"I don't know and I don't care," the robot replied.
The cargo bay was spacious and clean. The passenger quarters featured soundproof walls and automatically folding beds. The lounge was furnished with a leather couch, a refrigerator, and even a dishwasher. Everything about the ship's interior reflected the latest developments in human-centered design. "I hate it," grumbled Zoidberg. "Everything's so square. There's no room for scuttling."
"Maybe you'll change your opinion when you see the medical bay," said Zapp.
He and Zoidberg climbed down the inter-deck stairway to find the sickbay, which had been built with a pleasantly rectangular shape to accommodate the many beds. "Hooray!" exclaimed the lobster. "Here I can comfortably scuttle from one patient to another. And what's this?" He flipped a wall switch with his claw, and a short man with unruly hair, a black goatee, and a white smock appeared. "An emergency medical hologram, maybe?"
"Hi, everybody!" said the grinning holographic doctor.
"Why, it's Dr. Nick Riviera," said Zoidberg, "the inventor of the suicide booth."
"Hi, Dr. Nick," said Zapp.
"At your service," said the hologram. "I am programmed to offer medical assistance in case the ship's medical officer should meet with an unfortunate accident."
"That would be him," said Zoidberg, waving his claw at Zapp.
On the bridge, Fry and Leela were buckling themselves into the Corinthian leather chairs. "Zoidberg's got Zapp distracted in sickbay," said Leela. "If I take off now, he won't get a chance to ask why it looks like Fry's piloting the ship."
She punched a few buttons on the control stick, and the ship began to rise. The rumbling and quivering that commonly occurred when launching the old ship were gone; the antigrav boosters made the takeoff feel like riding an elevator. "Warning," droned Raven's computer voice. "Impulse engines will engage in five seconds. Four…three…"
"We're leaving already?" marveled Zapp.
"Brace yourself," said Zoidberg. "Grab on to something."
As the rockets flared and the ship trembled, Zapp threw his arms around Zoidberg and squeezed tightly. Bender, who was in the lavatory expelling his used robot oil, stretched his arms and pressed firmly against the walls. Lying in bed, Amy pushed a button to activate a confinement field to hold herself in place.
Raven lurched forward and sped toward the stratosphere, the sudden G-forces knocking Zapp and Zoidberg off their feet. "What did you grab me for?" asked the lobster as he pulled himself up from the sickbay floor.
"Kif wasn't available," said Zapp, shrugging.
They passed through the section of the atmosphere that formerly housed the ozone layer, and found themselves in open space. "Escape velocity achieved," said Raven. "Switching to automatic pilot. Estimated time of arrival at destination: four days, five hours, thirty-two minutes. Enjoy your trip."
Leela smiled with satisfaction. "Now let's switch seats before Zapp comes back," she recommended.
Fry unfastened his shoulder straps, and the odd sensation in his chest went away. "You know, Leela," he said, standing up, "maybe we should tell Zapp the truth about our body switch."
"Why's that?" said Leela.
"Well, he is stuck on the ship with us for the next four days. Imagine how weirded out he'll be if he has to pass the whole time knowing that Fry's really Leela and Leela's really Fry."
Leela grinned as she sank into the pilot's seat. "That's a great idea," she remarked. "Up to now he's made us uncomfortable, so perhaps it's time to turn the tables."
Even without relativistic effects, minutes seemed to drag on like hours over the course of the long faster-than-light voyage. Gathered around a table in the lounge, Amy, Zoidberg, Zapp, and Bender amused themselves by playing the board game Monopolypse.
"Ha!" exulted Amy. "You've landed on Ventnor Avenue. That's occupied by my militia!"
Zoidberg groaned and clawed over ten trillion dollars in Hyperinflated Currency.
"Ah, Community Chest," said Zapp, drawing a card from the pile. "Found medical supplies. Two hundred billion, plus immunity against next plague."
"Those supplies should be mine, they should," complained Zoidberg.
"My turn," said Bender, rolling the dice. "One…two…three…aww, mannn!"
"Go directly to the Radioactive Crater," said Zapp triumphantly. "You won't get out of there until one of us rolls a six or twelve."
"Not again!" Bender pouted. "I hate losing! I hate hate hate hate losing!"
"Spleesh, Bender," said Amy. "It's only a game. It's not like you're really in 23rd-century Atlantic City."
Meanwhile, Leela and Fry lay together on the bed in Fry's quarters, staring thoughtfully at the ceiling. "Tell me, Fry," said Leela without turning her head, "what do you like best about my body?"
"Hmm," said Fry. "Nobody's ever asked me that before. If I had to pick a favorite part, I'd say…your neck."
"Why my neck?" Leela asked him. "Why not my boobs, or my…"
"My own neck pops when I turn it too far," was Fry's response. "Then it pops when I turn it forward again. Your neck isn't like that."
"Really," said Leela, who promptly began to turn Fry's neck in an effort to make it pop.
"I have a question for you now," said Fry seriously.
"Let's hear it," said Leela.
Fry breathed deeply before speaking. "If you want a baby so badly, why have you never said anything?"
Leela's eyes widened. "A baby? Who says I want a baby?"
"Your body does." Fry closed his eye and sighed. "All I have to do is imagine myself with a cuddly little baby in my arms…"
"Knock it off, Fry," said Leela. Suddenly she heard Fry's cell phone ringing in her pocket. "Hello?" she spoke into it.
"Hey, Fry," came a familiar voice. "It's Mildred."
"Huh?" said Leela in surprise. "I didn't know I could get cell phone calls in space."
"Maybe you can't," said Mildred, "but I can, ever since I upgraded my calling plan."
"Excuse me, Fry," said Leela, climbing out of the bed.
She continued the exchange with Mildred outside the doorway. "What are you calling about?" she asked.
"I just wanted to see how you're doing," was the girl's reply. "I stopped by the Planet Express HQ, and the robot maid told me you were on a long space voyage."
"Uh-huh," said Leela disinterestedly.
"I figured you were probably bored," Mildred went on, "so I thought I'd call you and try to knock things up a notch."
"Could you please repeat that?" said Leela. "There's some static on the line."
"That's funny," said Mildred. "I don't hear any static." She raised her voice. "Can you hear me now?"
Back in the lounge, Zapp was preparing to move his playing piece (a tiny armored tank) when something very disturbing happened. Hello, Captain Brannigan, uttered the strange voice in his head.
He nearly knocked over the game board when he bolted to his feet. What the hell? I thought I'd be rid of you in outer space!
"Zapp, what's wrong?" inquired Amy.
No, I'm still with you, said the voice. And in view of what you're about to come up against, I strongly suggest that you accept my help.
To be continued
