave him alone!" Lily shouted. As if by magic the two looked over at her and James's hand immediately went to his hair.
"All right Evans?" James said, trying to sound smoother and mature now that he was talking to Lily.
"Leave him alone," Lily repeated. She was looking right at James and it wasn't a good look. "What's he done to you?"
"Well," James said looking at her. "It's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean."
I think almost everyone around except Lily and I laughed at that comment. I was still trying to make it look like I was reading, but I was peeking over the top of my book. By this point my stomach was wretched with guilt for letting them get this far. And I hadn't even tried to stop them; it was all Lily doing it.
"You think you're funny, but you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag Potter. Leave him alone," Lily said coolly to James.
"I will if you go out with me Evans," James said quickly. I couldn't help but let out one quick and quiet laugh. Boy did James have timing. Here Lily was yelling at him about how arrogant and giving him the ultimate death glare and he had the audacity to ask her out in the midst of it. "Go on…go out with me and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."
"I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid," Lily said. And she said it with such venom in her tone as well; the whole while looking at James like he was scum. Which, I couldn't blame her for at this point.
"Bad luck Prongs," Sirius said, keeping an upbeat tone about the situation. "OY!" Sirius called out, trying to get James's attention, since the whole time he was talking with Lily, Snape had managed to get up and get his wand back.
But by the time James noticed it was too late for him to stop Snape and he had a gash across his cheekbone, causing blood to get all over his robes.
James didn't hesitate and soon enough Snape was hanging upside down in the air. His robes had fallen over his head and everyone who was outside got to see his scrawny pale legs and his graying pair of underwear. Everyone in the crowd just started laughing hysterically and cheering for James. I just sank down further and hid behind my book more. I was actually embarrassed for Snape. I was embarrassed for my friends too. I mean James couldn't have planned on Snape not having anything under his robes…but still.
Lily looked absolutely furious though. But I could have sworn there was a split second when it looked as if she was going to smile. I mean, she may have come off as an uptight person, but she did have a sense of humor. She looked at James for a moment and sighed. "Let him down!"
"Certainly," James obliged most likely because it was Lily asking him. Snape fell into a pile on the ground. After a few moments he was on his feet and wand out.
"Locomotormortis!" Sirius said and Snape once again was down, this time rigid as a board.
"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Lily shouted. This time she got her own wand out and Sirius and James took notice.
"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you," James said seriously. I knew perfectly well James would never lay a wand on her though. You can't seriously hex a girl then still hold a hope that she would ever go out with you.
"Take the curse off him then," Lily retorted.
James just sighed rather loud and long to show his displeasure in honoring Lily's wishes. He finally looked at Snape and muttered the countercurse. "There you go," he said almost sadly. "You're lucky Evans was here Snivellus." I honestly believed James was right for once. If Lily hadn't showed up what would have happened to Snape? Would I have ever gotten brave enough to step in or would I have sat there until it was too late?
"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!" Snape spat as he looked at James then Lily.
Lily looked taken aback. She had this look on her face as if she just realized what a waste of time she had just spent on trying to get James to leave him alone. "Fine," she said coolly. "I won't bother in the future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus." Now it was my turn to look taken aback. I had never heard Lily refer to him as Snivellus before, but she just had now.
James on the other hand still looked mad as hell about the words Snape dared to speak about his beloved Lily. "Apologize to Evans!" James said menacingly to Snape. He had his wand pointed out threateningly at him and I feared that round two of James versus Snape was about to begin, and this time Lily wouldn't be standing up for Snape.
"I don't want you to make him apologize," Lily said loudly as she looked right at him now. "You're just as bad as he is!"
"What!" James said looking surprised. "I'd NEVER call you a- you-know-what!"
Lily didn't look amused and I started getting worried that it wouldn't be round two with James versus Snape anymore. No, it was going to be a down and dirty fight between James and Lily now, which if you asked me was going to be rather one sided since James would never say a bad word about her let alone lay a wand on her.
"Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can – I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it! You make me SICK!"
With that said the crowd grew silent. Some people stood there and looked at their feet or the sky trying to avoid looking at the quarreling couple, others started to walk away. And that's what Lily did after giving James a cold hard stare. She turned and walked away rather quickly.
"Evans!" James called out after her, trying to get her to come back, or at least get her attention. "Hey, EVANS!" But Lily never looked back, and I didn't blame her. I would have killed to have been able to sneak out of there. I would have liked to get out a long time ago, but I just sat and hid like the chicken I was.
I would have thought after Lily came and stopped James from bothering Snape that he and Sirius would have settled down for the afternoon and calm down some. But I was wrong, it only got worse. And I sat there and just let it happen. I just sat there the entire time pretending to be studying when in actuality I was just hiding behind my Transfiguration book as James and Sirius continued their embarrassing harassment of Snape for the remainder of the afternoon.
I knew then what they were doing was wrong, but I know now even more so what I had done was wrong. I shouldn't have just sat there doing nothing. I was supposed to be a Gryffindor damnit! Gryffindor's were supposed to display courage and bravery and all I did was hide behind that damn book the entire time, wishing they would stop on their own, hoping the event would just disappear if I ignored it enough. I now know that me just sitting there, letting the events play out was more of a cruel punishment to Snape than what James and Sirius were doing to them. Why? I could have stopped the whole thing from happening and then he never would have been embarrassed at all.
But, I didn't stop them. I was more worried about myself and keeping my friends than doing what was right and now I have to live with the guilt. From that moment on I had a hard time looking Snape in the eyes. It would be years before I came to terms with my guilt and just accept the fact that what I did was wrong and that we were just being immature boys. Of course, that's no excuse for what happened that day, it's just, something I try and tell myself to feel a little better about the whole mess.
