I still don't own Chuck. I'm not sure who does at this point.
Warning: There is some fairly explicit discussion of Chuck and Sarah's sex life.
I do think this has a foundation in canon. What happened on Sarah's mission with the Giles character in Pink Slip?
I would still appreciate your comments. The worst thing for an author is silence. You can't tell if you're connecting with your readers, if they're getting where you think the story is going or not. And those comments don't have to be praise. Of course, I'd be lying if I tried to say that I don't enjoy the praise. But I actually learn more from the critical comments. Just as long as you're respectful and allow me to respond, you can say anything.
A Different Type of Couple
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"I'm such a bitch."
The door was barely closed. Chuck could only stare at her, fighting to keep her composure. "Don't call yourself that," he pleaded.
"It's true," Sarah said. "I was so… heartbroken… so pissed at you. I have a confession to make. I lied to you in the car. I'm embarrassed. I specifically asked for this mission because I knew that a ton of sex would be required and I hoped you would find out. I would lie in bed at night and imagine you were staked out naked on an ant hill… and that was too good for you. As it turned out, you were right all along. You saved me. I've fucked this all up. All me. I've gotten us into this mess… all out of childish spite. You have all of these problems because of me and the stupid, stupid decisions I made."
Chuck knew all about Sarah's reasons. Carina had fully briefed him. Even so, her admission was a very good sign. He sat on the bed and pulled her next to him. "Maybe," he admitted. "But there is something else I have because of you. I have you. As long as that's true, nothing else matters. It is true, isn't it?"
Sarah couldn't keep her lip from quivering. Finally she buried her head into his shoulder to keep from breaking down. "I'm so sorry that you still think you have to ask me that," she said. "The question borders on ridiculous… and yet you don't know. My hang-ups are hurting you. You're always thinking that you're not that guy. But you are that guy. Not only that, you're my guy. Chuck, Carina was right. The truth is that it's me that wants this far more than you. It always has been. But Carina's also right about some other things. Let's see if nothing else matters to you when we're in the middle of an orgy with Gilles's gang."
Chuck tightened his hold around her. "About that," he said. "Honestly, not my first choice. But I knew what I was getting with you from day one. You may look like the girl next door. But you're so much more. You're an amazing badass. You've dedicated your life to something larger and were willing to do whatever it took. How could I possibly not fall in love with that amazing woman? I decided a long, long time ago that if she would ever allow me to share, even a little of that life, that I was getting a great deal, a far better one than I had any right to hope for. I prayed for the chance that I'm getting right now. I'm not going to allow any petty jealousy to ruin it. Carina is confident that this can work out. I think we owe her the chance to show us how."
"I really don't have a choice," Sarah sighed. "Beckman was pretty clear. It's either I make this work or she's going to try me for treason."
"Will you please stop talking in terms of I… me?" Chuck pleaded. "It's now us. We're in this together. I know you're uncomfortable talking about feelings and commitment. I won't press you on that now. But that's what us means, isn't it? No matter what happens, I'm going to be standing beside you. For me, that means forever. It would help me a lot if I knew…"
As romantically stunted as Sarah was, even she knew that the moment screamed for her to reassure him. She was dying to tell him that she loved him… that she had for a long, long time… that this was forever for her too. After all, it was absolutely true. He deserved to hear it. He was right. It would help him get through this a little. She just couldn't get the words past her lips. So she settled for half… and hoped he would understand the rest. "Agreed," she said. "I know that you worry. You shouldn't. I'm going to be standing beside you, too, no matter what happens."
They just stayed like that, holding each other for a long time. "Let's make a deal," Chuck finally suggested. "I'm never going to be comfortable treating you as a sex toy. We'll draw a line. When we're on a mission, it's just sex. It's meaningless. When we're alone, we make love. We reserve that exclusively for each other and guard it fanatically. Deal?"
Sarah turned her face up to him for a brief kiss. Well, she intended for it to be brief anyway. It didn't exactly work out that way. "No deal," she said. She quickly responded to his surprised look with a smile. "I get that you're not going to be comfortable with this. Carina is going to push us. But you need to understand something. Whatever sexual thing we ever do, for the rest of our lives, no matter how it happens… if it's you that demands it or me that seduces you… if we're alone or in a crowded room… it's, by definition, us making love. The crowded room isn't my first choice either, but it doesn't matter. To me you're going to be the only person there. It may sound odd, but I'm looking forward to not having to constantly be the seducer here. You being aggressive and giving me tasks is exciting. You'll see in my eyes how excited I am. Maybe it will show you the depths of how I really feel about you when my words fail me."
