I still don't own Chuck. I'm not sure who does at this point.
Here's the deal. I'm at a disadvantage writing about this event. I've never seen Fake Name. I was out of town on business the night it aired and was at a dinner. When I got back, I read all of the people screaming on the forums and decided to not watch it. So it's been sitting on my hard drive for approaching eight years… unwatched. I'm pretty sure it will go another eight. I have no desire.
Ask yourself… how incredible is that? Who is a bigger Chuck junkie than I am? I've spent more time on Chuck forums than I have sleeping. I've scoured the Internet for ten years looking for any tidbit or spoiler I could find. There is a brand new episode on my hard drive that just needs to be clicked.
I say that's a one person testament to how lazy and horrible the writing was. In talking to many of you over the years, I'm clearly not alone. Sarah telling Shaw her real name after making such a point of refusing to tell Chuck anything personal, is so basically out of character, unbelievable, and over the top manipulative that it becomes almost cartoonish. Not only wasn't it ever resolved, it was an obvious gratuitous shot between the eyes of anyone who rooted for them. It's stunning that they went to such lengths to make the characters we were supposed to be rooting for, so dislikeable. Why would you do that? What other business can you name that so blatantly takes such a cheap shot at its most loyal customers? It's basically that attitude that accounts for why the show is not on the air today. It's why we got the finale ending that we did.
And Sam? Sam? Her name is Sam? Really? Is it short for Samantha? There are many examples of wishing I was a fly on the wall in that writer's room. Who came up with the idea to call her Sam? Why not Fred? Or my personal favorite, Bill?
I would still appreciate your comments. Maybe you saw the episode and there is something that makes this better that I'm overlooking.
The worst thing for an author is silence. You can't tell if you're connecting with your readers, if they're getting where you think the story is going or not. And those comments don't have to be praise. Of course, I'd be lying if I tried to say that I don't enjoy the praise. But I actually learn more from the critical comments. Just as long as you're respectful and allow me to respond, you can say anything.
The Fake Name
x-x-x-x-x
Sarah Walker was in the very last place she ever thought she would be… ever really, but especially this afternoon… standing in a jewelry store looking at engagement rings. Frankly, this was a formality she would have skipped. They had the engagement ring from their Suburbs mission sitting on a shelf. What was the point anyway? A spy couldn't ever wear an engagement ring on a mission. It was on page one of the Seduction School manual. How could she ever flirt with a mark in a bar when the mission called for him to be distracted while wearing an engagement ring? Chuck insisted. He was adamant that they not tell Ellie they were engaged without being able to show her a ring. He sounded so insulted about the idea of using the CIA prop that she quickly dropped it.
Sarah honestly wasn't paying all that much attention. She could feel her palms sweating… was fighting to keep from running away. She shouldn't be here. This was a place for other girls… the ones who deserved it. She kept waiting for someone to point at her and scream for her to get out. We don't want your kind here. But no one did. It barely registered as Chuck and the store clerk calmly discussed various rings, the designs, the diamond cuts. Sarah couldn't care less about such things. She wanted to pick the first one she saw and get this over with.
Then she saw it.
It wasn't the most expensive ring in the case, but it certainly wasn't the cheapest either. Chuck held the box out to her. "Do you like this one?" he asked?
Sarah had to admit, when it came to rings anyway, Chuck had excellent taste. It was perfect. She finally found her voice. "It's so beautiful," she said. "But it's too expensive."
Then he did it. Chuck pulled the ring out of the box and placed it on her finger… and the epiphany hit. It barely registered that the clerk was holding her hand and fiddling with it. She told Chuck that the size was good, maybe just a quarter notch too big… that they could bring it back and have it resized for free. Silly girl… this was her engagement ring… it was never coming off her finger again. Whatever that meant for flirting missions in bars… too fucking bad.
Sarah could feel the tears filling her eyes as she vacantly watched her fiancé hand the clerk a credit card. Suddenly she could see his look of concern. "Sarah," Chuck said. "Is something wrong? Is there another ring you want?"
Sarah knew full well that he was getting cheated. Anyone could see that. This amazing man deserved this life moment with a normal girl… not a burnt out, messed up shell. But she also knew in her heart that it didn't matter to him, that he knew exactly what he was doing when he dragged her in here. It was probably the best feeling in the entire world. If she tried to answer, her blubbering would quickly cause a scene. She just buried her head in his shoulder. "Nothing is wrong," she said. "It's perfect. We're getting married. Oh my God, Chuck, we're really getting married."
All Chuck could do was to hold her, allow her to cling to him, and regain her composure. The clerk was grinning as she handed Chuck the receipt. "Engagement ring shock," she explained. "It happens all the time. This is the first time it seems real."