So now the kissing was well into making out territory. "You're not going to be getting many firsts from me," Sarah said softly when they simply had to come up for air. "But here is one. You're the first man I'm ever going to make love with. You're also going to be the last. I honestly think you're getting cheated. But don't hold back. Let me show you how I feel about you."
If Chuck noticed that she had just made a forever commitment, and how could he not, he didn't call her on it.
"I'm such an idiot," Sarah sighed. "I never should have volunteered for this mission. Carina's right. I don't know what I'm doing. I suck at this. I'm much better at kicking the bad guys in the head."
"I've seen that," Chuck agreed. "There's a line of unconscious bad guys from here to Washington as further evidence. But um, not to be indelicate. If I tell you that it looked like you were sucking pretty good, will you hit me again?"
Sarah busted out into an indecorous giggle that brought a gradually growing smile to Chuck's face. "Very funny, Chuck. I blame you for all of this."
"Me?" Chuck asked in faux innocence. "Why me? Because I never offered to help you practice? I'm sorry about that. I thought about it a few times. I didn't think that would go well. I'm here for you now… um… in case you want to… um… practice."
"You're really asking for it," Sarah said, still helplessly giggling as she threw a playful elbow into his ribs. "Did Giles tell you why I had to do that in the first place?"
"No, but he was eager to show me the video feed," Chuck said. "He was too busy bragging how you could, I think he said, 'suck a golf ball through a garden hose', and that you'd prove it any time you were asked. By the gleam in his eye, I suspect that it's something that's burned into his permanent memory."
"Probably," Sarah reluctantly agreed. "But I was daydreaming about the time in your bedroom after Ellie's rehearsal dinner. I called out your name when he was… um. I had to do something to get him over being pissed."
"Nice thinking," Chuck teased sarcastically. "That night just reminds me of how much I hate Beckman. Her timing sucks… no pun intended. Again, not to be indelicate. He gets pissed at you today and you give him… um… a really good time. I get pissed at you today and you slapped me. He's obviously a lot smarter than I am. Tell me what I'm doing wrong."
Somehow, Sarah managed to turn a frown into an impish smile. If she could undo one thing… "That's because I didn't have to worry about you killing me," she temporized. "I'm very sorry that I hit you. That was over the line. If you were after me giving you a really good time, it was a heroic try." She then softly snorted. "Reckless, but really, really impressive. Calling out another man's name isn't really the thing to do on a mission. I'll tell you what. I'll scream out Bryce's name the next time we're making love and then spend some time getting you over being pissed."
Sarah could tell right away that she had said the wrong thing. "Chuck," she said softly. "I was just teasing. I'm sorry. I guess I'm not that funny."
"Don't be sorry," Chuck said. "It was funny. Can I tell you something?"
"Of course."
"When I was watching that video today, I wasn't jealous at all… not even a little bit. Partly because Carina had warned me what to expect. I felt bad for you because you had volunteered for a mission under false pretenses. So you were stuck doing something so disgusting with that creep. But I wasn't upset. It's a sacrifice that spies make. But you and Bryce… that does make me jealous. At some level, it probably always will. I know that it's childish. He's dead. All I can picture is you on that video, doing that with Bryce. It must have happened… you telling him that you love him afterwards. I'm sorry. But there it is."
"It never happened," Sarah said. "Not like that anyway. Your imagination is telling you something that isn't true." Sarah considered how much to say. It would be silly to deny that she had ever gone downtown with Bryce. She had a few times. It was the thing in the bedroom that he wanted most, begged for it constantly.
This probably wasn't the best moment for a blow-by-blow of their sex life. But it wasn't at all what he was imagining. When it came to Bryce, she was kinda a bitch with him. In retrospect, she regretted some of that. She used sex as a reward… made him earn it on missions. The few times it happened, she made damn sure that he knew she was paying off and wasn't happy about it. It was nothing like her performance with Giles. She did the bare minimum required and got it over with as soon as possible. And she sure as hell didn't tell him anything afterwards, especially not that she loved him. She was in the bathroom with a bottle of mouthwash.
Chuck would be so different, night and day. It would be something that she looked forward too. She wouldn't perform a task for him, it'd just be one of the ways that she'd make love with him. She would go slow and stretch it out for him as long as she possibly could. She'd smile sweetly and tell him what a good time she was having… and she'd mean every word of it. Maybe she wouldn't tell him that she loved him afterwards with words. That would be hard for her. But her contented smile would say it loud and clear. "It'll be different with you," she settled for saying. "A lot better. You'll see."
Chuck nodded.
"And for the record," Sarah said. "I know what you heard me say. I was hurt. I was lashing out. It even helped with the mark. But I'm mortified that you watched that stupid video."