So now Chuck was grinning back. Of all the emotions he ever expected to see from Sarah, whatever engagement ring shock was, it was pretty far down the list. He rubbed her back softly and allowed her to softly sob for a moment. "We really are," he finally said.
"I love you, Chuck."
Sarah kept waiting for someone… Dad, Casey, Carina, anyone… to pop in the door to start making fun of her… to have a jolly time laughing at her first lovesick schoolgirl gushy admission. But Chuck did the opposite. He squeezed her tight. "I know that was hard for you," he said. "That's why it means so much. I love you too."
"Let's go tell Ellie."
x-x-x-x-x
Ellie sat in her office. It was a major battle to get the penny pincher paper pushers at the hospital to give her one. Most of the doctors worked at multiple hospitals and they also had a private practice someplace. That's where their office was. Ellie worked full time at the hospital. So when she finally saw her name on the door, it was one of the highlights of her career. Of course the name still said Bartowski and that hadn't been her name for a couple of months now. Every time she complained, she was told that the new nameplate had been ordered. It clearly wasn't a management priority.
Actually, the office was pretty small. Devon made fun of how much time she spent decorating it. After all, she didn't spend much time in here. Working in an E.R. there was always the next patient to see. That's simply the way the world worked.
But when Chuck texted that he was coming by, Ellie made it a point to be here waiting for him. She hadn't seen him… well, she couldn't remember the last time. It must have been at the wedding. She worried about him ever since hearing the horrible news about Sarah. His last breakup had him dysfunctional for years. And Sarah was far different than Jill. She was the one. Those two kids were meant for each other. You could see it in their eyes.
So when he popped his head in the door, the first thing that struck her was that he had cut his hair. Wow... an adult haircut. But the second thing was his grin. He didn't look heartbroken like she expected. "Hi, sis," he said.
Ellie was confused… for a second. But when he entered the room his grin was quickly explained. Sarah followed him holding his hand. Her grin might have even been bigger. "I thought that you two broke up?" she asked. "You're back together?"
Chuck nodded. "We're together," he said. "But I'm afraid it's a little more complicated than that."
Ellie inwardly sighed. When it came to these two, complicated was the last thing she wanted to hear. They had spent two full years of complicated. Every single day was filled with complicated. It was frustrating. This wasn't complicated. They were just making it complicated. It was ridiculously obvious that they were in love. Yet their 'will they, won't they' act was becoming tiresome. Then again, both faces were lit up like Christmas trees. Something was up. They were plainly looking at each other trying to decide who would tell her the newest complication.
Finally Sarah couldn't stand it any longer. She held out her left hand. "Ellie, we're engaged," she said.
Ellie couldn't believe her ears. It was too much to hope for… at least so soon. But that huge rock on Sarah's finger couldn't be denied. She could already feel the tears filling her eyes. She couldn't decide who to grab first. Sarah, being closest, got the full brunt of her happy embrace. Instantly she knew for sure that this was real. Her relationship with Sarah had always been friendly… but something was always off. Chuck always told her that it was that Sarah was uncomfortable with affection. Yet, she realized that Sarah was squeezing her back just as hard as she was… and that was pretty hard. "I'm so happy," she said.
"No kidding?" Chuck sarcastically teased his sister. "Are you two hugging? Or wrestling?"
That got them all laughing. When Sarah finally pulled back, it was plain that she had happy tears as well. "I'm happy too," she said.
Fortunately for Chuck, his hug was less intense and only lasted a second or two. "So what changed?" Ellie asked.
Ellie's question was mostly directed at Chuck, so she was surprised when Sarah answered. "I was a bitch," she said. She was maybe answering Ellie, but she was also facing Chuck. "I'm sorry," she quickly added. "I know that you don't like the word. But it's true. Here's the honest truth. I didn't believe in love. I didn't. It was something that men said to get your panties in their pocket. They didn't mean it. The first time things got tough, they wouldn't let the door bang them in the ass. And if love did exist, it was for other girls… normal ones like you. So when I started feeling things I couldn't explain, it confused me. Chuck can confirm that I don't handle that kind of thing well. What was it exactly that he wanted from me? He plainly wasn't after my panties. I didn't know what to do. I was terrified. So I kept this nice, sweet, simply perfect man on the hook, just giving him enough to keep him around, but never really giving in to the feeling. If that's not a bitch, I don't know what is."
Sarah paused for a moment to gather her composure. "I played with this amazing man's heart for two years," she continued. "It wasn't until we broke up that I couldn't deny it any longer. Love existed… and it sucked. I was miserable, wished I'd never been born. I did things I never would have done, things I knew would hurt him, all out of spite. He'd be well within his rights if he told me to go to hell and never stopped to look back."
Sarah paused again to sigh. "But that's not Chuck, is it?" she said. "He never stopped loving me… even when I was being a bitch. And, Ellie, here's the amazing thing. All I had to do was admit the plainly obvious, that I loved him too, and everything changed. Could it have possibly been that easy? He didn't even make me say the words because he knew that would be hard for me and was being sweet about it."
Finally Sarah paused again, but this time it was to smile. "Now I find that I want to say the words," she said. "For the only time in my life, I'm in love… with an incredible man… one who is far too good for me. Can you believe it? In an instant, I went from miserable to floating on a cloud. So that's where I'm at right now… up on that cloud. He wants a wedding. Frankly, that's not important to me. I think right now we're already as together forever as we'll ever be. But here is my new vow. Whatever Chuck wants from me, Chuck gets… anything… anytime… no questions asked. I get that he doesn't quite believe that yet. He has two long years of miserable experience that tells him it's not true. I'm going to spend every breath for the rest of my life proving it to him… and to you. Chuck wants you and me to get closer. I'll do anything he wants, but in this case, I want it probably more than he does. So what do I have to do to make that happen?"
Ellie paused to consider what she had just heard. It was an incredible speech. Actually it was very out of character for her, more than her previous interactions with Sarah all put together. More than anything, that was proof positive that something about her had fundamentally changed. So she stepped up and embraced her again, this time maybe a little more gently. "I'd like that too," she said. "We're going to be sisters. Maybe we could go shopping and stop for a drink or two to get the process started."
Sarah nodded. "I'd love that," she said. "Chuck and I have to go out of town for a few days. As soon as we get back, I'll call you."
Ellie looked at them critically. There was something they weren't telling her… something to do with Dad. That was obvious. Terrorists didn't just happen to shoot up her wedding. She maybe hadn't demanded answers at the time, but she wasn't stupid. "You're going out of town?" she asked. "Does this have anything to do with Dad?"
Sarah was surprised at Ellie's perceptiveness. She really couldn't tell her the truth… not until she could sit down with her for a few hours and tell her the entire story. But she also didn't want to lie. "Not directly," she said. "But in a way, yes. I promise that when we get back, we'll go out for those drinks and I'll tell you everything."
Sarah had just hit a home run. Ellie's face was glowing. "It's a deal," she said. "I can't wait."
"There is something else," Sarah continued. "Chuck wants a big wedding. I'd rather keep it small. If it was up to me, we'd elope tonight. But I was serious. What Chuck wants from me, Chuck gets. So I guess we're having a big wedding. Could you maybe help me plan it?"
"And maybe be my maid of honor?"
x-x-x-x-x
Of course, they had to eat dinner. Frankly, Sarah was looking forward to test driving her new Intersect. She would have been content with fast food burgers and a faster drive to her place. But Chuck insisted on a real celebration dinner at a sit down restaurant. He even invited Carina and Casey to join them. That was pure Chuck. He didn't want to think of them being alone. And this was a celebration. Fortunately Carina had the good sense to decline for them both. "Do you really think we want to eat and watch you two make goo-goo eyes at each other at the same time?" she asked while laughing. "I'm not sure about Casey, but I think that I already lost my appetite. It's bad enough that you keep shoving that huge rock in my face."
So they compromised. They had a quick dinner at Chilis and stopped by the liquor store to buy a bottle of moderately expensive champagne with the promise that the main part of the celebration would occur at home… between rest breaks.
Sarah was beyond excited. Chuck had to step up by necessity last night because of the mission. That was no longer in play. So tonight it was her turn to drive. She grabbed her bag and headed right for the bedroom. Then she remembered. "I forgot something earlier," she called out the door. "Agent Shaw knows my real name. He'll probably call me by it tomorrow. I don't want you to be surprised." She suddenly realized that Chuck didn't know her real name. It's something they would have to fix before any celebration began in earnest.
Sarah looked at the negligee she had packed weeks ago for this very occasion. Her first inclination was to walk out wearing only a smile… and her new engagement ring. That would get things started off with hopefully the appropriate bang. Before her mission with Giles, she would have done exactly that. But maybe Chuck was rubbing off on her a little. This was a special occasion. He did deserve a little romance, including the ceremony of unwrapping the present she had planned for weeks… but daydreamed about for years. So she put on the negligee. She even put on the matching bra and panties that came with it. The unwrapping would now take a few extra minutes. Finally, she was convinced that her hair and makeup were perfect. So she slipped on the heels and opened the door. "I hope you like this," she said.
It was a small room. There really wasn't any place to hide. It only took an instant for a confused Sarah to come to the only logical conclusion.
Chuck wasn't here.
x-x-x-x-x
Sarah stood and breathed a huge sigh of relief when she saw him through the glass. Once she saw his keys still on the table, this was the only logical place he could be. Actually, she had never been in the hotel bar. It looked like that was about to change.
It was a pretty sleepy place. He was sitting alone at a table in the middle of the room nursing a beer. The first thing that struck Sarah was how sad he looked. This had to be about her name. What else could it be? "Can we talk?" she asked.