"Okay," Chuck said. "It wasn't the highlight of my day either."
"We have a huge problem," Sarah continued. "Internally, you compare yourself to Bryce. You always have. Amazingly you think somehow you come up short. I can probably tell you that you're wrong until I'm blue in the face and it won't matter. Bryce had too much ego. He liked to pretend that I was in love with him. I'll admit that I allowed him to think that. It made things easier. But in his heart he knew that it wasn't really true. After he saw us together for ten minutes, he knew for certain that I was head over heels in love with you. I get that you're jealous, but, Chuck, not half as much as he was. It drove him a little crazy. Honestly you're frustrating me a little. I try to hide it, but everybody we know can look at my face and is certain that I'm desperately in love with you. They make fun of me about how lovesick I am… even people like Ellie and Carina who would be impossible to fool. Yet you seem to have doubts. You're the only one who doesn't seem to know. You have too little ego. We have to fix that somehow."
Sarah paused to gather herself. "You have some stupid, stupid idea that you're my second choice," she continued. "You're allowing the fact that I struggle saying it to convince you that this isn't real. That makes me feel horrible. Here's the truth. It's almost the exact opposite. I struggle because I can never find the words that describe how intensely I feel about you. If I ever did find the right words, it would probably freak you out. 'I love you' seems almost an insult. It doesn't come close to describing how I feel. It seems like something a teenager would say on her third date."
Sarah ghosted her hand over his pants. "You don't realize how much I'm looking forward to seeing what magical things you can do with this… how I've daydreamed about showing you how I really feel about you every day for the past two years… and how different it would be than that video you watched. What are we going to do about that?"
"I can probably think of something," Chuck said. "Since you struggle with words."
Sarah smiled. "I'm sure that you could," she said. "It's most definitely going to happen tonight… several times. But we need to talk first. Carina expects you to be standing at attention in the morning. She wasn't kidding. If I know her, she's going to have us in every position known to man. She's surely going to get around to having me on my knees, showing her that I can smile while I'm doing for you what I did for Giles, probably sooner rather than later."
"That bitch."
There was the amazing thing about Chuck Bartowski, he could always make her laugh. "Tell me about it," Sarah said, as soon as she could get the words out through her giggles. "Chuck, I know her. The drill sergeant routine is an act."
"If it's an act, then she's a great actress."
"She is a great actress," Sarah agreed. "But she's risking a ton here. She's just trying to get us through this. Don't let her Casey act fool you. She's rooting for us more than anybody… well, except maybe for me."
"I know," Chuck said. "Trust me. Our first couple of days together were pretty tense. She wasn't very happy and she wasn't bashful about letting me know. I got the full lecture on how I had broken your heart and what she was going to do to me if I ever hurt you like that again."
Sarah was smiling. "If you ever hurt me like that again, there's not going to be enough left of you for Carina to deal with," she teased. "I can't go through that again. Chuck, I can't."
"I know," Chuck said sadly. "I never meant to break your heart. That's the last thing I wanted to do."
Sarah looked at him for a long moment. "Enough with the guilt," she said. "You've made mistakes. I've made bigger mistakes. It's over… time to start fresh. The good news is that all of this has made me realize just how much I missed you. We've wasted two years. We're a couple now… maybe a different type of couple… but in a truly wonderful way."
"Can I ask you a question?" he asked. "I'm not trying to put pressure on you. But we're talking about permanent things. Are we ever going to get married?"
At least that got her smiling again. "Not the most romantic proposal, was it?" Sarah teased. She leaned over to kiss him. "That's important to you, isn't it?" she asked. "I'll be honest. It's not that important to me. We're always going to be together. That's all that matters to me. What exactly did you think I meant when I asked you to run away with me? If you want to have an official ceremony someday, fine. Ellie would like that. I'm too happy to quibble. We currently have a bigger problem."
Chuck was surprised. "A bigger problem?" he asked.
Sarah was laughing. "We've been necking hot and heavy for the past half hour," she said. "That's not even counting the back seat of Carina's car. You're still internally deciding if you're allowed to put your hand on my chest. How are you possibly going to demand lurid sex acts from me in public when you won't even feel me up in private? Even when my body is begging for it? Can you seriously not tell how on fire I am? I want to throw you on this bed, rip your clothes off, and have my way with you a half dozen times. If I could, I'd do exactly that. But that doesn't help our current situation. Sweetie, Carina's not kidding. If you can't do this, she is going to think of something else… like maybe her and me going back without you. Trust me. We don't want that."