Chuck refused to look at her. "Probably not," he said. "Apparently you only talk to seasoned agents."
Sarah could feel the tears filling her eyes at the déjà vu feeling. "Tell me the truth," she said. "Are you breaking up with me?"
At least that got Chuck to look at her. "Tell me something. Where is your mother planet?" he asked sarcastically. "You're plainly a space alien. Is it nice where you live? What color is the sky there? What does 'till death do us part' mean in your native language? Here on earth the sky is blue… and the phrase means forever."
Sarah could probably do without the biting sarcasm. But he did have a point so she could breathe again. "Then can we please go back upstairs and fix this?" she asked. "Please? I'm pretty naked under this jacket."
Chuck's laugh contained no humor. "On your planet, you can probably fix every problem with sex," he said. "That's probably why you're so good at it. Here on earth, it doesn't work that way. Sometimes you actually have to talk."
Now Sarah was a little confused. After his biting remark, Chuck stood up and led her out of the bar. They didn't say a single word until they were back in the room. "Sometimes I feel like a space alien," she finally said. "I'm sorry that you're mad at me."
Chuck shook his head defiantly. "I'm not mad," he insisted.
Sarah looked at him. "Then it must be the name thing," she sighed. "Chuck, I was probably insensitive. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. After everything you've seen in the past couple of days, this seemed pretty minor to me. Obviously I was wrong. I'm sorry. I'll talk as much as you want. But in this case I don't really know what to say. It would really help me if you would start."
Chuck shook his head sadly. "Do you realize how much I pleaded to know a single thing about you?" he asked. "You wouldn't even tell me your middle fucking name. And this guy…"
"And Daniel Shaw knows my name after dating him twice," Sarah finished for him. "That's what is bothering you. Chuck, if you will give me a chance I think I can explain. It's not what it looks like."
"Okay," Chuck said. "Explain."
"I keep telling you this," Sarah said. "You keep correcting me. I was a bitch to you for two years. I'm ashamed of that. If you think it was because I was trying to keep you at arm's length, you're absolutely right. I was fighting to not fall for you more than I already was. All I needed was for you find out about me, my miserable life story, how messed up I am, and get all sweet trying to get close to me. For the record, I didn't tell Agent Shaw my name, Beckman showed him my file. It didn't matter that much to me. Trust me, I never have to fear fighting the feeling of falling in love with Daniel Shaw. Tonight, I didn't stop to think how you would take it. It's something I have to work on. I never, ever want to hurt your feelings. I feel horrible. What can I do to make this up to you?"
Sarah was probably never as relieved in her life as she was when she saw him smile. "I over-reacted," he said. "So what is your real name?"
Sarah shook her head. "I'm sorry," she said. "I can't tell you."
That got them both laughing… and this mini-drama was officially over. "It's Sam," Sarah said as soon as she could get the words out. "Sam Lisa Burton."
Chuck looked at her. "Sam?" he asked. "Is that short for Samantha?"
Sarah was still laughing. "No," she said. "Yeah, I know. Everybody I know makes fun of me. I can probably expect a lifetime of that from you. Who names their daughter Sam? They must have wanted a boy."
Chuck pulled her close. "Well, they sure didn't get their wish," he sighed. "If it's all the same to you, I'd still like to call you Sarah. I'll find some other way to make fun of you."
Sarah snuggled into him and got a lot more serious. "I messed this up," she said. "It seems like I have a habit of doing that. I hurt your feelings. I'll be sure to be more sensitive in the future. But please, Chuck, please don't walk out on me again. That… hit… a little close to home."
Chuck pulled her close again. "I told you that I was going down to the bar," he said. "I'm sorry if you didn't hear me. After what we've gone through lately, I was insensitive too. I do hope you're prepared to have arguments from time to time. All couples do. But I won't walk out."
Sarah turned her face up to him. "You said that here on earth, there is a rule against fixing things with sex. Surely there are exceptions… an appeal process… a statute of limitations maybe?"
So now Chuck was grinning. "It's not really a rule," he teased. "More like a guideline, maybe even a suggestion. Why don't you tell me what you have in mind and I'll see if it would be allowed?"
Sarah stepped out of his embrace and allowed her coat to fall to the floor. That left her wearing the negligee. "Here's the thing," she said with her sexiest pout. "I'm not really sure. You were in charge last night. Tonight's my turn. What I generally have in mind is that your ass is mine for the duration and we celebrate our engagement using various sex acts until our wheels are up heading to Paris. I'm not sure on some of the specifics. I'm going to be playing some of that by ear. But there is a matter we've been putting off. It concerns a video you watched and my vow to prove something to you. Do you think you can get that approved?"
All Chuck could do was nod. The squeak in his voice was beyond cute.
"I think so."
x-x-x-x-x