Chuck sighed. "That's going to be the hardest part for me," he said. "I honestly worship you. You're my best friend. Sex is important, but of all the things I love about you, sex isn't at the top of the list. I really don't want to start our sex life like this."
Sarah spent a long time trying to blink away the tears. "I know," she finally said. "I get that. It's wonderful… something I've been looking forward to for a long time. Why do you think that I was so devastated in Prague? Just for a future point of reference, if you're trying to talk me out of ripping your clothes off, I'm afraid that you're heading in the wrong direction. But here is what you're missing. I honestly worship you ten times as much. You've changed me in so many ways. You've given me a wonderful gift that I never expected to ever have… a future… with you. So now my main want is that we have a sex life of any kind. For now anyway, I trust you completely to drive it. Whatever you would demand, I'll be on fire giving it to you. That is incredibly exciting for me. I know without question that you're going to make sure I'm well taken care of. In fact, your main job is going to be to turn some of that off when we're on assignment. Whatever I get out of those times have to be a byproduct. Fortunately, that's going to be easy. So why don't we give it a try? I'll make you a deal. Get us through this assignment alive… and we'll have a wedding."
Chuck nodded. "Will you strip for me?" he asked.
Sarah shook her head. "Nope," she said. "Not when you ask nicely. Not tonight anyway. Make no mistake. I would love to strip for you. It's something I've been trained to be good at. I'm on fire at the very thought. I'm sitting here barely able to complete a coherent sentence. Normally you wouldn't have to ask twice. I'm going to enjoy it more than you are. It's one of those seduction things that I'm going to plan and do on my own pretty often without you asking. I bought something like twenty negligees to surprise you on our first few nights together. Stripping is far too tame of a word for what is going to happen. My mission will be to put on a show that will have your tongue on the floor. But tonight you have to demand. Otherwise I'm not doing anything."
That finally got a smile. "You win," Chuck said. "I command you to tell me that you love me."
That got them both laughing. "Nice try," Sarah said as soon as she could get the words out. "I thought that we agreed. You would tell me with words. I'll tell you with actions."
"Okay," Chuck said. "I'll play. Let's see some of those actions. Strip for my amusement. Make it slow and sexy. Give me a show."
Sarah was already standing and swaying to some imaginary music with a beaming smile. "Yes, sir," she said. "Now you're talking." He said to go slow. The problem was, with the dress Carina picked out, one snap behind her neck and it was quickly pooled at her feet. That left her in only stockings, heels, and panties. As much as he didn't think so, she'd been studying him practically every minute for the past two years. She had an idea of what he would find sexy. That's why she picked the rust colored stockings. It was just a guess that he'd probably want her to keep them and the heels… but it was a pretty good one. So the only thing she could go slowly with was the panties. Fortunately, she had long legs. As soon as she stepped out of them, she nodded. "What would you like me to do next?" she asked. "If you're not sure, I have some suggestions."
Wow. He had seen her naked just a few hours ago. He had watched her star in an explicit sex tape. But that was nothing. This was ten times sexier. When Sarah wanted to, she could plainly turn into a sexy goddess. The night after the rehearsal dinner had been pretty dark. This was in the afternoon. The room was fully lit. So here he was… staring at the most beautiful woman in the word as she posed provocatively for him, making zero effort to hide any of her amazing body from his eyes, her calm smile wordlessly telling him that she was enjoying this just as much as he was and that this view was now one of his fundamental rights. And Chuck knew without it being said. Bryce had never seen this. Giles certainly was never going to see it. This look was reserved for him.
Best of all, the love of his life had just gone way out of her way to make sure he understood that they were forever. All Chuck could do was to thank his lucky stars for the wonderful way his life had turned on a dime. He wanted to throw her on the bed and jump on her. But he also wanted to send a message. So he patted the bed next to him. "I think we'll neck for a while longer before we… um, proceed," he said.
Sarah couldn't keep the disappointed look from her face as she sat next to him. "You're in charge tonight," she said as soon as the first kiss broke. "I get that. I'll obey with a smile. I appreciate how hard this is for you. At least you finally have your hand on my chest. I suppose that's progress. I understand that you want to go slow. But it's been two years. Going slow… okay, but this borders on ridiculous. Just in case this factors at all into your decision making, I just want to let you know… I've never felt like this before… ever. If you have any mercy in your heart, you'll do something about that… soon."
Chuck grinned at the need in her voice. "Don't worry," he said as he plopped backwards on the bed pulling her with him. "I understand the role. I think you can count on me doing something about it imminently. I just need to work into this. I think that you can count on some serious tasks tonight."
"Let's just see where this goes and have as much fun with it as we can."
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